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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Sep 19, 2013
DEAR ABBY: In response to "Contemplating Change in Rhode Island" (June 23), who is considering retiring with a friend to a city with a warmer climate, I would offer the same advice we have given our friends. She should know that she'll need to be proactive in developing a social network in her new location.

My wife and I also moved far south when we retired. We wanted neighbors with a variety of ages so we could hear children play nearby from time to time. We purchased a house in a "normal" neighborhood instead of a retirement community. But we soon realized that, unlike us, our neighbors had jobs, family responsibilities and little time for us. More disconcerting was going grocery shopping and no longer seeing the three or four acquaintances we would see back home.

Without jobs to occupy our time and give us a framework for social contact, we found ourselves isolated. To solve that problem we joined organizations and did volunteer work to meet new friends. Our story has a happy ending, but it took some effort to make it happen. "Contemplating" should be prepared to do the same.-- MIKE IN SPARKS, NEV.

DEAR MIKE: "Contemplating Change" asked if readers had experience moving far away at her age (late 60s). You, and many others, wrote to share overwhelmingly positive feedback. Thank you for it:

DEAR ABBY: For the women planning to buy a retirement home together, please tell them there are wonderful places everywhere. I have moved 15 times since the age of 70 and at 91 am moving again.(No, I am not trying to stay ahead of the sheriff.) I have sought more pleasant climates as well as the company of ambitious writers. For the last move, I am going to a retirement community where I don't have to cook, wash dishes or clean house because it'll be done for me.-- LIFETIME WRITER IN SEDONA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: I want to encourage your Rhode Island reader. Renting first is excellent advice. Research what you want in your new destination. Make sure it's a growing community where transplants will be welcome.

Be outgoing. Join a church, community center or other place to meet people. No one will beat a path to your door or care about your former home. Don't make negative comparisons to locals, and don't cling to your old friend.

If all goes well, consider buying a twin home/duplex where you can be close but have your own space. I'm glad I moved. I now have more diverse friends than ever before.-- RETIREE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Yes -- rent first to check housemate compatibility. As to a new social community, check out nearby colleges or universities. Many offer programs for creative learning in retirement or something similar. One can make friends with shared interests through classes. Also, find a local "newcomers club." -- NANCY IN ASHEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: You're never too old to make new friends. My suggestion to the ladies would be to consider buying what is referred to as a park model (manufactured home) in an RV park. They could even try renting one in a few different parks to get a feel for the park and location. These parks have all kinds of activities going on from morning 'til night.-- MICHIGAN SNOWBIRD

DEAR ABBY: Moving into an over-55 community was the perfect solution when we relocated. There was instant community with loads of activities and opportunities to make new friends.

When you buy, make sure you own the land as well as the house. Public libraries, churches, schools and nursing homes will welcome you as volunteers, and you can become as immersed in the new community as you want. We love being "relocated." -- MARJORIE IN LONGMONT, COLO.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Sep 19, 2013
Sorry, but I dont want to be bothered with people now, Why would I want them all in my face when I retire?

You peeps who need scheduled activies and to meet people are horribly clingy. Learn how to read a book, how to sit in silence, appreciate a thunderstorm.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Sep 19, 2013
L1: "Our story has a happy ending, but it took some effort to make it happen." No sht, sherlock. You thought by moving into a "Regular" neighborhood friendships and camaraderie would just happen automatically, with no effort?

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#4 Sep 19, 2013
RACE wrote:
Sorry, but I dont want to be bothered with people now, Why would I want them all in my face when I retire?
You peeps who need scheduled activies and to meet people are horribly clingy. Learn how to read a book, how to sit in silence, appreciate a thunderstorm.
Oh, triple yes to this, mainly the last part.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Sep 19, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, triple yes to this, mainly the last part.
That might be fine for a day, but sitting around the house week after week, month after month? I know I'd go out of my mind with boredom if it wasn't for work. Hell, I get cabin fever if I'm off for two weeks.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Sep 19, 2013
I agree with edog. I am fine alone. I like solitude. But not all the time. Day after day. Week after week. I think feeling like you're a part of something is needed for most people.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Sep 19, 2013
My mom moved to sun city west and now complains that she's surrounded by old people. <facepalm>

Oh, and that there's no green. She's going to get some potted things that she can see out the windows, but some people just paint the rocks that make up their "lawn" green.

It's stuff like this people don't think about that can really end up affecting you.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#8 Sep 19, 2013
Toj wrote:
I agree with edog. I am fine alone. I like solitude. But not all the time. Day after day. Week after week. I think feeling like you're a part of something is needed for most people.
Certainly not 24/7, but some people can't balance some alone time and some activity times.
I could sit on my front porch during a thunderstorm with a book for an hour or two and then go out to lunch or shopping. I'm retired , so after working since 14 it's nice to sit.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#9 Sep 19, 2013
Feeling like your part of something is needed for YOU, and I dont think you can speak for everyone. What is this "thing", you feel the need to be part of?

You and edog are not understanding the point. He cant stand being out of work for two weeks, and you think I am talking about living the life of a Tibetan monk. Edog gets cabin fever, well maybe if he got out of the house he would not feel that way. Go to a park, take a hike, there are a zillion things you can do by yourself, and lots of them even allow you to be around other people giving you the option to interact or not.

I can not speak to anyone for two weeks and not thing anything of it. And over the course of a month, I will chat with people, go shopping etc, all normal interactions with other humans, but I dont need a club, group, or any structured activity to get my dose of humanity. I dont need to speak daily with someone. Once a week is plenty.
Toj wrote:
I agree with edog. I am fine alone. I like solitude. But not all the time. Day after day. Week after week. I think feeling like you're a part of something is needed for most people.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#10 Sep 19, 2013
Iíve never had to plan how to make friends or had problems making friends anywhere Iíve lived, and I'm also quite content doing things with just with my wife. These folks must be dull.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#11 Sep 19, 2013
RACE wrote:
I can not speak to anyone for two weeks and not thing anything of it. And over the course of a month, I will chat with people, go shopping etc, all normal interactions with other humans, but I dont need a club, group, or any structured activity to get my dose of humanity. I dont need to speak daily with someone. Once a week is plenty.
<quoted text>
I'm the same way.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Sep 19, 2013
RACE wrote:
Feeling like your part of something is needed for YOU, and I dont think you can speak for everyone. What is this "thing", you feel the need to be part of?
You and edog are not understanding the point. He cant stand being out of work for two weeks, and you think I am talking about living the life of a Tibetan monk. Edog gets cabin fever, well maybe if he got out of the house he would not feel that way. Go to a park, take a hike, there are a zillion things you can do by yourself, and lots of them even allow you to be around other people giving you the option to interact or not.
I can not speak to anyone for two weeks and not thing anything of it. And over the course of a month, I will chat with people, go shopping etc, all normal interactions with other humans, but I dont need a club, group, or any structured activity to get my dose of humanity. I dont need to speak daily with someone. Once a week is plenty.
<quoted text>
What are you babbling about? I was talking about me. Myself. Then I said "most people" -- not ALL.

You must be bored again.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#13 Sep 19, 2013
And your off your meds again. Read s l o w l y. It'll come to you.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
What are you babbling about? I was talking about me. Myself. Then I said "most people" -- not ALL.
You must be bored again.
slowely

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#14 Sep 19, 2013
Me: "I agree with edog. I am fine alone. I like solitude. But not all the time. Day after day. Week after week. I think feeling like you're a part of something is needed for MOST people."

Race: "Feeling like your part of something is needed for YOU, and I dont think you can speak for everyone. What is this "thing", you feel the need to be part of?"

So Race -- who is off their meds? Where was I speaking for everyone? Go have another beer.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#15 Sep 19, 2013
Would you have been happier of I had said "I dont think you speak for MOST people?" MOST, ALL, whats the diff? You are espousing your views to be the norm for people, and I disagreed.

OH, and how about you actually try answering my questions instead of picking on one word and having a tirade over it? Convenient that you skipped that huh?

And thank you, I will.
(cracks open a beer and takes a huge refreshing swallow of ice colds liquid barley and hops)
Toj wrote:
Me: "I agree with edog. I am fine alone. I like solitude. But not all the time. Day after day. Week after week. I think feeling like you're a part of something is needed for MOST people."
Race: "Feeling like your part of something is needed for YOU, and I dont think you can speak for everyone. What is this "thing", you feel the need to be part of?"
So Race -- who is off their meds? Where was I speaking for everyone? Go have another beer.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Sep 19, 2013
RACE wrote:
Would you have been happier of I had said "I dont think you speak for MOST people?" MOST, ALL, whats the diff? You are espousing your views to be the norm for people, and I disagreed.
OH, and how about you actually try answering my questions instead of picking on one word and having a tirade over it? Convenient that you skipped that huh?
And thank you, I will.
(cracks open a beer and takes a huge refreshing swallow of ice colds liquid barley and hops)
<quoted text>
Yep. My views.

"I THINK feeling like you're a part of something is needed for most people."

It is what I believe. It is what I believe for most people. Race excluded.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#17 Sep 19, 2013
LW1 said he moved far south and then signed that he was in Nevada. I guess it didn't work that well for them in the south? Or maybe my geography is off....

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#18 Sep 19, 2013
Yes, stop thinking East Coast. Not everything is relative to NY.
Stina2 wrote:
LW1 said he moved far south and then signed that he was in Nevada. I guess it didn't work that well for them in the south? Or maybe my geography is off....

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#19 Sep 19, 2013
I believe you're wrong, and I think MOST people will agree with me.
Yup! I believe.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Yep. My views.
"I THINK feeling like you're a part of something is needed for most people."
It is what I believe. It is what I believe for most people. Race excluded.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#20 Sep 19, 2013
RACE wrote:
Would you have been happier of I had said "I dont think you speak for MOST people?" MOST, ALL, whats the diff? You are espousing your views to be the norm for people, and I disagreed.
OH, and how about you actually try answering my questions instead of picking on one word and having a tirade over it? Convenient that you skipped that huh?
And thank you, I will.
(cracks open a beer and takes a huge refreshing swallow of ice colds liquid barley and hops)
<quoted text>
MOST people are social and prefer interaction with others. The introverted hermits that are fine spending months at a time without human contact are the exception.

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