Amy 5-13

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“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
May 13, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I have a much older sister who has been a heavy drinker for probably 50 years. The entire family knows this, but because of her intimidating personality, no one has ever dared to address it -- including her grown children or husband (he also drinks every day).

My four sisters (and husbands) had a family reunion several months ago, and the alcoholic sister was completely out of control, not only drinking every day, but drinking all day, every day. She was intolerable to be around -- mean, negative and sarcastic.

After everyone returned home, my eldest sister, who was hosting the reunion, decided to address the situation with an email stating her concerns to alcoholic sister and copied all the siblings on the email. Alcoholic sister sent back a vicious email to everyone and has not spoken to any of us since. She is a master grudge-holder, and no one expects to ever hear from her again -- she is in her late 70s and has other health problems.

After being confronted, she canceled attending the next family reunion, which is to take place this summer. She was clearly stunned to be called an alcoholic and is so far in denial that nothing anyone says is going to change her habits.

I'm wondering whether I should reach out to her. We have had a good relationship, and I enjoyed our annual visits (except for evening hours when she gets drunk) and daily emails. The other sisters have tried to connect with her, and their efforts have been ignored. Your thoughts?-- On Exile Island

DEAR EXILE: Your sister's reaction to this familial concern does not mean that she is in denial about her drinking. Her anger and insubordination should tell all of you that she is making a choice to cut you off rather than face the truth about herself. This doesn't mean she does not know the truth. It means she does know the truth.

If you have always enjoyed your distant contact with her, then you should attempt to continue this contact in the most loving and compassionate way you can. The boundary you must create has to do with your unwavering intolerance of being abused by her. Most likely, she will choose to ignore you. Then you must turn your attention to dealing with your own sadness over the loss of this relationship, balanced by gratitude for being part of the family that remains together.

DEAR AMY: I am getting married in October. A woman I've known for a long time but who probably wouldn't have been invited to the wedding independently started dating my groom's best friend.

While they were dating, she got invited to my bachelorette party.

Recently she broke up with him (and didn't do it nicely) and emailed one of the bridesmaids, asking for details for the bachelorette party. She will no longer be invited to the wedding -- so how do I express that she shouldn't come to the party?-- Bride to Be

DEAR BRIDE TO BE: It is rude to issue an invitation and then yank it back. But it is your wedding, and if this invitation was contingent on this person's relationship with your fiance's friend, then you have to tell her, plainly, that she will not be included in your wedding celebrations.

You should contact her personally and say, "You were included in our wedding because of your relationship with the groom's best friend, but now that you are no longer in this relationship, we are moving on with our wedding without you. I'm sorry about this, but it's the way it is."

DEAR AMY: "A Worried Friend" contacted you about his friend, who was struggling with his parents' reaction after he disclosed that he is gay.

Why in the world is this adult son discussing his sexuality with his mother in the first place? After disclosing it, he should decline to bring it up again. That way he won't have to deal with her reaction at all.-- Easy Solution

DEAR EASY: One challenge many gay people face is the idea that sexuality becomes something to "disclose." Then it's up for discussion. I agree with your concept.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
May 13, 2013
 

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L1: "no one expects to ever hear from her again." Sounds like a win to me.

L2: Or give the woman the option of attending the bachelorette party with the full knowledge that she isn't invited to the wedding. Or, if you want to sever the friendship forever, disinvite her to the bachelorette party.

L3: HE'S NOT DISCUSSION HIS SEXUALITY YOU FREAKING MORON. He's merely identifying who he is, just like all of us breeders do. My god, I am so ephing sick of the straights who wig out this way. A straight person talks about his weekend with his wife, that's all fine and dandy. But a gay guy mentions his weekend plans with his boyfriend, all of a sudden he's "flaunting his sexuality."

God, I am sick sick sick of people who are so stupid about gay stuff. Sick of it.

Today, Minnesota will become the 12th state to legalize gay marriage. IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME.
liner

Bellport, NY

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#3
May 13, 2013
 
L1: You wimp out by emailing her? You couldn't pay her a visit?
She's in her late 70s and she won't speak to you ever again? That shouldn't take too long.

Since: Jan 10

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#4
May 13, 2013
 
liner wrote:
L1: You wimp out by emailing her? You couldn't pay her a visit?
She's in her late 70s and she won't speak to you ever again? That shouldn't take too long.
Especially at the rate she's going with the booze.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#5
May 13, 2013
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: HE'S NOT DISCUSSION HIS SEXUALITY YOU FREAKING MORON. He's merely identifying who he is, just like all of us breeders do..
I agree with lw. Dude came out of the closet. Great. But then he said his mom refused to discuss it anymore. And that was the crux of his problem. Why does he want to discuss it anymore. She knows. She's uncomfrtable. Why force her to talk about it?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#6
May 13, 2013
 
LW1: Sounds like you all are better off without her, but what's it gonna hurt to try one more time. Be prepared to be blown off.

But, Amy, did you really use "insubordination?" Who's authority is this drunkard not respecting? I didn't realize that big sisters were part of the military.

LW2: Super duper wedding bs that I don't care about.

LW3: He can choose never to discuss this again, but I highly doubt his parents will do the same.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#7
May 13, 2013
 
If Tonka's recollection of the original LW on the rehash is correct, then my answer for LW3 is completely wrong.

Meh, I don't remember and really don't care all that much.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#8
May 13, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: HE'S NOT DISCUSSION HIS SEXUALITY YOU FREAKING MORON. He's merely identifying who he is, just like all of us breeders do. My god, I am so ephing sick of the straights who wig out this way. A straight person talks about his weekend with his wife, that's all fine and dandy. But a gay guy mentions his weekend plans with his boyfriend, all of a sudden he's "flaunting his sexuality."
God, I am sick sick sick of people who are so stupid about gay stuff. Sick of it.
Today, Minnesota will become the 12th state to legalize gay marriage. IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME.
When people tell anybody who will listen they're gay, when they scream it from the rooftops, when they march in their parades waving their rainbows, the ARE "flaunting" their sexuality.

Yeah, and who the hell said there should be rules on marriage anyway? People should be able to marry whatever.

Since: Jan 10

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#9
May 13, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I agree with lw. Dude came out of the closet. Great. But then he said his mom refused to discuss it anymore. And that was the crux of his problem. Why does he want to discuss it anymore. She knows. She's uncomfrtable. Why force her to talk about it?
I got the same thing from the original letter as you did. but i went off on my rant anyway.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#10
May 13, 2013
 

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1 What did you expect? Email was very mean, and to CC the rest of the family would make anyone blow up. You should have done it at the reunion to her face. I would not want to talk to you morons either.

2 girl stuff

3 Team Tonka

Since: Jan 10

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#11
May 13, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
When people tell anybody who will listen they're gay, when they scream it from the rooftops, when they march in their parades waving their rainbows, the ARE "flaunting" their sexuality.
Yeah, and who the hell said there should be rules on marriage anyway? People should be able to marry whatever.
But I don't know anybody like that. I don't know any gay people who tell anyone who will listen, shout it from the rooftops. NOne. Not a single one.

The parades will stop when they achieve full equality in this country.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#12
May 13, 2013
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
The parades will stop when they achieve full equality in this country.
Guess I can't understand why gays think they're not being treated equally in this country. There's not a single right a straight man has that a gay man does not. Not one.

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#13
May 13, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Guess I can't understand why gays think they're not being treated equally in this country. There's not a single right a straight man has that a gay man does not. Not one.
LIes. Completely and utter lies. But everyone here knows that about you.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#14
May 13, 2013
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
LIes. Completely and utter lies. But everyone here knows that about you.
Lies, really? Am I wrong about rights they're being denied? Can you name one?

Easy to sit there and tell me how wrong I am, but can you actually prove it?

Since: Jan 10

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#15
May 13, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Lies, really? Am I wrong about rights they're being denied? Can you name one?
Easy to sit there and tell me how wrong I am, but can you actually prove it?
In 30 states, it is *legal* and *constitutional* to fire or evict a gay person simply based on finding out that he is gay. In those states, it also is legal to use the person's gayness as a reason to restrict visitation and custody of one's children.

Gay people can be denied access to their partner in the hospital.

And straight men can marry the person they love, in all 50 states. Gay people can't marry the person they love, in all 50 states. But the day is coming.

And as a result of those discriminatory laws, gays lose out in taxes and they incur other legal bills in order to set up their relationship to give each other the same responsibilities and rights that come automatically to legally married couples.

Since: Jan 10

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#16
May 13, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Lies, really? Am I wrong about rights they're being denied? Can you name one?
Easy to sit there and tell me how wrong I am, but can you actually prove it?
But it doesn't matter. You'll take my response and read something completely retarded into it and argue in a way that no one here agrees with and doesn't even make sense.

C'mon, you can do it. You know you can. Make Sam proud.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#17
May 13, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Especially at the rate she's going with the booze.
Who knows - she may end up lasting longer. Better preserved!:D
rings90

United States

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#18
May 13, 2013
 

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Equal Rights? Really I'm a divorce female without kids. I can't get hardly any federal aide for school because I don't qualify as I make too much working a pt retail job & becuz I don't have kids. I don't get any extra tax breaks, and I make too much for an debt card as a single & forget about help with housing.

So tell me again about how gays are the ONLY lifestyles discrimated against in this country?

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#19
May 13, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
In 30 states, it is *legal* and *constitutional* to fire or evict a gay person simply based on finding out that he is gay. In those states, it also is legal to use the person's gayness as a reason to restrict visitation and custody of one's children.
Gay people can be denied access to their partner in the hospital.
And straight men can marry the person they love, in all 50 states. Gay people can't marry the person they love, in all 50 states. But the day is coming.
And as a result of those discriminatory laws, gays lose out in taxes and they incur other legal bills in order to set up their relationship to give each other the same responsibilities and rights that come automatically to legally married couples.
Nobody has a right to not be fired or evicted. I don't believe gay people are dinied visitatin of someone in the hospital. A gay man has every right to marry a woman, just as I do.

Since: Jan 10

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#20
May 13, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Nobody has a right to not be fired or evicted. I don't believe gay people are dinied visitatin of someone in the hospital. A gay man has every right to marry a woman, just as I do.
People have a right to not be fired based on discrimination laws as defined by our government. In most states, you can fire someone simply for being gay, regardless of how they do their job.

You're wrong about gay people being denied visitation in the hospital. WRong.

And as I said, gay peopl are denied the right to marry the person theY LOVE. You don't get to define who they should marry.

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