“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Nov 9, 2013
DEAR AMY: Our town has a free senior exercise group that meets five mornings a week. Recently, because of painting in the building, we had to meet in a different room in the basement, not a favorite spot.
Unfortunately, a few of the seniors commented unfavorably on this within earshot of the director. She came down and yelled at the group, threatening to close the center.
Her lack of respect for her guests/seniors is causing resentment and anger, yet we would hate to go to her boss about this. We know she needs the job and does very well (other than her tirades).
On another tirade occasion, a doctor connected with a foot clinic who held regular clinics at our center told her he would no longer come if this continued.

Do her actions constitute verbal elder abuse? Any suggestions for how to handle this?

DEAR SENIORITIS: I don’t think it’s appropriate to use the term “elder abuse” when what you are dealing with is garden variety unprofessional (and inexcusable) behavior. And while I agree that on one level it is abusive, you dilute the meaning of elder abuse if you make this claim.
You should, however, take action. Behaving poorly — aside from tirades — is still unacceptable from someone whose job is to deal with (and serve) the public.
If the director of this center truly needs this job then she will have to figure out how to adjust her behavior. You (and your senior posse) should definitely go to a higher-up to report this issue.

DEAR AMY: I am a college student experiencing what seems like a seventh-grader’s social problems. In my small and tight-knit major, a shift seems to have occurred over the summer. Friends with whom I was once close now seem distant.
I tried to hang out and stay in touch with people over the summer, but more often than not they were too busy.
Of course, a la “Mean Girls,” I suspect this is the work of one particular girl, who is extremely nice to me in person but seems manipulative and gossipy.(I know from another gossipy source that she never liked me much.)
Besides her, these other “friends” of mine will be my classmates and colleagues for years to come; so how do I overcome that notorious sensation known as “FOMO”— fear of missing out?
I’m not one to invite myself places, but how can I deal directly with this situation?-- Confused Girl

DEAR CONFUSED: If you want to try to effect a different outcome, you will have to be brave enough to see this for what it is (seventh grade-style social shenanigans) but approach it in an adult fashion.
Age has no relationship to adult-style maturity, but it helps to imagine how an “adult” would ideally handle a situation like this — and simply act, as if.
Act as if you are dealing with other mature people who can manage to be socially decent. Act as if your colleague can deal with an honest and transparent question.
You say to the Queen Bee (privately):“I perceive some tension with you. What’s going on?”
After this, you need to behave as if you are completely in charge of your life. Train yourself to enter in, initiate social contact, and do your best to be open, friendly and inclusive.

DEAR AMY: You said that if a spouse agrees to it, then cheating isn’t really cheating. I disagree.
Each advice columnist who approves of an affair, each couple who lives together before marriage, each financial “expert” that suggests a pre-nup for engaged couples is cheating faithful couples because it cheapens the commitment of marriage.-- Melissa

DEAR MELISSA: I don’t see how other people’s choices — social, financial or otherwise — are cheating you or other faithful married couples out of anything.
I interpret “cheating” as being sexually and/or emotionally intimate with another person without the knowledge or permission of your partner.
I do think that being sexually intimate with others (with permission from your spouse) stretches the definition of what we know of as “marriage,” but I don’t believe this arrangement among all consenting adults is necessarily unethical.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Nov 9, 2013
1- Most people "need" a job, whatever it might be. But if you can't do your job well, you end up on the unemployment line looking for another one. So screw her. Report her to her boss.

2- Dam socially awkward science majors...

3- Right, we've learned by now that we should redefine an entire institution just to make an extreme few feel accepted.

1.7%

Did you know that gays make up 1.7% of the US population? 1.7%. You would think with all the screaming that gays make up about 40% of the population (and if they did, I would totally be on board with so-called "gay [privileges]")

1.7%

We should not redefine an entire institution based on the wants of... 1.7% Who aren't even interested in getting married anyway.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#3 Nov 9, 2013
LW2 surely can find other friends than "mean girl"
and her hive. She should find someone she can believe and ignore those who have no time for her.
(And if she is repelling others, ask a safe friend
about how she can come across better.)
dahgts

Chicago Heights, IL

#4 Nov 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
1- Most people "need" a job, whatever it might be. But if you can't do your job well, you end up on the unemployment line looking for another one. So screw her. Report her to her boss.
2- Dam socially awkward science majors...
3- Right, we've learned by now that we should redefine an entire institution just to make an extreme few feel accepted.
1.7%
Did you know that gays make up 1.7% of the US population? 1.7%. You would think with all the screaming that gays make up about 40% of the population (and if they did, I would totally be on board with so-called "gay [privileges]")
That is a guesstimate. Who cares, it's still millions and they're people too. should have the same rights as even you.
1.7%
We should not redefine an entire institution based on the wants of... 1.7% Who aren't even interested in getting married anyway.
That is a guesstimate. Still means millions. And who cares, they're still people and are entitled to the same rights as even you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#5 Nov 9, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
That is a guesstimate. Still means millions. And who cares, they're still people and are entitled to the same rights as even you.
They DO have the same rights as even me.

Nobody seems to understand this...
dahgts

Chicago Heights, IL

#6 Nov 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
They DO have the same rights as even me.
Nobody seems to understand this...
I understand that you can get married in any state but they can't. I consider that a right.
pde

Davis Junction, IL

#7 Nov 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
They DO have the same rights as even me.
Nobody seems to understand this...
So,*everybody* is gaining a new right then.

You can enter into a state sanctioned contract called "marriage" with another male or another female. There are male-female relationships where sometimes this is done for other reasons than love, now there can be female-female and male-male relationships where sometimes this is done for reasons other than love.

And yet the majority of them will be done for love.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#8 Nov 9, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
I understand that you can get married in any state but they can't. I consider that a right.
Look for the "right to marry" in either the Bill of Rights or the other 17 constitutional amendments and get back to me.
dahgts

Chicago Heights, IL

#9 Nov 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Look for the "right to marry" in either the Bill of Rights or the other 17 constitutional amendments and get back to me.
No right to marry? I guess that NO ONE can get married.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#10 Nov 9, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
No right to marry? I guess that NO ONE can get married.
No one has the RIGHT to marry.

Try Again.

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