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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jun 15, 2012
DEAR ABBY: I need to get something off my chest. My son and his wonderful -- or so I thought -- girlfriend, just broke up. OK, she dumped him. Out of the blue, with no warning, she slept with another guy and the next day she told my son it was over.

I am devastated! This is a girl I loved. He hadn't proposed yet, but my son wanted to marry her. She was going to be my daughter-in-law, the mother of my grandchildren -- holidays, birthdays, weekends in the park, the beach, our house, their house, the whole nine yards.

Now I don't know who has cried more, me or my son. I know it's none of my business and I have to let these two kids work it out for themselves if there is anything salvageable. But Abby, I'm hurting too.

I'm so tired of people telling me I have "no right" to have an opinion about this, much less express it. I don't want to call her yet, but maybe someday I'd like to just say I'm sorry this happened. I'm disappointed and would at least like to say goodbye.

I can't believe I'm never going to see her again. If somehow, by the grace of God, they can put this back together, I will forever keep my mouth shut, but in the meantime, I'm just sitting here ... A BROKEN-HEARTED MOM

DEAR MOM: Clearly you are hurting, and I'm sorry for it. But young love can be unpredictable, and it's obvious that your son's girlfriend wasn't ready for the kind of future you have fantasized about.

If you're smart you will start thinking about this with your head rather than your heart. While what happened is extremely disappointing it could have been worse. She could have been married to your son and the mother of your grandchildren when she slept with another man and decided to bolt. Be grateful she wasn't.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a contented, widowed, retired elementary school teacher. I live in the same condo complex as my fraternal twin sister and her seventh husband. She has always been a cougar -- never satisfied with what she has. She's attractive and looks 15 years younger than her age.

For almost a year she has been pen pals with a handsome man 30 years her junior. They exchange naughty nude photos and have phone sex. She likes the fantasy, but he wants it to become reality by flying across country for a long, steamy weekend. It's inevitable that this will happen. I worry for her safety. She says she can handle it. What should I do, if anything?-- NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME

DEAR AMAZED: I can understand your concern, however, your sister is well past the age of 21. From your description of her history she has been around this block many times. She knows the territory. If I were you, I'd worry less about her safety and more about his.

DEAR ABBY: Is it appropriate to visit a house you grew up in years ago and expect to be treated to a tour? Should one expect the current owners to accept you and invite you into the house, which is now theirs? How is this handled?-- MOVED ON IN TAMPA

DEAR MOVED ON: If one is smart, one does not expect anything from strangers because it suggests a feeling of entitlement. Chances of being allowed inside would be better if the homeowner was given some advance notice, like a short note explaining that you were raised in that home and asking if you could be admitted. That's how I'd handle it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Jun 15, 2012
1- Why don't YOU start dating her?

2- Sister's having all the fun in life, huh? You're not concerned for her safety, you're just jealous.

3- A tour? You grew up in that house, what more is there to see?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Jun 15, 2012
1.I have to wonder whether there was a teeney bit in the girlfriend's mind that she didn't want a MIL like this

2. Well.I still haven't decided if the LW is male or female. As a fraternal twin it could go either way. In days of yore, we would have called the sister a coxman of whatever the female version is. Cougar indeed. And how does the twin know about this anyway?

3. There was a house in town we wanted to see when we were thinking about remodeling. I wrote a handwritten note and asked . The people said yes

( and I was so expecting more hash for breakfast)
Community Disorganizer

Trumbull, CT

#4 Jun 15, 2012
LW 1: Your sonís girlfriend dumped him to get away from you.

LW 2: Sounds like you could use a little of that young stuff. Ask your sister if the young stud can bring a friend.

LW 3: Did you really feel you had to ask Abby for her dumb advice on this subject?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Jun 15, 2012
LW1: You are way to invested in your son's love life. Everyine else is right. You're nuts.

LW2:Waht is this? But into your relatives love life day? And why do we care that you are widowed, a fraternal twin, and live in the same place as your sister? Those have no bearing on your question.

LW3: What abby said.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Jun 15, 2012
L1: I promise you, this relationship did not end in one night when the girlfriend decided she didn't want to be with him. "Out of the blue, with no warning" -- did not happen. No matter what your son says or thinks. He's either clueless and missed obvious signs, or he didn't take talks/arguments seriously and now doesn't know how to reconcile the fact that she's gone.

Oh, and you're batguano loco.

and get over this expectation of grandkids. You don't know whether you'll have them from this son (I bet he's an only child), and no son/daughter-in-law need you harassing them for offspring. Live your own damn life.

L2: "She has always been a cougar -- never satisfied with what she has." Those two statements have nothing to do with one another. Either way, butt out. Not your business that your sister's kinda skanky and messed up.

L3: I wouldn't let stranger into my home to nose about.

***

I think Lw1 is female because of the use of the word "fraternal." A brother wouldn't feel the need to say "fraternal" when mentioning his twin sister, as "fraternal" would be obvious.

And I think LW is careful to point out "fraternal" in a order to distance herself from her sister, DNA-wise.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Jun 15, 2012
LW1: MYOFB, you nut job.

LW2: Ewwwww. Granny love.

LW3: I wouldn't want someone showing up like that.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Jun 15, 2012
1 Holy melodrama batman! Lady, if you talked like this to that girl, it's small wonder she sullied herself just so she could get away from both of you!

She probably did not even sleep with a guy, she just said she did to get out!

2 jealous much? Oh, and Ha! to amby.

3 Ahhhh nostalgia, you will be disappointed even if you do get to go inside, see you can never go home again, but feel free to ask.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#9 Jun 15, 2012
LW1: I can understand being disappointed, but you've taken it to a whole new level. These things don't "just happen" and, more than anything, I am surprised you'd want your son to get back todether with (and marry) someone you KNOW is a cheater!!!! Once that happened to my kid, I would NOT want that person back in his/her life!!!

LW2: I am thinking the LW is jealous.

LW3: I don't see the point. Once every 5 years or so I might drive by my house where I grew up, but I wouldn't disturb the people and ask to go inside. Even when I've driven by, it's more my brother's suggestion when I am visiting him in my home town. The last time I did it, it was just to show my daughter where I grew up.

Since: Nov 10

New York, NY

#10 Jun 15, 2012
LW3- My house is a mess, I hope nobody comes by to see it.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#11 Jun 15, 2012
L1: Oh my goodness, there is so much crazy and inappropriate going on here, I don't even know where to start. You guys pretty much covered it. It also sounds like sonny is a momma's boy. I would NEVER tell my parents that much detail about a breakup.

L2: You lost me at "seventh husband."

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#12 Jun 15, 2012
L2. I never knew Elizabeth Taylor had a twin.
dahgts

Chicago, IL

#13 Jun 15, 2012
L3. After I moved back to my hometown here I just knocked on the door, explained who I was. They were the same people that bought the house from my folks almost 40 years ago. The house is over 100 years old. It was interesting. Some of the things my dad did like making the kitchen cabinets looked great, as did these square mahogany tiles he put on the LR and DR walls.(they were panels cut from TV cabinets that he found on the side of the road. at that time they used good wood). Mom said once they were the only things holding the plaster walls up. That wood looked so good it could have been in a mansion library. I wish I would have gone upstairs to the bedrooms but I didn't want to be too intrusive.

However, these nice people were hispanic and the touches they added were a little bit much. I'm so glad I went in there.
But the house I sold 10 yrs in AZ was online as a short sale and what those people did to it made me cry.

I say just knock on the door and see what happens.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#14 Jun 15, 2012
LW1: Jakers! If your son is anything like you, it's no wonder this girl went running for the hills.

And the "people" are correct; you have no right to an opinion about this. You can be upset by what happened, but only in private. Continuing to inflict this on your friends is going to get real old real fast for them.

LW2: Your sister sounds like a total skank, but I suspect you love hearing all the details. Otherwise, how would you know he's handsome?

LW3: I wouldn't do this, but if you have the balls to do it, go ahead.

My high school bf lived in a really awesome house with quite a bit of yard, which was unique in our suburban area. Her folks retired and moved to AZ and the people who bought their house turned it into a "church." Her father, a sorta non-practicing hindu, just HAD to see what they did to the place and did just go up and ring the doorbell. They did not want to let him in, but he told them he REALLY had to go to the bathroom and knew there was one just inside the front door. They let him in, but I don't think he got to see much.
Sam I Am

Schaumburg, IL

#15 Jun 15, 2012
1. Wowwwwwwww. You are a hot mess. Do you have no friends? Is your life so empty that you were so depending on this girl to fill some void? And could you be more selfish? Other than an obligatory "I know he's hurting too," you are all about yourself and nothing about how your son is feeling. And you are so focused on what you want that you'd have him go back ao a girl who cheated on him and dumped him the next day? You, ma'am, suck sweaty donkey balls.

2. Offer to hold the camera?

3. The question is moot as you grew up there and know what it was like, and no one you want to show it to cares.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#16 Jun 15, 2012
Sam I Am wrote:
And you are so focused on what you want that you'd have him go back ao a girl who cheated on him and dumped him the next day? You, ma'am, suck sweaty donkey balls.
Yup!
Cass

Claremont, CA

#17 Jun 15, 2012
LW1 - Wow. I bet your son's relationship had been going downhill for a while. He cried? He CRIED? Being sad, mad, devastated I understand. A growing man crying because his GF dumped him? No.

And you are way too invested in your son's relationships. I understand being broken-hearted if you thought the relationship was very serious. I know my in-laws would be broken-hearted if my husband and I divorced. But you need to resist the urge to call this woman and express your opinions about HER life to her.

LW2 - MYOB.

LW3 - Yeah, right. Somebody shows up at my door, says they grew up in the house that is now mine, and expect me to let them in and give them a tour, they have another think coming. I am not letting any strangers into my house, let alone dropping whatever I am doing to give them a tour. I will handle it by saying no and closing the door on them.

Oh, and no advanced notice will change my mind.
TCMAXX

Tacoma, WA

#18 Jun 15, 2012
"Wow. I bet your son's relationship had been going downhill for a while. He cried? He CRIED? Being sad, mad, devastated I understand. A growing man crying because his GF dumped him? No."

Wow, Cass. You have some pretty strict views about men not revealing emotions, don't you? I'm pretty glad I don't know you. Yes, men can cry when they are in emotional pain. It doesn't make them any less of a man if they do. Sheesh.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#19 Jun 15, 2012
L1: My bet is the LW and her family over-bond with just about everyone their kids bring over. My kids' friends and sifnificant others are just that, friends and sig others. You're not in the family until the ink is dry on the license.

L2: So...does your sister like chinese food?

L3: You used to live here? Nice, now get off my lawn!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#20 Jun 15, 2012
Cass wrote:
LW3 - Yeah, right. Somebody shows up at my door, says they grew up in the house that is now mine, and expect me to let them in and give them a tour, they have another think coming. I am not letting any strangers into my house, let alone dropping whatever I am doing to give them a tour. I will handle it by saying no and closing the door on them.
Oh, and no advanced notice will change my mind.
I agree. How do I know you are not some scam artist burlgar doing recon and getting the lay of the land before you rob me blind while I'm at work on Wednesday?

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