Abby 11/2

Posted in the Chicago Forum

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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#1
Nov 2, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and a new bride. My husband is in the Army. We're very happy, but I just found out that I'm pregnant -- I'm not sure how far along yet -- and I feel torn about what to do.

My husband wants a child very badly, but he did say he would support whatever decision I make. While I have no objection to having a child, I know my family will make me feel guilty if I do by saying they are disappointed, that I should have waited and that I'm "throwing my life away."

Abby, I am so confused. I don't know what to do. I want my family to support me and be there when I have our first child.-- PRESSURED AND CONFUSED

DEAR PRESSURED: Was your family disappointed and saying you were throwing your life away when you married your husband? If the answer is no, then why would they accuse you of doing so because you are pregnant?

You are an adult, albeit a young one, and a wife. The first thing you need to do is see a gynecologist and find out how far along you are. Your next step is for you and your husband to decide if you are emotionally and financially ready to be parents.

No one can decide this for you, but your family's possible "disappointment" should not enter into your decision. If they are not supportive, your in-laws might be.

DEAR ABBY: Before my son met his fiancee of five years, "Shelby," he went with another girl, "Dana," for three years. During that time we became good friends with Dana's parents (the "Smiths"). After the breakup, we stayed in touch with the Smiths and go out occasionally.
Recently, Mrs. Smith invited us to her husband's retirement party. When we told our son we were going, he mentioned it to Shelby, who told us we were being disrespectful to her by continuing our relationship with the Smiths.

Shelby's position is that all ties to Dana and her family should have been severed when the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship ended. Our position is the Smiths became friends of ours before Shelby was in the picture, and we don't think we are being disrespectful to anyone by continuing our relationship with this couple. Are we wrong?-- JIM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR JIM: Of course not. Your son's fiancee appears to have serious insecurities. I sincerely hope you won't allow her to control your lives and your relationships, because if you do, this is just the beginning of how she will try to control you -- and your son. This is Shelby's problem. She will have to deal with it. Please do not make it yours.

DEAR ABBY: I have friends who exclude me or take off with other friends before I can get to where they are meeting. What can I do to get them to call me? Why am I their whipping post?-- FRIEND-CHALLENGED IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.

DEAR CHALLENGED: Friends don't treat friends the way you are being treated. There is nothing you can do to get them to behave differently. You are letting them do this because you're hoping that if you ignore their insensitivity and rudeness, they will accept you.

Please stop trying to cling to them. Join activities where you'll meet people with whom you really have something in common. If you do, you will be much happier than you are today.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#2
Nov 2, 2013
 

Judged:

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1- Your family can suck an egg. Whether or not you have a baby is none of their dam business.

2- Abby nailed this one.

3- They're not your friends, loser. Find new ones.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

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#3
Nov 2, 2013
 

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1: I hate everyone in this story.

2: Yeah, sure, but just don't go hanging with Dana though--that would be weird. Resopect your son's future bride.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#4
Nov 2, 2013
 

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LW1: Your husband wants a child and is supportive. He's in the Army, so he clearly has a secure job. So I don't understand how anyone would think that you are "throwing your life away" by having a child. Yes, you are young, but my cousin and a very good friend of mine had their first children at your age and both are doing very, very well in life. My cousin returned to college when her children were older and became a nurse. My friend returned to college and is an office manager. I have a feeling that your family will be more supportive when your child is born. If they don't, you can find support elsewhere.

LW2: It is none of Shelby's (or your son's) business who your friends are. You don't need to tell them when you socialize with the Smiths.

LW3: Time to find some friends who value you.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

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#5
Nov 3, 2013
 

Judged:

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LW2 can have any friends he and his wife want. Shelby can grow up and get over it.

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