Amy 9.12.12

[Stina]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

L2: My brother and I were HORRIBLE together as kids, but if I'd ever gotten into an adult's face and said "whatever" i would have had the living shiznet beaten out of me. I disagree with Amy's advice. I don't think saying anything to the parents will matter. And if I were being obnoxious to an older relative, I wouldn't expect to be talked to gently. My uncle would have held me up by my arm and spanked my butt. I remember him doing it.

Same here!

[RedheadwGlasses]

In other newspapers, it says 1.5 years.

[Sublime1]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

L2: My brother and I were HORRIBLE together as kids, but if I'd ever gotten into an adult's face and said "whatever" i would have had the living shiznet beaten out of me. I disagree with Amy's advice. I don't think saying anything to the parents will matter. And if I were being obnoxious to an older relative, I wouldn't expect to be talked to gently. My uncle would have held me up by my arm and spanked my butt. I remember him doing it.

This. I don't have any problem with my family members or my wife's family members disciplining my children. Same goes with my siblings and their children.

When I visited over the summer, I took all the kids swimming most days. I think I put my niece on timeout 3 times in like an half hour. The fourth time (after telling her if she does one more thing she's going inside) I made her go inside. I told my brother when he came out. He yelled at her. That's how family is supposed to be.

[Sam I Am]

Stina wrote:

<quoted text>
So you'd give your niece lunch or a snack and not tell them to wash their hands first? That's kind of gross. And it's not being bossy.

That's different. I'm talking about discipline-type stuff as opposed to helpful, instructive, etc.

[Mister Tonka]

Sam I Am wrote:

<quoted text>
That's different. I'm talking about discipline-type stuff as opposed to helpful, instructive, etc.

So there's a family get together and the young uns are doing something they should not be in the TV room. Dad's out back hanging out at the BBQ grill. Mom's in the kitchen helping with the salad. You're in the same room as the kid. You ignore it? You go find one of the parents and drag them back to deal with it? What?

[RedheadwGlasses]

I correct Nick's kids, and will even yell at them when they deserve it (which is rare). I've have picked one up and dumped him on the couch. But i'd never hit/spank someone else's kid. I think that's a fair line to draw. I get to intervene when something very bad/injurious is going to happen, but physical disciplining is crossing a line, to most parents.

[Aisle Sitter]

LW2 - your house your rules, including being resepctful to you.

we get to help correct the boys when they're visiting, but it's more about reinforcing rules and behaviours their parents set. A grabs an awful lot of stuff out of otehr people's hands, and i think he would do well with time-outs for it. But, his parents don't do that (There is the Sorry Corner, but i don' know what one has to do to get there and how long one has to stay there), so i won't when they're around. if we did get to babysit them, hubby adn i are in agreement that we woudl do Super Nanny-style time-outs. it woudl be funny to see if A would tehn respond to the "evil eye" from Ciocie & Wuja. Meantime, i just pick him up and literally move him out of the situation... as long as he had a nap, that works without too much wailing. he's almost at teh age that we can reason wiht him. with M, we jsut take away whatever he's fighting over and take him somewhere else to try sometihgn new.

[animaniactoo]

Answer to the 15 years or fewer question:

On the website where papers pick up this column ( http://www.tmsfeatures.com/columns/advice/ask... ), there are 2 postings of this column. The first posting is 8/30/12 @ 6:00 pm and used "15 years".

The 2nd posting is 09/04/12 @ 4:30 pm, which would therefore indicate an updated version to fix an issue, and uses "1 1/2 years".

[Sam I Am]

Mister Tonka wrote:

<quoted text>So there's a family get together and the young uns are doing something they should not be in the TV room. Dad's out back hanging out at the BBQ grill. Mom's in the kitchen helping with the salad. You're in the same room as the kid. You ignore it? You go find one of the parents and drag them back to deal with it? What?

How many scenarios do you want to go through? What are they doing? Is it dangerous? Have I heard the parents tell them to stop before? Are they damaging something?

Generally, where the situation is disciplinary in nature, unless there is some immediate peril, I don't think it's my place. That's just where I draw the line for myself. If you have a different line, that's fine.

[itser]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

I correct Nick's kids, and will even yell at them when they deserve it (which is rare). I've have picked one up and dumped him on the couch. But i'd never hit/spank someone else's kid. I think that's a fair line to draw. I get to intervene when something very bad/injurious is going to happen, but physical disciplining is crossing a line, to most parents.

When they were young, I spanked my nieces and nephews, and I have spanked the children of one niece. But in every case, they were children that spent a LOT of time in my care, in some cases, more than with their parents. The last time was about 6 years ago, when one of my great-nieces was 7, and kept going out of her way to walk over the pile of new clothes I had just bought her, that she wouldn't put away. I told her twice to quit walking on the clothes. The third time, I cracked her on the butt and asked if she understood me better when I talked with my hands. One swat, not a beating, no hint of a mark on her. When my coworkers heard about it, you would have thought the cops found pieces of children scattered throughout my home. The kids parents? Meh...be glad it was Auntie Itser instead of us...and be REALLY glad she didn't return those clothes to the store.

[animaniactoo]

My sister appreciates it when I parent her kids for the same reason I appreciate it when others in my family parent mine:

So the kids know it's not just *my* opinion or me that it matters to. This also goes towards parenting friends' kids.

[Toj]

animaniactoo wrote:

My sister appreciates it when I parent her kids for the same reason I appreciate it when others in my family parent mine:
So the kids know it's not just *my* opinion or me that it matters to. This also goes towards parenting friends' kids.

ITA

[Kuuipo]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

L1: Go ahead and date her. But hire a food taster..

HA! Nearly choked on my coffee!

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

L2: My brother and I were HORRIBLE together as kids, but if I'd ever gotten into an adult's face and said "whatever" i would have had the living shiznet beaten out of me. I disagree with Amy's advice. I don't think saying anything to the parents will matter. And if I were being obnoxious to an older relative, I wouldn't expect to be talked to gently. My uncle would have held me up by my arm and spanked my butt. I remember him doing it.

That was my parent's style of discipline, too. Neither of my parents were wishy-washy. There was no "wait 'till you get home" either. You acted up, you were swatted right then and there.

[itser]

Kuuipo wrote:

<quoted text>
HA! Nearly choked on my coffee!
<quoted text>
That was my parent's style of discipline, too. Neither of my parents were wishy-washy. There was no "wait 'till you get home" either. You acted up, you were swatted right then and there.

And, if your family was like mine, you got it again when/if the parents found out that somebody else had felt the need to discipline you.

[RedheadwGlasses]

itser wrote:

<quoted text>
And, if your family was like mine, you got it again when/if the parents found out that somebody else had felt the need to discipline you.

Oh, right! They were embarrassed that your behavior required the intervention of another adult!