Posted in the Chicago Forum
Since: Jun 09
#1 Mar 23, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old son, "Mark," lives at home, has a full-time job and dates a girl, "Julia," who is a minister's daughter. He keeps bringing her to our home on occasions when she's "sick" or needs to catch an early flight and he needs to drive her to the airport. They are seeing only each other.
Julia is in pre-med and Mark thinks she's wonderful and smart. Abby, when she's here, she holes up in his room and never comes out. She's as quiet as a mouse. I am boisterous, and I get the feeling I turn her off.
The last time she stayed over was before an out-of-state interview Mark was driving her to. Abby, she never even said hello or goodbye. He made her breakfast in bed, and they sat there laughing and eating with the door shut.
When she visits she stays down in our den and ignores the rest of us the entire time, as does Mark. After the holidays, she left without wishing us "Happy Holidays" or even giving us a card. I had a present for her, but didn't give it to her because I decided I wouldn't go out of my way for a person who ignores me.
I want my son to move out. I do not want this girl sleeping over or staying under my roof anymore. I don't like her. What should I do? My mother says I should put my foot down and send my grown son out the door. She says I need to grow a spine, but I'm afraid!-- MAMA IN OHIO
DEAR MAMA: You are dealing with two separate issues. Your son is seriously involved with a girl who either never learned basic good manners or who may be pathologically shy. You and your husband should talk privately with Mark and find out exactly what her problem is. You also need to establish some ground rules for when she visits, so you don't feel shut out under your own roof.
Adult "children" live with their parents for various reasons. Some can't afford to live independently; others are trying to save money to buy a home of their own. I don't know Mark's reason and neither will you if you don't address this with him.
Your mother may be right. It may be time for him to move. But what concerns me about what has been going on is the lack of communication and a certain lack of respect. And nothing will change unless you and your husband insist upon it.
DEAR ABBY: This year my school started an international program, so we have students from around the world who attend school with us. I'd like to learn about their countries and invite them to the youth group I attend, but I'm nervous about talking to them and don't think I could work up the nerve. I'm also worried about what they will think of me. What should I say and do?-- APPREHENSIVE IN INDIANA
DEAR APPREHENSIVE: Please don't be afraid to reach out. Put yourself in those students' shoes. If you were in a strange school in a foreign country, wouldn't you be glad if someone approached you and introduced himself or herself and invited you to an activity, or to their home for dinner? All you need to do is smile and say, "Hi, I'm --." If you do, you could start a lifelong friendship and expand your horizons further than you could ever dream.
DEAR ABBY: Is it acceptable for one adult to correct another's English unless asked to do so?
My sister does it frequently, and I want to know if it's rude so I don't make the same blunder.-- GRAMMATICALLY YOURS IN NEW ORLEANS
DEAR GRAMMATICALLY YOURS: It isn't rude if it is done tactfully, in private and in the spirit of being helpful. If it's done as a form of one-upmanship, it is obnoxious.
Since: Jun 09
#2 Mar 23, 2013
LW1 is an odd duck. She describes herself as boisterous to the point of possibly being someone the girl wants to avoid and in the same letter says she is afraid. She also comes across as aggressive and self dramatizing (I don't want her staying under my roof any more, etc). Whatever happens will be because Abby told her to do it or her mother told her to do it but not because she is an adult. who can say her own words.
Sorry lady, I might not go to the extreme of the gf but I wouldn't want to be round you either.
I wonder why Mark is still at home, though.
The girl is in pre-med which means she is 22 or younger. She travels out of town a lot- we know that from all the airport trips.
One of three things will happen
She will move out of town and she will be gone.
Mark will move with her and he will be gone
She will get a job or get into grad or med school and will have little time for Mark.
Oh, have you made an appointment to write to Abby about the DIL who doesn't want to ever come over and a son who is under her thumb?
#3 Mar 23, 2013
LW1 will probably chase Mark and Julia away. I don't see why she doesn't accept them as they are
and let them be.
LW2 can just be friendly.
LW3 could be more friendly and take that wannabe
"English teacher" with a grain of salt.
Since: Jan 10
#4 Mar 23, 2013
L1: Wow you ARE spineless if you're still asking your mom how to handle your grown child. Have you even talked to him about this situation? either way, kick the moocher loser out.
L2: TALK. My god, do you need mommy and daddy to help you?
L3: Rude. Leave people's speech alone, unless you're sleeping with them (even then, be judicious) or raising them.
“A Programmer is not in IT!”
Since: Feb 09
Neda, stay with me!
#5 Mar 23, 2013
1 Well, if she's a ministers daughter then that explains everything. Thank god you supplied that vital piece of information.
2 Leave them alone, your a loser and they will laugh and mock you if you approach them.
3 Correct my english and I will tell you where to put your adjective...
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