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edogxxx

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Jan 11, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: My book club friends and I would be grateful to have you address this issue in your column. We are a group of women who consistently get berated publicly (jokingly, of course) by our husbands for having low libidos. We have all been married for 15-plus years, and the irony is we'd love to be intimate with our husbands, but they have killed it for us.

Would a smart lover pick his teeth, his nose or his toenails in front of his partner and expect that to turn her on? Since when do weekends mean they don't have to shower? Add enormous weight gain from gluttonous meals and boozy behavior after nightly cocktails, and you have the perfect storm.

We love and respect our husbands, but are we turned on? Sadly, no. We'd give anything to not see what we see.-- The Book Club Ladies

DEAR LADIES: The simple version of what's going on is revealed in the male/female divide of how each gender tends to view marriage. For men, being happily married means they can truly go native. Your husbands know you love them. The ability to relax their grooming routine is evidence that they are secure in their relationships.

Women, on the other hand, feel cherished when they see their partners making an effort. This makes them feel secure. Also, less grossed-out.

But please remember that your husbands are not Christian Grey. They will not sweep you up into a world of erotic intrigue, though, yes, it would be nice if they'd clip their toenails elsewhere.

You have ever so indelicately thrown down the gauntlet, and so I will add one item to your list of turnoffs: publicly berating/joking about something as intimate and important as your private sexual life. I can only assume that your collective husbands are bantering about this as a (pathetic) way to try to communicate with you.

Surely you could gently mention some of the things you state here to your husbands (in private). Both sides must concede that intimacy always starts with good, honest and respectful communication.

DEAR AMY: My sister-in-law has cancer. She has less than four months to live. My wife spent a lot of time with her sister over the holidays including Christmas Day. We had a brief breakfast of baked goods together and opened gifts, and then she took off to see her sister, leaving my son and me alone on Christmas Day.

Do I have a right to be a little miffed about being left alone on Christmas Day? This is not the first time my wife has left me alone. She has left me twice on Thanksgiving Day to sing with a women's group at Carnegie Hall in New York.-- Dave

DEAR DAVE: You do not have permission to be miffed about your wife spending time with her dying sister on Christmas Day. You do get to weigh in on the Thanksgiving Day trips. You seem to have blended all of these left-alone days together, and that's not fair to your wife.

DEAR AMY: Your letter from "B" about her jealous boyfriend really sent shivers up my spine. This boyfriend broke up with her because he was jealous of the fact that she tutored a male colleague during lunch hour.

This reminded me of my former boyfriend. His control started by being jealous about my friendships with men, moved on to jealousy over my friendships with women and ultimately ended when he assaulted me.

I'm so grateful this relationship is over.-- Survivor

DEAR SURVIVOR: Your story may help other people. Thank you.

DEAR AMY: The letter from "PO'd Husband" about the temptation of the candy bowl at his wife's workplace hit home.

Where I work there is a large bowl of miniature chocolate bars, and I pass by it at least twice a day, often six or seven times. My solution to the temptation was to "pay my way." If I took a piece of candy from the office bowl, I would contribute the amount of a full-size candy bar. I kept my vow and stayed on budget. It was tough, but it worked.-- Mardi

DEAR MARDI: I love your solution.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#2
Jan 11, 2013
 

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L2, Dave,
Get with the program. Jealousy is unbecoming.
For many artists taking the stage at Carnegie Hall is a dream come true.
dahgts

Chicago, IL

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#3
Jan 11, 2013
 
L4, Someone give Amy a Butterfinger and get her off this candy rehash.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#4
Jan 11, 2013
 

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loose cannon wrote:
L2, Dave,
Get with the program. Jealousy is unbecoming.
For many artists taking the stage at Carnegie Hall is a dream come true.
But did she practice?

Since: Jan 10

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#5
Jan 11, 2013
 

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L1: Would a loving wife let herself keep all that baby weight on for 15+ years? Would a loving wife use tiredness, a headache, or stressful day as an excuse to not have sex with her husband? Would a loving wife fail to shave her legs once in a while, maybe trim the trim while she's at it? Would a loving wife NOT COMMUNICATE with her husband about specific things he's doing that are gross and she'd rather he do them in the bathroom?

That your husbands would "Joke" about this publicly just tells me they're *hurting* because their wives no longer want intimacy. You and your book club cronies deserve each other. Enjoy your sexless lives.

L2: "Do I have a right to be a little miffed about being left alone on Christmas Day?" NO. You are the biggest GD baby I've heard from in a while. Don't even start complaining about her lack of enthusiasm for your birthdays. Grow the hell up.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#6
Jan 11, 2013
 

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Lw1 - Words to the husbands--No woman ever shot her husband when he was cleaning the house.

LW2 - Waaaaah! Her sister won't be here next Christmas.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#7
Jan 11, 2013
 

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LW1: Is this picking of the teeth meant to be foreplay right before getting it on or is this just something that happens after a meal or while watching tv? Seems silly worry about whether its a turn on or not as it is likely not ocurring as a percursor to punching the monkey. You ever wear a mud mask? Get irrational and grouchy with him cause of PMS? Guess what. Not a turn on to men.

Weight gain? I sure hope you're not the pot calling the kettle black.

Boozy behavior after nightly cocktails? There was no boozy behavior before you got married?

That no showering thing is gross though. I'd put the nookie under lock and key to get them to take a friggin shower.

LW2: Quit being a friggin baby. Ask yoursef if she left for a good reason? If not, sure, be miffed(miffed? pussy). But if you don't think spending time with her sister who might not be around next Christmas is a good reason, your clueless. Perhaps you could have offered to go with her to visit. Seems like that would have been a nice thing to do, especially since you don't seem like you had anything else planned.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#8
Jan 11, 2013
 

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1- Angela nailed this one.

2- So Christmas morning you had breakfast, opened presents, then she left to visit her DYING sister, and that MIFFED you!? You are a POS and the best thing your wife can do is leave your pathetic, whiny, and sorry @zz.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#9
Jan 11, 2013
 

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Shari23 wrote:
Lw1 - Words to the husbands--No woman ever shot her husband when he was cleaning the house.
And no husband ever beat his wife for cooking, cleaning, and doing what she's told.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#10
Jan 11, 2013
 
L1: I could not make it through this letter, much less the response.

L2: What you guys said. What a narcissistic baby.

L3: I don't remember the original letter, but it's so relevant right now.... Hung out with A at the mall last night for like 2.5 hours - of course he called her during that time.

L4: This is not a solution. It doesn't stop you from eating, just makes you poorer.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#11
Jan 11, 2013
 

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Shari23 wrote:
Lw1 - Words to the husbands--No woman ever shot her husband when he was cleaning the house.
Ok. I'll play.
No man ever shot his wife when she was polishing the pipework.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#12
Jan 11, 2013
 

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Unless she was doing it wrong....
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
And no husband ever beat his wife for cooking, cleaning, and doing what she's told.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#13
Jan 11, 2013
 

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Dave,
You are a completly self absorbed moron. I bet your wife is glad to get away from you for a few hours because when your not smothering her, your acting whiny and clingy. I blame your mother, I blame you too, but your a momma's boy who cant wipe his own ass without a woman handing you the TP. Hope your kid has bigger nutz than you do.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#14
Jan 11, 2013
 
j_m_w wrote:
L4: This is not a solution. It doesn't stop you from eating, just makes you poorer.
This. I read that and was like, huh?

IF you have enough discipline to pay out a candy bar under no obligation other than that which you place on yourself, seems to me you have enough will power to just not have the candy.

So she's got willpower, but is stupid.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#15
Jan 11, 2013
 

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1 Let she who is without muffin top, toenail fungus, and food particulate fee be the first to cast a stone.

3 Stupid idea, but hey, Lookie who thought it up. I dont get you babies, I have chocolate bars in my freezer, I eat a piece of one (or one peanut butter cup) maybe twice a month, usually with a glass of milk after lots of wine. Other than that I feel no attraction to sugar (un-fermented) at all.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#16
Jan 11, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
I dont get you babies, I have chocolate bars in my freezer, I eat a piece of one (or one peanut butter cup) maybe twice a month, usually with a glass of milk after lots of wine. Other than that I feel no attraction to sugar (un-fermented) at all.
Lucky. I love sugar so much. If it's in my house, I'm probably going to eat a lot of it at a time.

Since: Jan 10

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#17
Jan 11, 2013
 
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Lucky. I love sugar so much. If it's in my house, I'm probably going to eat a lot of it at a time.
Same here. Luckily, I am very disciplined at the grocery store, or I'd weigh 250 pounds.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#18
Jan 11, 2013
 
People who drink a lot of beer tend not to have much of a sweet tooth. So instead of grabbing for that bag of Snickers, you're better off grabbing a six pack.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#19
Jan 11, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
1 Let she who is without muffin top, toenail fungus, and food particulate fee be the first to cast a stone.
3 Stupid idea, but hey, Lookie who thought it up. I dont get you babies, I have chocolate bars in my freezer, I eat a piece of one (or one peanut butter cup) maybe twice a month, usually with a glass of milk after lots of wine. Other than that I feel no attraction to sugar (un-fermented) at all.
My wife must have ice cream in the freezer. Not saying she plows thru a gallon a week or anything, but there is always ice cream in there. And if the supply is getting low, it must be replenished before its gone. Toilet paper-like priority. Always on hand.

Before we got together, I could go months, hell over a year without buying ice cream. I like ice cream, but have zero craving for it.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#20
Jan 11, 2013
 
L1: Instead of complaining together why not plan to have one of those home sex toy shows at home and have the guys attend to. DO SOMETHING -- don't just complain. They're probably a bunch of overweight old bats.

L2: I'd like to betch-slap this dude.

L3: Glad you told the world.

L4: I'm with JMW, too. I thought, huh? Here's a tip -- if there's a candy bowl at the office don't put your hands anywhere near it. End of story.

Tonka -- about ice cream -- I don't buy it b/c I can't stop myself at times from eating too much of it. I love, love really good ice cream. Reese's -- not something I would have in the house either b/c I'd eat the bag (but they have to be cold -- I like them cold, not frozen).

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