“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#21 Apr 21, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
It doesn't hurt to see.
I agree with this. I just would not expect it to play out in my favor. If it does, great.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#23 Apr 21, 2014
LW1: Definitely have your mother evaluated. Is your mother content with her living situation? Does the assisted living facility provide activities, outings, and entertainment for the residents? Is she worried about finances? Does she have close friends? Does she feel isolated? Maybe she should be seeing a therapist regularly.

LW2: I'm with edog, I would have a very hard time doing this. But I have never signed a lease that would obligate me to pay rent more than one month after giving notice. The current situation has put you in a state of limbo. You don't want to stay there until next year. Maybe you can move out and he can have someone else move in and pay half, or vice versa. Talk to your ex first and tell him that the current living arrangement is not going to work for you and discuss your options. If you can't arrive at a solution, talk to the property manager. Maybe s/he will agree to let you break your lease if s/he can find another tenant.

LW3: Eight relatives for 7 to 10 days? That sounds like a lot of chaos to me. Tell your husband that you need to be asked ahead of time and that 3 or 4 guests at a time is your maximum and for no more than 5 days.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#24 Apr 21, 2014
Every assisted livong center has geriatricians on call and has a roster of both psychiatrists and psychologists.Internists, including your mother's internist makes rounds, perhaps less frequently than a skilled nursing center, but there is an MD around regularly. They know, because it is literally their business to know, what Medicare will pay for and what additional insurance each resident has.

The first step is to talk to the assisted living center's administrator and find out what they observe when you are not around, meaning when you are there for mom to seek attention . Then ask that your mom be observed especially for eating and other activities of daily living. That is what you are paying the assisted living center to do. That is what assisted living means.

Uf you think the center is not doing its job, tell the administrator and start looking for another place for her to live, but as long as she is mentally competent, aka "decisional adult", she gets to decide.

And sometimes people decide its time to go and then they do what your mom is doing- they shut down..

However, to me it is clear this is LW's problem : " I'm afraid she'll have to go to a nursing home where they might let her starve herself to death." is a hysterical statement not based in any reality . Old people are neglected and die of bedsores in rare rare cases f abuse but they are not allowed to starve them selves.

My take is that LW is a drama queen, mom may or may not be manipulating for attention.

Clue:Make real sure that end of life technology decisions are very clearly stated because this will get a lot worse if someone wants to put in or take our a feeding tube.

This is how I know all this stuff: my dad has been in and out of assisted living/rehab centers for the last year and a half, my sister is a LCSW and my parents are in their mid 80's with failing health

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#25 Apr 21, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>When I hear 'landlord', I think 'dude who owns he place. Dude eho I send my money to'. I've never live in a place like that. Every place was an apartment complex owned by a company and managed by employees of that company. No one on one relationship with the tenants. Unless there are no vacancies and a waiting list of applicants, the managemebt company does not care about your personal problems. They want the rental agreement paid in full.
THat's true. I now rent a house and have a real-person landlord, but for many years I had the complex, management company type and they don't care,

LW and ex should find a replacement roommate and one person can leave, so no one is stuck with the rent. Basically, one person "sublets" their spot. Judge Judy often suggests that.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#26 Apr 21, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
THat's true. I now rent a house and have a real-person landlord, but for many years I had the complex, management company type and they don't care,
LW and ex should find a replacement roommate and one person can leave, so no one is stuck with the rent. Basically, one person "sublets" their spot. Judge Judy often suggests that.
That would be ideal if one of thwm has another friend loking for a place to live. If not....

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#27 Apr 21, 2014
Basically, my point in asking edog how he'd handle it was to get an idea on how he'd handle the lease obligation. It seemed like an insignificant afterthought to him.

If you can get out and not have that lease obligation, more power to you, but the way he situation reads, to me, they're mist likely stuck living together. They have options to explore(new room mate, getting let out of the lease), but those are best case scenario.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#28 Apr 21, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
Basically, my point in asking edog how he'd handle it was to get an idea on how he'd handle the lease obligation. It seemed like an insignificant afterthought to him.
It is. Edog isn't controlled or manipulated by a piece of paper. We split up, either you're out or I am. The lease doesn't get to determine the situation

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#29 Apr 21, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
It is. Edog isn't controlled or manipulated by a piece of paper. We split up, either you're out or I am. The lease doesn't get to determine the situation
but you then said you would not be paying your share of the rent if you were the one to move out. If she does not get a new room mate and mgr won't release you from the lease, you're on the hook. I know if I got left in the lurch like that, I'd get my money in court. You bitch and moan about your employment situation, so it seems nuts to me that you don't seem to take the financial aspect of rhis into much consideration

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#30 Apr 21, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
It is. Edog isn't controlled or manipulated by a piece of paper. We split up, either you're out or I am. The lease doesn't get to determine the situation
That piece of paper is a contract and you can be sued for breaking that contract.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#31 Apr 21, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
That piece of paper is a contract and you can be sued for breaking that contract.
That's what I'm getting at. Just leaving and saying, "I ain't paying" is not a realistic option without coming to an agreement with ex or landlord letting you BOTH break the lease.

I understand being adamant about moving out, but there are repercussions

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#32 Apr 21, 2014
You guys just put more stock into a lease agreement than I do. That's usually why you pay first, last, and security deposit up front. So if you bail, YOU'RE out money. As long as you were payed up for the month you left, IME landlord or management aren't very likely to chase you down and haul you into court.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#33 Apr 21, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
You guys just put more stock into a lease agreement than I do. That's usually why you pay first, last, and security deposit up front. So if you bail, YOU'RE out money. As long as you were payed up for the month you left, IME landlord or management aren't very likely to chase you down and haul you into court.
This could be a product of our different rental experiences. You, seemingly dealing directly with the landlord. Me, dealing with the management team working for a faceless corporation.

Paying last month's rent up front only protects the property owner for that one month you skip out early. If I had 8 months left on the lease, that's 7 months I am still legally obligated to pay. You better believe I would expect to be sued for the remainder.

Again, perhaps this speaks to our different experiences. Property owner can't collect double rent. So if the place you just skipped out on is able to get a new tenant, you're off the hook. Places I've rented typically have 50 or more units. Only a fool for a management company would put a new tenant in my old unit if another is available, and there usually is.

Either way, that's not the issue here. In this scenario being discussed, one person would still be living in the unit and be covering the rent. I would expect your former girlfriend, not the property owner, to take you to court. The number of months left on the lease would be a factor in whether or not it was worth her time and trouble. You got a $1200 a month place and move out with 10 months left, that's $6k extra she's got to come up with. Why look for a new room mate when she can get judge Judy to make you pay up?

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#34 Apr 21, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>That would be ideal if one of thwm has another friend loking for a place to live. If not....
They can advertise for a roomie. Not ideal, but fairly common in some cities to have a stranger be a roommate.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#35 Apr 21, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
They can advertise for a roomie. Not ideal, but fairly common in some cities to have a stranger be a roommate.
Certainly an option. Not sure its one that I would be willing to explore. Only person I've ever lived with without having a prior relationship was first college room mate in dorm. If room mate/gf skipped out on me with a lot left in the table without discussing things first, I'd feel less inclined to find a stranger to move in with ne to relieve their rental obligation. Play nice on the way out or i'm on the phone to Wapner.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#36 Apr 21, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>They can advertise for a roomie. Not ideal, but fairly common in some cities to have a stranger be a roommate.
That works ok if you have a 2 bedroom apartment. Very awkward with I bedroom apartments.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#37 Apr 21, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
That works ok if you have a 2 bedroom apartment. Very awkward with I bedroom apartments.
Ha! I didn't even think of the possibility that it's a one bedroom, but you're right.
Zap Brannigan

United States

#38 Apr 21, 2014
That may be the way assisted living facilities are licensed to operate where you live, but the various states have greatly differing requirements for them. In Florida, a licensed assisted living facility can be anything from a site that has hundreds of clients to an individual private home. The "standard" license requries caretakers/assistants with only a few hours of training that help elderly (mostly) people take care of normal day to day things. A separate license will be needed for nursing care, etc.

The majority of the facilities in Florida are not like you described.
PEllen wrote:
Every assisted livong center has geriatricians on call and has a roster of both psychiatrists and psychologists.Internists, including your mother's internist makes rounds, perhaps less frequently than a skilled nursing center, but there is an MD around regularly.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#39 Apr 21, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>This could be a product of our different rental experiences. You, seemingly dealing directly with the landlord. Me, dealing with the management team working for a faceless corporation.
Paying last month's rent up front only protects the property owner for that one month you skip out early. If I had 8 months left on the lease, that's 7 months I am still legally obligated to pay. You better believe I would expect to be sued for the remainder.
Again, perhaps this speaks to our different experiences. Property owner can't collect double rent. So if the place you just skipped out on is able to get a new tenant, you're off the hook. Places I've rented typically have 50 or more units. Only a fool for a management company would put a new tenant in my old unit if another is available, and there usually is.
Either way, that's not the issue here. In this scenario being discussed, one person would still be living in the unit and be covering the rent. I would expect your former girlfriend, not the property owner, to take you to court. The number of months left on the lease would be a factor in whether or not it was worth her time and trouble. You got a $1200 a month place and move out with 10 months left, that's $6k extra she's got to come up with. Why look for a new room mate when she can get judge Judy to make you pay up?
Granted, the whole thing is a sticky and awkward situation, but personally, there's no way I could continue to live with someone I've broken up with. And if two people CAN continue living together after they've split, then I'd have to wonder what was so bad about the relationship that they split in the first place? I understand that a "roommate" situation is different than a dating one, but after being together for six years? Maybe they were pretty much living as roommates anyway, but the situation doesn't sound healthy to me

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#40 Apr 21, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Granted, the whole thing is a sticky and awkward situation, but personally, there's no way I could continue to live with someone I've broken up with. And if two people CAN continue living together after they've split, then I'd have to wonder what was so bad about the relationship that they split in the first place? I understand that a "roommate" situation is different than a dating one, but after being together for six years? Maybe they were pretty much living as roommates anyway, but the situation doesn't sound healthy to me
Not saying I could do it, but I've known people who were married and lived together until the divorce was final.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#41 Apr 21, 2014
1: Sad, especially if she's got life, which the lw intimates.
My granny is 83 and still smiling and kicking away, aches and all, enjoying each morning she wakes with breath.
No really--her words. ;)

2: Sorry, I'm not leasing a lease with anyone unless my last name is the same as theirs. No playing house.

3: Oh haaaiiil naw! My hubby would know this in dating, please.
I don't like his remark--it's so dismissive. I predict they see it as HIS house (did she move in with him) and no big deal.
That he would not even ask her or stick up for her is a major red flag in my book.

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