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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Jan 7, 2014
 
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are happily married and will celebrate 15 years of marriage next year. We have a 5-year-old daughter. Our dilemma is whether or not we should have another child.

I'm 38 and my husband is 40. We have become comfortable with the fact that our daughter is getting more independent. We plan on doing a lot of traveling, and I will change jobs after I complete school. We are not sure about starting over with a baby.

We are doing OK financially, and if we have a second child, it would have to be within the next year, while I finish my classes and can be home to be with the baby. Our daughter is well-adjusted, and we plan on putting her in activities such as dance and gymnastics.

We would like your opinion, and also to hear from parents who had only one child, as well as people who were raised without a sibling.-- MAYBE ONLY ONE IN GEORGIA

DEAR MAYBE ONLY ONE: If you are considering enlarging your family only so your daughter will have a sibling, I don't recommend it. What the six-year age difference means is that your children will not grow up "together." By the time the younger one is starting high school, the older one will be in college and gone. Even when they are closer in age, it's no guarantee that siblings will be close.

I cannot -- and should not -- decide this for you. I am throwing your question open to my readers and will share their opinions with you. However, I'm sure they will be varied.

DEAR ABBY: I am generally a conservative person. My 17-year-old son, "Leo," asked for an ear piercing when he was 13. I wasn't sure whether I liked the kind of impression it made, but because it was only one piercing, I agreed on the condition that he would stop at one hole.

When Leo was 15, he begged to have dreadlocks. Thinking it was a phase, I allowed it even though I wasn't thrilled. He has since cut off the dreads, but now says he wants an eyebrow piercing.

My son is a loving, wonderful, happy kid. He's active in school, well-liked, and an excellent student in an advanced academic program. I couldn't honestly think of a good reason to say no, even though this piercing freaks me out. I sense that Leo wants to do more piercings, but he's respectful enough to wait awhile.

My question is, what is a good reason to not agree to more piercings? Every argument I've thought of -- unsightly, unsanitary, makes the wrong impression -- is rather thin.

My 12-year-old daughter wants to dye her hair purple. I'm saying no, but still have no good reason for that, either. Am I just too old-fashioned?-- NOT-WITH-IT MOM IN MACCABIM, ISRAEL

DEAR NOT-WITH-IT MOM: Tell your son he was born with a perfect body. When you agreed to the ear piercing, it was on the condition that there would be only one piercing, and you expect him to keep his part of the bargain. If he asks for a further explanation, tell him it's because he has enough holes in his head.

As to your daughter, remember it's only hair and it will grow out. If this is her only form of rebellion, consider yourself lucky.

As to your being "too old-fashioned," it's a mother's job to be old-fashioned. Keep up the good work.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#2
Jan 7, 2014
 

Judged:

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Dear Amby, should I have eggs for breakfast or shoot myself in the head?
Cass

Claremont, CA

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#3
Jan 7, 2014
 
RACE wrote:
Dear Amby, should I have eggs for breakfast or shoot myself in the head?
ITA.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#4
Jan 7, 2014
 
RACE wrote:
Dear Amby, should I have eggs for breakfast or shoot myself in the head?
My sister and I are a bit more than 5 1/2 years apart. We wer horrible to each other growing up but we are very good friends now

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#5
Jan 7, 2014
 
LW1: I couldn't imagine going throught hte baby/diaper stage again once my kid became more independent. I think Abby has a point about the age difference, but then again I am still close to my brother that's 14 years older than me. But there's no guarantee. And, at 38, risks f problems with the pregnancy and baby are higher. It's better than it used to be, but there's still a higher risk.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#6
Jan 7, 2014
 
1- Seriously? You're asking Abby if you should have another kid?

2- Let them do whatever. They could be killed by a suicide bomber tomorrow

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#7
Jan 7, 2014
 
Stina2 wrote:
LW1: I couldn't imagine going throught hte baby/diaper stage again once my kid became more independent.
ITA

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#8
Jan 7, 2014
 
Another reason for gay marriage?
edogxxx wrote:
2- Let them do whatever. They could be killed by a suicide bomber tomorrow

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#9
Jan 7, 2014
 
Stina2 wrote:
LW1: I couldn't imagine going throught hte baby/diaper stage again once my kid became more independent. I think Abby has a point about the age difference, but then again I am still close to my brother that's 14 years older than me. But there's no guarantee. And, at 38, risks f problems with the pregnancy and baby are higher. It's better than it used to be, but there's still a higher risk.
I had my kids at 36 and 39 1/2. It wasn't as bad the 2nd time. I knew what to expect more or less.

However, my bias is that my pregnancies were easy and my girls did not present serious problems growing up . If I had known then what I know now, we would have had more

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#10
Jan 7, 2014
 
RACE wrote:
Another reason for gay marriage?
<quoted text>
From piercings and purple hair to gay marriage. Quite a stretch there, son. By that logic, why stop there? Let em r@pe, pillage and plunder too!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#11
Jan 7, 2014
 
Lw1: abby, i don't want to make any decisions about my life. Tell me what to do.

Lw2: tell leo he can get his piercing when he moves out. There's no urgency to him getting it NOW. Tell the daughter she csn get purple hair when she enrolls in clown school.
Blunt Advice

Bayonne, NJ

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#12
Jan 7, 2014
 

Judged:

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1. my daughters are 5 years apart and very close friends. I miscarried about a year before the younger one or would have had them closer in age. but who knows how well he or she would have gotten along. You never know. Unless you are really in financial trouble, if you wait until you have enough money for a baby that will never happen.
2. Go to a Hot Topic sometime. The multi pierced, tatooed, and rainbow haired young employyes are hard working and courteous. In fact the more non conforming kids are less likely to submit to peer pressure than the kids who feel they must fit in with the populars.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#13
Jan 7, 2014
 
LW1: I am an only child. There are advantages and disadvantages to everything in life. I have always envied people with big families. However, many of the people I know who have siblings do not have close, loving relationships with them. I have wonderful friends in my life who are my sibling substitutes. Life is good. What I glean from your letter is that you and your husband are content with your lives as is and that neither of you has a burning desire for a second child. For you, one well-adjusted child may be perfect.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#14
Jan 7, 2014
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>My sister and I are a bit more than 5 1/2 years apart. We wer horrible to each other growing up but we are very good friends now
Heh, my sister and I are 5 years and 2 months apart. Same thing.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#15
Jan 7, 2014
 
Blunt Advice wrote:
2. Go to a Hot Topic sometime. The multi pierced, tatooed, and rainbow haired young employyes are hard working and courteous.
Not sure they have a Hot Topic in Israel. But I could be wrong.

Since: Jan 10

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#16
Jan 7, 2014
 
RACE wrote:
Dear Amby, should I have eggs for breakfast or shoot myself in the head?
I can't answer that for you. Let me put that up to my readers. You should have some sort of consensus in 4-6 weeks.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

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#17
Jan 7, 2014
 
1: Let a stranger decide? Ugh.
I will say, my dad told me he wished he would've given in to mom when she wanted a 3rd. After bro passed, he just has me.:o

2: My "emo" kids with piercings and colored hair are some of the coolest kids! They have great taste in music, too, lol.
However, piercings besides ears is against dresscode at our school.
Like everything else, they never enforce it so kids have piercings, red hair, and walk around in tights (thin with no underwear). Gah. So annoying.
jeff

United States

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#18
Jan 7, 2014
 

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#19
Jan 7, 2014
 
Ha.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I can't answer that for you. Let me put that up to my readers. You should have some sort of consensus in 4-6 weeks.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

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#20
Jan 7, 2014
 
1: I can only think the lw would like to hear from some people who have had kids that far apart in age. From my own experience, I'd say it's a toss up. I've known people who grew up hating a sibling who was that much different in age. Others had great relationships. So I'd say it depends on the individual people (kids). There's no predicting how things will turn out. My one bit of advice is make sure you can provide separate bedrooms for the two kids that far apart in age. The younger one will destroy the older one's science project that he/she's been working on for months and which is 1/2 his grade for the marking period if they share a bedroom. That's a guarantee. ;-)

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