“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Oct 23, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married, heterosexual cross-dressing male. My wife understands and is supportive, and we have a wonderful life together.

During the past week I have been caught unexpectedly by three different neighbors, and we are now in a state of panic. We're not sure what to do. If you have any suggestions, we are all ears.-- CAUGHT IN A PANIC

DEAR CAUGHT: Because you would prefer to keep your cross-dressing private and this is October, you could tell your neighbors your female attire is what you'll be wearing to a costume party. It's plausible.

However, when someone is "caught" engaging in a private activity once -- that's an accident. When it happens three times in one week, I can't help but wonder whether on some level you would like to be more open about your lifestyle.

If you're not aware, a resource, The Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess International), offers support for heterosexual cross-dressers as well as their spouses, partners and families. It has been in my column before and is the oldest and largest support organization for cross-dressers and those who love them. It promotes cross-dressing with dignity and decency, and treats spouses on an equal basis with their cross-dressers.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend's husband has been texting me. When he did it the first time, he had been drinking and my friend was asleep. Some of the things he said made me uncomfortable, but I also didn't like that he said his wife didn't know what he was doing. He stopped after I told him I was uncomfortable with it.

Now he has started up again, offering support because my mother passed away recently. I am honestly not sure whether he's trying to be a good friend or if he's looking for something more, and that scares me. I don't want to start trouble between my friend and her husband, especially because they seem so happy together. Any ideas on how to handle this?-- UNSETTLED IN OHIO

DEAR UNSETTLED: Yes. Your friend's husband may be a genuinely sympathetic person -- or he could be trying to take advantage of you while you're emotionally vulnerable. Listen to your gut. Tell him you appreciate his thoughtfulness, but you already have a support system in place and are receiving all of the emotional support you need.

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old cousin died in 2010, and I'm still hurting. I have tried to get over it, but we were really close. When I walk the halls at school, I hear people say bad things about him. When I bring his name up, no one has anything good to say about him. It seems like they don't really care that he was my cousin and I loved him.

How can I ask these people not to say bad things about him?-- HURTING IN INDIANA

DEAR HURTING: Because people forget that the young man who died was your relative, feel free to remind them. All you need to say is: "You know, he was my cousin and we were close. I still miss him, and I wish you wouldn't say things like that about him when I'm around."

Losing a relative at any age is hard, but when the person is young, it can be even harder. Because you are still hurting and it has been three years, consider talking about this with a school counselor or joining a grief support group. Your clergyperson can help you locate one.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Oct 23, 2013
1- "The Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess International), offers support for heterosexual cross-dressers"

Dam, they've got a support group for anything these days.

3- Tell them it's inappropriate to talk bad about someone who's died.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Oct 23, 2013
1 If you have any suggestions, we are all ears.-- CAUGHT IN A PANIC
You should have signed it as "caught with your panties on." Just close your blinds you freak. Nobody wants to see you in stilettos anyway.

And why do you need a stupid support group? Nobody cares what you wear around the house, so what is the mental anguish you suffer, Oh, just want to have a pity party for yourself.

2 Just say that you will let him know if you need anything, then ignore him.

3 Sound to me like your the only one who has a positive impression of him. Just understand that everyone has different memories of him, and their words reflect that.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#4 Oct 23, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
1- "The Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess International), offers support for heterosexual cross-dressers"
Dam, they've got a support group for anything these days.
3- Tell them it's inappropriate to talk bad about someone who's died.
1. Almost. No support group for Topix regs....yet.

3. I pretty much agree with you (that's twice, I agreed with you re yesterday's Abby about the guy who didn't want kids).:o

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Oct 23, 2013
RACE wrote:
1 If you have any suggestions, we are all ears.-- CAUGHT IN A PANIC
You should have signed it as "caught with your panties on." Just close your blinds you freak.
I don't think his neighbors caught him by walking by and peering in his windows. I think he's prancing around the yard in his wife's lingerie.

"I am pretty, oh so pretty"

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Oct 23, 2013
It's only a matter of time before he is wearing a pink Toto and the wife is walking him on a leash.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think his neighbors caught him by walking by and peering in his windows. I think he's prancing around the yard in his wife's lingerie.
"I am pretty, oh so pretty"

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#7 Oct 23, 2013
tutu not toto!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Oct 23, 2013
LW1: How were you caught 3 times in one week? That really only happens if you want to be caught or a complete moron. Not sure what you want Abby to do. Pretty sure they think you are a freak Ö and well you kind of are. Not that you should be mistreated or anything.

LW2: Tell him to stop texting you in a nice way.

LW3: How often can kids at school talk about some guy who died 3 years ago and who would be 20 by now? Further, since they donít seem to care that you were his cousin and loved him, I doubt telling them he was your cousin and that you loved him will make them care, since you already acknowledged that they donít seem to care.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Oct 23, 2013
Edog, you're cracking me up today.

L1: Close your drapes and be more careful. Quit prancing in the backyard. Leave it be. It's your business, not theirs.

L2: I'd say to my girlfriend, "Your husband is so nice. He texted me his sympathies." Then leave it as that. Then, you're not keeping it from her, he'll get an earful when his wife gets home and he'll stop texting. Either that or block him.

L3: It's not cool to speak about your relative like that. Tell them.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#10 Oct 23, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: How were you caught 3 times in one week? That really only happens if you want to be caught or a complete moron.
Most likely Neighbor #1 *did* spot him by accident (window, back yard, whatever...), and then ran and spread the word! Neighbors #2 & 3 found excuses to come over and check it out for themselves.

"Abner! Abner! Mr. Stevens was wearing a bra & high heels! And Mrs. Stevens was flying around on a broom! Aaaab-ner!"

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#11 Oct 23, 2013
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Most likely Neighbor #1 *did* spot him by accident (window, back yard, whatever...), and then ran and spread the word! Neighbors #2 & 3 found excuses to come over and check it out for themselves.
"Abner! Abner! Mr. Stevens was wearing a bra & high heels! And Mrs. Stevens was flying around on a broom! Aaaab-ner!"
Or Neighbor #1 looked in the window, like this (safe):

http://www.google.com/imgres...

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Oct 23, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
1- "The Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess International), offers support for heterosexual cross-dressers"
Dam, they've got a support group for anything these days.
3- Tell them it's inappropriate to talk bad about someone who's died.
L1.Make like a jock strap and support something . There you go.
L3. Let's just suppose that the dead 17year old was a gang-banger who shot up a bunch of other people and left them in wheelchairs or with other messed up parts before someone took him down.
Even John Wayne Gacy's mother loved him, I suppose.
Miss your cousin, certainly, but if he wasn't any good, don't idolize him.

(And yes there are a ton of assumptions here)

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#13 Oct 23, 2013
Toj wrote:
L2: I'd say to my girlfriend, "Your husband is so nice. He texted me his sympathies." Then leave it as that. Then, you're not keeping it from her, he'll get an earful when his wife gets home and he'll stop texting. Either that or block him.
Good idea, but create a paper trail too so there is no doubt.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#14 Oct 23, 2013
LW1: So what if they caught you? For all they know, you moonlight as a female impersonator. Maybe they're bored and it will give them something to talk about. Hold your head high and go about your business.

LW2: I'm sorry that your best friend is married to such a jerk. You need to quit being so nice and tell him to stop in an assertive manner.

LW3: Many people are not their most charming selves when they are 17. Maybe this was the case with your cousin. You knew and loved him for all of his fine qualities. I'm with the dog on this one.
Blunt Advice

Suffern, NY

#15 Oct 23, 2013
1. Neighbors will be nosy no matter what. If you aren't hurting anyone then do as you please.

2. I agree with telling the wife how nice he is to text you all the time offering his help. But chances are if he is adulterous, she might know and not care. Or she might be spineless and will believe him if he says its your fault.

3. Sorry for your loss. Ignore the people who speak badly of him.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#16 Oct 23, 2013
LW1: Use the Halloween costume excuse if asked. And keep your blinds drawn and your doors locked in the future, ya goof!

LW2: What RACE said.

LW3: I'm having a hard time believing that after three years, there are that many people left in the school that knew, let alone talk bad about him constantly in your presence.

Unless of course he was on really bad dude and had a horrible reputation.

If you don't like, speak up, but I'm not holding out much hope that it will change anything.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#17 Oct 23, 2013
LW3: Agree with dog. Again. Wow!!!:D
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#18 Oct 23, 2013
LW1: Or move to San Francisco or New Orleans where you will blend in and shock nobody.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#19 Oct 23, 2013
1: Don't get caught.

2: Rude. Even if he IS being nice it makes you uncomfy and that's all that matters.
That he started up more after you told him speaks volumes.
I love my friend but no way I would keep my mouth shut about it.

3: You can't.
Kids are egocentric and 1/25 are sociopathic. Ignore is the way to survive.

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