“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 May 19, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I took care of my husband for 10 years before his death from early-onset Alzheimer's. I am in a relationship now, and I'm finding that a widow's status is far different than that of a wife.

Not long ago, I was invited to a friend's daughter's wedding. When I asked if I could bring "Sam," I was told, "No, we don't know him and there are a lot of other people we would like to invite." I got the same response from my first cousin when I asked if I could bring Sam to her son's wedding: "No, we don't have room for him and we don't know him."

Abby, Sam and I are a couple; he is not a casual boyfriend. Surely, if we were married he would be invited. Please tell me what is proper when inviting a widow to a wedding or other event. I find the responses I received from my friend and relative to be insensitive and hurtful.-- WIDOW STANDS ALONE

DEAR WIDOW: It is considered a breach of etiquette to ask to bring a guest to an expensive event like a wedding if only you have been invited. If that option were open, your invitation would have been addressed to "Mary Smith, and guest."

It's likely that money constraints dictated the guest list be limited at both of these weddings. If this happens again, it is up to you to decide whether witnessing the event is more important than your discomfort. Some people would skip the reception because sitting around listening to music and watching couples having a great time on the dance floor is too depressing.

DEAR ABBY: I doubt this will be answered, but I am desperate. I have been dating this awesome guy for three months. He is really sweet and I feel like it's going somewhere.

The problem is, I lied to him. He's well-educated and he continuously encourages me to further my education. He thinks I'm a college grad, when in reality, I am three credits short of a diploma. I plan to finish this summer. Should I come clean, or should I let him think what he thinks?-- GOING SOMEPLACE AND FEELING GUILTY

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: I think you'd feel better if you cleared the air, and if you do, I'm sure he will respect you for having the character to do so. Explain that in your eagerness to impress him you didn't mention that you're three credits short of graduating, but you'll have them by autumn. If it's a deal-breaker, I'd be surprised, but it would mean he wasn't the man for you.

DEAR ABBY: Is it tacky to reuse birthday candles? It seems silly to throw away candles that have been used for only a minute or two, but I know some people think it's bad etiquette. What do you think?-- MADELINE IN RIO RANCHO, N.M.

DEAR MADELINE: Most birthday cakes arrive at the table already lit. Some people reuse birthday candles if they haven't burned down very far. I don't know who told you "etiquette" would be breached if you didn't use candles right out of the box, but the next time someone says it, you have my permission to reply, "Better a cake with used candles than no cake at all."

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#2 May 19, 2013
1: Unless the invitation says "and guest" you don't bring someone else. Sorry.

2: Wow. Just get the credits and move on.

3: STFU. Stupid, stupid problem.

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#3 May 19, 2013
LW1 - No, sweetie, the widow's status is not different from that of a wife. the status of a BF whom nobody knows, however, IS different from the status of a husband.

LW2 - Oh, the tragedy.What Mimi said.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#4 May 19, 2013
LW 3 - I don't know if it's bad etiquette, but it's supposed to be bad LUCK!(You might get somebody else's wish!)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#5 May 19, 2013
2- Like, OMG, Becky! Yeah, we've only been dating for three months but he's the man of my dreams! He thinks I'm smart and educated but hasn't asked why I'm still working as a cashier at Mobil.

3- Aren't you supposed to eat the candles? I always do. What if you lick the frosting off the bottoms? Should you use them again?

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#6 May 19, 2013
LW1 - People ask who they want to their weddings. It is not your place to tell them that you are bringing extra guests. You are rude to ask them to bring another guest. And you are irritated with THEM?!

Chicago, IL

#7 May 19, 2013
LW1: Wow. Entitled much?
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#8 May 20, 2013
Or is it that LW1's friends don't like Sam?.....

Saint Petersburg, FL

#9 May 20, 2013
LW2: Why do people lie when they start relationships? That is the stupidest thing ever. Because you have to be pretty clueless to think that, if your relationship progresses, it isn't going to come out that you lied. And for something so stupid like 3 lousy credits.

The thing is, it becomes a trust issue. The "lied to" person is likely to think, "Wow, she lied about this tiny little thing, what else has she or will she lie about?" I know I'd take a step back.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 May 20, 2013
Cass wrote:
LW1 - No, sweetie, the widow's status is not different from that of a wife.
Yea, it is. Its the same as the status of a single woman.
Cass wrote:
the status of a BF whom nobody knows, however, IS different from the status of a husband.
yeah, this too

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