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1 - 19 of 19 Comments Last updated May 1, 2013

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

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#1
Apr 30, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I am frustrated and angry over a situation that should be fun and happy. My husband, "Rick," and I are planning a trip with our two children next month. We will visit family while we are there, but they don't have room for us to stay in their home.

Rick wants to bring his mother with us. It will be a tight fit in our car, but I don't have a problem with that. What bothers me is that Rick wants her to stay with us in our hotel room.

I am a very private person. I have a problem sharing such close quarters with her. There is no privacy in a hotel room!

I offered to get two rooms, but he feels I am being unreasonable. I feel three adults plus two children is a lot to pack into a small hotel room.

Am I being unreasonable? Or should I just accept it and deal with being miserable?-- FRUSTRATED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Although there may be exceptions, as a general rule, adults need their privacy. Frankly, I am surprised your mother-in-law would be willing to go along with such an arrangement. This is a vacation, and you should not be miserable when you're supposed to be enjoying it.

A better solution would be to get two rooms, and the children should bunk with their grandmother. That way you and your husband could enjoy some private time together.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. We have no children together, but he has two young children from a previous relationship whom I have been raising as my own. They call me "Mom," but they know I'm not their biological mother. Their mother has not contacted them -- or cared to -- since the younger one was just months old.

My fear is now that the kids are getting older, they may want to form a relationship with her later on. I don't want to seem selfish, but they are my kids. Any girl can have a baby, but it takes a real woman to be a mom. How should I handle this when that time comes?-- DREADING THE FUTURE IN ARIZONA

DEAR DREADING THE FUTURE: It is natural for children to want to know who their biological parents are; that's the reason adoption records are no longer sealed. You appear to fear that your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend will want to swoop in and steal your maternal spotlight. From all indications, it's not the case; you are the only mother they know.

If the children want information about their birth mother, the truth should not be kept from them. Meeting her does not guarantee they will love you any less. Worrying about it is self-defeating.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol for in-person conversations vs. phone interruptions (either via text or call)? When talking with someone, I feel it's rude for the other individual to respond to voice or text messages. Can't people take a break long enough to actually have a real live conversation? How do other readers handle this? Do they walk away? Patiently wait? Or speak up?-- TECHNOLOGICALLY OVERLOADED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OVERLOADED: The best approach is the direct approach. Tell the person, "I wish you wouldn't do that."

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

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#2
Apr 30, 2013
 

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L1: You're not being unreasonable, just spineless. Five people in one hotel room is too many. This is a no-brainer.

L2: Why are you worrying about a problem that has not happened and you have no indication that it ever will? Also, tell your boyfriend if he likes it, he should put a ring on it.

L3: Protocol? It's in the Handbook of Life, page 329, paragraph 2. Dolt.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Apr 30, 2013
 

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As i live and breath, I agree with all 3 answers and not a single rehash.

DUCK! Flying pigs!
deer abby

Orlando, FL

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#4
Apr 30, 2013
 
deer abby deer abby

Since: Jan 10

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#5
Apr 30, 2013
 

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L1: Your husband is a cheap idiot. Did he ever think that his mom would want her OWN hotel room? I sure would.

L2: They're not your kids. Want them to be your kids? Marry their dad and legally adopt them. You need to change your attitude about their mother as well. I hope you don't bad mouth her to them.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#6
Apr 30, 2013
 

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Ohhhh, what if he invited her along to split the cost of the room???
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: Your husband is a cheap idiot. Did he ever think that his mom would want her OWN hotel room? I sure would.

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"True Love Never Ends "

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#7
Apr 30, 2013
 

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L1 Get two rooms ...trust me :)

L2 Have some confidence in yourself. They may develope a realtionship with the bio mom, but .. the great thing about Love is ...it can have many dynamics, many depths and encompass many differences.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#8
Apr 30, 2013
 

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LW1: They have these nifty things called "suites" in hotel rooms now. Go book one.

LW2: Don't make bio-mom a mystery; let them talk about her if they want. It may be hard for you to hear, but this isn't about you, is it.

LW3: "Can't people take a break long enough to actually have a real live conversation?"

So the person on the other end of the phone isn't real or live?

Look, if my MIL calls, I'm answering the phone unless I'm in the bathroom or being held hostage. Some phone calls are that important; sorry that you take offense at this.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#9
Apr 30, 2013
 

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L1: Be firm. 2 rooms.

L2: You have these beautiful girls b/c their mom gave birth to them. Welcome her into all of your lives when the time is right and you will reap the rewards. Do what's right for your kids. Let them find out (if they want) about their bio-mother. She could never replace you b/c she wasn't the one to raise them. If you don't marry their dad, you won't have a legal leg to stand on -- I hope you know that.

L3: If someone does this to you, speak up about it. They can explain why they took the call. Perhaps it was that important. Perhaps they were just being rude.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#10
Apr 30, 2013
 

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Lw1: jmw, is wining the only way to not be called spineless? Its not like she's quietly accepted an unpleasant situation. She's raised the issue. She's argued her side. So she's spineless because she had not gotten her way?

Lw3: what squishy said. People need to stop thinking they are so important that they deserve my undivided attention. If my wife calls or my job calls, I'm answering the god damn phone. You ain't important enough for me to blow them off

Since: Jan 10

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#11
Apr 30, 2013
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
Lw1: jmw, is wining the only way to not be called spineless? Its not like she's quietly accepted an unpleasant situation. She's raised the issue. She's argued her side. So she's spineless because she had not gotten her way?
She's spineless if she doesn't lay down the law and say to her husband, "I don't care what you think about the hotel room situation, We are booking two hotel rooms. Period. End of discussion."

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

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#12
Apr 30, 2013
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
She's spineless if she doesn't lay down the law and say to her husband, "I don't care what you think about the hotel room situation, We are booking two hotel rooms. Period. End of discussion."
Yeah, this. Maybe in a nicer way, but the same bottom line.
Erm

Nashville, TN

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#13
Apr 30, 2013
 

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Hatti_Hollerand wrote:
L1 Get two rooms ...trust me :)
L2 Have some confidence in yourself. They may develope a realtionship with the bio mom, but .. the great thing about Love is ...it can have many dynamics, many depths and encompass many differences.
LW1- Agree
LW2- But, no matter what dynamics it has , how deep it is or how many differences it may encompass, Love won't be able to do a darned thing if LW2's boyfriend decides to dump her and take his kids away from LW2 forever. LW2 needs to see about getting married NOW or at the very least see if her boyfriend is willing to co-sign on the dotted lines making her the girls' legal mother [and they need to find out what the laws are in Arizona re co-habitors adopting]. Worrying about the girls seeking out bio mom and whether they'd like her is rather a two-bit deal compared with the harsh reality that LW2's got nothing to stand on even after seven years of helping to raise the girls.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#14
Apr 30, 2013
 

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Erm wrote:
<quoted text>
LW1- Agree
LW2- But, no matter what dynamics it has , how deep it is or how many differences it may encompass, Love won't be able to do a darned thing if LW2's boyfriend decides to dump her and take his kids away from LW2 forever. LW2 needs to see about getting married NOW or at the very least see if her boyfriend is willing to co-sign on the dotted lines making her the girls' legal mother [and they need to find out what the laws are in Arizona re co-habitors adopting]. Worrying about the girls seeking out bio mom and whether they'd like her is rather a two-bit deal compared with the harsh reality that LW2's got nothing to stand on even after seven years of helping to raise the girls.
Sensible answer.

Stop by again.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#15
Apr 30, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
She's spineless if she doesn't lay down the law and say to her husband, "I don't care what you think about the hotel room situation, We are booking two hotel rooms. Period. End of discussion."
So basically you have to emerge victorious in the conflict otherwise you are spineless.

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"True Love Never Ends "

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#16
Apr 30, 2013
 

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Erm wrote:
<quoted text>
LW1- Agree
LW2- But, no matter what dynamics it has , how deep it is or how many differences it may encompass, Love won't be able to do a darned thing if LW2's boyfriend decides to dump her and take his kids away from LW2 forever. LW2 needs to see about getting married NOW or at the very least see if her boyfriend is willing to co-sign on the dotted lines making her the girls' legal mother [and they need to find out what the laws are in Arizona re co-habitors adopting]. Worrying about the girls seeking out bio mom and whether they'd like her is rather a two-bit deal compared with the harsh reality that LW2's got nothing to stand on even after seven years of helping to raise the girls.
The LW doesn't seemed concerned about her relationship with the BF. Apparently she feels it must be quite strong. Her concern is that the children will want to meet the bio mom and they will form a stronger relation with their bio mom . She is asking how do you deal with those feelings if it happens.
Erm

Nashville, TN

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#17
Apr 30, 2013
 
Hatti_Hollerand wrote:
<quoted text>
The LW doesn't seemed concerned about her relationship with the BF. Apparently she feels it must be quite strong. Her concern is that the children will want to meet the bio mom and they will form a stronger relation with their bio mom . She is asking how do you deal with those feelings if it happens.
The world is FULL of folks who 'feel' their bond with their S O 'must be quite strong'. Unfortunately, a large proportion of them wind up under the heading of 'I thought it could NEVER happen to me'! That's why she NEEDS to think about what steps she needs to take re becoming the girls official legal mom NOW before she has to rescramble from scratch -or else her angst will greatly pale compared to her getting worried about something that may not ever be an issue.

Since: Jan 10

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#18
May 1, 2013
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>So basically you have to emerge victorious in the conflict otherwise you are spineless.
In this situation, yes. If she lets him have his way, she should turn in her "I'm an adult" card.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#19
May 1, 2013
 
Fine, He will compromise on this but he gets to buy a sporty car for himself with their money. And she better not even ask to drive it.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
In this situation, yes. If she lets him have his way, she should turn in her "I'm an adult" card.

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