Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#1 Nov 23, 2012
DEAR ABBY: My wife died a few years ago. I live alone and have been a bachelor since then. Old friends have been kind enough to pass along the names and phone numbers of widows or divorcees they felt would be of interest to me. I have taken several of them out to dinner. Some were interesting, but for one reason or another we didn't have enough "chemistry" for me to call them for another date.

What is the considerate thing to do after having just one date? Should I call the person and say it was pleasant, but ...? Should I not call at all and move on? I feel guilty at times for not following up with some comment, as they were mostly nice women. Any suggestions about how to handle these situations would be welcome.-- MIAMI WIDOWER

DEAR WIDOWER: Conversations such as this can be awkward, which is why many people avoid having them. Because you feel you "should" say something, a way to handle it would be to say you had a nice time, but you are still grieving and are not ready for a relationship. Chemistry is supposed to be mutual, so don't be surprised if some of the women aren't interested in pursuing a relationship with you, either. That's life.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a store that is popular with teenagers. Every Christmas, parents and grandparents come in here with absolutely no clue what to get. Asking "What's popular right now?" doesn't help.(What's cool to one teen may be lame to another.) I'd like to offer a couple of tips to help clueless relatives select the right gift for their teen.

(1) Bring a recent photo of her or him. We can tell a lot by looking. It will provide hints as to what kind of gift they may like.

(2) Copy a list of their "likes" from Facebook and bring it with you. It may mention books, music, movies or other interests that will make it easy to track down something they would enjoy.

I hope this helps some of your readers.-- VALERIE IN FORT WORTH

DEAR VALERIE: Bless you for writing. I'm sure many parents and grandparents will take your suggestions to heart. Santa isn't the only one who needs a "helper" at Christmastime.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a 30-year-old man who posted every detail about his breakup with my daughter on Facebook for all of their 1,000 friends and family members to read? There was some personal and very painful stuff.

Is this the "new generation" norm? Or is he immature and inconsiderate?-- HURTING FOR MY DAUGHTER

DEAR HURTING: Welcome to the wonderful world of the Internet, where millions of individuals have chosen to live their lives online for all to see. And while you and I might consider what happened to be a form of kissing-and-telling, bragging, a bid for sympathy and in poor taste, the people who love your daughter will "unfriend" this person, and those who love gossip will devour every detail with relish.

In time your daughter will realize she is lucky this relationship is over. Whether her former boyfriend used Facebook to gain 15 minutes of fame or as a weapon to hurt her, I think she can do better. Don't you?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#2 Nov 23, 2012
Thanks for posting the letters, Red.

L1: After one date you're not required, unless asked directly, why you're not calling. Abby's advice is good but I'd personally just say you really like them as a person "but not feeling it" for a relationship. Difficult thing to say sometimes.

L2: Okay. Not a bad suggestion. How bout a gift card from the store?

L3: She dodged a BIG bullet.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Nov 23, 2012
L1: If it's obvious there's no chemistry or interest, saying something afterwards is unnecessary and maybe a little "nose rubbing."

L2: I like the tips this reader gave, but I think Toj nailed it: Gift card. Don't pick out clothing or other personal items for teens unless you really really know what they like/want/need.

teens love cash/gift cards.

L3: His posts say WAY more about him than about your daughter. Don't worry about it. My ex tried to pull something similar and he lost ALL of our friends. They all stayed with me and dumped him. I never asked anyone to choose sides. When a couple of friends tried to invite both of us to a party, I did tell them (they were my very close friends, his friends only through me) that he'd recently threatened me with physical harm (true) and had been leaving threatening, nasty voice mails and letters for me, so they'd have to understand why I wouldn't be at their party if he was there. That was all they needed to hear.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#4 Nov 23, 2012
1- I guess it's understandable that after being married for so long, you're clueless about dating etiquette. If you're not interested, just say you had a really wonderful time and we should do it again. Then don't.

2- You're an idiot.

3- Unfriend him.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#5 Nov 23, 2012
1: You're not required to follow up.

2: OMG, ask them what they want. They will tell you. Get that. They will be happy. Or cash, kids like cash. Easier to buy pot that way.

3: What Edog said. <ouch>
Anonymous

Plant City, FL

#6 Nov 23, 2012
1: Woah, men like this still exist? Nice.

2: I hate these letters who think all their problems will not be solved. They need to be punched in the throat.

3: I hate how open people have allowed their lives to be BUT it allows you to screen people more quickly.
I don't want my life lived for the masses and if you do, you're gone.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#7 Nov 23, 2012
cheluzal wrote:
2: I hate these letters who think all their problems will not be solved. They need to be punched in the throat.
SO SO SO totally agree.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#8 Nov 23, 2012
cheluzal wrote:
1: Woah, men like this still exist? Nice.
You're the inspiration for the beauty of the sunrise.

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