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1 - 16 of 16 Comments Last updated Oct 30, 2012

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Oct 30, 2012
 
DEAR AMY: Our daughter is 45 years old. She has never been married or lived with a man. She has a conservative demeanor. One month ago, she met a divorced man her age. He has two adolescent daughters. They seem in an unreasonable haste to get married.

Our concerns are many. He is a laborer, and she is a gifted classical musician and has done well in her life. She owns her house free and clear. We worry about her having to bring up two girls of a broken home (the parents share custody).

We also worry about the difference in social standing between them (although we do respect any hardworking person). We advise her to look for a more compatible mate, but she will not listen.

What is your advice on this situation? What would be a reasonable time span for getting to know each other before deciding you want to get married?-- Worried Parents

DEAR WORRIED: At 45 years old, your daughter is old enough to make up her own mind about the life she wants to live -- and with whom she wants to live it. Love has no timetable, and sometimes the longer you wait to find love, the faster and more certainly it sweeps you up.

"Broken homes" are not always broken in the way you seem to think, and I give your daughter credit for being willing to take on the challenges of marriage and motherhood.

There is no real way to prepare for these challenges, other than to know your partner well. In this regard, your daughter probably needs more time, but when love hits, it can feel like a sure and instant "Yes!" A line from the great Nora Ephron about instant love resonates here: "At that moment, I knew. I knew the way you know about a good melon."

Your judgments about your daughter's situation are harsh; you would be wise to keep them to yourselves and instead spend your energy supporting her emotionally and hoping for her success.

DEAR AMY: As a nonsmoking female, I have been "blessed" with an extraordinary sense of smell. While this may come in handy (for sniffing out gas leaks and such), it puts me at quite a disadvantage at the gym.

I understand that all gyms have members that reek of body odor, but what I don't understand is people who don't launder their workout clothes between workouts. When people sweat heavily in clothes that they've already sweated heavily in, the odor is unbearable. There is such an offender at my gym.

How does one go about dealing with this? Should I say something to him? I don't want to be rude, but his odor ruins my workout. My gym is one of those unattended, 24-hour types, so there is no one to complain to.-- Rachel

DEAR RACHEL: A response that is quick, frank and nonodorous is called for, e.g.: "Hey pal, you want to give your workout clothes a spin in the washer tonight?"

I don't know if you are capable of this level of honesty (I probably would not be). If not, I suggest you practice avoidance and hope that someone else who is bolder does the deed. I'll happily run nonstinky suggestions from other readers.

DEAR AMY: A recent letter in your column relayed concern about a grandmother who sent two birthday gifts to the same grandchild. As an active 89-year-old with an unreliable memory, I keep a birthday book, which includes the dates for all of my grandchildren, their spouses and my many great-grandchildren.

I sent my 18-year-old great-grandson a card and money via his mother, then three weeks later worried that I had forgotten him, so I got his new address and sent him another card and some money. Here's my message to him: Please enjoy the extra cash; I know you need it in college -- just don't spread the word around the family that grandma is losing it!-- Grace

DEAR GRACE: With many family members spread over generations, it is very easy to lose track. This doesn't mean you are "losing it" -- just that you are doubling-up on the love!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#2
Oct 30, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1- You can't let her marry a commoner. Threaten to cut her out of the will.

2- How about keeping you nose out of his armpits? Move a few machines down.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#3
Oct 30, 2012
 
Lw1: "Our daughter is 45 years old. She has never been married or lived with a man."

With parents like you, that's no wonder.

LW2: "How does one go about dealing with this?"
Hold your breath.

"Should I say something to him?"
That's go over well.

"his odor ruins my workout."
And you have to work out right next to him? I doubt his stench reaches you from across the gym.

"My gym is one of those unattended, 24-hour types, so there is no one to complain to."
And if there was, do you really think they'd tell him to do laundry more freequently?

Since: Jan 10

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#4
Oct 30, 2012
 

Judged:

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L1:'although we do respect any hardworking person" Lies. All lies. Butt out of your daughter's life. Why you think you get any say is beyond me.

Also, I don't believe the daughter just met this guy a month ago. I think she knows full well what her parents are like and kept this underwraps for a long time.

L2: You can't control this. Change your workout times, or change your routine so when he's in the weights area, you're doing cardio, and vice versa. Oh, and stop thinking you're a special nose snowflake -- you sound silly.

L3: So... your book doesn't actually HELP you keep track.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#5
Oct 30, 2012
 
L1: So many issues, I don't know where to begin.

L2: You want to tell total strangers at the gym that they stink? Good luck with that.

L3: What Ang said. The note to your great-grandson is cute, but what's the point of the calendar if you still get it wrong?

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#6
Oct 30, 2012
 
LW1: Do you want her to be a cat lady for the rest of her life or something? Sheesh, be happy she found someone. Iíd also be more concerned if she hadnít had much experience with men, more so than whether she has lived with one.

In terms of career, to some a career is just that what one does to earn a living and not something that defines someone. As long as two folks enjoy each others company, it hardly matters what they do for a living, IMO.

LW2: Man there are some stinky folks at the gym for sure. I would just suck it up.
Cass

Upland, CA

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#7
Oct 30, 2012
 
LW1 - Wow. No wonder that at age 45, the daughter has never married or lived with a man. Her parents have been running her life like she is a perpetual 14yo.

LW2 - Really? If it's a 24-hour gym, pick a different time to exercise. Or move to the other side of the gym from the guy. And yeah, gyms stink. If you don't like it, get a treadmill for your house.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#8
Oct 30, 2012
 
L1. Your show of prejudicism seems limitless.
My hunch is that the man is not a laborer in the technical sense, but rather a blue-collar tradesman and that you do not know how to differentiate the two.
Stereotypes, while often true, are not set in stone. He just may be a freemason for all you know.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#9
Oct 30, 2012
 
L1: This "difference in social standing between them" makes me wonder who do you think you are? Thank goodness the daughter obviously got out from under these parents. I'm with Red. Bet she knew him much longer.

L2: Strange. Put a bit of your fav perfume under your nose or something. Love how Amy is warning us of future rehashes.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

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#10
Oct 30, 2012
 
L2: Put some Vicks under your nose and it will mask the odor.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#11
Oct 30, 2012
 

Judged:

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1

loose cannon wrote:
L1. Your show of prejudicism seems limitless.
Prejudicism is not a word. At least that's what my 7th grade Social Studies teacher told me when he circled it in red on the paper I turned in.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Tacoma, WA

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#12
Oct 30, 2012
 
>>Our daughter is 45 years old<<

That's it, that's all.
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#13
Oct 30, 2012
 
1. Advice? Shut the hell up. Unless there are signs of abuse, demeaning behavior, etc., it's not even a question. Butt the heck out.

2. Is your gym in a closet? Seriously, are you following this guy around? Who says you have to work out in such close proximity? And it is a GYM. Gyms stink. YOU stink.

3.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#14
Oct 30, 2012
 
LW1: What Red said. These parents need to butt out already!

LW2: Do a lot of mouth breathing or just move to another machine.

I had a guy like this the last time I attened a gym regularly. I think he was using the bacteria growth in his clothes as added energy because I'm postive they could do the stairmaster on their own.
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#15
Oct 30, 2012
 
LW1: You're a POS snob. High time your daughter got the F away from you.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#16
Oct 30, 2012
 
LW1: So your daughter is marrying a buff, ruggedly handsome construction worker.(Is it hot in here, or is it me?) I can't imagine what she sees in him... Practice saying "I'm so happy for you" until you mean it.

LW2: I've never been to a gym that didn't stink, but some at least TRY to minimize the stench. Carry some Ozuim and wipes with you.

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