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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jul 11, 2013
DEAR ABBY: Legal marijuana is making my best friend stupid, boring and insipid. "Susan" and I are in our 50s and have been best friends off and on since childhood. A decade ago, we started taking better care of our friendship because so few longtime friends were still in our lives. Since then, I have been careful not to be judgmental or condescending because it was the source of past friction.

Susan is a regular marijuana user, which has sapped away all of her ambition and curiosity. Even when she isn't actually high, she lacks the cleverness and mental acuity I have always treasured about her. Otherwise, her life is functional. She's in a good marriage, loves her pets and enjoys her job. I think if I said anything, it would cause a major rift.

Should I just limit our time together and accept this is how things are going to be from now on? I'm a widow who has lost my parents and others to illness. I have other friends and family, but I don't want to lose my old chum, even though being around her is starting to make me sad.-- FRIENDSHIP GOING TO POT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR F.G.T.P.: As people grow older, long and well-established relationships become more precious. But much as we might wish otherwise, relationships do not always remain the same. Because you are no longer receiving what you need from your interactions with Susan, I agree you may need to see her less often.

In light of your long relationship, I don't think it would be offensive to tell her you have noticed a change in her and you miss the person she used to be. However, are you absolutely certain that what you have observed is caused by marijuana? If you're not, then consider sharing your observation with Susan's husband, in case her lack of sharpness could be the result of another medication she's using or a neurological problem.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for one year. Yesterday I put all the pieces together and realized he's been cheating on me.

I called the other woman, and after she regained her composure and heard she is a mistress, she told me everything. She gave me the answers I desperately needed, and I am thankful for her honesty and -- surprisingly -- her compassion.

Now I need to move forward. I am crushed, and even though he can't explain why he cheated, I still want to know why. He says he's going to counseling, which is something I have been begging him to do since I had a miscarriage last summer.

Will he change? Or should I continue to pack the house and move on?-- CRUSHED IN CHICAGO

DEAR CRUSHED: Much depends upon the reason your husband started cheating. If it was a way to avoid experiencing the pain of the loss of the baby, it's possible that with counseling the two of you can get beyond this.

I suggest you ask to be included in one or more of the counseling sessions. If he agrees, at least you will know he is seeing a therapist. If not, you will have to decide whether you have had enough loss in one year to last you a lifetime, and whether you still have a future together.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Jul 11, 2013
L1: So your friend wasn't a pot smoker before, but since it got legal in your state, she's a daily toker? That is WEIRD.

L2: It's too soon to tell if he'll repeat this behavior or not. You don't have kids, so you can make a clean break if you want. But if you want to work on your marriage, you need marriage counseling, I think.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Jul 11, 2013
1 Lighten up you judgmental beyotch! You srsly need to hit the bong yourself. Maybe being witty with you was just something she did to play nice with you, and well, frankly she's bored of playing your insipid game.

2 Why just him in counseling? Takes Two for a marriage (unless you marry your iguana), so I believe you should be there as well.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#4 Jul 11, 2013
L1. You are desribing half the people on the planet.
Are you positive it is not something else?
Could it be perhaps something in the water?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#5 Jul 11, 2013
Studies have shown that making drugs legal doesn't increase the number of people using them, because a small number of people will do the drug simply because it's legal, and a corresponding number of people will stop doing it because they were doing it simply for the cool tabooness of it.

SO maybe this friend is the person so afraid of breaking the law (or getting caught breaking the law) that once pot became legal, she just jumped in with both feet?

I just think it's odd that someone in her 50s is suddenly a pothead.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#6 Jul 11, 2013
1: So you're not toking the legal weed...why?

2: A firm boot to his backside as you push him out the door is recommended. Have some respect for yourself.
chicagolandchica

Chicago, IL

#7 Jul 11, 2013
I have to be honest, if pot became legal for recreational use in IL I would probably try it. Just to see what all the fuss is about.

But I can't imagine ever being a daily smoker. I need my wits about me.:)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#8 Jul 11, 2013
Legalize marijuana everywhere!

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#9 Jul 11, 2013
Smokin' smokin'
We're cookin' tonight, just keep on tokin'
Smokin' smokin'
I feel alright, mama I'm not jokin'

Boston

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Jul 11, 2013
LW1: If she only started recently, I can't see the daily usage making her that stupid that quickly. The stereotypical stoner has usually started as a teen and that *will* kill brain cells and make you kinda stupid.

So either she's been smoking WAY longer than you think or something else mentally is going on. But either way, if she's happy then you should MYOB.

LW2: You do realize that "going to counseling" is his euphemism for going to see his girlfriend, right?

Leave now and don't look back.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#11 Jul 11, 2013
LW1: You are basically wanting to terminate a friendship because you don't agree with a personal choice your friend has made, which has little bearing on you. It's really not much of your business and you shouldn't be so concerned about it.

LW2: He was already cheating on you and you weren't even married for a year. Unless you are a masochist, I'd say you cut your losses.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Jul 11, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW2: He was already cheating on you and you weren't even married for a year. Unless you are a masochist, I'd say you cut your losses.
That's kind of how I feel: Shouldn't you still be in ga-ga we just got married mode?
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#13 Jul 11, 2013
LW2: Just. Leave.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#14 Jul 11, 2013
LW1 - In most states where pot is legal, it is legal for *medical* uses. That is not to say that it is hard to get it if you don't have a doctor's recommendation, but most people in their 50s don't start daily pot-smoking just for the fun of it. Marijuana is not that addictive - certainly less than tobacco. Also, it is less likely to have drastic negative effects on the smoker over a short period of time, especially if the smoker is an adult. Soooo, I bet the LW is just seeing the friend's stupidity and boringness where none exists because of LW's own preconceived notions of pot-heads.

LW2 - So, the GF didn't know her beau was married? Wow. Your husband/her paramour is a Lothario. Dump him. The both of you.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#15 Jul 11, 2013
Cass wrote:
LW1 - In most states where pot is legal, it is legal for *medical* uses. That is not to say that it is hard to get it if you don't have a doctor's recommendation, but most people in their 50s don't start daily pot-smoking just for the fun of it. Marijuana is not that addictive - certainly less than tobacco. Also, it is less likely to have drastic negative effects on the smoker over a short period of time, especially if the smoker is an adult. Soooo, I bet the LW is just seeing the friend's stupidity and boringness where none exists because of LW's own preconceived notions of pot-heads.
LW2 - So, the GF didn't know her beau was married? Wow. Your husband/her paramour is a Lothario. Dump him. The both of you.
L1: Good points.

L2: Yeah, I was thinking that he's one hell of a liar, so how can you even trust him?
Snarg

Nashville, TN

#16 Jul 11, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Studies have shown that making drugs legal doesn't increase the number of people using them, because a small number of people will do the drug simply because it's legal, and a corresponding number of people will stop doing it because they were doing it simply for the cool tabooness of it.
SO maybe this friend is the person so afraid of breaking the law (or getting caught breaking the law) that once pot became legal, she just jumped in with both feet?
I just think it's odd that someone in her 50s is suddenly a pothead.
What 'studies'? Potheads United, perhaps?

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#17 Jul 11, 2013
1: No one in their 50s just suddenly started smoking pot. I know someone somewhere did, because why the hell not, but seriously why did LW need to make a point of it being legalized pot? Wouldn't illegal pot make her stoned too?

2: I'd just go ahead and get out. No kids, very little baggage and he's cheating on you right in the beginning. Cut your losses.

Since: May 13

Marina, CA

#18 Jul 11, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Studies have shown that making drugs legal doesn't increase the number of people using them, because a small number of people will do the drug simply because it's legal, and a corresponding number of people will stop doing it because they were doing it simply for the cool tabooness of it.
SO maybe this friend is the person so afraid of breaking the law (or getting caught breaking the law) that once pot became legal, she just jumped in with both feet?
I just think it's odd that someone in her 50s is suddenly a pothead.
I find it extremely odd as well, but maybe she tried it and really, really liked it.

The bottom line is that people spend the most time with people who like to do the same things that they like to do. For example, a good friend of mine was seeing a guy who LOVED to spend his weekends going on long motorcycle rides with his friends. My friend also likes to ride, but not *every* weekend. After a year, they broke up because of that. I think LW needs to spend less time with her friend because they don't enjoy the same type of recreation. She also needs to be less judgemental.

Since: May 13

Marina, CA

#19 Jul 11, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW2: He was already cheating on you and you weren't even married for a year. Unless you are a masochist, I'd say you cut your losses.
Exactly! They say the first year of marriage is the best. LW is in for a lot of heartache if she stays. I don't understand why people like this get married in the first place. Stay single if you want to play the field.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Jul 11, 2013
Snarg wrote:
<quoted text>
What 'studies'? Potheads United, perhaps?
When you're done being an idiot, come back.

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