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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Feb 5, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are both schoolteachers. She hates to call in sick and often teaches class when she says she feels ill. I don't argue with her.

The problem arises when I am not feeling well. When I am sick and feverish, I'm not inclined to rise from my sickbed and go to work. On those few occasions, my wife objects strenuously. She interrogates me about my symptoms, then makes her own "diagnosis" on the spot. Apparently, her gold standard for staying home is the inability to stand.

This creates a problem for me at work because co-workers are concerned about catching my obvious illness. The last time I felt sick, my wife ordered me to go to work. When I saw a doctor afterward, I was told I had a virus and should be in bed. My wife still objected to my missing work because she considered it to be "just a cough."

I missed a grand total of two days because of it. On one of them I wasn't able to stand, the other because I refused to get out of bed. Then, since I was staying home "doing nothing," my wife insisted I care for our two children (ages 3 and 1), rather than send them to my mother-in-law who baby-sits while we work.

Today a staff member called in sick with the same virus I had. Everyone looked at me as the responsible party.

If I stay home, my wife will dump the kids on me and give me the cold shoulder. If I go to work, I expose my co-workers and perform poorly. Help!-- AT A TOTAL LOSS IN CORPUS CHRISTI

DEAR TOTAL LOSS: It appears you married a woman who is not only lacking in empathy, but also is a controlling, slave-driving witch. Unless you can find the backbone to take control of the situation and stop acting like a victim, your wife will continue to punish you when you're least able to defend yourself -- and nothing will change.

P.S. A teacher with a virus can not only infect co-workers and administrative staff, but also his students -- not to mention his own children. Please point that out to "Simone Legree."

DEAR ABBY: The adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say ..." is easier said than done. When I am tired or stressed, I have a tendency to be less tolerant of others' quirks, and sometimes I voice my annoyance. While my opinions do have a basis, I sometimes feel guilty about insulting or hurting the person's feelings. I envy those who are strong enough to not allow the stress of certain situations to affect them.

I have never been a believer in "killing them with kindness" because that seems to enable their behavior. My intolerance is probably due to unhappiness about my own life. So how do I allow these annoyances to roll off my back and bite my tongue?-- CAN'T TOLERATE FOOLS IN DES MOINES

DEAR CAN'T TOLERATE FOOLS: One way to do that would be to remind yourself that the more you take your unhappiness out on those around you, the more you will isolate yourself. When you are tired or stressed, and before shooting off your mouth, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it helpful? And if what you were about to say is not all three, bite your tongue, zip your lip, or walk away until you get a grip.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Feb 5, 2013
LW1: I can understand the wife's attitude. I have the same one. Its how I was raised. You need to be unable to function in order to stay home frome school/work. My days off are precious and I don't want to waste them just cause I don't feel great. That being said, its not my business, nor should it be, if my wife does not share this POV. It takes a lot less for her to take the day off. That's her right and her call. This dude's wife is trying to mommy/control him. His actions have zero bearing on her, yet she wants to dictate terms to him. F that.

He needs to spell out in no uncertain terms that he and only he will make the determination on whether or not he is able to go to work. She gets zero input into that decsion. She does not get to leave the kids with him. I wonder who leaves the house first. If she refuses to take the kids to her mother's as is the case every day, I wonder if he can pretend to get ready for work adn then just go back to sleep when she leaves. That's just a workaround, but not a solution to the deeper control issue.

LW2: "I envy those who are strong enough to not allow the stress of certain situations to affect them."
And I am annoyed as hell at people who have no friggin self control.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Feb 5, 2013
L1: Your wife is a bully. Tell her to leave you alone, you're sick, and then puke on her pillow. And put your foot down re: the kids. They should have gone to their babysitter's. Your wife is a real bitch, you know that?

Also: I would think others -- teachers, students, students' parents -- would appreciate a sick teacher staying home.

L2: You're boring and annoying.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Feb 5, 2013
LW1: It seems she has become more like a lecturing school teacher/nagging mom towards you. Man, you gotta nip that shyte in the bud, and say f’ that … I will not be treated by you like I am a boy and you are my mommy … I’m big enough to call my own shots … I don’t tell you when you can and can’t stay home … you don’t tell me … period … end of story. If you did that more often, she’d know better and she’d probably respect you more.

And her making you watch kids, unnecessarily, when you are sick ... like she's going to punish you FOR BEING SICK, man you are a doormat ... I'd be like f' that. The best remedy to being sick is rest, and lots of it ... how are you supposed to rest when you are caring for 2 little kids?

LW2: You’ve admitted that you are unhappy with your own life and take it out on others, which is a big flaw. Maybe instead of focusing on the flaws of others, you should focus on your own.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#5 Feb 5, 2013
L1. Yeah. I know what you mean. I rarely miss work either.
Where I work it's like walking a tightrope when it comes to absences. And I don't want to be laughed at behind my back and accused of being a hypochondriac by my co-workers.
I see them do it to the others when they call in sick. They are very predictable, many of them.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#6 Feb 5, 2013
1 You married a real shrew. You have no balls, are you sure you're the father of those kids?

2 Go live on an island where nobody can bother you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#7 Feb 5, 2013
1- People get sick days for a reason. So you don't go to work and spew your germs all over everyone else. But anyway, teachers are more likely to get sick from their students than the other way around. But you need to lay the smackdown on that btch and remind her who the man is.

2- Learn to keep your btchy, negative comments to yourself, you old used up shrew hag.

Since: Mar 09

Lake Worth, FL

#8 Feb 5, 2013
" It appears you married a woman who is not only lacking in empathy, but also is a controlling, slave-driving witch."

<snort>

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Feb 5, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
" It appears you married a woman who is not only lacking in empathy, but also is a controlling, slave-driving witch."
<snort>
I know! Harsh words from a syndicated columnist, but I lvoe it!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Feb 5, 2013
LW1: I'm going to reiterate what Sub said. She seems to be punishing you for being sick making you take care of the kids. But what's to stop you from calling the MIL and have her come get the kids?

I bet all her students looove her. <eyeroll>

LW2: Shut the f*ck up.

There. How does it feel? Don't like, then don't do it others.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#11 Feb 5, 2013
1 Good gawd, grow a pair!

You only stay home if you're heavin', crappin', or infectin'.

2 STFU and MOB.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

#12 Feb 5, 2013
1. And again, you didn't see this before you got married? She bosses you because you let her.

2. Wait, so you admit you're unhappy with your own life. So instead of trying to figure out how to "tolerate" other people, how about you figure out how to be less unhappy? I mean, duh.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#13 Feb 5, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
" It appears you married a woman who is not only lacking in empathy, but also is a controlling, slave-driving witch."
<snort>
I feel for the kids in her class. They can't get away from someone who is a combination of Typhoid Mary and Simon LeGree. LW is big enough to fight back if he wants; the kids are not.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#14 Feb 5, 2013
I have to agree with everything youguys said. And I do think this guy should stand up to his controlling wife.

But let's face it, men, A LOT of you are pretty big babies the second you get a sniffle. It's like you are DYING. So I wonder if this LW milks it every time he sneezes, which would get pretty annoying pretty fast. I know he says he had the doctor verify a virus, etc. but I wonder if other times he "overplayed" it a bit.

Just a different take on it....

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#15 Feb 5, 2013
Stina wrote:
But let's face it, men, A LOT of you are pretty big babies the second you get a sniffle. It's like you are DYING. So I wonder if this LW milks it every time he sneezes, which would get pretty annoying pretty fast. I know he says he had the doctor verify a virus, etc. but I wonder if other times he "overplayed" it a bit.
Just a different take on it....
A lot? Is this your personal experience with more than one man? Enough to make the determination that "a lot" of men are like this?

My experience is the complete opposite. I and the men that I know, tend to not take the day off of work the second we get a sniffle. When I DO get sick, I usually want to just be left alone. I don't want anyone fussing over me. The most I might ask for is for my wife to bring me some water and medication.

My wife is the exact opposite.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#16 Feb 5, 2013
Ha! Typical sexist remark! I'll let if go though because you're so hot.

If his wife is such a brow beater don't you think he would try to avoid such confrontations with her? I mean, if you're not feeling two swift to begin with, do you really want to hear her noise on top of that?
Stina wrote:
I have to agree with everything youguys said. And I do think this guy should stand up to his controlling wife.
But let's face it, men, A LOT of you are pretty big babies the second you get a sniffle. It's like you are DYING. So I wonder if this LW milks it every time he sneezes, which would get pretty annoying pretty fast. I know he says he had the doctor verify a virus, etc. but I wonder if other times he "overplayed" it a bit.
Just a different take on it....

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#17 Feb 5, 2013
Nick stays home from work all the damn time (he also has a shitload of sick/vacation time, and his short-term sick bank leave is full). "The plows came int he night and interrupted my sleep, I'm staying home." "I had acid reflux all night and I couldn't sleep, I'm staying home."

And still at the end of the year,he has to scrambleto use up more sick time or they take it away.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#18 Feb 5, 2013
Stina wrote:
I have to agree with everything youguys said. And I do think this guy should stand up to his controlling wife.
But let's face it, men, A LOT of you are pretty big babies the second you get a sniffle. It's like you are DYING. So I wonder if this LW milks it every time he sneezes, which would get pretty annoying pretty fast. I know he says he had the doctor verify a virus, etc. but I wonder if other times he "overplayed" it a bit.
Just a different take on it....
When I get sick, I pretty much just want to be left alone. Other than making sure I have real medicine available to me (the kind the meth-heads use to make meth ... not whatever the crap is they have now that doesn't work), I usually don't eat much, don't move much, or expect much. I just wanna sleep.

If anything, my wife will be on my case for not taking medicine as often as I should, but I happen to believe it is good for your body to run even a somewhat high fever and sweat it out, as you sleep.

While that means my wife has to handle the kids and other household things solo, I don't think that makes me a baby. However, it's not a competition ... when I feel bad, I'm not out to show everyone how I can persevere through it.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#19 Feb 5, 2013
Saluki Rod wrote:
1 Good gawd, grow a pair!
You only stay home if you're heavin', crappin', or infectin'.
2 STFU and MOB.
This makes me think of the Hopper by Dish commercial with teh guys hanging out in teh living room, and everyone's talking abotu recording all tehir shows.... older guy walks thorugh, says "good, you can get to cleanin, joggin' nad leavin". one guys says "do i really ahve to leave?" anoterh guy says "no, im not joggin'".

although, i'd hate to see teh house with the heavin', crappin' AND infectin'....
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#20 Feb 5, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
When I get sick, I pretty much just want to be left alone. Other than making sure I have real medicine available to me (the kind the meth-heads use to make meth ... not whatever the crap is they have now that doesn't work), I usually don't eat much, don't move much, or expect much. I just wanna sleep.
If anything, my wife will be on my case for not taking medicine as often as I should, but I happen to believe it is good for your body to run even a somewhat high fever and sweat it out, as you sleep.
While that means my wife has to handle the kids and other household things solo, I don't think that makes me a baby. However, it's not a competition ... when I feel bad, I'm not out to show everyone how I can persevere through it.
Maybe you are like that and Tonka are like that, but i work in a male-dominated business and have 5 brothers, was married, etc. and men can be VERY whiny when it comes to being sick. We all get legitimately sick, that is different than acting like the world is going to end over a cold. They may "push through" (still go to work, not want to take meds, etc) but a lot of them (again not ALL) won't let you hear the end of it. I was just pointing out a different angle. A man I know very recently had a cold. A cold (not the flu, not a virus) and, while he is a generally very strong, "manly" kind of guy, he actually said in a VERY self-pitying tone, "oh, I would NEVER wish this on ANYONE, it's SO awful". It would be sad if it wasn't so darned funny.

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