Posted in the Chicago Forum
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#1 Nov 3, 2012
DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 and my dad is in the military, so he's away from home most of the time. I try to help Mom out as best I can, knowing she's stressed with Dad gone.
Whenever she gets mad at me, she calls me a "brat," "selfish" or a "jerk." She even told me once or twice that if she was my age, she wouldn't want to be my friend because of the way I act.
Abby, please help me. I have always tried my hardest to do what's right. How do I handle this without crying myself to sleep?-- FEELS LIKE A FAILURE
DEAR FEELS LIKE A FAILURE: Sometimes when people are under stress, as your mother is right now, they say things they don't mean. And sometimes when teens are under stress, they can act out in other ways.
A way to handle this would be to wait until your mother has calmed down and talk to her about the effect that her name-calling is having on you. Explain that you're trying the hardest you can in a difficult situation, and then both of you should apologize to each other. The bruises that unkind words can leave sometimes outlast those that are physical.
DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Kathie," has betrayed me. This may sound silly, but my husband and I have a sort of "coat of arms." Ever since we started writing letters and notes back and forth, he has always drawn a character on them, and it turned into "our" symbol.
Kathie is in the armed forces and I made her my maid of honor. But when she showed up, she had that same character tattooed on her back! My husband was upset she chose something so intimate of ours as a tattoo, and a few people have noticed it as well. I don't know how to handle this. It feels like a slap in the face.-- ROBBED IN FLORIDA
DEAR ROBBED: It isn't a slap in the face -- it's actually the ultimate compliment to your husband's artistry and creativity. And while it would have been nice if Kathie had first asked permission, unless the symbol was trademarked she was free to use it, as is anyone else who sees it on her and admires it. Because her tattoo is offensive to you, ask her to keep it covered when she's with you. What's done is done.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 38-year-old wife and mother who has been happily married for 16 years. My young son recently had a medical emergency in his class at school, and his teacher, "Tom," stepped in and saved him.
Since then I can't stop thinking about Tom. I love my husband and I don't plan on seeing or contacting Tom in any way other than as my son's teacher. How do I stop thinking about him? Please help.-- GOING CRAZY IN TENNESSEE
DEAR GOING CRAZY: First of all, you're not going crazy. You are grateful to the "hero" who saved your son. The more you try to smother your thoughts about Tom, the more they will happen.
The most effective way I know of to deal with this would be to talk out your thoughts with someone. If this would be too uncomfortable to discuss with your husband, then do it with a trusted female friend. Over time it should subside.
DEAR READERS: It's time for my "timely" reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday -- so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour before going to bed.(That's what I'll be doing.)
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#2 Nov 3, 2012
1- So quit being a selfish brat.
2- She's sleeping with your husband.
3- Therapy. Or maybe psychologically you're not so happy in your marriage and you're thinking of cheating anyway, and it just took some incident to get the fires burning?
Since: Mar 09
#3 Nov 3, 2012
L1: Taking this letter at face value, your mom sucks. I'm sure it's hard having a spouse in the military but to take it out on your kid is mean and damaging. Abby's advice is good. Also, do you have any other adult relatives you could turn to? Aunts & uncles, grandparents?
L2: It may or may not be illegal for 15-year-olds to have sex, but I didn't realize it's legal for them to get married. Oh, you're not 15? Stop acting like it!
L3: There's probably a psychological term for this displaced emotion you're feeling. Get thee some counseling.
L4: Fall back!
“Where is Everyone?”
Since: Jul 12
#4 Nov 3, 2012
L1: You're 14. While your mother should have never said those things, most 14 year olds are a pain in the rear. Sit down and talk with her like Abby says.
L2: It's a big deal b/c you made it a big deal instead of seeing how close she feels with your two. Talk with her -- bet she meant no harm.
L3: You're acting immature -- not realizing an intense gratefulness is just that.
#5 Nov 3, 2012
LW1: Your mother shouldn't be calling you names, no matter what the circumstances. You probably both need to work on your communication skills.
LW2: I agree with Toj - You and your husband are making a big deal out of this. Your friend just liked the art. It is a bit odd that she didn't discuss it with you, but I wouldn't make a big deal about it at this point.
LW3: Crushes happen, and yours was triggered by gratitude. You just have to work through this. I'd be *very* careful who I shared this with though. Go to a counselor, not a friend.
#6 Nov 3, 2012
LW1 should find activities in the middle school or other activities with young teens, such as Dramatic Club, OEA, or college and career prep on the grounds that the mother needs constructive time away from LW1 and vice versa.
Toj and Kuuipo answered LW2 and LW3 perfectly.
#7 Nov 4, 2012
1: And sometimes moms are evil Bs who should be castrated...this kid will start to believe this if heard too often. I hate people...
2: Meh, I think that's weird...and not saying anything is weirder.
3: Baha! Geez, lady...maybe the fact you've been with one man since 22 is making your hero worship grow. You love your hubby.
Get over it.
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