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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Feb 18, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of one year, "Eddie," has been invited to the wedding of a waitress who works at a restaurant/bar he frequents. I was not invited. Eddie doesn't dance and has slow danced with me only once. When I told him I would not appreciate him slow dancing with anyone there, we had a heated argument. Eddie told me I have no right to tell him what to do and that I'm trying to control him.

I have run this by many people -- male and female -- and they all say it's inappropriate to slow dance with anyone but your significant other, especially when she's not present.

I feel Eddie has little regard for my feelings. If he really cared for me, he wouldn't want to dance with anyone else. I am interested in your thoughts.-- HIS ONLY DANCE PARTNER

DEAR HIS ONLY: If you would like to "graduate" from girlfriend to fiancee, you will stop trying to control him and tell him you hope he has a good time at the wedding.

Insecurity is not an attractive trait, so calm down and recognize that a dance is only a dance. From your description of Eddie's lack of ability, I seriously doubt he will be a sought-after partner on any dance floor.

DEAR ABBY: Our two children (ages 4 and 1 year) have hyphenated last names. It works well and the names sound elegant together.

My husband and I have made this known in the family and have discussed it when asked about it by various family members. However, over the last four years our choice has been ignored by two relatives from separate sides of our family. They persist in using only my husband's last name for correspondence and gifts. He has suggested returning the mail as "addressee unknown," which I think might come across as rude.

Is there any way of having our children addressed correctly by relatives who seem to want to ignore their real names?-- NEW YORK MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: Before doing it your husband's way, try this: Have another chat with the non-compliant relatives, who may come from a different generation. Explain that you gave your children hyphenated last names for a reason -- that you want to be equally represented -- and the omission of "your" name hurts your feelings. If that doesn't work, then go back to plan A because you don't want your children to be confused.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will be married 25 years and have three children. In my family, my dad was the boss. I always was, too, but never was involved very much with the kids. My wife never really complained about it. She just wanted to keep the family together.

Now that the kids are gone, I realize I should have been a better husband. She mostly ignores me and spends her time with the kids and going places. I feel left out. She doesn't even want to celebrate our upcoming 25th. Should we? I know my dad drank a lot, and now I find myself thinking often about how it must have been for my mom back then.-- REGRETTING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR REGRETTING: Ask your wife why she doesn't think that 25 years of marriage is something to celebrate, because it should be. She may spend her time with the kids and going places because that is what she has been doing for all these years.

There is still time for you to mend this marriage, provided you are both willing to work on it. However, it may take the services of a marriage counselor to break the ice.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Feb 18, 2013
Lw1: seems like you are creating problems where none existed. He doesn't dance. By trying to dictate his behavior, you're giving him reason to dance.

Lw2: Another lw looking for drama. My kids get cards from grandma. You think they look at or care what the envelope says? As if one package a year is going to confuse them. Thus is about you being pissed off, nit the kids being confused.

Lw3: what abby said

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#3 Feb 18, 2013
L1: If I were you, I'd be more worried that he spends enough time in a bar - without you, for that matter - that he's friendly enough with the staff to be invited to a wedding.

L2: I know this technically isn't a rehash, but it sure tastes like one.

L3: Well, that was depressing.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Feb 18, 2013
1 Why were you not invited? Thats your first clue, since you are keenly omitted your BF is free to do all the dancing he like (vertical and horizontal). So basically I think you need to crash the wedding, its the only way you can be sure your precious is following your instructions.

3 Yup, punish the children for the (stupidity) sins of the parents.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Feb 18, 2013
Lw1: How much slow dancing is done at modern weddings anyway? I'm guessing not much. And if he's as bad as you suggest, he won't be doing much of it. You're just pissed that you can't go. Get your panties out of a wad about this or he will do something more than slow dance with the maid of honor.

Lw2: More panties in a wad about some BS.

Lw3: It's never too late. Good luck.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Feb 18, 2013
L1: Slow dancing doesn't have to be intimate. It can be a way to talk to someone you have not seen in a while. I don't see the big deal.

L2: I think you both need to let this go.

L3: You basically emotionally abandoned your family. YOu reap what you sow.

Marriage counseling and AA.

And apologizing to your children for being an absent father.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Feb 18, 2013
L1: Wait, he's going without you? No. Dating for one year = social pairing. I'd break up with a guy I'd been dating for a year who went to a wedding I wasn't invited to.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Feb 18, 2013
Whoops! my 3 should be 2
RACE wrote:
1 Why were you not invited? Thats your first clue, since you are keenly omitted your BF is free to do all the dancing he like (vertical and horizontal). So basically I think you need to crash the wedding, its the only way you can be sure your precious is following your instructions.
3 Yup, punish the children for the (stupidity) sins of the parents.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#10 Feb 18, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I'd break up with a guy I'd been dating for a year who went to a wedding I wasn't invited to.
This seems a bit harsh. Frankly, I wouldn't WANT to be dragged to a wedding where I didn't know anybody, especially the bride and groom.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#11 Feb 18, 2013
LW1: I don't think it is necessarily inappropriate to slow dance with someone other than your partner. It depends a lot on your dance style, and since Eddie is not a dancer, he doesn't have one. But I'm with j_m_w and Red. I'd be a lot more concerned about the time he spends at the bar and how friendly he is with the staff. Most men hate to go to weddings and this guy is comfortable going by himself?

LW2: What Tonka said.

LW3: You need to work on your marriage.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#12 Feb 18, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: Wait, he's going without you? No. Dating for one year = social pairing. I'd break up with a guy I'd been dating for a year who went to a wedding I wasn't invited to.
Agreed.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#13 Feb 18, 2013
What everyone else (except Edog) said.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#14 Feb 18, 2013
I think Eddie is going to the wedding with his "other" girlfriend. <shrug>

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#15 Feb 18, 2013
Steve?
Mimi Seattle wrote:
I think Eddie is going to the wedding with his "other" girlfriend. <shrug>

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#16 Feb 18, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
1- Get over it, you insecure, jealous, controlling btch.
2- Get over it! Don't expect everyone to cater to your warped, twisted sense of reality. You had no business getting married, let alone have children, you controlling, feminazi bulldyke.
Looking at your posts #9&10 makes me wonder if your Jekyll/Hyde complex is cycling rather quickly.

Which is teh "real EDog"?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#17 Feb 18, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Looking at your posts #9&10 makes me wonder if your Jekyll/Hyde complex is cycling rather quickly.
Which is teh "real EDog"?
I'm all Jekyll.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#18 Feb 18, 2013
I think this guy doesn't talk about his girlfriend enough to let the bar maid know that he has a girlfriend of one year. Big red flag that LW isn't invited.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#19 Feb 18, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I think this guy doesn't talk about his girlfriend enough to let the bar maid know that he has a girlfriend of one year. Big red flag that LW isn't invited.
Maybe they don't want to invite someone they don't even know to their wedding? Maybe money and quantity of guests is an issue?
pde

Palatine, IL

#20 Feb 18, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Looking at your posts #9&10 makes me wonder if your Jekyll/Hyde complex is cycling rather quickly.
Which is teh "real EDog"?
I don't see the conflict.

In post 9, he's slamming the woman for wanting their decisions to be respected.

In post 10, he's defending the man who is not respecting his girlfriend.

Basically, both posts say that the women in these situations are not deserving of respect, or deserving to react to a lack of respect.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#21 Feb 18, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Maybe they don't want to invite someone they don't even know to their wedding? Maybe money and quantity of guests is an issue?
Nope. Lots of couples go to weddings where only one of themknows one of the people getting married. Established couples are a social unit. You invite them jointly, unless you're doing something like "guys' night out."

If money is an issue, cut back on the guest list or scale back the plans.

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