First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jul 9, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am thinking about planning a "surprise" wedding for me and my fiance. We have been together for eight years and have lived together for seven. We put off the wedding for many reasons, chiefly the cost because those things are expensive. We do not want to just elope.

The idea of having a theme party and inviting all our friends and family occurred to me the other day. Then, in the middle of it, we could bring in a priest and tie the knot! I have figured out the cost, and it shouldn't be more than a grand. We could swing that.

But my question is, do we tell anyone about it beforehand? I told one of my girlfriends and my fiance, and they think it's a great idea. It would take a lot of stress off. Should I tell my parents? They sometimes blab (Dad is worse than Mom) when they're excited about something.-- STEALTH BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR STEALTH BRIDE-TO-BE: One person you should definitely discuss this with would be the priest. Ask if he would be willing to marry a couple who has been living together because some aren't, and also if he'd prefer the solemn vows be taken in a house of worship rather than a theme-party atmosphere. If that's the case, you may have to settle for an officiant of another faith or a justice of the peace to perform the ceremony.

Also, I suggest you rethink your idea of keeping this happy news from your folks, who may have been praying for this for seven years. They might feel very hurt to find they were kept in the dark.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's stepmother and father send religious-themed gifts for every holiday. We have an abundance of unused books, DVDs, stickers, coloring books, dolls, bookmarks, etc., purchased from local Christian stores for a hefty price.

We don't see them often during the year because we live in different states, but we would like our kids to have a good relationship with them. The kids don't seem to be fazed by it, but they also don't get excited about opening and using these gifts.

We pay for our children to participate in religious education as well as attend several church functions during the school year. We believe grandparents should be interested in learning about what each child is drawn to, and not so much about preaching their own religious beliefs to us. It makes us uncomfortable and resentful at times.

How does one politely tell in-laws to stop sending religious-themed gifts?-- OVERLOADED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR OVERLOADED: One doesn't. A better way to handle it would be to communicate with them in between these holidays and tell them what activities the grandkids are involved in, and any new interests they may have. A stronger hint than that would be offensive, and I don't recommend it.

As to what to do with the unused items -- donate them.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter calls her mother-in-law "Mom," it hurts my feelings. I gave birth to her, worked hard to put a roof over her head and food in her mouth. She has only one mother during her lifetime -- me. I never called my mother-in-law "Mom." The name meant something to me, and it was reserved for the woman who gave me life!-- DISAPPOINTED IN IDAHO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Many women besides your daughter call their mothers-in-law "Mom." Rather than be jealous and territorial, you should be happy that your daughter has such a warm relationship with her mother-in-law.

However, because you feel slighted, ask if she would be willing to call her MIL "Mama Smith" -- something other than her name for you when you are all together in order to avoid "confusion."

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Jul 9, 2013
L1 I disagree with telling the parents. Once you do that all the hassles of a real wedding come up including guest lists and gifts. Just make sure your folks are there.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Jul 9, 2013
1 I like the idea, and agree with PEllen, if you want to maintain control of the day, keep it to yourself.

2 Well aren't you the little shrew! They give religious gifts and to you that is shoving their religion down your throat? I bet you do the same to them you passive aggressive little witch.

3 Oh, cry me a river! I bet if you had a married son, you would be delighted if she called you mom. Get over yourself.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Jul 9, 2013
L1: Don't warn/tell anybody else. Also, you really think you can feed "all" of your friends and family for $1K? You need to pay the priest (that typically is at least a couple hundred bucks), too.

L2: You know, there's no law that says you have to like every gift you get. Grow up.

L3: I so don't care about this.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Jul 9, 2013
Lw1: What PEllen said.

Lw2: You get to smile and say thank you.

Lw3: Nope, can't be glad she likes her MIL.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Jul 9, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: Don't warn/tell anybody else. Also, you really think you can feed "all" of your friends and family for $1K? You need to pay the priest (that typically is at least a couple hundred bucks), too.
L2: You know, there's no law that says you have to like every gift you get. Grow up.
L3: I so don't care about this.
She's not planning a wedding. She's planning a party at her house. Do your house parties typically cost you a grand or anywhwre near that?$1k should be plenty.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Jul 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>She's not planning a wedding. She's planning a party at her house. Do your house parties typically cost you a grand or anywhwre near that?$1k should be plenty.
Depends on what "all my friends and family" entails. 50 people? She can feed them party food for cheap. But 150 people? Not so much. But then she has to time it so it's not involving a meal time (which would require her to serve an actual meal, at least as far as volume of food available).

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#8 Jul 9, 2013
I am thinking way closer to the 50, and prolly less. You cant anticipate more than that to show up for a regular "party" like you could for an actual wedding.
But 1K seems kinda cheap for your wedding, even if you are calling it a party. Heck, my daughter just did the photography for a wedding and got $700 (yeah, I'm bragging, even if it is a low paying gig, she at least got it).
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Depends on what "all my friends and family" entails. 50 people? She can feed them party food for cheap. But 150 people? Not so much. But then she has to time it so it's not involving a meal time (which would require her to serve an actual meal, at least as far as volume of food available).

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Jul 9, 2013
Granted this was 10 years ago, but we catered our wedding from Corner Bakery (mini sandwiches, several different salads, and dessert even tho we had a cake) and it was $1050. I think we had 100 or so people.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#10 Jul 9, 2013
L1: What PEllen said. I also want to know what the LW and her fiance have against eloping and then throwing a party that everyone knows about after the fact, but whatever.

L2: Ugh.

L3: I want to slap you.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#11 Jul 9, 2013
squishymama wrote:
Granted this was 10 years ago, but we catered our wedding from Corner Bakery (mini sandwiches, several different salads, and dessert even tho we had a cake) and it was $1050. I think we had 100 or so people.
There are ways to do it. I have put together several events for about 100 people where I've catered Italian beef sandwiches + pasta + salad and you can do that for under or just about $1000.

It's not the top-of-the-line meal, but it'll feed and generally please a crowd.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#12 Jul 9, 2013
1: Do whatever you want to do for gawd's sake. It's your wedding and whatever gets your ya-ya's out is fair game.

2: Overreact much? At least they are involved grandparents.

3: Grow the hail up and quit whining. Be glad she gets along with her in-laws.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 Jul 9, 2013
LW1: You told your fiance. Wow, gee, you thought he should know that he's getting married? How nice of you!

I really couldn't care. Tell who you want and who you don't want. This is like writing in to ask Abby if you should have steak or chicken for dinner tonight.

LW2: What Abby said.

LW3: Instead of it being all about you, you should be happy your daughter has a good relationship with her MIL. Like it or not, they are going to be around each other a lot and being on good terms sure beats the alternative.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 Jul 9, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
There are ways to do it. I have put together several events for about 100 people where I've catered Italian beef sandwiches + pasta + salad and you can do that for under or just about $1000.
It's not the top-of-the-line meal, but it'll feed and generally please a crowd.
And of course, the more work you do yourself, the cheaper it gets.

This is why I can't bring myself to pay $30 for a small veggie platter.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#15 Jul 9, 2013
I would not pay that for a LARGE one
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
And of course, the more work you do yourself, the cheaper it gets.
This is why I can't bring myself to pay $30 for a small veggie platter.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#16 Jul 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
I would not pay that for a LARGE one
<quoted text>
That is why God invented Costco.

9 years ago my sister got married and we had the reception at our house for about 75-80 people. It was partially catered and well supplemented from Costco. We served punch and kept alcohol to champagne. The wedding cake was professionally done. With tent and table rental, caters and staff and incidentals it came in just under $3500 as I recall, minister and wedding dress extra.(The ceremony was in the park on the wooded bluff overlooking the lake (Tower Rd Beach for Chicago peeps).. Park District fee was waived because we were residents.

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

#17 Jul 9, 2013
LW1; What PEllen said.

LW2: Donate the gifts to a church or a Christian bookstore OR sell them on eBay or Amazon.

LW3: As a mother, you should want the best for your child, and that includes the good relationship that she has with her husband's mother. This takes nothing away from you or the sacrifices that you have made. It is a positive addition to her life. Lighten up!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#18 Jul 9, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW3: As a mother, you should want the best for your child, and that includes the good relationship that she has with her husband's mother. This takes nothing away from you or the sacrifices that you have made. It is a positive addition to her life. Lighten up!
I like this!

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#19 Jul 9, 2013
LW1 - i hate teh phrase "we cant' afford to get married"... it's teh PARTY taht you can't afford... getting married is the cost of a license ($60 in cook county), officiant ($10 for cook county judge/court), maybe a day off of work... maybe a drink or two for your witnesses.

celebs pull off surprise weddings occassionally, so maybe it could work. but i think just call a spade a spade and have a small wedding reception at home.

LW3 - i think it depends on the situation.... my bro's wife calls our mom Mom, but i call my MIL by her first name. on the flip side, my mom just said somethig the ohter day about "my four kids"...

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

#20 Jul 9, 2013
Aisle Sitter wrote:
LW1 - i hate teh phrase "we cant' afford to get married"... it's teh PARTY taht you can't afford... getting married is the cost of a license ($60 in cook county), officiant ($10 for cook county judge/court), maybe a day off of work... maybe a drink or two for your witnesses.
celebs pull off surprise weddings occassionally, so maybe it could work. but i think just call a spade a spade and have a small wedding reception at home.
Exactly! My friends had a simple wedding at the beach followed by a potluck. Another couple I know got married in their front yard. If you have $10,000 or more to blow on a party, good on you, but I'd rather have a nice honeymoon on a tropical island.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 5 min Patrick 1,110,506
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 1 hr Its OK to be Normal 46,800
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 1 hr Jacques from Ottawa 178,180
Chicago abandons plan to name high school after... 2 hr Mr oH 10
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 2 hr JOEL 69,415
Ill. House Approves Legalizing Same-Sex Civil U... (Dec '10) 3 hr mahz 49,895
Word (Dec '08) 3 hr _Zoey_ 4,732
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 3 hr Perry Mason 98,243
•••
•••
Chicago Dating

more search filters

less search filters

•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••