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Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#21 Dec 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Do people generally throw showers for men? When you talk about a "shower" for a baby or wedding, typically it's for women, correct? Does she want to throw a shower for this man because he's gay? Doesn't that make HER the sexist and discriminatory one?
We threw a shower for our co-worker, Matt, when he and his wife were expecting. She came, too, but most of us were not acquainted with her. We also threw a baby shower for another male former co-worker. So yes, it happens.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#22 Dec 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Do people generally throw showers for men? When you talk about a "shower" for a baby or wedding, typically it's for women, correct? Does she want to throw a shower for this man because he's gay? Doesn't that make HER the sexist and discriminatory one?
Good point. I would want nothing to do with a shower for myself. Hells no.
pde

Palatine, IL

#23 Dec 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
If she didn't expect her mother to pay for it, then why bring it up? She wants it done now, but now she'll have to wait.
Because as she mentioned in the letter, she'd also like her mom to get tested. I'm going to suspect that it began "Mom, I'd like you and me to get tested for these genetic mutations" and mom stating "I'm not getting tested, and I don't want you ever getting tested either." (There have been recent PSAs out there recommending that people with breast cancer in the maternal line get tested for these mutations ... both from the scientific/medical community for health reasons, and the companies which do this testing for commercial reasons.)
pde

Palatine, IL

#24 Dec 5, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
We threw a shower for our co-worker, Matt, when he and his wife were expecting. She came, too, but most of us were not acquainted with her. We also threw a baby shower for another male former co-worker. So yes, it happens.
Both male and female coworkers here get the same thing as a work "shower": taken out to lunch, and anyone can give a gift at the lunch if they were so inclined. That's for both babies and weddings.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#25 Dec 5, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Both male and female coworkers here get the same thing as a work "shower": taken out to lunch, and anyone can give a gift at the lunch if they were so inclined. That's for both babies and weddings.
And maybe that's the case here. I'm just suggesting that if they usually have them for women, then LW suggests they throw one for gay Dan, then yeah, I can kind of understand the co-workers being a little put off by the idea. I'm speculating but I'm just trying to play devil's advocate. Pippa was quick to accuse the co-workers of discrimination, and that might not quite be the case. Perhaps they feel that a "shower" for a man, because he's gay, might be a bit awkward.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#26 Dec 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Do people generally throw showers for men? When you talk about a "shower" for a baby or wedding, typically it's for women, correct?
Sure, people sometimes throw showers for men. I threw a surprise wedding shower for a male colleague at my house; it was a blast!
pde

Gilberts, IL

#27 Dec 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
And maybe that's the case here. I'm just suggesting that if they usually have them for women, then LW suggests they throw one for gay Dan, then yeah, I can kind of understand the co-workers being a little put off by the idea. I'm speculating but I'm just trying to play devil's advocate. Pippa was quick to accuse the co-workers of discrimination, and that might not quite be the case. Perhaps they feel that a "shower" for a man, because he's gay, might be a bit awkward.
I just don't think it's as unusual as you originally seemed to imply it is. My husband also got a "shower" (aka, party with presents and cake) at his work for our wedding. He did not get a baby shower for the kid, but says he never recalls any baby showers at work. Which may be because the department he was in when the kid was born (different and larger department than when we got married) was quite prolific--there were four babies born the same month as the kid.

In fact, he got both a shower AND a bachelor party out of that first department. So, they gave us presents and a month later, took him out all night, played pool, and got him extremely drunk.
Julies colleague

United States

#28 Dec 5, 2013
Julie wrote:
<quoted text> it was a blast!
No it wasn't. It made me feel emasculated and gay. Thanks to you, I now enjoy listening to Barbara Streisand songs and watching Oprah.

;p
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#29 Dec 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Do people generally throw showers for men? When you talk about a "shower" for a baby or wedding, typically it's for women, correct? Does she want to throw a shower for this man because he's gay? Doesn't that make HER the sexist and discriminatory one?
So what you're saying is that he can't have a shower or celebration party simply because he is part of a two man couple? If so, it follows that both partners in a lesbian relationship should be the recipients of a shower. On the other hand, I understand that there are now showers for the couple, not just the bride. So why not invite this guy's partner and have a "couple" shower for them. He's been welcome at parties/showers for his co-workers and it appears he's been generous to them. Now it's his turn. BTW, why should women in the office be the only recipients of well-wishes and gifts especially if the male co-workers are among those giving the gifts? It's pretty obvious to me that this man is being singled out as a person whose marriage is not being given the same good wishes as his co-workers have received simply because he's gay. I do not think this is the case in all work places. It just happens to be the situation in his. I will add that I'm not a great fan of these gift-giving parties in the workplace since there's always the feeling of being somehow coerced to participate. But if they're going to do them for everyone else, they should do them for everyone.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#30 Dec 5, 2013
pde wrote:
My husband also got a "shower" (aka, party with presents and cake)
Okay. Maybe this is the problem. Definition of terms. A "shower" is NOT also known as "a party with presents and cake."

Hell, my company does that for guys who are retiring. It takes up about twenty minutes of our lunch-(half) hour. I've never considered that a "shower."

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#31 Dec 5, 2013
Pippa wrote:
So what you're saying is that he can't have a shower or celebration party simply because he is part of a two man couple?
No, that's not what I'm saying at all. So I will not attempt to defend it.
Pippa wrote:
So why not invite this guy's partner and have a "couple" shower for them.
That's assuming his "partner" would want all that attention
Pippa wrote:
BTW, why should women in the office be the only recipients of well-wishes and gifts especially if the male co-workers are among those giving the gifts?
Women are usually the ones who are all about well-wishes and gifts. Men don't particularly give a dam.
Pippa wrote:
It's pretty obvious to me that this man is being singled out as a person whose marriage is not being given the same good wishes as his co-workers have received simply because he's gay.
That's you. It's not obvious to me at all. And maybe, yeah, there's a chance, that people aren't quite sure yet about the etiquette of a non-traditional, redefinition of a formally traditional institution. New rules are being written. Forgive everyone for not automatically jumping onto the same page.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#32 Dec 6, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Because as she mentioned in the letter, she'd also like her mom to get tested. I'm going to suspect that it began "Mom, I'd like you and me to get tested for these genetic mutations" and mom stating "I'm not getting tested, and I don't want you ever getting tested either." (There have been recent PSAs out there recommending that people with breast cancer in the maternal line get tested for these mutations ... both from the scientific/medical community for health reasons, and the companies which do this testing for commercial reasons.)
Hmmm. I never thought about getting tested. My mom's had it (2 or 3 different types of it - but she's A-OK now), and I have relatives on my dad's side that have had it (aunt, cousins). I'll have to check and see if insurance would cover that.
pde

Palatine, IL

#33 Dec 6, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Okay. Maybe this is the problem. Definition of terms. A "shower" is NOT also known as "a party with presents and cake."
Hell, my company does that for guys who are retiring. It takes up about twenty minutes of our lunch-(half) hour. I've never considered that a "shower."
If the person is getting married or having a baby, and the presents are either wedding related/household stuff or are baby stuff, THAT's a shower.

A party with cake and presents to celebrate an upcoming wedding or birth is a shower.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#34 Dec 6, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
I would want nothing to do with a shower for myself. Hells no.
Your poor wife...

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