“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 8, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 20s and recently became engaged to my boyfriend of more than a year. He is in his early 30s. His parents live on the other side of the country, and we see them only twice a year. We plan on visiting them for the holidays, and some friends of theirs will be throwing us a bridal shower.

I was married before. I was 18 and it lasted three years. I was devastated when it ended. Am I obligated to tell them about my previous marriage? My fiance knows, of course.

This is not something I like to discuss. I was raised in a very religious household where divorce is looked down upon. My fiance's parents are not particularly religious, however.-- UNCOMFORTABLE IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: While this may not be something you like to discuss, disclose it to your fiance's parents before the wedding. This trip would be a good time to do it, so you can answer any questions that might arise.

Tell them that it's not something you usually talk about, but you and their son didn't want them to think you are hiding anything. If the subject comes up in the future, tell them that it is in the past and you do not wish to discuss it further.

DEAR ABBY: As a teacher, I open my doors every year to at least one student who has low self-esteem. I spend the school year searching for ways to show that child he or she has value. I feel there is no more important lesson for me to teach.

These children's parents don't mean for this to happen. They want their children to be "perfect." The children, though, know they aren't perfect and feel that who they are isn't enough.

Parents, does this sound familiar? If so, then love your children as you did when they first learned to walk. Love them unconditionally when they fail and encourage them to try again. When they make a mistake, celebrate the strength it took to try. When they mess up, let them know you love them even when they aren't at their best.

Remember, feelings stay with children forever. When things get hard, allow your children to fail and to fix it themselves. Celebrate who your children are. Unconditional love is the greatest gift parents can give their children.-- KATHY IN ELK GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR KATHY: I'm glad you wrote. You have a wise head and a caring heart, which is an unbeatable combination in an educator. The lessons your students are learning in your classroom will influence their lives long after they are out of school.

DEAR ABBY: My partner and I were happy to be married two weeks ago, now that same-sex couples can marry here in California. During the 25 years that we have been together, we have introduced each other simply as "my partner." Is it now socially correct to introduce each other as "my husband"? It sounds right to us, but would it make straight people uncomfortable?-- RON IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR RON: Because gay marriage is new to many people, it may do that initially. But to call your spouse "husband" is correct, so go ahead and do it. As more gay and lesbian couples officially tie the knot, the less unusual it will be. Trust me on that.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#2 Dec 8, 2013
LW1 - Disagree with Abby. If your fiancé knows, you are not obligated to "disclose" it to his parents. You are in your late 20s. He is in his late 30s. What business is it of his parents' if he is engaged to somebody who has been married before? On the other hand, there is no point in hiding it either. If it comes up, say that you have been married before when you were very young, that you are divorced, and you don't like to talk about it. In the meantime, you may want to explore your feelings of shame for being divorced with a therapist. Or not. As you wish.

LW2 - Thanks for the PSA.

LW3 - It will make some people uncomfortable, but not others. What do you care? If it feels right to you, do it! And congratulations on your marriage!

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#3 Dec 8, 2013
LW3 - Introduce your husband any way you feel comfortable. If someone gets uncomfortable, it is their problem, not yours.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#4 Dec 8, 2013
LW1: I totally agree with Cass. You don't have to tell your future in-laws, it is none of their or anyone else's business. The only potential snag is that someone might mention it at the wedding and then it would turn into a bigger deal than it is. I also agree w/Cass that an early failed marriage is nothing to be ashamed of.

LW3: You are not in charge of other people's comfort. You will only surprise people who don't know that you are gay. But you live in a pretty gay-tolerant part of the country. Most people will just say "nice to meet you" in response.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#5 Dec 8, 2013
3- "This is my bottom."

Honestly, how many people are you introducing yourself to all the time? You're just bragging.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#6 Dec 8, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
an early failed marriage is nothing to be ashamed of.
For some, it is.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#7 Dec 8, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
For some, it is.
For her, apparently, it is something that causes shame, true. I should have posted this: Many people have had early failed marriages and would not judge LW too harshly for that.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Dec 8, 2013
LW1: "Am I obligated to tell them about my previous marriage?"
I would follow your fiancé's lead. If he does not care if they know, then I see no reason you should care. If he does care, then you need to discuss why with him and come to an agreement.

My wife was divorced. Both of our families are religious, though we really are not. I'm the one who mentioned it to my family. I personally id not consider their reaction from a religious standpoint. Could not care less, because their feeling on the matter would play zero role in me marrying her.

"This trip would be a good time to do it, so you can answer any questions that might arise."
Questions? Why does she have to be interrogated. She's divorced. The details are of no concern to anyone but her fiancé.

LW3: People need to stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks. Tell everyone he's your husband. Unless you're talking to edogg. Tell him he's the man you ass-fluck every night while laughing at how you are s#!++ing all over the sanctity of what he considers marriage. Then ask him if he's interested in bending over, cause you might be able to convince him to take it up the arse. He's of the mindset that you are not born gay, but become gay. Maybe you can talk him into it. Sell him on the bukake party.

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