Abby 11/16

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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#1
Nov 16, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school. Every day during lunch, one of my friends goes outside and smokes weed with a couple of his friends. He comes back from lunch with red eyes, smelling of smoke and his behavior indicates that he's high. I'm not sure if they smoke on or off campus, but I know it isn't legal at their age (17), and especially not at school. I saw a joint in his pocket a couple of times and he told me to keep it a secret.

Abby, this has me very uncomfortable. If he wants me to keep it a secret, he must know it's wrong. I don't know how to tell someone or even who I should tell. I know he has depression and weed can "take the edge off," but that doesn't make it OK.

What should I do? Should I tell anyone? And if so, who and how?-- FRETTING IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR FRETTING: It's surprising to me that your friend returns from lunch showing all of the signs of being stoned, and none of his teachers have picked up on it. Haven't his grades suffered?

While it is not uncommon for people who are depressed to try to self-medicate with illegal substances, it's not nearly as successful as dealing with their emotions by talking about them with a medical professional, and can sometimes make the problem worse. The person to confide this in would be a trusted teacher or school counselor. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: While volunteering last year with a moms' group, I met a woman I'll call "Beverly." We worked on a project together and that was the last I saw of her.
I heard she recently lost her daughter in a terrible accident. Our group rallied around her to provide meals for her family. At that time I asked the volunteer chairwoman about taking a meal to Beverly. The chairwoman didn't respond until a couple of weeks later. Now I'm wondering if I should still take a meal over there.

How long should a family who has suffered a loss receive meals? I want to be a comfort, but I don't know them that well.-- UNSURE IN GEORGIA

DEAR UNSURE: When a death happens, people often rush to console the grieving family. More help is offered than can be accepted in the weeks that follow, and then people drift away.

It is not too late to offer Beverly and her family a home-cooked meal. Call her, make the offer and I'm sure it will be gratefully accepted.

DEAR ABBY: Every year we go to my brother's home for Thanksgiving. His wife, "Kelly," is a vegetarian. She will not eat meat and forces all of her guests to follow her strict diet, so every year we are forced to eat tofu turkey.

I brought up the idea of possibly having both a tofu turkey and a regular turkey, but that made my sister-in-law extremely angry. She called me an animal hater and told me I would rot in hell for all of eternity if I continued to sin by eating meat.

I love my brother very much and would hate to compromise our relationship, but every year this causes a fuss at Thanksgiving, and I'd like to avoid it this year. Any advice would be much appreciated.-- TOFU-ED OUT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TOFU-ED OUT: No law says you must dine at your brother's home every year. Either alternate hosting the Thanksgiving dinner (when it's at your house, Kelly can bring tofu turkey for herself -- if she decides to attend) or make other plans for a traditional dinner elsewhere. You are not going to change your sister-in-law, and this would be the logical way to avoid an argument.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#2
Nov 16, 2013
 

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LW3 - I got an idea. Don't go to your brother's home for thanksgiving. That there won't be a "fuss" made over the food. Or, go to thanksgiving at your brother's and don't make a "fuss".

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#3
Nov 16, 2013
 

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L3: Fake letter? I can't imagine anybody finding it that necessary to go more then once when they're served tofu. If this is real then they're really nuts, especially after being told they would rot in hell for eating meat. Just say no, I won't go.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#4
Nov 16, 2013
 

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dahgts wrote:
L3: Fake letter? I can't imagine anybody finding it that necessary to go more then once when they're served tofu. If this is real then they're really nuts, especially after being told they would rot in hell for eating meat. Just say no, I won't go.
Oh yeah. Family dynamics using guilt can force you to attend--its just once a year and you can make turkey for yourself at home, it's your brother, etc.

LW should take a page from the Amy letter. Eat first elsewhere and don't partake of the tofu turkey.

Your SIL is a food -nazi.

BTW did you see the article about how many puppies and kittens PETA in Atlanta gets because they are perceived as a no-kill, kind treatment center and how many they kill. Something like 4600 puppies of which 35 are adopted and the rest killed.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#5
Nov 16, 2013
 
3- Solution: don't go your brother's home for Thanksgiving anymore.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#6
Nov 16, 2013
 

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1 Get off your high horse you idiot. Just dont hang with your friend. Your a senior? You sound like your 8. MYOB

2 Yeah, make the offer.

3 Think you have it bad? Your brother has to live with that shrew! Go over, bring a cooked turkey and maybe a few hamburgers too.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#7
Nov 16, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh yeah. Family dynamics using guilt can force you to attend--its just once a year and you can make turkey for yourself at home, it's your brother, etc.
LW should take a page from the Amy letter. Eat first elsewhere and don't partake of the tofu turkey.
Your SIL is a food -nazi.
BTW did you see the article about how many puppies and kittens PETA in Atlanta gets because they are perceived as a no-kill, kind treatment center and how many they kill. Something like 4600 puppies of which 35 are adopted and the rest killed.
I'd go for desert after I had my turkey. At least LW disn't say vegan. Maybe there will be whipped cream on something.

I'm not surprised by the PETA center. Hypocrisy is common these days.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#8
Nov 16, 2013
 
dahgts wrote:
DEAR ABBY:.....
While it is not uncommon for people who are depressed to try to self-medicate with illegal substances,...
Sorry, Abby, it's not an "illegal SUBSTANCE"! Look at the signature (Washington State!)

It's illegal right now for LWs' friend because he's A) under 21; and B) possessing it on school grounds! Same as if he were drinking a beer.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#9
Nov 16, 2013
 

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dahgts wrote:
L3: Fake letter? I can't imagine anybody finding it that necessary to go more then once when they're served tofu. If this is real then they're really nuts, especially after being told they would rot in hell for eating meat. Just say no, I won't go.
Exactly what I was about to type. I only need to attend one time to know that there won't be any meat the next time.

Additionally, my question to her would be whether she thought that by denying me meat on Thanksgiving that it would force me to give it up for good. I'd still be going to hell by her standards, cause I'd have had meat before and after going to her house.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Puyallup, WA

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#10
Nov 16, 2013
 

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VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Sorry, Abby, it's not an "illegal SUBSTANCE"! Look at the signature (Washington State!)
It's illegal right now for LWs' friend because he's A) under 21; and B) possessing it on school grounds! Same as if he were drinking a beer.
Thank you for pointing that out. It is only illegal for HIM because he's under 21. Personally I think it's a fake letter, but Amby being wrong still stands.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#11
Nov 16, 2013
 

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L1: Narc. Doesn't seem to be your type of friend. Get into another group of friends.

L2: Food is not the only way to go. You can send a plant/flower with a card "think of you during this difficult time" or just a card. You can make a donation in memory of her daughter that's somehow connected to the type of project you two worked on, holidays are here -- you can send a wreath. There's a number of things you can do. It's never too late to show compassion.

L3: I'd eat before I went there or organize a meat Thanksgiving for the next day if you feel this is a family obligation you have to attend.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#12
Nov 18, 2013
 
LW1: I thought it was only legal there for medicine? It is legal like beer?

LW3's SIL is a terrible person and I feel bad for LW's brother.

And I am pretty sure it's not a sin to eat animals since that was one of the reasons they were created and one of the reasons humans are omnivores. That makes SIL an extra dumba**.

Nothing wrong with being a vegetarian if that's what floats your boat. Expecting others to do and believe exactly what you do and telling them they will go to hell if they don't is plain bonkers.

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