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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Feb 25, 2014
DEAR READERS: I'm stepping away from the "Ask Amy" column for a week. Please enjoy these hand-picked "best of" columns in my absence.

DEAR AMY: I am a 65-year-old widowed grandmother living in New York City. Frequently a male companion and I visit my daughter, son-in-law and their son, "Jeb," on Long Island. The boy is 5 years old.

Never do I get a kiss from Jeb, and only on his parents urging do I get a desultory, fleeting hug, whereas my companion is welcomed with smiles, kisses and high fives. In every situation he is favored over me.

My companion, very fond of Jeb, has offered to stay away, so Jeb won't be distracted. Please advise.-- Heartbroken Grandma (2003)

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: No creature is more mercurial, prickly and sensitive than a 5-year-old is, and 5-year-old boys are famously female-averse. Most boys this age feel that, except for mom, "girls" are yucky, and even at your age and stage, you are a girl to him.

I'm concerned that you are taking his behavior personally when it is so normal. Please don't remove your male friend from the scene -- it wouldn't achieve what you wish and would be confusing for everyone.

I spoke with Dr. Lillian Carson, author of "The Essential Grandparent" ( essentialgrandparent.com ), who says you should set your sensitivity aside and find creative ways to connect with him because you need one another in your lives. You should try to establish a relationship with him more on his terms.

Carson suggests that you ask "Jeb" what toys or games he enjoys and get him to take you on a tour of his room, showing you his favorite things so you can interact together.

Send him things in the mail -- nothing big, but postcards from New York or an envelope with some fun stickers inside will let him know that you are thinking of him even when you're not around.

Please remember that relationships take time and that no one likes to be forced to hug or kiss someone. Would you like that?

DEAR AMY: In your column you occasionally refer to the "basics of having a relationship." But what are these basics?

I'm only 87 years young, and I'm attempting to find friends after my wife of 61 years died over a year ago.

I live in a small town, and there are probably many people who are as dumb about relationships as I am.-- An Older Reader (2004)

DEAR READER: I think we're all pretty dumb about relationships, but friendships and relationships can grow -- with some practice.

I hope you're able to get out and about and mix with people.

A daily trip to the library or your local diner, regular attendance at a house of worship or involvement with a seniors club will help put you together with people who are happy to see you and who you look forward to seeing.

That's where relationships start. They start with a nod and a smile and a tiny little conversation. Those little conversations take root, and friendships grow from them.

DEAR AMY: My father has a habit that I find annoying. He says I'm lacking a sense of humor. Whenever he is introduced to a woman, he turns to me and says, "Watch me make her feel good," then turns to her and says, "You've lost weight." Remember, he is saying this to a perfect stranger and thinks it is funny.

I don't know if it makes a difference, but he is quite elderly. I'm afraid that when he makes these comments, people will either think he's senile or take offense.

Should I continue to try and get him to stop this, or am I truly lacking a sense of humor?-- Humorless in Chicago (2004)

DEAR HUMORLESS: You are both right. Your father's comment isn't funny, but then you're not handling it with a good sense of humor.

If a man made that remark to me, honestly I wouldn't be offended, but I wouldn't think it was funny either.

I think you should good-naturedly say to him, "Dad, I think you need a new act. Even Buddy Hackett occasionally used new material!"

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Feb 25, 2014
Lw1: Jeb is more fun and you probably discipline him/ correct him. Jeb doesn't.

Lw2: Who cares

Lw3: Why do you need to change your father? Let him stand or fall on his own behavior. Of people get offended, they get offended. And that's for HIM to deal with, not you.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Feb 25, 2014
1 I agree with lamy, girls are yucky.
2 If your 87 and you aint figured out the basics, you never will.
3 your dad IS senile.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#4 Feb 25, 2014
L3. He doesn't strike me as someone who makes a very good first impression.
What a clod.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Feb 25, 2014
1. The kid is 15 now. I wonder how that worked out.

2.That is good info for 87 year olds but also people who are shy, introverts, have been emotionally kicked and don't know what to do next.
A review of the basics isn't always a bad thing.

Think of the Dog as a grinning bobblehead doll instead of going on OKCupid. Maybe that would help.

3. You don't have a sense of humor. Use his line as a set up for one of your own when the two of you are talking to (gasp) women. Not everyone's Dad will act as a wingman.
blunt advice

Brooklyn, NY

#6 Feb 25, 2014
1 Sounds like Job is way cooler than you. You need to find a healthy balance of how to connect without being immature. Learn some kid lingo, find out what he likes and learn about it. For example if he is into sports learn who the players are on his favorite team.
2. Yep activities are vital for a social life and the more involved you are the busier you will be.
3. As long as he doesn't make that comment to someone overweight or underweight then you just have to cringe and bear it.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#7 Feb 25, 2014
THIS is what Amy considers a "best of" column? Geez.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Feb 25, 2014
PEllen wrote:
3. You don't have a sense of humor. Use his line as a set up for one of your own when the two of you are talking to (gasp) women. Not everyone's Dad will act as a wingman.
Wingman? Interesting. I envisioned lw as his daughter.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#9 Feb 25, 2014
1- "My grandson doesn't hug me as much as I would like! In writing Amy!"

2- ONLY 87 years young? Puke

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#10 Feb 25, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Wingman? Interesting. I envisioned lw as his daughter.
Hmmm. You and I have different imaginations it seems. D'oh.

Okay, not wingman, comic straightman. Exercise coach for eye rolling

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#11 Feb 25, 2014
LW1: A lot of times young boys like to emulate men in the family. I wouldn’t take it personally. Maybe you could take him out sometimes by yourself, do something really fun, and develop a closer bond.

Even little things endear you to a child … my grandma would always buy us a pack of gum when we visited and we were so happy you’d think it was Christmas morning.

LW2: Did you not have any friends while your wife was alive? It might be hard to make new ones given that you live in a small town and your age, but Amy’s advice is as good as any.

LW3: Your father is “that guy.” I have a great uncle like that. I doubt you are going to change him, and while it is embarrassing try to accept him for who he is and not focus so much on the negativity. One day, when he is gone, you will probably give anything to have him say that to a woman and embarrass you. In the scheme of things, it’s a bit boorish, but not harmful, and he’s not being malicious, even if he is a bit socially awkward.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Feb 25, 2014
L1: This grandma is a bit too whiny for me. I wonder along with PEllen how the kid is now.

L2: Introverts don't need special help, Pelly. It's not that they don't know how to make friends, they just don't need them physically around all the time.

L3: You might be lacking of sense of humor but you have definitely lost your patience. What does it matter? Go with the eye roll.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#13 Feb 25, 2014
She picked out "Jeb" as a name for a Long Islander? Really???

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#14 Feb 25, 2014
What jamwow said.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#15 Feb 25, 2014
LW3 - Ha ha, Dad borrow that line from a FEMALE comic (can't remember who at the moment but somehow I'm thinking Janeane Garofalo?)!

The whole thing goes like this: I'm going to open up an all-male Wh**-House for women, so we can finally get it the way WE want it.

First, the male prostitute will spend lots of time talking to us and acting like they care about our lives. They will put their arms around us and say, "Oh, you're so THIN!" & even if they've never seen us before, will ask "Have you lost weight?"

Then, at the exact moment of climax, they will cry out those words guaranteed to bring a woman to ecstasy: "I can't BELIEVE how well your shoes match your dress!!!"

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#16 Feb 25, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
She picked out "Jeb" as a name for a Long Islander? Really???
What's up with Jeb and long islanders?
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#17 Feb 25, 2014
All right: LW3's father is giving men a bad name. ho wants to play
glance into the future?

Within the next two months or so, LW3:

(a) was taken aside and asked whether (s)he could take that father to
an Adult Day Care when invited to socialize with that friend/group
(b)had tostep between the father and a stressed woman whotried to
slap the father andcaught the hard slap
(c) bought the father a call girl to keep him company and left him with
her as a babysitter whenever invited to a social seting--and that call
girl got so rich she could retire.
or
(d) other

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#18 Feb 25, 2014
boundary painter wrote:
All right: LW3's father is giving men a bad name. ho wants to play
glance into the future?
Within the next two months or so, LW3:
(a) was taken aside and asked whether (s)he could take that father to
an Adult Day Care when invited to socialize with that friend/group
(b)had tostep between the father and a stressed woman whotried to
slap the father andcaught the hard slap
(c) bought the father a call girl to keep him company and left him with
her as a babysitter whenever invited to a social seting--and that call
girl got so rich she could retire.
or
(d) other
(d) Other: He said it to a woman who was anorexic and who happened to have a boyfriend that was a gangbanger. She thought he was making fun of her and had her boyfriend "take care of him".

On the upside, he's not around to make his stupid jokes.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#19 Feb 25, 2014
LW3: Teams Toj and Sublime. It's not funny, especially for the 1,000th time, but it's one of those lame/cute things that jolly oldfarts are fond of saying. Give it a smile and eyeroll and keep moving.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#20 Feb 26, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
What's up with Jeb and long islanders?
LOL... just that you are not likely to find many "Jebs" in LI. Maybe Tony, Ciro, Dominick... Not Jeb, though.

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