“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Aug 30, 2013
DEAR AMY: I am on my third marriage. My first marriage produced one son,ďKarl,Ē who is 30 years old and is in and out of jail. Karl has a young son who I treasure immensely and see every other weekend.

My daughter, who is 25 (from my second marriage), recently had a baby son. At the time, I was estranged from my third husband, who has a history of emotionally and physically abusing me.
I went back to my husband when my grandson was a month old. I know it is difficult to understand, but I really love him and want to make the marriage work. He has made promises to me and agrees to attend counseling.

My daughter is upset and will not let my grandson be a part of my life. I even told her I would go to her house and see the baby apart from my husband.

I am heartbroken over my daughterís decision and wonder what, if anything, can I do to get her to change her mind. My husband has a criminal background, so I think it would be difficult to try to go to court to win visitation rights. Iím at a loss and need advice. Is there anything I can do?-- Heartbroken Grandma

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Howís the counseling going?

Iím going to assume that you arenít following through with counseling, but you should because a neutral person could explain that your daughter is doing what good daughters (and young moms) are supposed to do: try to protect family members from danger.

Your daughter is saying,ďMom, I want you to stay away from this guy because heís not good for you or our family. If you choose to stay with him, you wonít have access to your grandson because this is the only non-negotiable I have that may get you to think about what you are doing.Ē

I canít provide you with ways to manipulate your daughter into giving you what you want because I agree with her decision. And so far itís working ó because it really got your attention.

DEAR AMY: I am starting college soon and feel as if my parents donít care. They say they are happy for me and are going to miss me, but they act and talk to me like itís no big deal.

I leave in 21 / 2 weeks for a place eight hours away. I work three jobs and feel as if Iím not ready to move because I donít have time to pack. My parents arenít helpful. Everything I say about school is brushed off.

How can I fix this and get them on board?-- Lost University Student

DEAR LOST: Believe it or not, your folks are also feeling anxious. They are coping with it by trying to reassure you (and themselves) by ignoring the importance of your departure. It sounds as if they are going overboard with their assurances, and you could use some TLC.

When you are feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of a huge move, the best way to soothe your nerves is to break everything down into smaller tasks. This is also the best way to get other people to help.

Instead of saying,ďWhy wonít you help me get ready for college?Ē You can say,ďMom, here is a list my university sent of stuff Iíll need for my room. Can you help me pick out some sheets and towels?Ē

You can also say,ďDad, Iím nervous. You and mom are being so cool, it seems as if you donít really care that Iím leaving home, but I could use an extra hug.Ē

If your folks are like most people, they will finally lose it at a very random moment, like, in front of your new roommate. Please be very understanding when they do.

DEAR AMY: The letter from ďHurtingĒ was devastating. Hurting lost a child and didnít receive comfort from friends.

I had a friend abandon me after a huge loss. I responded by being there for her (as I wished she had been for me) when she was grieving.

She later apologized to me. She said she learned the hard way how to respond to others.-- Still Friends

DEAR STILL: You are an extremely generous and understanding friend.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Aug 30, 2013
L1: you must have some serious issues if she won't even let you visit him at her home. You sound like a wreck.
L2: what on earth do you want them to do or say. Why do I think you want them to be your cheerleaders?
L3: yay you. I drop friends who abandon me. You sound smug.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#3 Aug 30, 2013
LW1: Yeah, hereís what you can do Ö figure out how to build a time machine, go back in time to the night your mom got pregnant with you and tell the dude she probably met in the alley way behind the truck stop to pull out for the sake of humanity.

LW2: You are an adult now Ö try to act like one.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Aug 30, 2013
Parents have an absolute right to control who sees their kids. You have no grandparent visitation rights because your kid ( the mom) is alive.

You daughter is protecting her child from you. YOU are the problem. Go to Family Services and request a social worker or someone who can help you get YOUR act together. Maybe after you do that your daughter will let you see the baby.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Aug 30, 2013
LW1: What Amy's intern and PEllen said.

LW2: Well, if you don't feel like you have any time to pack, why not quit those jobs and pack? And I think your parents are trying to treat you like an adult, so if you need a little extra support, you're going to have to ask for it. Yanno, like an adult.

LW3: I thought we abandonded this rehash.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#6 Aug 30, 2013
1 As has been stated, you are a train wreck, and your daughter is probably protecting her sanity as well as her kid by keeping you away.

2 Honestly, how much crap do you need to bring to college? Clothes,Sheets, towels, and a pillow. Anything else you need you can get at the local walmart.

3 Its not a selfless act when you brag about it.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#7 Aug 30, 2013
LW1: You all covered it. The LW is a train wreck and I think her daughter is doing the right thing.
edogxxx

Brooklyn, NY

#8 Aug 30, 2013
1- I find it deplorable to use your child as a bargaining chip to try to control others. Her baby is in no danger by letting you visit, she's just being a brat and punishing you for your decisions. Karma's a btch and she's asking for it.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#9 Aug 30, 2013
LW1: You need to find where you put your self esteem and why you went back to someone with 1) a criminal history and 2) a history of emotional and physical abuse against YOU. Please get out and get some help before you end up in the hospital or dead.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#10 Aug 30, 2013
1: Court for visitation? Grow up.
I was be fine with you visiting my home without your crazy 3rd hubby, but if daughter won't even let you alone, then you are a big part of your marital (3rd!) problems.

2: Aw, did you not get your trophy?
Julie

Chicago, IL

#11 Aug 30, 2013
LW1: It's ridiculously obvious that you have *no* idea how effed up you are. But your daughter does. She's completely right to protect her baby from you.
Jersey Sure

Florham Park, NJ

#12 Aug 31, 2013
LW 1: "Iím going to assume that you arenít following through with counseling" No Amy, she probably seeing a shrink, that's why she is so screwed up!

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