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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jul 28, 2014
DEAR AMY: My mother raised 12 children -- eight girls and four boys. None of us asked her to baby-sit our children, as we felt her work was done. We would visit weekly and watch her enjoy interactions with our children.

I have four children. My daughter asked me to care for her 1-year-old two short days a week.

I said I would charge her $20 a day with a promise from the parents to deposit my "fee" directly into their child's college fund bank account -- from Gramma. My daughter was happy to agree to this.

My daughter-in-law has now asked me to watch her 2-month-old son on a specific day because she has to work. I told her, "Yes, but when you're making money, it isn't on my time, so I will charge you."

Before I could tell her my plans (same as my daughter's) she sent me an email expressing her disbelief that a Gramma would charge to watch her grandson.

She made a point of letting me know that her mom would never charge her to baby-sit.

I don't feel I'm out of line, as I think it's a good lesson in life: Don't expect people to take on your responsibility. It is different if there is an emergency or if you want to go out with your spouse or if I asked to take the child for the day (I would never dream of charging a fee for that). But I don't feel it's my responsibility to baby-sit your children while you are out making a living. Am I wrong?-- Gramma

DEAR GRAMMA: Some parents cannot put food on the table without free child care provided by family members. I assume that your family members are not in this category.

Unfortunately, your daughter-in-law was too rude to hear out your scheme -- which I think is thoughtful and creative.

I suggest you respond to her very calmly: "I charge my own daughter for regular baby-sitting duties when she works on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The fee is $20 per day, which the parents deposit directly into the baby's bank account as a way to save for the future. This arrangement has worked well for us, and I would be very happy to do the same for you.

Of course I would never charge you to sit for the baby if you wanted to go out one night or if there were an emergency. This is only for when you're working.

I'm very happy your mother will provide free baby-sitting, and I can understand why you would rather have her do it than me. Let me know what you decide. I love little 'Benji' and look forward to spending time together."

DEAR AMY: I am a 50-something devout Catholic who has been divorced for over 20 years.

Since my petition for annulment through the church was rejected, I am not in the position to remarry. Accordingly, I fully accept the church's teaching that permits sexual intimacy only within the marital bond.

Given these facts, I can only offer women platonic friendship, which I disclose early on whenever there is a mutual attraction.

Without fail, women become disinterested -- although they remain very friendly in future encounters.

Is there a reason why a woman would not be interested in having a healthy, nonsexual friendship with a man?-- Devout

DEAR DEVOUT: Speculating here, but a woman might not be interested in a relationship with you because she wants one or both things you must deny: sex and/or marriage.

Your best bet might be to connect on a Catholic matching site. Other devout single women who remain "married" but without partners because of the church's rules might be interested in a longer-term, chaste, platonic relationship.

Otherwise, do your best to develop all kinds of friendships with all kinds of people.

DEAR AMY: Responding to the letter from "Grossed Out," whose boyfriend's hands and nails were filthy from farming -- I think she should take a positive approach to this and offer him a sensual hand washing, massage and nail grooming.

This makes her part of the solution.-- Faithful Reader

DEAR FAITHFUL: I love this idea. Thank you.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jul 28, 2014
3 You know how hard it is to get cow dung from under your nails?

2 Your wife is dead to you, go and remarry, god wants you to get laid.

1 Since your not accepting the money directly, how do you know its even being done?
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#3 Jul 28, 2014
RACE wrote:
3 You know how hard it is to get cow dung from under your nails?
2 Your wife is dead to you, go and remarry, god wants you to get laid.
1 Since your not accepting the money directly, how do you know its even being done?
Love your responses to today's letters. I have a couple of things to add:

1: I was thinking that she should ask to see the latest statement for the kid's account but that might be a bit too crass. Just how do you (politely without incurring bad feelings) make sure that someone is putting money in a bank account? I thought about an account with online access so the gramma could see it. But that's the same as asking to see the statement. At

2: At least this guy is being consistent and trying to follow his faith. I have had two nephews who got their girlfriends pregnant yet they couldn't marry in the Catholic faith until their girlfriends got annulments from their previous marriages before they could marry. One of them gave birth to twins literally a few days after the wedding. So I ask you. What is worse, getting married without a Church sanctioned annulment even though the person is legally divorced or having sex and getting pregnant without the benefit of the commitment of marriage? Seems my nephews and their wives were behaving hypocritically as far as I'm concerned. I'm not Catholic and my opinion is that an annulment being needed in addition to a divorce is silly.

3: Getting cow dung out from under one's finger nails is not as difficult as you think. It's very easy in fact compared to getting the grease and dirt from repairing farm equipment and other farm chores from them. And since a farm is NOT an 8 hour 5 day a week job, it is not unusual to see dirty hands during the day. But it IS possible to wash away the dirt under the nails if one just makes the effort. I do not like the lw's idea however. A farm wife's work is just as hard as the husband's and I don't see why a wife should have to wash her husband's hands.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#4 Jul 28, 2014
1- you sound like a btch

2- you haven't gotten laid in twenty years?? Since all women are sex-crazed wh0 res who need the government to provide them birth control because they can't control their sexual urges, it's highly unlikely you'll find one who's willing to be in a plutonic, sex-free relationship

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Jul 28, 2014
Lw1: amby says dil was rude. I disagree. I think lw's delivery probably came across as rude. While I don't have a problem with her not just giving her time away, she is not the typical grandma. The fact that she was not able to spell out the whole plan tells me she was probably rude/harsh in her delivery. When asking for child care from a grandmother, I think most people are prepared to hear a yes or a no, not 'I am going to charge you'.

Lw2: You seriously can't understand why? Then you're just stupid.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Jul 28, 2014
1.Or, Grandma can take eh $20 and set up a savings account for little Benji herself and send a screen shot of the account balance from time to time. That would keep Benji and his parents from using it prematurely , as it were.

2. The LW has been divorced since his 30's, for 20 years, and he is just now asking this question?
If he is so devout, why hasn't he sought pastoral counseling?
(there is a nasty nosy part of me that really wants to hear from his ex-wife though.)

3. Acts of personal grooming before intimacy doesn't sound like too much to ask

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Jul 28, 2014
LW1: I donít have a problem with that arrangement. If you canít put food on the table without free childcare, then donít have children, duh. To feel that you are entitled to have others watch your kids for free is pretty disgusting, IMO.

After her email, I would tell her she needs to find an alternative arrangement, and I would just leave it at that.

LW2: What a weirdo. Iím surprised women even talk to you. You are basically the road to nowhere, no sex and no possibility of marriage.

If there is mutual attraction and they are available, they are probably going to want to get naked with you at some point, unless they are sexually repressed and very strange, like you. They probably arenít going to want to torture themselves and constantly hang around with a guy who they want to go animal on, but canít because heís too big of a dork pussay.

LW3: A sensual hand washing, massage, and nail grooming. Only a gay man or a woman would think that was a good idea.

DIY: Pumice soap, trim your nails, and wear gloves, should work. Have standards ... no sex and touching until he's clean.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#8 Jul 28, 2014
Pippa wrote:
2: At least this guy is being consistent and trying to follow his faith. I have had two nephews who got their girlfriends pregnant yet they couldn't marry in the Catholic faith until their girlfriends got annulments from their previous marriages before they could marry. One of them gave birth to twins literally a few days after the wedding. So I ask you. What is worse, getting married without a Church sanctioned annulment even though the person is legally divorced or having sex and getting pregnant without the benefit of the commitment of marriage? Seems my nephews and their wives were behaving hypocritically as far as I'm concerned. I'm not Catholic and my opinion is that an annulment being needed in addition to a divorce is silly.
The niece of a friend of mine had an abortion prior to her Church marriage because her Catholic faith prohibits sex before marriage. She got pregnant because her faith prohibited her from using birth control. I was slack-jawed when my friend told me this.

I don't know what to tell LW. He seems pretty committed to following all of the rules of his faith. My best thought is that church should make your life better, not create more dilemmas.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#9 Jul 28, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
LW3: A sensual hand washing, massage, and nail grooming. Only a gay man or a woman would think that was a good idea.
DIY: Pumice soap, trim your nails, and wear gloves, should work. Have standards ... no sex and touching until he's clean.
Pumice soap, definitely, and a nail brush. Soak if necessary. A metal nail file with a point to detail under the nails. There's a product called Silicone Glove that keeps the dirt from sticking to the skin, if he doesn't like to wear gloves. I agree that many men would not sit still for a "sensual hand washing, massage, and nail grooming." But he needs to clean his hands correctly.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Jul 28, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
My best thought is that church should make your life better, not create more dilemmas.
I don't think its fair to make that statement. Blame for these people's lives not being what they hoped for lay with them and no one else.

LW long ago made the decision that being a devout catholic was more important to him than sex or marriage. Nothing is stopping him from having sex or getting married. He can leave the church at any time. But he has CHOSEN otherwise. No dilemma. CHOICE. He's just a moron for wondering why no woman wants to pursue a non-sexual relationship. Maybe he should find a woman in his predicament. Other than that, most women are gonna wan to get some.

Your friend's daughter? She made the decision that she wanted to be a member of the church and not follow the rules. She has been free to leave at any time. Can't follow the no premarital sex rule? Fine. Leave the church. Nope. Don't wanna do that. Ok. Fine. Do what you gotta do. No one needs to know. But if you're already breakin rules, seems like it would make sense to break the no birth control rule. Whoops. Now everyone will know what I did. Better get rid of the evidence. The church did not make her do ANY of this.

If you love smokin weed, is your employer the one making your life harder if htey drug test? Or are you the one making it harder if you
a) accept a position at a place that drug tests but choose to continue to smoking weed?
b) accept a position at a place that drug tests and are miserable because you can't find any friends who don't wanna smoke weed?
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#11 Jul 28, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think its fair to make that statement. Blame for these people's lives not being what they hoped for lay with them and no one else.
LW long ago made the decision that being a devout catholic was more important to him than sex or marriage. Nothing is stopping him from having sex or getting married. He can leave the church at any time. But he has CHOSEN otherwise. No dilemma. CHOICE. He's just a moron for wondering why no woman wants to pursue a non-sexual relationship. Maybe he should find a woman in his predicament. Other than that, most women are gonna wan to get some.
Your friend's daughter? She made the decision that she wanted to be a member of the church and not follow the rules. She has been free to leave at any time. Can't follow the no premarital sex rule? Fine. Leave the church. Nope. Don't wanna do that. Ok. Fine. Do what you gotta do. No one needs to know. But if you're already breakin rules, seems like it would make sense to break the no birth control rule. Whoops. Now everyone will know what I did. Better get rid of the evidence. The church did not make her do ANY of this.
If you love smokin weed, is your employer the one making your life harder if htey drug test? Or are you the one making it harder if you
a) accept a position at a place that drug tests but choose to continue to smoking weed?
b) accept a position at a place that drug tests and are miserable because you can't find any friends who don't wanna smoke weed?
I totally agree. The choice is LW's. That's why I said I didn't know what to tell him, because I feel that he has already made his decision.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#12 Jul 28, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
I totally agree. The choice is LW's. That's why I said I didn't know what to tell him, because I feel that he has already made his decision.
And kudos to the guy, he's devout in his faith. Unlike many who claim to be "Catholic" yet engage in premarital sex, use birth control, support abortion and gay marriage-- but have a moral objection to eating meat on Fridays. Those people are an affront to their religion
AMY

Dallas, TX

#13 Jul 28, 2014
Leave me alone so I can do my livesexcam job.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#14 Jul 28, 2014
LW2: DEAR AMY: I am a 50-something devout Catholic who has been divorced for over 20 years.
Since my petition for annulment through the church was rejected, I am not in the position to remarry. Accordingly, I fully accept the church's teaching that permits sexual intimacy only within the marital bond.
Given these facts, I can only offer women platonic friendship, which I disclose early on whenever there is a mutual attraction.

LW: Petition the Church again for an annulment. But this time, enclose a very large amount of $$$. Trust me, you'll get your annulment.
Of course, that won't help the real problem, which is that you don't want to have sex anymore.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#15 Jul 28, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>And kudos to the guy, he's devout in his faith. Unlike many who claim to be "Catholic" yet engage in premarital sex, use birth control, support abortion and gay marriage-- but have a moral objection to eating meat on Fridays. Those people are an affront to their religion
It's actually kind of sad that people are so beholden to stupid man made religious rules that they will spend their life lacking companionship.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#16 Jul 28, 2014
AMY wrote:
Leave me alone so I can do my livesexcam job.
chickswithdicksdotcom

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#17 Jul 29, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
It's actually kind of sad that people are so beholden to stupid man made religious rules that they will spend their life lacking companionship.
I don't think it's sad at all, that's where priests come from

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#18 Aug 4, 2014
Why hasn't there been any Ask Amy and/or Dear Abby since July 28? Did people go to another website to comment on the advise columns?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#19 Aug 4, 2014
They are posted every day by either the mutt or PEllen
Here's a link to the formum, you can see them by date
http://www.topix.com/forum/chicago
and here's a link to the local thread that they update
http://www.topix.com/forum/chicago/TI7DSM78U5...

Please try and keep up.
Shari23 wrote:
Why hasn't there been any Ask Amy and/or Dear Abby since July 28? Did people go to another website to comment on the advise columns?

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#20 Aug 5, 2014
RACE wrote:
They are posted every day by either the mutt or PEllen
Here's a link to the formum, you can see them by date
http://www.topix.com/forum/chicago
and here's a link to the local thread that they update
http://www.topix.com/forum/chicago/TI7DSM78U5...
Please try and keep up.
<quoted text>
Thank you. The Chicago forum kept coming up as "temporarily down". I kept trying different combinations on google until I found the July 28 Dear Abby. I'll try your links.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

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