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21 - 33 of 33 Comments Last updated Nov 8, 2012
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Since: Feb 08

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#21
Nov 7, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
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"My husband is in a nursing home for long-term care. The holidays will soon be here. How do I sign the holiday cards? Should I include my husband's name? My son is living with me. Do I include his name, too?"
Nothing in there implies why the son is living with her. Even if he did move back home to help out mom, I still wouldn't put his name on the card.
I would use my words. Does he WANT to have his name on it? Then he can help with the addressing and postage.

Since: Jan 10

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#22
Nov 7, 2012
 

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NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>I would use my words. Does he WANT to have his name on it? Then he can help with the addressing and postage.
Sigh. No one asked for reasonable input, missy!
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#23
Nov 7, 2012
 
LW1: If you want the perfect family, you have a far better chance of getting that with a partner and co-parent that is not in prison for five years. You and your son deserve a better life than this man can give you. You will have better luck in the future if you can avoid getting pregnant by someone you barely know.

LW2: Anger is a mask for deeper emotions. Find a therapist or support group.

LW3: Put your husband and son's names on the card.

LW4: That reminds me of a joke that I won't post in this thread... anyway, keep the old pictures but put more recent pictures on display.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#24
Nov 7, 2012
 
LW1 - i htink im more bothered by her comment about the perfect family. i don't think there's been one since leave it to beaver, so i hope she doesn't jump from kettle to fire and back looking for the imaginary, especially at the expense of her kid.

LW2 - i got nothin' besides check out some therapy for yourself.

LW3 - ask the kid what he wants; i'd be inclined to include him if he were a contributing memeber of the household. but still include the husband.

LW4 - do what you'd do for a divorce... if you're close enough, as hte person what s/he'd prefer. but, if it's just a few photos in a collection that doesn't get passed around, i' think i'd keep them as is.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#25
Nov 7, 2012
 

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L1: You're confused about the relationship because you never even had one. Sleeping together and making a baby does not mean you had a relationship. I'm with Abby. With the additional time I wouldn't give this guy a break at all. It sounds more like the LW is desperate, for her perfect little family, not that she's in love with him.

L2: You not getting over your anger is your problem. Don't make it someone else's. Be kind to the other loved ones of this person.

L3: If your last name is "Johnson" you sign it -- From the Johnson's.

L4: I like Race's idea of a before and after.:)

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#26
Nov 7, 2012
 
j_m_w wrote:
L2: You've had multiple friends commit suicide? As compassionate as you sound in the letter <snort>, I have to point out that the common denominator is you.
Seriously? Geez, in my 50-some years on this planet, I've had several suicides among my friends & acquaintances.
1) High school friend, male, age 17, gunshot. Distraught over breakup with longtime girlfriend -- her parents pressured her into breakup because of racial difference! Helluva good guy :-(
2) High school classmate, male, bridge. Age 20 I think. Don't know why.
3) Sober friend, female, 40-ish, gunshot. Persistent depression.
4) Coworker, actually went out with him a few times. Tried to get sober, failed, lost job. Bridge, age 29.
5) Couple of work acquaintances, all doctors -- one gunshot (bad marriage, wife on drugs, don't know details, another helluva nice person), one OD, one deliberately ran car off road (don't know why.)
6) My husband's brother! Age 36, hanging. In jail. Had 10 years of sobriety and blew it. He was the one who originally 12th-Stepped my husband. By mail. From PRISON.
7) Coworker, doctor, former chief of my dept. Had been fired from VA, girlfriend died, chaotic life & bad divorce. Gunshot. Age mid-50s.
8) Patient, aged 58, terminal late-stage cancer. I don't blame him for taking his own way out -- but he had a very sweet wife who just loved him to death. Literally, it turned out, because he shot her and then himself.

Well, I guess the common denominator is that they all knew *me*(although most of them didn't knew each other!) I don't recall much anger, other that at #8 for taking his wife with him. Mostly just deep sadness.

For my bro-in-law, we were both VERY angry when we suspected he was drinking again (he was living with us at the time.) He was going to college, and the last time I saw him he was cooking some mac & cheese in my kitchen for his graduation party. He was caught in a bar that night, do not pass go, go directly back to jail on the parole violation. We were so mad we didn't even go visit him. A week later, his little boy who was in foster care showed up at my door with a social worker, expecting to go on a picnic with his dad! No one had notified the foster agency that he was back inside. I had to tell that poor little boy what had happened. I was imminently pregnant with my youngest at the time and we figured after the baby was born we'd maybe be ready to reach out. Never got the chance.

My nephew ended up being adopted by his very nice foster family - he grew up to be a terrific young man and we attended his wedding last year.

But yeah, we had some anger around all that, but mostly grief and sorrow.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#27
Nov 7, 2012
 
VAdame wrote:
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Seriously? Geez, in my 50-some years on this planet, I've had several suicides among my friends & acquaintances....
.But yeah, we had some anger around all that, but mostly grief and sorrow.
Jeez, there is not a lot you can say to that.Saying sorry?, but for whom and to whom?

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#28
Nov 7, 2012
 

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Aisle Sitter wrote:
LW1 - i htink im more bothered by her comment about the perfect family. i don't think there's been one since leave it to beaver, so i hope she doesn't jump from kettle to fire and back looking for the imaginary, especially at the expense of her kid.
Ha! Reminds me of a lines on As Good As It Gets:

Carol: I just want a boyfriend who isn't crazy!

Carol's Mom: We all want that, dear. It doesn't exist.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#29
Nov 7, 2012
 
PEllen wrote:
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Jeez, there is not a lot you can say to that.Saying sorry?, but for whom and to whom?
Yeah, it was a sad time. 23 years ago next week in fact -- my youngest was 4 months old and her uncle never saw her. Incidentally, if anyone thinks adopted children DON'T need their medical history, or that medical history is just an "excuse" to look for birth family -- listen to this. Our nephew was admitted to the hospital with some stroke-like symptoms earlier this year -- age 37. He called us to find out about family medical history. When we told him about the rampant heart disease in the family, that 4 uncles and one aunt had heart attacks before age 55 (3 died), you better BELIEVE it made a difference in how aggressively the doctors treated him! Before that, he'd had no idea. Same as when my brother developed heart symptoms in his mid-30s; when the ER staff learned that our dad died at 55 (massive heart attack), they put him right into the CCU. Might not have been so quick to admit without the historical info.

My brother is fine now, as is my husband -- who survived his heart attack at age 48 (almost 10 years now.):-)

But about the "LW knows several people who committed suicide" business. So what? We don't know how old the LW is, but in a lifetime, the average person meets a LOT of people. Stands to reason that a few of them will commit suicide.

Since: Jan 10

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#30
Nov 7, 2012
 
VAdame, that's one hell of a list! I am rather insulated from suicide, thankfully. First was the 10-year-old brother of a classmate. His girlfriend broke up with him and he shot himself in the head.:( 10.

Next was wehn I was 17 or 18, Mick, a gay guy I worked with at Hardee's. I didn't really "get" what being gay was all about (I understood that they were attracted to their own gender, but I didn't give much thought to the logistics of that). He killed himself and his parents wouldn't allow us or his gay friends to attend his funeral.

That's it. I feel lucky I guess. I don't know many young people who've died, and to lose someone I love to suicide would be really hard to deal with.

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

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#31
Nov 7, 2012
 
VAdame wrote:
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Seriously?
No, I wasn't being serious. I was being sarcastic because of the insensitive tone of the letter.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Des Plaines, IL

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#32
Nov 7, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
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Ha! Reminds me of a lines on As Good As It Gets:
Carol: I just want a boyfriend who isn't crazy!
Carol's Mom: We all want that, dear. It doesn't exist.
we were just talking about the line about being full up on crazy recently. i haven;t seen the movie, though.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#33
Nov 8, 2012
 

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Aisle Sitter wrote:
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we were just talking about the line about being full up on crazy recently. i haven;t seen the movie, though.
I'm sure it runs on TV now. If you see it scheduled, watch it. It's a good movie. Makes you laugh, makes you cry, great acting.

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