Abby 11-7-12

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“This is SPARTA!”

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#1
Nov 7, 2012
 
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.......Woman Can't Achieve Perfect Family With Boyfriend In Jail
By Abigail Van Buren | Dear Abby 8 hrs ago....EmailShare0
Share0Print......DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Rick," is in prison and has been there for two years. He is the father of my 2-year-old son. I got pregnant three months into our relationship.

Ten days after our son was born, Rick had to turn himself in for something that happened prior to my getting pregnant. He was sentenced to five years. He was supposed to serve only two years of it, but another charge caused that to change, and he won't be home for another year and a half.

I'm starting to get confused about our relationship because we barely have one anymore. We never get to see each other or talk.

Every time I have a night out I meet different people, but I feel too guilty to continue with anything. My girlfriends all tell me I need to move on, that I don't deserve this and that I'm the one "in prison." But I really want the perfect family.

What do you think I should do, Abby? Move on and be happy, or sit here playing the waiting game?-- LOST AND CONFUSED

DEAR LOST: I'm glad you asked. Although Rick is the father of your little boy, you are not married to him. Therefore you are not morally obligated to put yourself into suspended animation until he is released from prison.

If you really want the "perfect family," you should do as your friends advise and move on, not because Rick made a mistake that got him into prison, but because there was a second offense that extended his sentence. It suggests a pattern.

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DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago I was given the news that a close friend had committed suicide. I wish I could say it's the first time I have been in this situation, but I can't. My issue is, I think suicide is more than a little selfish and I am unable to get beyond my anger. How do I support the family and friends of a loved one who has died by suicide when I can't get past the anger?-- OVERCOME IN GLEN BURNIE, MD.

DEAR OVERCOME: I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. While it is normal to feel angry about the suicide, you also need to find some compassion. Individuals who decide to end their lives do so for various reasons -- to stop overwhelming emotional pain, because of mental illness, to punish someone, because of an incurable illness, and sometimes out of impulse.

Whatever your friend's reason was, please do not take it out on the grieving family and friends. They are dealing with enough of their own mixed emotions right now. If you feel you can't control your emotions, stay away until you can.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband is in a nursing home for long-term care. The holidays will soon be here. How do I sign the holiday cards? Should I include my husband's name? My son is living with me. Do I include his name, too?-- GETTING READY IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR GETTING READY: It is perfectly acceptable to include all three names on your holiday cards.(Send them out early, because the post office is sure to be especially busy in December.)

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DEAR ABBY: I was wondering what families should do with old pictures if someone in their family is transgender.-- ANDY IN OHIO

DEAR ANDY: They should ask their transgendered relative what he or she would like done with the pictures and take their lead from the person's wishes.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#2
Nov 7, 2012
 

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LW1: Before he went in, did things look like you two were together for the long haul? Aside from the kid, was there a real relationship? If there wasn't, then what are you holding on for? If there was, then you have to decide if it was real eanough to wait.

LW2: You can't put on a sad face for the people who are suffering the same as you? Now who's being selfish?

"If you feel you can't control your emotions, stay away until you can."
This.

LW3: Who cares. Send a friggin ecard and save your money for your husband's care.

LW4: The same thing you would do with pictures of anyone else. Except franing them and putting them on the wall. Who wants to look at those freaks?

Seriously, though, I don't see why this is even a question. Any pictures I have are MY pictures. They are on MY computer (or if I was old school, in MY albums). Whatever happens throughout people's lives don't change that fact. I fee like this is similar to asking what to do with photos of a friend and his wife after he divorces and subsequently re-marries. Yeah, he's no longer married to the first one, but he has no say in what I do with MY pictures.

Hell, we have a collage photo frame hanging on the wall with pictures from different vacations we've been on. One of them is with us and another couple...who are now divorced.

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Nov 7, 2012
 

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L1: You wait for someone who's gone off to war, or off to college. NOt prison/jail, when you're not even married.

L2: Most people who commit suicide do so after a lengthy battle with mental illness, typically depression or even bipolar disorder. I understand feeling anger, but perhaps instead feel compassion and sympathy for the suffering they endured while on this planet. My exbf is now struggling with mental illness -- something that he's always had but it got much worse this summer -- and while I don't *understand* it, I can have sympathy for his situation and hope he recovers and gets his life back on track.

Include your husband's name. Do not include the name of your adult child, IMHO. Let the adult send his own cards out. Don't treat him like a child.

L3: That never even occurred to me. But if I had weighed 300 pounds then lost it and now looked great, I wouldn't want to see pictures of the old me.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#4
Nov 7, 2012
 

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1 oh to be 16 and in love...Oh wait! You're not 16? then GTFU!

2 Gee, ever think your not the only one "angry"?

3 Yes sign all 3 names and have a merry quanza.

4 Always frame transgender people in pairs. A "before" and "after".

“This is SPARTA!”

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#5
Nov 7, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: You wait for someone who's gone off to war, or off to college. NOt prison/jail, when you're not even married.
I'd say the fact that they have a kid together makes this a much tougher decision and not as automatic. It would help if she spilled the beans on what he's in for. I think that should play a big part in the decision.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#6
Nov 7, 2012
 
L1: You never get to see him or talk to him... because he's in the slammer! Are you for real?

L2: You've had multiple friends commit suicide? As compassionate as you sound in the letter <snort>, I have to point out that the common denominator is you.

L3: Wow, cold bitch. Yes, sign his name. He's your HUSBAND and he's not dead yet.

L4: I like Race's idea.

“This is SPARTA!”

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#7
Nov 7, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Do not include the name of your adult child, IMHO. Let the adult send his own cards out. Don't treat him like a child.
To you, that would equal treating him like a child? What if dad was gone and son moved mom into his place. Would that make a difference to you? Seems sensible to me to send christmas card from the household. I know if I live with my parents, instead of sending seperate cards, I'd certainly suggest/expect any Christmas cars my mom sent out to be from me as well. At least to the people that I would send cards to.

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#8
Nov 7, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I'd say the fact that they have a kid together makes this a much tougher decision and not as automatic. It would help if she spilled the beans on what he's in for. I think that should play a big part in the decision.
I agree with all of what you said here.

“This is SPARTA!”

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#9
Nov 7, 2012
 
j_m_w wrote:
L2: You've had multiple friends commit suicide? As compassionate as you sound in the letter <snort>, I have to point out that the common denominator is you.
Hah! I had the same thought.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#10
Nov 7, 2012
 

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1- Don't worry, you stupid Liberal, no man is gonna want you.

2- Be sad for the family, you stupid Democrat.

3- Is he dead? Then add his dam name, you dumb commie.

4- What do you THINK you should do with them, you stupid progressive?
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#11
Nov 7, 2012
 
1. How crappy is someone's life that the bar for their personal happiness and fulfillment is so low?

2. Get past it? Heck no! Embrace it! Revel in your resentment of someone being so depressed, so overcome with unhappiness and despair that they could not bear the thought of waking up again.

You unsympathetic dillweed? Is suicide selfish? Maybe, but that's about 7-8 rungs down the list of what it is. YOU are selfish. Did you ever consider that there might have been something you could have done, some way you could have helped so that you wouldn't be sitting here griping selfishly about your friend's misery?

3. Heck, your husband is as good as dead, don't waste the extra ink to sign his name. But do use some ink to grant him a divorce, you're a crappy wife.

4. Just draw their new equipment on the old pictures. There, problem solved.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#12
Nov 7, 2012
 

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edogxxx wrote:
1- Don't worry, you stupid Liberal, no man is gonna want you.
2- Be sad for the family, you stupid Democrat.
3- Is he dead? Then add his dam name, you dumb commie.
4- What do you THINK you should do with them, you stupid progressive?
A touch of sore loser here, perhaps?

“This is SPARTA!”

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#13
Nov 7, 2012
 

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PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
A touch of sore loser here, perhaps?
You could probably drop the sord "sore" from your statement.

:)

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#14
Nov 7, 2012
 
Ha!
edogxxx wrote:
1- Don't worry, you stupid Liberal, no man is gonna want you.
2- Be sad for the family, you stupid Democrat.
3- Is he dead? Then add his dam name, you dumb commie.
4- What do you THINK you should do with them, you stupid progressive?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#15
Nov 7, 2012
 
Well, I had a bunch of responses typed up, but Topix ate them and I don't feel like retyping them.

Since: Jan 10

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#16
Nov 7, 2012
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>To you, that would equal treating him like a child? What if dad was gone and son moved mom into his place. Would that make a difference to you? Seems sensible to me to send christmas card from the household. I know if I live with my parents, instead of sending seperate cards, I'd certainly suggest/expect any Christmas cars my mom sent out to be from me as well. At least to the people that I would send cards to.
You know how I feel about adult children living at home with mom and dad. So no, i would not be on board with adding 35-year-old son's name to my christmas card.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#17
Nov 7, 2012
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
You know how I feel about adult children living at home with mom and dad. So no, i would not be on board with adding 35-year-old son's name to my christmas card.
Get used to it, it'll happen more and more now.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#18
Nov 7, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
You know how I feel about adult children living at home with mom and dad. So no, i would not be on board with adding 35-year-old son's name to my christmas card.
But this does not sound like a case of a kid who never got out of the house or has not grown up. I got the impression that he moved back in cause mom needs help. So you're bothered by it even when it is because the child is doing it out of wanting to help an aging parent?

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#19
Nov 7, 2012
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Get used to it, it'll happen more and more now.
Geez, shut UP already, you frickin' baby.

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#20
Nov 7, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>But this does not sound like a case of a kid who never got out of the house or has not grown up. I got the impression that he moved back in cause mom needs help. So you're bothered by it even when it is because the child is doing it out of wanting to help an aging parent?
"My husband is in a nursing home for long-term care. The holidays will soon be here. How do I sign the holiday cards? Should I include my husband's name? My son is living with me. Do I include his name, too?"

Nothing in there implies why the son is living with her. Even if he did move back home to help out mom, I still wouldn't put his name on the card.

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