L2: You've had multiple friends commit suicide? As compassionate as you sound in the letter <snort>, I have to point out that the common denominator is you.
Seriously? Geez, in my 50-some years on this planet, I've had several suicides among my friends & acquaintances.
1) High school friend, male, age 17, gunshot. Distraught over breakup with longtime girlfriend -- her parents pressured her into breakup because of racial difference! Helluva good guy :-(
2) High school classmate, male, bridge. Age 20 I think. Don't know why.
3) Sober friend, female, 40-ish, gunshot. Persistent depression.
4) Coworker, actually went out with him a few times. Tried to get sober, failed, lost job. Bridge, age 29.
5) Couple of work acquaintances, all doctors -- one gunshot (bad marriage, wife on drugs, don't know details, another helluva nice person), one OD, one deliberately ran car off road (don't know why.)
6) My husband's brother! Age 36, hanging. In jail. Had 10 years of sobriety and blew it. He was the one who originally 12th-Stepped my husband. By mail. From PRISON.
7) Coworker, doctor, former chief of my dept. Had been fired from VA, girlfriend died, chaotic life & bad divorce. Gunshot. Age mid-50s.
8) Patient, aged 58, terminal late-stage cancer. I don't blame him for taking his own way out -- but he had a very sweet wife who just loved him to death. Literally, it turned out, because he shot her and then himself.
Well, I guess the common denominator is that they all knew *me*(although most of them didn't knew each other!) I don't recall much anger, other that at #8 for taking his wife with him. Mostly just deep sadness.
For my bro-in-law, we were both VERY angry when we suspected he was drinking again (he was living with us at the time.) He was going to college, and the last time I saw him he was cooking some mac & cheese in my kitchen for his graduation party. He was caught in a bar that night, do not pass go, go directly back to jail on the parole violation. We were so mad we didn't even go visit him. A week later, his little boy who was in foster care showed up at my door with a social worker, expecting to go on a picnic with his dad! No one had notified the foster agency that he was back inside. I had to tell that poor little boy what had happened. I was imminently pregnant with my youngest at the time and we figured after the baby was born we'd maybe be ready to reach out. Never got the chance.
My nephew ended up being adopted by his very nice foster family - he grew up to be a terrific young man and we attended his wedding last year.
But yeah, we had some anger around all that, but mostly grief and sorrow.