Ask Amy 8-1-14
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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Aug 1, 2014
Dear Amy: How can I convince my motorcycle-riding mom to wear a helmet?

She wears an armored leather jacket and other protective gear, but she says that a helmet is too inconvenient and takes away from the joy of riding.

She said that if anything happens to her, I'll be well provided for. Even if that's true, I want my mom around for a long time. Could you give me an answer that I could show her?

Terrified

Dear Terrified: Worse, perhaps, even than dying from a motorcycle accident would be the prospect of your mother surviving a motorcycle crash with a traumatic brain injury.

No amount of providing for your family in advance could possibly prepare family members for the years of devastation (not to mention expense, etc.) in caring for a family member with a traumatic brain injury.

I checked statistics compiled from over 100,000 motorcycle crashes published in 2009 by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration ( www-nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov/Pubs/811208.pdf ). Share this chilling report with your mom. As motorcycle helmet laws change and are relaxed from state to state, statistics show that deaths and injuries from crashes rise proportionally.

From another NHTSA report titled "Motorcycle Safety Program": "While 20 percent of passenger vehicle crashes result in injury or death, an astounding 80 percent of motorcycle crashes result in injury or death."

Motorcycle crashes and fatalities are rising each year, with the most dramatic increase being in the over-40 age group. Helmet use is directly related to fatalities and brain injuries requiring long-term medical care.

I hope your mother has purchased not only life insurance but also long-term care insurance.

Dear Amy: We have a 21-year-old son who will be a junior in college. We have decided to rent an off-campus apartment for him to share with another student this year.

Since we are paying the rent, we want him to be responsible for the security deposit. He is not happy about this and believes that, since we paid for his dormitory, we should also pay all costs for the apartment.

He is working part time this summer and is making a nice salary. The security deposit is $1,000.

Amy, we love our son very much, but he is a slob! His dorm room was never cleaned. He had dirty dishes everywhere, clothes on the floor, and never swept or vacuumed.

He does a minimal amount of cleaning when he's home and only when we insist. My husband and I think he needs to have a stake in the apartment, or he will treat it the way he does his room. We don't want to pay rent and then lose the security deposit because of his neglect.

Maybe, if he realizes his money is in jeopardy, he will be more apt to respect his surroundings. What are your feelings on this?

Parents Looking to Share the Load

Dear Parents: I think you're spot on.

Explain to your slob-son that you are, in fact, paying all of his housing costs (lucky him). His $1,000 security deposit will be held and then returned to him in full when he leaves the apartment in an acceptable condition.

When he leaves his apartment clean and undamaged and receives his money back, he will have those funds to invest in his next apartment. It's a beautiful system and also a great way for your son to get a clue.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Aug 1, 2014
Dear Amy: This is for "Granny," who lived across the country from her young grandson and was looking for a way to connect with him.

Our son and daughter-in-law live 900 miles away, but they Facetime us almost every single evening. Nothing warms the heart more than when our grandson hears our voices and he crawls over to their iPad and smiles!

This has truly made their living 900 miles away tolerable. We are blessed that our son and daughter-in-law have made the commitment to keep us connected with our grandson.

Happy Gran

Dear Happy: Technology has enabled far-flung family members and friends to enjoy one another in unique and wonderful ways. I should have suggested this regular "Facetime" to "Granny," and I hope she and her family adopt your great suggestion.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#3 Aug 1, 2014
LW1 - Yeah, give your mom the stats. You sound like a kid (a teenager?), so tell her that it's not the financial security that you are worried about, but the grief and heartbreak to visit her in a nursing home when she is in a vegetative state.

LW2 - Tell your son is an adult and it is time he picked up his own bill. Tell him it's your way or the highway: he pays the deposit, and you'll kick in the rent, or he can make his own living arrangements.

LW3 - Yep, Skype, FaceTime, whatever software will work for chats. A daily connect seems like a bit too much to me, but you can always talk on whatever schedule is convenient. It's not rocket science.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#4 Aug 1, 2014
Ugh. "Tell your son HE is an adult.." I am just too lazy to proofread before I hit post. Sorry.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 Aug 1, 2014
1 While brain buckets save lives, I put the mandate of wearing one in the same big brother category as mandating seat belt use.

2 Dear Amy We have a 21 year old spoiled child. I still wipe his bum and hold a tissue to his nose so he can blow. He is not happy that I use Kleenex, and thinks I should use another brand. The problem is the other brand is more expensive. Should I get a second job so that I can provide more for my son?

3 Technology is amazing.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#6 Aug 1, 2014
LW1: I take that you live in a state w/o a helmet law. We have one in CA and you never see riders w/o helmets. In addition to giving your mom the stats, write your state legislators and ask them to enact a helmet law.

LW2: What Cass said.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#7 Aug 1, 2014
Why?
The LW is free to wear a helmet if they want to, nobody is saying they can't, Why should the whims of the LW dictate what *I* can do? My not wearing a helmet hurts someone else as much as being gay hurts someone else. Lets legislate sexuality too then.
Kuuipo wrote:
write your state legislators and ask them to enact a helmet law.
LW2: What Cass said.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#8 Aug 1, 2014
1: I used to take a young man to a social center for people with traumatic brain injuries. Mind boggling, is it not, that there are actually enough people with traumatic brain injuries that they can form a social center for them?(And mind you, this is not a major metropolitan area.) There were probably many causes for the injuries in this group (the young man I took there had been hit by a truck when he was a child) but the predominant one I discovered was from traffic accidents - mostly involving motorcycles with riders not using helmets. And yes, at least one of the men still thought that requiring helmets is wrong and that he still wouldn't wear one if he could still ride a motorcycle. Of course he had a serious brain injury and that might be the reason he couldn't reason things out better.

I don't know what could possibly make the lw feel any better unless it's that his mom stops riding motorcycles. I don't think that's going to happen. It's kind of like trying to get a parent who's been a long time smoker to quit or a parent addicted to drugs or alcohol to quit. It's very unlikely they're going to quit just because their child asks or even begs them to.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#9 Aug 1, 2014
2: Tell your son he can either pay for an apartment entirely by himself or he can come up with the security deposit. If he's going to be a junior, he's old enough to be kicked out of the house and you have no responsibility for him. Anything you give him is a gift, not something you are required to give him. This is a perfect lesson to help him learn responsibility. You should have started teaching him this years ago. If you don't stick to your word on this, he will be a leach for years to come and may never learn to stand on his own two feet. DO NOT BACK DOWN.

3: Yes, technology of this sort is great but does not really make up for the distance. You don't get warm hugs from a computer screen. On the other hand, you CAN turn on some funny music and dance a funny dance in front of the camera and make the grandkids laugh. ;-)
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#10 Aug 1, 2014
RACE wrote:
Why?
The LW is free to wear a helmet if they want to, nobody is saying they can't, Why should the whims of the LW dictate what *I* can do? My not wearing a helmet hurts someone else as much as being gay hurts someone else. Lets legislate sexuality too then.
<quoted text>
Talk to anyone who works in the emergency room of a hospital and ask them how many victims of horrible motorcycle accidents they see. When my dad was in intensive care, they rolled one in. I caught a glimpse of him covered in blood and immediately looked away. I spent some time in the waiting room with his family and heard conversations between the staff and the family that I will never forget. I could argue that insurance rates for everyone go up because of people not wearing seatbelts or helmets. But if you are uninterested in protecting your own brain, I really don't know what I can say that would have any impact whatsoever. I do find it interesting that riders in my state started wearing helmets when the law was enacted. Legislation worked. Funny how people conform when their pocketbooks are threatened, rather than their lives or health.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Aug 1, 2014
L1: Such an easy thing to do for her family and she can't do it takes the joy out of riding? That's the same excuse some idiots use for not using condoms -- takes the joy out of the activity. Idiots abound.

L2: Tell him he either pays the deposit or he lives in the dorm.

L3: It amazes me that some people really don't know that stuff it out there -- Facetime, Skype, etc. Some people don't, though. Tell 'em.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 Aug 1, 2014
You said alot, but did not answer my query.
Why should the LW, you or anyone else be able to dictate what safety precautions I need to take? Why should I get a ticket for not using my seat belt? Why should I get a ticket for not wearing a helmet?
Just because I should, does not mean that you get to say I must.

Motorcycles are inherently dangerous, but I dont see any mad dash to prohibit their purchase. If you are so concerned about my noodle, then ban all bikes! Dont say I can have one, but I can only use it i comply to your arbitrary conception of safety. I dont need a helmet if I dont get into an accident, and if you are worried about my safety in the event of an accident, mandate that bikes come with factory safety deployment systems to protect the rider.
Oh, right, that will cut into the profits of the MFR...Funny how safety is ignored when it becomes cost prohibitive.
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Talk to anyone who works in the emergency room of a hospital and ask them how many victims of horrible motorcycle accidents they see. When my dad was in intensive care, they rolled one in. I caught a glimpse of him covered in blood and immediately looked away. I spent some time in the waiting room with his family and heard conversations between the staff and the family that I will never forget. I could argue that insurance rates for everyone go up because of people not wearing seatbelts or helmets. But if you are uninterested in protecting your own brain, I really don't know what I can say that would have any impact whatsoever. I do find it interesting that riders in my state started wearing helmets when the law was enacted. Legislation worked. Funny how people conform when their pocketbooks are threatened, rather than their lives or health.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Aug 1, 2014
RACE wrote:
You said alot, but did not answer my query.
Why should the LW, you or anyone else be able to dictate what safety precautions I need to take? Why should I get a ticket for not using my seat belt? Why should I get a ticket for not wearing a helmet?
Just because I should, does not mean that you get to say I must.
Motorcycles are inherently dangerous, but I dont see any mad dash to prohibit their purchase. If you are so concerned about my noodle, then ban all bikes! Dont say I can have one, but I can only use it i comply to your arbitrary conception of safety. I dont need a helmet if I dont get into an accident, and if you are worried about my safety in the event of an accident, mandate that bikes come with factory safety deployment systems to protect the rider.
Oh, right, that will cut into the profits of the MFR...Funny how safety is ignored when it becomes cost prohibitive.
<quoted text>
You are still free to not wear a seatbelt or not wear a helmet, even if it is law. Of course, if you get caught you have to pay the penalty.

Without a seatbelt you can become a projectile. You could get ejected out of your car and into another's path. It's a simple thing to do that saves lives.

Regarding helmets for motorcycles, it saves lives. You don't want what some people call a "nanny state" I take it. Something so simple as putting on a helmet that saves tremendous amount of lives you don't want it to be law.

You don't have to be going fast, fall far or hit your head hard to suffer lasting damage. Even mild head injuries, where you don't lose consciousness, can cause permanent behavioral and cognitive problems, such as memory loss, inability to concentrate and sleep disorders. In some cases, traumatic brain injuries can lead to permanent disability or death. On a motorcycle, head injuries are practically a sure thing if you get into an accident and don't have a helmet on. I don't want to pay to take care of those idiots who can't strap a helmet on.

Illinois does not have a helmet law. Most people do wear helmets, though. Even on bikes.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#14 Aug 1, 2014
Oh please...
Show me one article where a person who was not wearing a seat belt became a projectile and harmed someone else. And if this is such a danger, why dont Motorcycles have seat belts???

Why do I have to pay a penalty? Why is it even a condition to riding a motorcycle?
The reason is NOT to save my life, it is to generate taxes.

And give up on how simple it is to save lives, The simplest way to save lives is to ban motorcycles. So why do they exist?
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
You are still free to not wear a seatbelt or not wear a helmet, even if it is law. Of course, if you get caught you have to pay the penalty.
Without a seatbelt you can become a projectile. You could get ejected out of your car and into another's path. It's a simple thing to do that saves lives.
Regarding helmets for motorcycles, it saves lives. You don't want what some people call a "nanny state" I take it. Something so simple as putting on a helmet that saves tremendous amount of lives you don't want it to be law.
You don't have to be going fast, fall far or hit your head hard to suffer lasting damage. Even mild head injuries, where you don't lose consciousness, can cause permanent behavioral and cognitive problems, such as memory loss, inability to concentrate and sleep disorders. In some cases, traumatic brain injuries can lead to permanent disability or death. On a motorcycle, head injuries are practically a sure thing if you get into an accident and don't have a helmet on. I don't want to pay to take care of those idiots who can't strap a helmet on.
Illinois does not have a helmet law. Most people do wear helmets, though. Even on bikes.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#15 Aug 1, 2014
RACE wrote:
Oh please...
Show me one article where a person who was not wearing a seat belt became a projectile and harmed someone else. And if this is such a danger, why dont Motorcycles have seat belts???
Why do I have to pay a penalty? Why is it even a condition to riding a motorcycle?
The reason is NOT to save my life, it is to generate taxes.
And give up on how simple it is to save lives, The simplest way to save lives is to ban motorcycles. So why do they exist?
<quoted text>
Riding and using the expressways and having a license is not a right -- it is a privilege.

As to why they don't ban motorcycles, I would not know. I imagine "they" (whoever "they" is/are) decided that making helmets mandatory and/or readily available and promoted would be less intrusive then telling people they cannot have motorcycles.

The reason for the penalty is that it is a penalty for breaking the law. The fact that it generates income is a separate matter.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#16 Aug 1, 2014
RACE wrote:
You said alot, but did not answer my query.
Why should the LW, you or anyone else be able to dictate what safety precautions I need to take? Why should I get a ticket for not using my seat belt? Why should I get a ticket for not wearing a helmet?
Just because I should, does not mean that you get to say I must.
Motorcycles are inherently dangerous, but I dont see any mad dash to prohibit their purchase. If you are so concerned about my noodle, then ban all bikes! Dont say I can have one, but I can only use it i comply to your arbitrary conception of safety. I dont need a helmet if I dont get into an accident, and if you are worried about my safety in the event of an accident, mandate that bikes come with factory safety deployment systems to protect the rider.
Oh, right, that will cut into the profits of the MFR...Funny how safety is ignored when it becomes cost prohibitive.
<quoted text>
Yes, I know that motorcycles are dangerous. I have two good friends who ride, and at least 3 of my cousins rides. One of my cousins has had a full knee replacement due to a motorcycle accident and one other also has accident related knee damage. Fortunately, they both wear helmets. A friend of one of my friends died earlier this year in a motorcycle accident. He was on a mountain road, crossed over the center line, and ran into a truck head-on. No helmet would have saved him. So no argument there.

You ask why *I* or anyone else (the state, for example) should dictate what safety precautions *you* need to take. The answer is because you are either too reckless, oblivious to facts, have a death wish, think you are invincible, or more entitled to a suite in the intensive care unit to care for your own safety. So the state, IMHO, needs to do that for you. There are still some people who refuse to use seat belts, even though they have saved many lives.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#17 Aug 1, 2014
L1. OK. Illinois has a seatbelt law which is strictly enforced but no helmet law.
How does that make any sense?

Sometimes I think that it's partially for the overall advancement of medicine in that it gives the residents extra practice with closed head injuries, if you know what I mean.

I would never ride a motorcylcle...

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#18 Aug 1, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
You ask why *I* or anyone else (the state, for example) should dictate what safety precautions *you* need to take. The answer is because you are either too reckless, oblivious to facts, have a death wish, think you are invincible, or more entitled to a suite in the intensive care unit to care for your own safety. So the state, IMHO, needs to do that for you. There are still some people who refuse to use seat belts, even though they have saved many lives.
Basically you think the state should be in the business of protecting people from their own foolish acts. Race(and I) disagree. If I don't wish to wear a seatbelt or a helmet, it should be my right. there should be no penalty handed down by the government. I know the risk. Just like I know the risk involved in any other activity that could end in bodily harm. Rock climbing? Mountain biking? I don't need daddy government telling me to be careful. I will be as careful or as reckless with my safety as I want.*I* will suffer the consequences if things go wrong.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#19 Aug 1, 2014
RACE wrote:
Why?
The LW is free to wear a helmet if they want to, nobody is saying they can't, Why should the whims of the LW dictate what *I* can do? My not wearing a helmet hurts someone else as much as being gay hurts someone else. Lets legislate sexuality too then.
<quoted text>
And besides, the LW's mother can become an organ donor and help a whole bunch of people.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#20 Aug 2, 2014
If we're still talking motorcycle helmets, here's another perspective. Even if you're a driver who's never ridden a motorcycle and don't ever want to, you can still be affected by those who do drive them. If you are in an accident with a motorcycle, you may be found responsible or at least partly responsible for the accident. If that's the case, your insurance will have to cover all or part of the motorcyclist's medical costs, rehab costs, and possibly long-term care costs. If you don't have enough insurance coverage for all of that, your own assets may be taken to pay those costs. That's a VERY good reason why those who don't ride motorcycles might want a law to make helmets mandatory for motorcyclists. Even if money weren't involved, wouldn't you feel awful that some person riding a motorcycle was severely hurt in an accident in which you were involved? You'd have to live with that knowledge and pain the rest of your life. And what about the family members of the injured rider? Their lives are affected by his injuries as well. I'd say those are the kinds of thing that gives others the right to tell someone what rules they have to follow regarding wearing helmets (and seat belts and baby/child seats and whatever other safety gear we might mention). If a person is injured in an accident, he is NOT the only person affected no matter what Race or any one else might argue to the contrary.

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