“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jan 31, 2014
DEAR AMY: I'm in my late 20s. I joined a sorority in college and afterward maintained contact with all of the members. I moved around a little bit and still maintained contact.

Recently a bunch of the girls got married. Everyone in our social group was invited except me. I was really hurt and didn't understand why until recently. When my wedding came around, none of the group showed up or even sent congratulations.

I discussed this with a very close friend in our group. She said she experienced the same thing, and she was close with a lot of the girls.

We realized we had one thing in common. We had a disagreement with one of the girls, and we believe she started this alienation. She was also a bridesmaid at almost every wedding. The disagreement, though, was minor, and she still continues to talk to me as if nothing is wrong.

This bothers me so much because I feel betrayed. How do I approach this? I want to confront her because I don't feel I should have to pretend that everything is OK. The friend I have been discussing this with says I should let it go and move on as if nothing has happened.-- Just Trying to Understand

DEAR TRYING: There are times when pretending that everything is OK might be called for. This isn't one of those times. You should at least attempt to confront the "Queen Bee" -- and then you should definitely move on.

But Queen Bee isn't the only problem -- every single one of these women has done her part. I don't know if there is some magical property to sororities that chains you together for life, but I do know about friendship. These women are not friends -- they are people you shared experiences with at one time in your life. They are people you used to know.

Stop thinking of these women as a monolithic group, and start approaching them as individuals. If there are individual women you would like to stay in touch with, then do so. Catch up with the others at reunions.

DEAR AMY: I'm the mother of three children. My 10-year-old daughter started her menstrual cycle. The problem is she won't discuss it with me or even acknowledge it, which I find strange.

I know she started because I saw her dirty clothes. When I approached her about it, she denied it. I told her all girls on the planet get this; it's going to happen no matter what you do!

I know she's young. I started at 10 also, and it was traumatic. I'm trying to not make it traumatic for her, but she won't acknowledge it. Other than this issue, she's a normal 10-year-old.-- Concerned Mother

DEAR CONCERNED: I think your daughter's reaction to this hormonal bewilderment is very much in the normal range for a 10-year-old.

Don't push too hard to get her to discuss this with you all at once -- but provide her with information she will need, and be open and available for when the moments arrive. And make sure to tell her your own story; mothers don't do this often enough, in my mind.

I recently watched the funny viral video "The Camp Gyno," an advertisement for a company that will send feminine hygiene products to your home, packaged along with treats to make the experience more lighthearted. They offer a "Period Starter Kit," including a "Get Ready Guide" for parents and girls (at helloflo.com ).

One of my favorite girl guides for this tricky time of life is "The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls," by Valorie Schaefer and Josee Masse (American Girl, 2012). This easy-peasy, honest and age-appropriate book is one your daughter can keep with her and refer to when she needs to.

DEAR AMY: I am still teary over the selfish expression from "Put Out," who didn't want to make airport runs for her parents twice a year.

I would literally give anything to be inconvenienced in this way by my own parents, now gone.-- Missing Mom

DEAR MISSING: My reaction, exactly.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jan 31, 2014
1 What lamy is really saying is GTFU. You college babies with your sororities, and lame football affiliations...

2 Oh, shut up! Gross, Gross, Gross! This is a family paper!

3 This rehash is so old, it's gone senile!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#3 Jan 31, 2014
Two girl stuff drama and a long dead rehash. It's Friday, I'm checking out
Blunt Advice

New Providence, NJ

#4 Jan 31, 2014
1. Think of all the money saved not going to these weddings. Move on with your life. But remember you will encounter catty women in all your walks of life. When all is said and done you will have collected many drinking buddies and with any luck a few true friends.
2. Make sure there are plenty of pads in the bathroom. And a box of starter tampons. Don't say anything other than they are there for her and her friends if they ever need them. Then restock as needed.
3. Enough of this frigging airport rehash.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Jan 31, 2014
LW1: Sororities are not all they're cracked up to be. The sooner you realize that your "sisters" are not nice people, the better you'll be.

LW2: Maybe try writing her a letter. And maybe a Judy Blume book or two.

LW3: I thought someone took the rehash to the airport already? Can we get on that please!!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jan 31, 2014
L1: You'll feel better if you confront her, but I agree with Amy. These women are not your friends.

L2: Poor thing. She's embarrassed. I agree with Blunt Advice -- stock up with things she'll need and leave them there. A lighthearted book about it, like Amy said, probably wouldn't be a bad thing either.

L3: Easy thing to say when there's no way you'll have to do it.:)

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#7 Jan 31, 2014
L3. Trust me when I say I am not going to get all misty-eyed for not driving someone to the airport, now or ever.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#8 Jan 31, 2014
I feel mean and even vile today, sooooo here goes:

LW1 - Are you farking kidding? Are you still in middle school? Move on with your life.

LW2 - That is, actually, very weird. I see what Blunt and Toj are saying, and I agree that feminine products need to be bought and stored where the girl can use them easily. But what I don't get is the embarrassment to the point of not talking to her mom. Who else would a 10yo talk about it? How else would she learn about what's normal and how to handle it? Has mom not talked to her about getting her period before? Has the girl not seen tampons or pads in the bathroom and ask what they are for? It does seem odd to me that the girl seem so shell-shocked and embarrassed. I wonder if she leaked at school and was teased. That could create a whole new level of hell for a 10yo.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#9 Jan 31, 2014
LW3 - The stench of the dead horse is unbearable. Who do you call when you need a dead animal removed from public places? Street cleaning? Animal control? Hazardous waste disposal?

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#10 Jan 31, 2014
squishymama wrote:
LW1: Sororities are not all they're cracked up to be. The sooner you realize that your "sisters" are not nice people, the better you'll be.
LW2: Maybe try writing her a letter. And maybe a Judy Blume book or two.
LW3: I thought someone took the rehash to the airport already? Can we get on that please!!
My co-worker and I were literally JUST talking about Judy Blume LITERALLY a minute before I read this!!!

I got my daughter the Care and Keeping of you (great book, squish, for when your girls are older). She DID NOT want to talk about her period. It was actually very funny and we both ended up cracking up in the end. But the book has a lot of good info about hygeine, social issues, etc. too.

I jsut bought another "American Girl" book last night that was written for girls about starting to stay at home alone. Theiir books are really excellent guides and very well-written for their age group.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Jan 31, 2014
Cass wrote:
LW2 - That is, actually, very weird. I see what Blunt and Toj are saying, and I agree that feminine products need to be bought and stored where the girl can use them easily. But what I don't get is the embarrassment to the point of not talking to her mom. Who else would a 10yo talk about it? How else would she learn about what's normal and how to handle it? Has mom not talked to her about getting her period before? Has the girl not seen tampons or pads in the bathroom and ask what they are for? It does seem odd to me that the girl seem so shell-shocked and embarrassed. I wonder if she leaked at school and was teased. That could create a whole new level of hell for a 10yo.
My mom and I NEVER talked about it. I learned the basics in school with a stupid movie and from Judy Blume books.

There was never any products laying around because my mother had a hysterectomy when I was quite young. But even if there had been, she wouldn't have talked about it.

Clearly the LW is not like that; maybe she's going too far the other way. <mimishrug>

And I have a friend who leaked at school while wearing white pants. I still feel sorry for the 7th grader in her. She got over it, but shell-shocked is an apt way to describe her reaction.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#12 Jan 31, 2014
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
My mom and I NEVER talked about it. I learned the basics in school with a stupid movie and from Judy Blume books.
There was never any products laying around because my mother had a hysterectomy when I was quite young. But even if there had been, she wouldn't have talked about it.
Clearly the LW is not like that; maybe she's going too far the other way. <mimishrug>
And I have a friend who leaked at school while wearing white pants. I still feel sorry for the 7th grader in her. She got over it, but shell-shocked is an apt way to describe her reaction.
I was pretty much in the same boat as you!

And remember all teh girls wearing sweaters around their waist?
Blunt Advice

Morris Plains, NJ

#13 Jan 31, 2014
Notice the guys aren't participating today, lol? In my house my husband the one man among girls. And he gets very squeamish if we discuss good ole Aunt Flo.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#14 Jan 31, 2014
LW1: Learning the difference between real friends and people that you have shared experiences is one of life's bittersweet lessons. I wouldn't waste my breath confronting the Queen Bee, nor would I waste time hanging out with anyone who excluded me. But that's me. You have to do what feels right to you.

LW2: Team Toj. She's embarrassed. Do get her the products and the book and then let her handle it.

To this day, I don't wear white pants or skirts.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#15 Jan 31, 2014
LW1: Grow up. Your sorority "sisters" aren't your friends, and apparently have deeply disliked you (for whatever dumb reason) for a long time. They're just overgrown "mean girls." Ignore them. Of course, expect that the next time you see them at a reunion, they'll be all over you: "Oh Honey, so good to see you!" How ARE you!" KissKissKiss."

LW2: Lady, did you ever discuss menstruation with your daughter *before* she got her period? I'm guessing not. You sound like a very weak, ineffective mother.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#16 Feb 1, 2014
Julie wrote:
LW2: Lady, did you ever discuss menstruation with your daughter *before* she got her period? I'm guessing not. You sound like a very weak, ineffective mother.
She's 10. Who thinks to discuss menstruation with their 9 year old?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17 Feb 1, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
She's 10. Who thinks to discuss menstruation with their 9 year old?
Lot's of people. Kid's ask about their bodies. You start in general terms and as they get older you get more specific. If you do it that way, you've opened up the lines of communication with your kids and there is no need to have that "big talk". You've been talking along.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#18 Feb 1, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
She's 10. Who thinks to discuss menstruation with their 9 year old?
LW started her period at 10 so she should have thought of it.

There is a general trend for earlier onset of menses. There is some reasonably credible scientific thought that it may be associated with hormones used in meat or childhood obesity. Hormones accumulate in body fat , a point which is thought to explain why hormone receptive breast cancers occur more often in obese women.

(You should know better than to ask an open ed=nded question like that around here.)
Cass

Claremont, CA

#19 Feb 2, 2014
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
My mom and I NEVER talked about it. I learned the basics in school with a stupid movie and from Judy Blume books.
There was never any products laying around because my mother had a hysterectomy when I was quite young. But even if there had been, she wouldn't have talked about it.
Clearly the LW is not like that; maybe she's going too far the other way. <mimishrug>
And I have a friend who leaked at school while wearing white pants. I still feel sorry for the 7th grader in her. She got over it, but shell-shocked is an apt way to describe her reaction.
Hm. My mom and I didn't exactly have "talks," but it was mentioned in a casual way, and I knew what to expect. My daughter hates Judy Blume books (don't know why - I like them), but I kind of have taken the same approach as my mom.

Well, different approaches work for different families, of course.

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