Amy 1/4/13

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dahgts

Lowell, IN

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#1
Jan 4, 2013
 
Dear Amy: Our lovely suburban neighborhood has new neighbors who are causing laughter with their large and unattractive yard decorations.

After neighbors expressed animosity about dead trees left by the contractor, I approached them about the problem and they were very nice about it.

Their property was "spruced up" with whimsical concrete figures on tree stumps, a miniature wishing well and an arched bridge to nowhere. This does not fit with the tasteful, well-groomed or natural yards surrounding them. Now scattered, colorful, flashing neon Christmas lights with no theme give their home the appearance of a New Orleans strip club. Some feel this house's appearance lowers property values and prospective house sales.

They are nice people, but their professional and social affiliations are quite different from ours, and we haven't accepted their dinner invitations. My husband says to leave it alone because it is their property, but their decorating choices are alienating them from the community.

What is appropriate to help make them welcomed?— Across the Street

Dear Across: You and your neighbors sound so snippy that you have me rooting for the New Orleans strip club in your midst.

Your husband is right. Leave these people alone. Unless you have community rules dictating this sort of thing, it is their property and they can do whatever they like with it.

If you want to make your neighbors feel
accepted and welcome, then actually welcome and accept them, without judgment and correction.

Dear Amy: During a holiday visit, I noticed my daughter and 11-year-old granddaughter were so attached to each other that there was no time or space for anyone else.

One day, my daughter had the day off from work and allowed her daughter to stay home from school. They giggled in mom's room for a while and spent two hours cuddling on the sofa watching a child's movie. After the movie, they sang carols and then sat on the floor cutting out snowflakes.

Sounds innocent, but it seemed odd to me since this was the pattern the whole time I was visiting: Daughter went to work, picked up granddaughter at the end of the day and the evening was spent baking, cuddling, singing, laughing and swapping clothes.

I know I sound as if I'm jealous of my granddaughter, but isn't this smothering?— Puzzled Granny

Dear Granny: What, exactly, would this anticipated "letdown" in your daughter's life consist of?

The absence of cutting snowflakes together when your granddaughter grows too old for this activity?

If your granddaughter is close to other family members, has friends and activities outside the home, and (aside from missing a day) does well in school, then Mommy is not her whole world.

Everything you mention is appropriate for an 11-year-old.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
Jan 4, 2013
 

Judged:

1

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L1: man, I hate judgmental snobs who think other people's goofy yard decorations are anyone's business. "but their decorating choices are alienating them from the community." Right. It's their decorating choices doing all that.

And it's very obvious that you've never actually BEEN to a Nawlins strip club.

L2: Sigh. You are one piece of work.

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Jan 4, 2013
 
There's a third letter in today's amy column:
DEAR AMY:“Granny’s Conundrum” concerned the role of a grandmother in her granddaughter’s life. The granddaughter was obese and dressed poorly. You advocated that she try to love this child “as she is.”

I think to not intervene when a young child is obese is akin to child abuse. This is a health matter that should be dealt with.-- Grandparent

DEAR GRANDPARENT: I agree that the obesity should be dealt with but feel it is the parents’ job.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#4
Jan 4, 2013
 
LW1: You and your neighbors a are a bunch of a-hole snobs. Your husband is the only one with any sense. Leave them the F alone unless they are breaking the law. If they knew what a cnut you are, they would not have invited you to their house.

Since: Jan 10

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#5
Jan 4, 2013
 
Can you believe it? "We have not accepted their dinner invitations." The new neighbors sound pretty awesome to me.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#6
Jan 4, 2013
 

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LW1 - The new neighbors may be trying to send their own message in response to the "animosity" expressed to them. The snotty LW and her "lovely" neighbors brought this on themselves. I drink to pink flamingos!

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#7
Jan 4, 2013
 
LW1: You are a snob. Just to annoy you further, I hope they get a car and put it on cinder blocks and have cousin eddy move into a trailer in their back yard.

LW2: She sounds like a pretty good mom to me. Since you think the world should revolve around you when you come to visit, maybe it can revolve around you as you stay in a hotel instead.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#8
Jan 4, 2013
 

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1 I hate people who think it is their right to dictate what anyone should do with their own property. Mind your own efin business and keep your nose outta my yard.

Every few years some bunch of idiots try to approach the city to get them to pass some "neighborhood beautification" rules. I always go to the focus groups, have a tirade (along with others) about the city and every other damed person keeping their hands offa my dirt. I tell them that when they start paying my mortgage and taxes, they can tell me what to do. Always gets shot down.

2 Gee, your granddaughter and her mom seem to have a wonderful relationship, and you find that abnormal. Go figure.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#9
Jan 4, 2013
 
LOL!
Shari23 wrote:
LW1 - The new neighbors may be trying to send their own message in response to the "animosity" expressed to them. The snotty LW and her "lovely" neighbors brought this on themselves. I drink to pink flamingos!

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#10
Jan 4, 2013
 
L1: Butt out. You sound like a nosy jerk and your neighbors sound fun.

L2: <gulp> What Amy said.

L3: What about when the parents aren't doing anything? I don't think it's out of line for the grandparents to try to help.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#11
Jan 4, 2013
 
Shari23 wrote:
LW1 - The new neighbors may be trying to send their own message in response to the "animosity" expressed to them. The snotty LW and her "lovely" neighbors brought this on themselves. I drink to pink flamingos!
How bout these?

https://www.google.com/search...

“Walt Frazier for POTUS”

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#12
Jan 4, 2013
 
1 You are one snobby a-hole. I had a neighbor who tried to talk me into changing some plants once. I very sweetly asked if she'd like to pay my mortage since she was being so helpful. End of problem.

2 Your daughter may be a little odd to you, but you need to STFU and MYOB.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#13
Jan 4, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
How bout these?
https://www.google.com/search...
OMG Zombie gnomes! Joking aside, sometimes a broken pinball machine on the driveway is a nice touch.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#14
Jan 4, 2013
 
i WANT!
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
How bout these?
https://www.google.com/search...

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#15
Jan 4, 2013
 
L1: Who is laughing and how do you know? My suggestion would be to have a neighborhood block party and/or cook-out, but I don't think anyone would want to hang out with you. At least your hubby has good sense.

L2: Grandma -- why didn't you watch the movie with them and sing along?

L3: Definitely the parent's job. A shopping trip between her and the granddaughter, complete with a healthy meal, would be one way to go about it, though. No "sides" of lectures about weight or dissing the parents, however.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#16
Jan 4, 2013
 

Judged:

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Oh, and if the granddaughter just has different tastes in clothes than grandma -- she needs to really MYOB.

Since: Oct 09

Eagle Butte, SD

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#17
Jan 4, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
2 Gee, your granddaughter and her mom seem to have a wonderful relationship, and you find that abnormal. Go figure.
No kidding. I get the sense that granny wasn't that close to her own daughter (maybe she was one of those emotional "hands-off" aloof parents that used to be a lot more common) and that the daughter doesn't want that happening in her relationship with her own child. She sounds like a wonderful mother to me. And she'd better enjoy it while she can, before the girl becomes a teen with the 'tude!

Since: Oct 09

Eagle Butte, SD

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#18
Jan 4, 2013
 

Judged:

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LW1 is Exhibit A on why I will never, ever, ever live anywhere with a HOA. Although being a real estate paralegal for a few years and seeing these people up close and in action helped make that decision a long time ago!!!

And don't you just love the part about how their "social and professional associations are different" from the rest of the neighborhood? Could they be any more snobbish?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#19
Jan 4, 2013
 

Judged:

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LW1: "What is appropriate to help make them welcomed?"

How's about accepting their f*cking dinner invitations. These folks are nicer than I'd be, since it seems they tried *more than once* to be good neighbors and you were too f*cking snooty to be bothered.

LW2: That you find this a problem is unfathomable to me.

LW3: Grandma could help with the dressing poorly part but otherwise should butt out.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#20
Jan 4, 2013
 
unfathomable....
Deep! My word of the day!
squishymama wrote:
LW1: "What is appropriate to help make them welcomed?"
How's about accepting their f*cking dinner invitations. These folks are nicer than I'd be, since it seems they tried *more than once* to be good neighbors and you were too f*cking snooty to be bothered.
LW2: That you find this a problem is unfathomable to me.
LW3: Grandma could help with the dressing poorly part but otherwise should butt out.

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