Posted in the Chicago Forum
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#1 Nov 26, 2013
DEAR AMY: I'm a 15-year-old girl, and my dream is to dance competitively.
I've taken jazz classes for almost six years, and I have a talent for it. My mom hates that I love dancing more than other team sports, and she looked appalled when I asked if I could try out for the poms team at my high school. When I asked her why she didn't want me to try out, she said it is ridiculously expensive and that the pom squad was an elite club when she was in high school, and she doesn't want me to get mixed up with that type of girls.
At open tryouts the girls were really friendly! They even asked me to have lunch with them!
My mom just frowned and went back to the old "we can't afford it" line. I know we can afford this since my 13-year-old brother is a competitive gymnast who is talented, and my parents pay for things for him.
I have looked at what it costs to compete and I found out it's $15 cheaper per month than my regular dance class (aside from uniforms and entrance fees).
Do you think I should bring this up to my mom when the new dance season starts in June? Any advice on how I should ask her? She has a tendency to blow things way out of proportion when she says "no" to stuff like this.-- Dreaming Dancer
DEAR DREAMING: You might be correct that your mom can afford this. But maybe she just doesn't want to pay hundreds of dollars for you to shake your poms on this particular dance squad. The person holding the purse strings gets to make the choice about what to pay for.
I have an idea to help you smooth this over, however: Research the entire cost of joining the pom squad (including uniforms and entrance fees). Spend the next six months baby-sitting, shoveling walks, mowing lawns, doing chores, etc., to earn the money required to participate.
Approach your mom with proof that you have saved this money and a guarantee that you won't become an elitist snob and that your grades won't suffer -- and hope for a "yes" from her.
DEAR AMY: "Feeling Fleeced" was upset because his wife's adult children always expected him to pick up the tab at dinner.
My parents expected my siblings and me to be financially independent once we graduated from college, and we all are. We treated our parents to meals as often as they treated us.
On the other hand, my in-laws always picked up the tab at restaurants. This has morphed into my husband's siblings expecting their parents to pay for hotel rooms and airline tickets for trips they convince their parents to take with them. My husband has lost respect for his siblings for always having their hands out for these donations.
Now our daughter is 21 and close to graduating from college. She sees two very different families: One where her cousins are expected to be financially responsible, and the other side of the family where her adult cousins aren't.
Any advice on how to manage that?-- Difference of Values
DEAR VALUES: There is nothing to manage. You raised your daughter. You have introduced her to the value system you and your husband share. You should be consistent with your expectations that she attain financial independence (and also be generous and thoughtful toward others).
What her cousins do and how they are "treated" by the other side of the family is immaterial. You can assume that, aside from the immediate perks of getting handouts, your daughter will prefer to live her life the way she was raised.
DEAR AMY: The letter from "Enabler" brought back some memories. She had a (possibly alcoholic) neighbor and was wondering about giving him a gift of wine.
Back when I was a newlywed, I had a lovely, elderly neighbor whom I adored. She used to send me to the store for low-cal cookies and large bottles of scotch.-- Happy to Enable
DEAR HAPPY: Throw in a case of Fresca and you've got yourself a party!
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#2 Nov 26, 2013
1- Future stripper
2- When you chose to have kids, you chose to pay for them! Don't try to pawn them off on society, they're YOUR problem!
3- Who wants to run to the store and bring me a case of bud?
“A Programmer is not in IT!”
Since: Feb 09
Neda, stay with me!
#3 Nov 26, 2013
1 Your mom loves your brother more, and he's gay.
2 Your just jealous you has spent all this time sitting on your hight horse.
3 Hard liquor is what diabetics drink. No great mystery there.
“The two baby belly, please!”
Since: Sep 09
#4 Nov 26, 2013
LW1: Amy, as usual your idea is idiotic. They are not gonna hold a spot for her while she earns enough money to pay for it herself. And she did calculate how much it would cost and it's cheaper than what she's doing now, so mom's beef is NOT about the money. It's about the kind of girls that made her (mom) miserable in high school and she can't stand the idea of her daughter being one of those girls. Yes, mom holds the purse strings but she shouldn't get to determine, based on her own past bad experiences and without doing her own research, that this group is wrong for her kid.
And mom gets unhinged when she talks about this because her real reason for not wanting you to do this; the skimpy costumes and twerking moves that these kinds of groups are famous for. She does not want to bring the sexuality issue up because it is just too messy and uncomfortable to talk about, and besides you're not supposed to know about sex.
I think you should go to the try outs and see what happens. You may not make the team and the point would then be moot.
LW2: Um, pretty sure she knows that you aren't an ATM.
LW3: What RACE said.
#5 Nov 26, 2013
LW1: What squishymama said. And you can dance competitively when you are older, too, so don't give up that dream.
LW2: And how would your daughter know what your husband's siblings do? Restrain yourself from discussing their financial arrangements in front of her - or at all.
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