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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Sep 16, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of four years, "Joey," is a kind and loving person. Recently the father of one of his close childhood friends died. We live a plane ride away, and Joey could not get time off work to attend the services.

I assumed Joey called his friend and family to extend his sympathies. During our last visit home, I found out he had not reached out to them. I'm upset that he didn't, and I know the friend was deeply hurt by it.

At this point, what can Joey do to make things right? Why wouldn't he make the call in the first place?-- SMOOTHING IT OVER IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR SMOOTHING IT OVER: Joey may not have reached out because he didn't know what to do, which would have been to call and extend his condolences or send a card or handwritten note. He may have procrastinated because he didn't know what to say and was afraid he'd say the wrong thing.

The way to fix this would be for Joey to pick up the phone, apologize to his friend for not calling sooner, and confess that he knows he was wrong for not doing so. All he needs to say after that is that he's sorry for his friend's loss, which he knows must have been painful. Then he should be quiet and listen.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law allows her 2-year-old daughter to run around naked before bath time and at other times. They have been visiting us, and there are also other people in the house and yard. The child's mom tells her to say, "Look at these buns!" and laughs.

We feel this is inappropriate and dangerous. How can we get through to her that it's not right?-- CONCERNED GRANDMA IN EAU CLAIRE, WIS.

DEAR GRANDMA: While I don't think that allowing a child to run around nude at home is dangerous, I do agree that encouraging a child to run naked and say, "Look at these buns!" is unwise. The response it brings ("Ha, ha, ha -- isn't she cute!") teaches the little girl that this is a way to get attention. While this may be amusing at 2, it is setting a pattern that will attract the wrong kind of attention when she is 4, 5 or 6. Envision her mooning the first-grade class! Perhaps you can make your daughter-in-law understand by showing her this column. I certainly hope so.

DEAR ABBY: I am an asexual college student with a question about dating. When should I tell someone that I'm asexual? I'm not really "out" -- mostly because I don't feel the need to talk about it -- but I'm not ashamed of it, either. What do you think?-- NEW ENGLAND "ACE"

DEAR ACE: I see no reason to announce it at a first meeting because it's nobody's business. The time to tell someone you are asexual is after you have gotten to know the person well enough to be comfortable sharing information.

In case you don't realize it, you are not the only asexual person out there. Because there's so much emphasis on sex and sexual orientation in our society, it might help you to know that an organization exists which enables asexuals to connect with each other. It's the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Sep 16, 2013
L1: Like many people, he doesn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation.

L2: I think you're a ridiculous, uptight, pain in the ass prude who sees danger where most normal people see innocence. I think Abby is off her rocker. Pre- or post-bathtime = running around naked for many kids.

L3: Look, just because you haven't had an orgasm yet doesn't mean you're "asexual."

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#3 Sep 16, 2013
1. Tell him to pull up his big boy pants and pick up the phone.

2. Yawn, time to roll out the tired old 'toddlers running around naked' debate, huh?

3. Asexual? Get your weirdness back in the closet, oh strange one.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#4 Sep 16, 2013
2- Sexy!

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Sep 16, 2013
LW1: Let your bf handle his own friendships. I can only imagine how meddling must you be to write an advice columnist about this. If it’s a childhood friend, maybe he’s not so close to him anymore.

LW2: Don’t care.

LW3: Good luck with that. I wouldn’t even bother dating.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#6 Sep 16, 2013
LW1: Even a hand-written note with apologizies and sympathies will do at this point. Lots of people have no idea what to do or say, especially long-distance.

LW2: I was just going to say f*ck you, but Angela stated it better.

LW3: If you don't intend on having any kind of sexy feelings for a person, why would you call it dating? That totally seems like false advertising to me.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Sep 16, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW3: Good luck with that. I wouldn’t even bother dating.
No doubt. Don't want to have any sexual contact at all? Hang out with FRIEND.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Sep 16, 2013
L1: This is not for the girlfriend to direct. It's his thing to do. The gf needs to talk to the boyfriend and tell him how she feels about it and then let it go. It's not HER issue.

L2: A 2 year old running around naked right before bathtime? Oh, the horrors!:) As soon as you take a 2 year olds clothes off they go running around. The buns comment probably not to bright around company, but I don't think it'll so lasting harm. BTW, baby's butts are super cute.

L3: The time to say something is once you trust somone. I'm wondering about hormone levels of the LW, though.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Sep 16, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
No doubt. Don't want to have any sexual contact at all? Hang out with FRIEND.
Exactly. I would view it as a complete waste of time, except for the fact that it would make a good story:

Hey guys, did I ever tell you about my asexual dating experience, lol.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#10 Sep 16, 2013
1 Tell him to call his friend, then drop it.

2 Fer crying out loud! Abby has the kid being a pole dancer at 17. I cant even remember the number of kids I have seen parading around naked. I remember one kid used to run out of the house, with his mother chasing him with a wooden spoon. Totally comical.

3 As stated, why call it dating? Its not. And what red said, buy a vibrator and learn what your missing.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#11 Sep 16, 2013
L1 The longer it goes, the harder it is. Although this feels like a mom riding a kid to do thank you notes, I agree- BF should be urged to make some contact. By the way, did LW send a note herself?
L2 I don't think LW is uptight, but with kids, it is much easier to start a pattern when they are little than to change a behavior later. That said, I have some photos of one of my girls and tech girl next store, buck naked running through the sprinkle on the front lawn on a hot summer evening. They were about 2. Cute... and then it stopped.

L3 I thought dating was hanging out with someone in whom there was a potential for romantic or sexual interest.
If that is not on your menu, you are just hanging out with friends, possibly a best bud', but it not dating

FWIW, I hang out with guys I know professionally, sometimes go to events etc. Then they go home to their wives and I to my husband. Same difference.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 Sep 16, 2013
Toj wrote:
L1: This is not for the girlfriend to direct. It's his thing to do. The gf needs to talk to the boyfriend and tell him how she feels about it and then let it go. It's not HER issue.
L2: A 2 year old running around naked right before bathtime? Oh, the horrors!:) As soon as you take a 2 year olds clothes off they go running around. The buns comment probably not to bright around company, but I don't think it'll so lasting harm. BTW, baby's butts are super cute.
L3: The time to say something is once you trust somone. I'm wondering about hormone levels of the LW, though.
lw1: its none of her business. Its not her place to cultivate/maintain his friendships. Tell him how SHE feels? Why? This does not concern her unless he wanted her to go to the funeral with him

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#13 Sep 16, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: Like many people, he doesn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation.
L2: I think you're a ridiculous, uptight, pain in the ass prude who sees danger where most normal people see innocence. I think Abby is off her rocker. Pre- or post-bathtime = running around naked for many kids.
L3: Look, just because you haven't had an orgasm yet doesn't mean you're "asexual."
lw2: i completely disagree with you. I don't see danger. I see inappropriateness. My wife does not give a rats ass f they run around naked. But once that behavior is deemed acceptable, they have no filter for it being inappropriate when others are around.

Neighbor kids were over. My kid was probably 5. Time to go play in the pool. He got his trunks and dropped his pants in he hallway in front of the 7 year old neighbor girl. Or the time he walked out of the bathroom naked with other kids over. Its been a struggle to break this extreme comfort with nekkidness whenever wherever.

Ad far as i'm concerne, after your bath put your clothes on right away. No nude lounging

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#14 Sep 16, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW1: Even a hand-written note with apologizies and sympathies will do at this point. Lots of people have no idea what to do or say, especially long-distance.
LW2: I was just going to say f*ck you, but Angela stated it better.
LW3: If you don't intend on having any kind of sexy feelings for a person, why would you call it dating? That totally seems like false advertising to me.
lw3: team squish

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#15 Sep 16, 2013
PEllen wrote:
L2 I don't think LW is uptight, but with kids, it is much easier to start a pattern when they are little than to change a behavior later.

.
this. I live this

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#16 Sep 16, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>lw1: its none of her business. Its not her place to cultivate/maintain his friendships. Tell him how SHE feels? Why? This does not concern her unless he wanted her to go to the funeral with him
ITA

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17 Sep 16, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>lw1: its none of her business. Its not her place to cultivate/maintain his friendships. Tell him how SHE feels? Why? This does not concern her unless he wanted her to go to the funeral with him
I agree that it doesn't concern her but she's going as far to write into an advice columnist who has even LESS to do with it than her. If his actions (or rather non-action) bothers her so much, she needs to communicate that to him if it is affecting her. He can tell her to buzz off.

We both agree, though, it's none of her business.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#18 Sep 16, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>lw2: i completely disagree with you. I don't see danger. I see inappropriateness. My wife does not give a rats ass f they run around naked. But once that behavior is deemed acceptable, they have no filter for it being inappropriate when others are around.
Neighbor kids were over. My kid was probably 5. Time to go play in the pool. He got his trunks and dropped his pants in he hallway in front of the 7 year old neighbor girl. Or the time he walked out of the bathroom naked with other kids over. Its been a struggle to break this extreme comfort with nekkidness whenever wherever.
Ad far as i'm concerne, after your bath put your clothes on right away. No nude lounging
ITA
And if they are at LW's house, that is an easy time to bring it up. "Sorry Peanut. No nekkid babies at g'ma's house. Get your jammies on." and if DIL objects, she can bring up how difficult it can be to break those patterns later.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#19 Sep 16, 2013
The first thing Joey would need to do is feel that he needs to make things right. There is no mention of him regretting the failure to connect, and maybe he doesn't feel any. LW can tell him it bothers her, but that's about it.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#20 Sep 16, 2013
LW2: I am totally Team Tonka on this one.

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