Abby July 25, 2014

Posted in the Chicago Forum

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jul 25, 2014
DEAR ABBY: When my friend "Fran" and I get together with our kids, they often play games on her cellphone until the battery dies. If she tries to take the phone from her 6-year-old to make a call or recharge the phone, he starts yelling at her, pushes her, pulls her skirt and hits her. Her reaction is to hug him and start praying for the devil to get out of his body in Jesus' name as he continues to hit her.

While I respect Fran's religion, I'm appalled at his violent behavior, concerned that he will grow up thinking it's OK to hit people, and I think this should be handled differently. What do you think? Should I say something? And if so, what can I say so as not to hurt her feelings?-- APPALLED BY THE VIOLENCE

DEAR APPALLED: Surely by now Fran knows what will happen when she lets her son play with her cellphone. The boy may act this way because his mother never taught him how to deal with frustration in a healthy way.

Whether his outbursts are the result of poor parenting or an emotional disability, be less concerned about hurting Fran's feelings than about whether her son could seriously hurt her in another year or two. Tell her this and urge her to discuss the boy's behavior with his pediatrician -- before his problems get worse and he becomes unmanageable.

DEAR ABBY: I recently got married. The week before our wedding, my husband was so hateful and hard to get along with that I wasn't sure what was going on with him. When I asked if he was sure he still wanted to get married, he would say yes.

On the day of our wedding he brought up his ex-wife's name twice -- each time making snide remarks. Nonetheless, he married me. He has slept downstairs every night since our wedding, not in our bed. Our marriage has yet to be consummated.

So tell me, Abby, what's his problem? I'm miserable!-- MISERABLE BRIDE IN OHIO

DEAR BRIDE: The only person who can answer that question is your husband. Clearly, he is not happy either. Tell him that you are worried about him and ask him to level with you. Offer him the option of marriage counseling, but if he refuses, then, frankly, you both may be better off if this marriage is annulled.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 30s and have a tattoo on my forearm that I now regret getting. I try to wear sweaters so no one will notice. In the past when people discovered I have a tattoo, they have judged me so I ended up feeling ashamed of myself.

I am debating having it removed -- or I could go to driving school to become a long-haul trucker. Both options are expensive, and I'm undecided about which to do. Can you advise me?-- TORN IN SAN ANTONE

DEAR TORN: It's a hard choice, but truck drivers make good money, so you may be on to something. Once you have the money, you could have the tattoo removed, if you still want to, so I'm voting for going to driving school.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Jul 25, 2014
1 fran is a single mother who is too immature to be a parent, so she is blaming the lord for her failings. sad situation for all.

2 face it, he's just not that into you

3 WTF are you babbling about?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#3 Jul 25, 2014
LW1: Say something, but I doubt someone that clueless is going to suddenly change.

LW2: More like what's your problem? Why would you marry someone like that? I highly doubt he was a prince up until a week before the wedding. Skip the marriage counseling and just get an annulment. Why deal with a PITA like that right at the outset of a marriage.

LW3: WTF.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Jul 25, 2014
RACE wrote:
3 WTF are you babbling about?
Ha we think a like.

Abby, I'm trying to decide if I should get my tattoo removed, take up woodworking for a hobby, change my favorite color from red to blue, or watch funny cat youtube videos. What would you do Abby?
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#5 Jul 25, 2014
LW1 - Is her son autistic? If not, "Fran" is a horrible parent, and not because she doesn't stop the outbursts, but because she believes her son's body is inhabited by the devil every time he misbehaves. The devil?!? WTH? I'd be pissed too if I were in a bad mood or being btchie, and somebody started to pray for the devil to leave my body. That'd infuriate me instead of calming me down.

LW2 - One word for you: annulment.

LW3 - Are you kidding me? Either remove the damn tattoo or start living your life without reference to stupid people's judgments. Lots of people have tattoos.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#6 Jul 25, 2014
LW1: Fran has already allowed this behavior to continue for far too long. The only hope for this child is that he'll be taught better behavior in school than he's been taught at home.

LW2: Your husband was passive-aggressively trying to get YOU to call off the wedding by being hateful. He is now passive-aggressively trying to get YOU to file for an annulment. He doesn't want to be "the bad guy" for calling things off. You really have no other choice than to file for an annulment; but IMHO, you should let him know that you're aware of his tactic at the very least. He put you through a lot when he could have expressed himself honestly.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#7 Jul 25, 2014
1- Fran is a kook. Distance yourself and your children

2- So dude didn't want to get married but didn't have the balls to say so? Have his baby

3- Can't Abby tell a fake letter?

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Jul 25, 2014
Aw, heck. I agree with edog on all three.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#9 Jul 25, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Ha we think a like.
Abby, I'm trying to decide if I should get my tattoo removed, take up woodworking for a hobby, change my favorite color from red to blue, or watch funny cat youtube videos. What would you do Abby?
It's a no-brainer - go with the cat youtube videos.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#10 Jul 26, 2014
1: Fran is teaching her child that he isn't responsible for his behavior. It's the devil's fault he's being told. Only God can make the devil stop. Right. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? I can see this kid a few years down the road telling his teacher it isn't his fault that he hit the kid on the playground, stole another's lunch money, wrote grafiti or drew "artwork" on the desks with permanent marker, had a huge tantrum in the lunch line.... It was the devil's fault - all of it. Then a decade or so later, he's telling the police that it wasn't his fault for __________ After all, the devil made him do it.

Perhaps the lw should talk to Fran's minister. Find out whether he goes along with Fran's philosophy of child rearing. Perhaps he would be the one to set Fran straight. That is if he has any sense whatsoever.

2: I wonder why this guy said he still wanted to get married since he seemed so angry. Perhaps he was having doubts but felt compelled to still get married since it might be too embarrassing at this late point to cancel the wedding? If he couldn't talk about what was bothering him, making him so angry, that close to the wedding, he just wasn't ready to get married. I think the lw should have pushed a little harder to get some answers before going ahead with the wedding herself. She should have said that they had to discuss the matter and he had to tell her what was going on or she would have to postpone the wedding indefinitely. That would be hard to do but having the situation she's in is also hard. So yes, counseling and then possibly an annulment depending on the reason for his behavior. If he won't go with her, then she should see a lawyer about an annulment.

3: I don't think this is necessarily a fake letter. I knew a family years ago that later moved away. Their daughters were about the same age as my older daughter and they often played together. They were nice kids. Anyway, some time after they moved away, we saw the husband at a highway rest stop of all places. He was on a motorcycle and had quite a few tattoos that he hadn't had when we'd known him before. He'd become quite the "biker dude." He said he and his wife had divorced. We didn't ask why. Fast forward several years, the girls are all grown up and had all married and had kids. My daughter met up with them on fb and got in contact. One girl, well woman now, has 2 daughters and has been divorced at least once. She is covered in tattoos of a questionable kind. She started going back to religious services and everyone can see the tattoos but of course never mention them. She tries very hard to wear clothing to cover them but that isn't always easy to do in very warm weather. It would be extremely expensive for her to have them removed and she is now raising her two daughters on her own. I could see her getting a job as a long haul trucker but I doubt that would be the kind of thing she could do while raising her girls. The lw, on the other hand, doesn't mention this kind of limitation in his/her life.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#11 Jul 26, 2014
As Jimmy Buffett says...

It's just a permanent reminder to a temporary feeling...
Pippa wrote:
. She tries very hard to wear clothing to cover them but that isn't always easy to do in very warm weather. It would be extremely expensive for her to have them removed and she is now raising her two daughters on her own. I could see her getting a job as a long haul trucker but I doubt that would be the kind of thing she could do while raising her girls. The lw, on the other hand, doesn't mention this kind of limitation in his/her life.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Jul 26, 2014
L1 Tell Fran that devil-child needs to learn how to ask the Lord for himself for help.(Did you catch the sly way that LW tells the mom the kid needs help?)

L2 I am with Edog. The guy didn't have the balls to bail on his own, but the neither did LW.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#13 Jul 26, 2014
I hope LW1 is fake.
And I hope LW2 is fake.
LW3 is fake. So many of us have tattoos nobody worth listening to will care.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#14 Jul 26, 2014
Lw1: Fran's a dumbass
Lw2: You're a dumbass
Lw3: You're a dumbass

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