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21 - 40 of 47 Comments Last updated Jun 28, 2013

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#21
Jun 26, 2013
 
j_m_w wrote:
L3: I think everyone should learn how to drive stick, just in case. If she had learned back in the day, this wouldn't be an issue.
I never learned.

My parents got rid of their stick shift just months before I got my permit. Now, my dad has 2 newer manual trans cars that I wouldn't dare ask if I could learn on, ha! Not an excuse, though. I really should.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

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#22
Jun 26, 2013
 

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LW2 and her boss are both giving Alabama a bad name and deserve to be thrown into the Gulf of Mexico--or at least out of the state.
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#23
Jun 26, 2013
 

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LW1: Well, that was a waste of space.

LW2: Oh puhleez. He's cheating on his wife with you, and he already has *2 children outside the marriage.* He's a serial cheater and you're an idiot. He's probably cheating on YOU Right This Very Minute.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#24
Jun 26, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Where does it say he considered her? When he basically said "too bad"?
I know there's guys (and girls) out there who would treat their spouse like this. I wouldn't want anything to do with people who are like this.
Where does it say he didn't consider her? Consider her means to take her situation into consideration as he weighs the pros and cons. It does not mean that her situation trumps every other factor in the purchase decision.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#25
Jun 26, 2013
 
Toj, what say you to his letter?

DEAR ABBY: My husband needed a COMPUTER to replace the old one, so he insisted on a MAC, which I don't know how to use. Do you think that's fair?

He said, "Oh, you can learn." I am 58 and nervous. What do you say?-- SHIRLEY IN NEW JERSEY

If she barely ever uses the computer, why should he buy one that he does not want just so she's comfortable using it? Because she's nervous? That's the trump card?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#26
Jun 26, 2013
 
...THIS letter...
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

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#27
Jun 26, 2013
 

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2: I could barely read the first few words without vomiting. "Why do men cheat," she asks, as though she's not cheating.
I'm bringing back taco punching!

3: This lady is annoying. She whines like 58 is old. She whines like learning stick is the hardest thing on the planet. Get over it.
Here in the South, most of us learned on sticks.
I remember messing up at a redlight and causing it to jump/turn off--TWICE, lol. People went around and life went on.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#28
Jun 27, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
Toj, what say you to his letter?
DEAR ABBY: My husband needed a COMPUTER to replace the old one, so he insisted on a MAC, which I don't know how to use. Do you think that's fair?
He said, "Oh, you can learn." I am 58 and nervous. What do you say?-- SHIRLEY IN NEW JERSEY
If she barely ever uses the computer, why should he buy one that he does not want just so she's comfortable using it? Because she's nervous? That's the trump card?
If she needs to use it to, they need to get one they both can use since it sounds like it's for the household. If they can afford it, buy 2 computers.

Reverse -- if it's the husband that doesn't want the mac b/c all of his stuff works on a non-Mac, then they should get whatever they BOTH can use.

That's how I would be in a partnership. You make the decision based on what makes sense for the partnership -- not on who has power or who is physically plunking down the money.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#29
Jun 27, 2013
 
By the way Tonka -- I dislike how that woman said her age as if THAT made a difference. It doesn't. She should try to learn the Mac if it's that important to him but if she can't he should understand and get what she can also use and save his pennies for the Mac he has his eye on.

I dislike how some seem to be on a power trip here. Oh, should HE do this because she doesn't want to since he doesn't want to? That to me is an example of everyone playing the power trip.

Do what makes sense for both.

But it doesn't surprise me how many people are looking at this like some frickin contest or a he wants/she wants thing.

That's why a lot of relationships suk.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#30
Jun 27, 2013
 

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Your the only person who sees the man as being on a power trip. The rest of us simply see that he is the one who is going to be using it 99% of the time, so going with his wants simply makes the most sense.

Project much?
Toj wrote:
By the way Tonka -- I dislike how that woman said her age as if THAT made a difference. It doesn't. She should try to learn the Mac if it's that important to him but if she can't he should understand and get what she can also use and save his pennies for the Mac he has his eye on.
I dislike how some seem to be on a power trip here. Oh, should HE do this because she doesn't want to since he doesn't want to? That to me is an example of everyone playing the power trip.
Do what makes sense for both.
But it doesn't surprise me how many people are looking at this like some frickin contest or a he wants/she wants thing.
That's why a lot of relationships suk.

Since: Jan 10

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#31
Jun 27, 2013
 
I hope the husband lovingly offers to teach his wife how to drive a stick.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#32
Jun 27, 2013
 
I am sure he will, after all, what man would not lovingly offer to teach his wife the proper way to drive his stick? Better she learn on his then the neighbors.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I hope the husband lovingly offers to teach his wife how to drive a stick.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#33
Jun 27, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Your the only person who sees the man as being on a power trip. The rest of us simply see that he is the one who is going to be using it 99% of the time, so going with his wants simply makes the most sense.
Project much?
<quoted text>
I don't always go with the flow to just go with the flow.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#34
Jun 27, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I hope the husband lovingly offers to teach his wife how to drive a stick.
Probably be better if he paid for some classes. It's usually more difficult to teach someone you're close to.

Since: Jan 10

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#35
Jun 27, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Probably be better if he paid for some classes. It's usually more difficult to teach someone you're close to.
ITA. My dad was an excellent driver and taught me some good things I still use to this day that other people weren't taught (I got that from just asking people), but he had a bad temper. I think it would work to trade with another parent and teach each other's kid to start out when it's more stressful.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#36
Jun 27, 2013
 

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RACE wrote:
Your the only person who sees the man as being on a power trip.<quoted text>
No shit.

Toj is making this into a battle on equality in the marriage when its really an issue of practicality.

If this car was to be used by both husband and wife a good amount of the time, then certainly, her wants and needs need to be one of the bigger factors in the decision making process.

But she said "My HUSBAND needed a car ".

If this was the sole family car, she would have said "WE need a car". But she didn't.

She said "My HUSBAND needed a car ".

That tells me that its HIS car. That tells me he is the primary driver and that she may need to use it on occasion for some reason. The fact that she needs to use it on occasion is low priority.

I have my own car. My wife has hers. Other than considering the financial impact of the purchase, what car I got for me is really of zero concern to her and vice versa. The fact that she might need to use it on occasion is not a factor in what car I decide to get. Nor should it be.

What if they have boat and need a big vehicle with enough power to pull it on the trailer. If she's scared to drive a big truck, is that enough reason to say he needs to get a little car so she's happy? Everything is not about equality. The various factors carry different weight depending on the decision being made.

In response to my computer analogy, you said "Reverse -- if it's the husband that doesn't want the mac b/c all of his stuff works on a non-Mac, then they should get whatever they BOTH can use." That's not the issue. She is not claiming to "have stuff" that only works in an automatic. She simply does not know how to drive stick and is averse to learning. That's not the same as not being able to use it. That's being to stubborn to LEARN.

F that.

Apply that logic to other areas of life.
"I don't know how to use a DVD player. I'm happy with this VHS."
"I don't know how to use a Tivo/DVR. I'm sticking with my VCR."
"This icemaker/dispenser scares me. I'm gonna stick with filling ice trays with tap water "
"That microwave oven looks complicated. I'll never figure it out. I'll just keep doing things the old fashioned way"

If the car is primarily for his use, then his needs and wants are the primary factors. Male or female, aversion to learning something you don't yet know is a poor excuse to factor into a decision making process. If I had that attitude, I would have poured untold amounts of money into my house getting repair people to fix things instead of saving money and learning to do them myself. Learning should be embraced, not shunned.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#37
Jun 27, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Probably be better if he paid for some classes. It's usually more difficult to teach someone you're close to.
So first he's a jerk for getting a stick cause she's got some yellow streak about learning how to drive it, and now, before he even gets a chance to teach her, he should automatically shell out cash for lessons? How bout they try the free method first instead of automatically dipping into the wallet? You know, that thing I mentioned above...doing what's most practical.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#38
Jun 28, 2013
 
Word.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>No shit.
Toj is making this into a battle on equality in the marriage when its really an issue of practicality.
If this car was to be used by both husband and wife a good amount of the time, then certainly, her wants and needs need to be one of the bigger factors in the decision making process.
But she said "My HUSBAND needed a car ".
If this was the sole family car, she would have said "WE need a car". But she didn't.
She said "My HUSBAND needed a car ".
That tells me that its HIS car. That tells me he is the primary driver and that she may need to use it on occasion for some reason. The fact that she needs to use it on occasion is low priority.
I have my own car. My wife has hers. Other than considering the financial impact of the purchase, what car I got for me is really of zero concern to her and vice versa. The fact that she might need to use it on occasion is not a factor in what car I decide to get. Nor should it be.
What if they have boat and need a big vehicle with enough power to pull it on the trailer. If she's scared to drive a big truck, is that enough reason to say he needs to get a little car so she's happy? Everything is not about equality. The various factors carry different weight depending on the decision being made.
In response to my computer analogy, you said "Reverse -- if it's the husband that doesn't want the mac b/c all of his stuff works on a non-Mac, then they should get whatever they BOTH can use." That's not the issue. She is not claiming to "have stuff" that only works in an automatic. She simply does not know how to drive stick and is averse to learning. That's not the same as not being able to use it. That's being to stubborn to LEARN.
F that.
Apply that logic to other areas of life.
"I don't know how to use a DVD player. I'm happy with this VHS."
"I don't know how to use a Tivo/DVR. I'm sticking with my VCR."
"This icemaker/dispenser scares me. I'm gonna stick with filling ice trays with tap water "
"That microwave oven looks complicated. I'll never figure it out. I'll just keep doing things the old fashioned way"
If the car is primarily for his use, then his needs and wants are the primary factors. Male or female, aversion to learning something you don't yet know is a poor excuse to factor into a decision making process. If I had that attitude, I would have poured untold amounts of money into my house getting repair people to fix things instead of saving money and learning to do them myself. Learning should be embraced, not shunned.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#39
Jun 28, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> So first he's a jerk for getting a stick cause she's got some yellow streak about learning how to drive it, and now, before he even gets a chance to teach her, he should automatically shell out cash for lessons? How bout they try the free method first instead of automatically dipping into the wallet? You know, that thing I mentioned above...doing what's most practical.
He shell out more money? Isn't it both their money? Or you don't live that way? You have your money and your wife has her money?

I live differently than you, I guess.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#40
Jun 28, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
He shell out more money? Isn't it both their money? Or you don't live that way? You have your money and your wife has her money?
I live differently than you, I guess.
When did i suggest it was HIS money? Its a waste of communiyy money to not first try to learn for free.

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