Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#41 Aug 21, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Mostly I agree. The part I have an issue with is that she broke it off then he pressured her to come back. SHE needs to get a spine and end it, but he needs to understand her position and NOT pressure her. They used to call it being noble, but I think no one really does that anymore...<sigh>
“I have tried breaking it off with him, but he gets me to take him back, saying he doesn't know what he would do without me in his life. He is very strong-willed.”

I don’t really have a problem with him saying he doesn’t know what he would do without her in his life part, if that is the way he feels, but I don’t know what to make of the “he is very strong willed,” part. That could mean a lot of things.

I still think, tho, if she’s not happy and she clearly is not if she tried breaking it off with him and she did not come back on her own, that he should realize the inequitable nature of the relationship and want something better for her than he can offer, if he really cares about her.

He’s being selfish and putting his own interests ahead of hers, to the detriment of hers. That’s not love.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#42 Aug 21, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Then why do so many people cheat? How do you explain polygamy?
I find this very question meaningless and irrelevant. Since when have I attempted to explain either?

If the wife is on bored with this, fine. I was responding to Angela's claim that the man's behavior is acceptable even if the wife doesn't know.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#43 Aug 21, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Mostly I agree. The part I have an issue with is that she broke it off then he pressured her to come back. SHE needs to get a spine and end it, but he needs to understand her position and NOT pressure her. They used to call it being noble, but I think no one really does that anymore...<sigh>
I agree. I think he's being selfish. If he really cared about her, selflessly, he'd understand her need to push him away, and he'd just disappear on her.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#44 Aug 21, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
He’s being selfish and putting his own interests ahead of hers, to the detriment of hers. That’s not love.
ITA.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#45 Aug 21, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: You already know what you SHOULD do. You should break up with him for good and find a man who is SINGLE and available. But that's too challenging for you, so you keep going back to Mr. Married Guy. You should also do some self-work to figure out why you are settling for so little. This guy is not sweet, thoughtful, and caring. He is a charming cheat and I'd bet you lunch that you are not his first paramour.
Or his only... <shrug>

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#46 Aug 21, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
“I have tried breaking it off with him, but he gets me to take him back, saying he doesn't know what he would do without me in his life. He is very strong-willed.”
I don’t really have a problem with him saying he doesn’t know what he would do without her in his life part, if that is the way he feels, but I don’t know what to make of the “he is very strong willed,” part. That could mean a lot of things.
I still think, tho, if she’s not happy and she clearly is not if she tried breaking it off with him and she did not come back on her own, that he should realize the inequitable nature of the relationship and want something better for her than he can offer, if he really cares about her.
He’s being selfish and putting his own interests ahead of hers, to the detriment of hers. That’s not love.
Agreed. I was thinking all of tho but too lazy to type it out.:D

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#47 Aug 21, 2013
*all of THIS

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#48 Aug 21, 2013
plumloco wrote:
Holy hell you are a moron. "Society" often gets things wrong and it is up to others to change people's beliefs thru words and deeds. Before Loving v. Virginia, "society" said interracial marriages were wrong and illegal. Was society correct? No, of course not. But why am I even bothering to respond to you...
And when society changes its views on extramarital affairs and deems them okay, then maybe my opinion will change. Until then, it's still viewed as immoral in today's world.

And your comparison of interracial marriage to cheating spouses is totally on point and relevant. <sarcasm font>

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#49 Aug 21, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
And when society changes its views on extramarital affairs and deems them okay, then maybe my opinion will change.
You are free to be an idiot sheep.

Me, I'd rather make myself and if I f' me in the process, at least I'll f' me in my own way, not yours:

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#50 Aug 21, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
You are free to be an idiot sheep.
Me, I'd rather make myself and if I f' me in the process, at least I'll f' me in my own way, not yours:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v =BShyYZQEmBkXX
I don't even know what this means. I'm an idiot sheep because of society's morals on infidelity and a song by Incubus? Don't bother trying to explain.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#51 Aug 21, 2013
By your own definition, if society changes its views, then you HAVE to change yours.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
And when society changes its views on extramarital affairs and deems them okay, then maybe my opinion will change.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#52 Aug 21, 2013
1: He needs her to fulfill something. If she makes his wife, he will find another one to fulfill something.
They are both cads. I feel sorry for the sick wife in the dark. To stick your peep in another then come home and help your sick wife is repugnant.

2:...idiot

3:...double idiot

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#53 Aug 21, 2013
RACE wrote:
By your own definition, if society changes its views, then you HAVE to change yours.
Only an idiot would have gleaned that from my post....

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#54 Aug 21, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
To stick your peep in another then come home and help your sick wife is repugnant.
And sadly, none of these people will agree!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#55 Aug 21, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
You don't know that.
True. My crystal ball is very hazy today.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#56 Aug 21, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
“I have tried breaking it off with him, but he gets me to take him back, saying he doesn't know what he would do without me in his life. He is very strong-willed.”

He’s being selfish and putting his own interests ahead of hers, to the detriment of hers. That’s not love.
Dunno. We all have a limited store of altruism . He has enough going on with his wife dying. I think it would take a very big person to give up something that brings him pleasure (physical and otherwise) at this point.

You are asking a flawed man to martyr himself. What he should do is irrelevant at that point. LW is making drama when he is very vulnerable.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#57 Aug 21, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
1: He needs her to fulfill something. If she makes his wife, he will find another one to fulfill something.
They are both cads. I feel sorry for the sick wife in the dark. To stick your peep in another then come home and help your sick wife is repugnant.
2:...idiot
3:...double idiot
You disapprove of his sticking his peep in another woman. Fair enough.

But if he was doing so and then NOT returning to care for his sick wife, that is repugnant

If he does so and comes back to his sick wife and tells her, that is nasty and repugnant.

To abandon someone in need physically and emotionally is worse on the Great Sliding Scale that secret adultery. IMO.

IMO, of course.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#58 Aug 21, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
I don't dictate what's moral. SOCIETY dictates what's moral..
So does "SOCIETY" consider premarital sex moral or immoral? Recreational drug use? Homosexuality? What about abortion? The death penalty? You seem to have your finger on the pulse of 'SOCIETY'. Surely you can provide us with 'SOCIETY'S' current position on these issues.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#59 Aug 21, 2013
LW1: "Abby, I feel like I'm in the background waiting for her to die so I can take her place as his wife, and I hate this feeling. What should I do?"

awww, LW1. Aren't you sweet. But you don't have to worry, cuz he's not going to marry YOU under *any* circumstances. 1) His wife probably isn't even sick. 2) Even if she IS sick, he'll marry someone else that he's already sleeping with. Yes, honey, he's cheating on you, too.

LW2: I thought LW1 was dumber than a box of rocks. Then I read YOUR letter.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#60 Aug 21, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Dunno. We all have a limited store of altruism . He has enough going on with his wife dying. I think it would take a very big person to give up something that brings him pleasure (physical and otherwise) at this point.
You are asking a flawed man to martyr himself. What he should do is irrelevant at that point. LW is making drama when he is very vulnerable.
LW states that "she has a chronic disease and other medical problems" but we don't know what the chronic disease is or what the other medical problems are. Maybe she has lupus and severe allergies. Actually, we don't know if she is sick at all, or if that's just what LW's friend told her. Maybe that's just what he says to attract outside women and keep them from expecting more. We also don't know if she's still having sex with her husband despite her illnesses. Nor do we have any information to conclude that she's going to expire any time soon. In any case, LW is the one who can extract herself from this nowhere situation, and she should.

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