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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jan 15, 2013
DEAR AMY: I have an aunt (married to my dad's brother) with whom I have been fairly close over the past 18 years. I don't have any siblings, and our family is very small, so even though she is 16 years older than me, we have been very close.

We are drastically different in most ways -- she dropped out of high school, I have two master's degrees; she is a Republican, I am very liberal; I work outside the home, she doesn't -- and we both have strong opinions. We also have children who are the same age, and that has helped us keep our connection.

When we disagree, she will stop talking to me for months at a time (she won't take or return my calls, etc.). She either won't talk about what happened, or if she does, it is through yelling and being obstinate. Several times I have decided that I am done dealing with her, but eventually we get along again, and our families spend time together several times a year.

At the last two functions at our home, she has tried to start arguments with me in front of other people. I think this is rude and inappropriate, and I honestly wonder if there is something wrong with her.

I cannot invite my own mother to family functions because she thinks she is being entertaining by cutting me down in front of others, and I feel my aunt is quickly making her way into this category as well. What would you do?-- Fed Up

DEAR FED UP: You can control this to some extent by anticipating that this woman will attempt to bait you. And you can determine that you will not play this particular game, because if someone throws an argument and no one shows up, then the perpetrator is left more or less stewing in her own juice.

Something might be wrong with this aunt. She might have an illness, become argumentative when she drinks, or might have simply decided that she really doesn't like the cut of your jib.

You are already excluding your own mother from family functions, but I suggest you explore ways to cope with your aunt's behavior -- a combination of ignoring and deflection might work -- or you could mentally (or physically) leave the room.

DEAR AMY: Can you help me with an appropriate, polite response to how I am sometimes addressed by others?

I am married and took my husband's last name. However, my pet peeve is that I don't want to be addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith."

I know that many people (especially the older generation) feel this is proper etiquette. I feel that not including my first name is disrespectful and takes away my identity.

I understand it is not intended to be disrespectful (by most people), so how can I respectfully relay my feelings?-- Tracy

DEAR TRACY: It's not that people "feel" this manner of address is "proper etiquette," it is proper etiquette to be formally addressed (on paper) as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith."

However, do you care about formal etiquette in this particular context?

Yeah, me neither. But all the same you must know that this formal politeness is intended as the very opposite of disrespect, and so you do not have permission to take offense.

If you are dealing with this issue in terms of an in-person introduction, you can interject to say, "Oh please, call me 'Tracy.'"

You can address your own mail as "Tracy Smith" to remind people that you do have a first name and ask people to include your first name in their address books.

DEAR AMY: Further responding to "Kissed Consultant," who was subjected to an unwanted kiss from a business associate -- she needs to administer a swift hard shove to this man, at the least.

A strong forearm would not be amiss, either. Who cares if he's from another culture or doesn't know better? He needs a quick lesson in American etiquette!-- Charis in Suwanee, Ga.

DEAR CHARIS: If you see a "hard shove" as "American etiquette," then I'd say you've pretty much identified what's wrong with us.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Jan 15, 2013
LW1: Wow. Where to begin.
You are very close, but tend to get into arguments that lead to months of being ignored? Sounds real close.

Your mother berates you in front of others too? One more person and I'm gonna start wondering if there is something about YOU that pulls out hte worst in these people.

And that part about not inviting your mother to family functions...how is it that you control the guest list at family functions? Are they all held at your place?

LW2: This is your biggest problem in life? Really?

My wife has an aunt and uncle that do this. For xmas, their card is addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Tonka. But to go even further, for her birthday, the card comes to Mrs. Tonka. We both think that's odd, but what we focus on is the fact that they remembered to send a card.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Jan 15, 2013
L1: Just like we say to my boyfriend's 11yo when the 6yo is annoying him: "Stop reacting, he wants the reaction. Ignore him." Ignore her. Your aunt is immature and ridiculous, but you're not much better for *engaging* with her. IGNORE HER.

L2:'I understand it is not intended to be disrespectful (by most people), so how can I respectfully relay my feelings?" If you're my relative or friend, I should know your preference, but if you're married to my uncle and I"m addressing wedding invitations, I'm not going to call everyone to find out their preferences for what they want to be called on an envelope. IOW, you can't make the rest of us care as much about this as you do. Life's short. Move on.

L3: I have to admit, no coworker/colleague/anybody is getting *close* enough to me to land a kiss, so yeah, they may deal with an elbow to the chest if they move in for a smooch.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Jan 15, 2013
1 Yes you have a loving tight knit relationship with this aunt. I think your crackers. All that education and you have to ask amby how not to get picked upon? I smell passive aggressive all over you.

2 Tracy, legally change your first name to "Mrs". Problem solved.

3 Hey, as least she didnt suggest that the woman cap the guy.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Jan 15, 2013
1- This is not the first letter we've had about a liberal's inability to get along with a Republican. Goes to show you the lack of tolerance these people have when they want nothing to do with people who don't fall in lock step with their way of thinking.

2- I got news for you, honey. You are Mrs. John Smith.

3- Wow, I agree with Amy.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Jan 15, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
1- This is not the first letter we've had about a liberal's inability to get along with a Republican. Goes to show you the lack of tolerance these people have when they want nothing to do with people who don't fall in lock step with their way of thinking.
and only liberals do that. Right.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#7 Jan 15, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
and only liberals do that. Right.
Moreso than conservatives.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Jan 15, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
and only liberals do that. Right.
Shuddup libtard.

:p

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Jan 15, 2013
LW1: You need to learn to put folks in their place. Then you wouldn't have to not invite folks, because folks would know if they cross boundaries, you will not tolerate it.

STop being so passive. When aunt starts up tell her you don't want to talk about it. If she continues, tell her in a more forceful manner to stop. If she still continues and she is at your place, ask her to leave. If she continues and you are at another place, you can leave.

LW2: I think they should address it to Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Pain in the As$. Who gives a f' about such trivial matters?

LW3: Just don't brush your teeth for a week and eat garlic for lunch and then blow your dragon breath on him. I doubt he'll want to kiss you.
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#10 Jan 15, 2013
1. This is not rocket science. She feels inferior to you, she feels intellectually out-gunned, and she starts arguments in front of other people because she feels you won't "beat her up" as much in front of them. Just talk to her, point out that you two don't seem to argue well, and you'd like that to not get in the way of an otherwise enjoyable relationship. If she tries to fight about THAT, then just say to heck with it.

2. Insecure-with-no-sense-of-self much?

3. I would pay my guy friends to try to kiss you just to watch you freak out.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Jan 15, 2013
L1: This group of postings has now deteriorated into LW1.

L2: Amy's right.

L3: You don't have to hit the guy unless that's the only way to keep him off of you. You can, however, get him arrested for assault.:)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#12 Jan 15, 2013
Sam I Am wrote:
1. This is not rocket science. She feels inferior to you, she feels intellectually out-gunned
Right, that's how all conservatives feel towards liberals. You people are just full of yourselves.
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#13 Jan 15, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Right, that's how all conservatives feel towards liberals. You people are just full of yourselves.
Hey dum dum, my comment was based on the difference in their education levels, not their politics.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 Jan 15, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Moreso than conservatives.
Bullshit. You do it more here -- ALL THE time -- way more than any liberals do.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#15 Jan 15, 2013
I was teasing you Angela in my post number 8, JSYK.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#16 Jan 15, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
I was teasing you Angela in my post number 8, JSYK.
I know. But he's so delusional!

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#17 Jan 15, 2013
LW2 - the only person i know who has a problem iwht how letters are addressed is my grandmother... but, when in your 80s (when we first had this discussion), if that's your big beef in life, mazel tov. I don't care... my preference is Aisle & Hubby <his last name>, which nearly floored the old bat. she was still in mournig and was further mourning the decline of western civilization, so getting things addressed to Mrs. Herfirstname Hislastname (which in old school land, indicates divorce) was anotehr "injury".

but, somehow, as time went by, the perceived misuse didn't prevent her from givign $25 to any solcitation that landed in her mailbox... so it must not have been that important after all.

So, LW, if that's the worst you have to deal with, considery yourself lucky and get over it...

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#18 Jan 15, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Bullshit. You do it more here -- ALL THE time -- way more than any liberals do.
Bet you can't name one.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#19 Jan 15, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Bet you can't name one.
There's no need to you. You do it nearly daily. You did it TODAY.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Jan 15, 2013
You say stupid retarded shit all the time like 'Typical liberal, blah blah blah." I don't see me or the other Dems here saying that. "Typical Republicans, always doing X, Y, Z."

You are the guiltiest person here. But that's okay. I have a very low bar set for how far you may evolve in your lifetime, and it's not very far.

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