“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Nov 20, 2012
DEAR AMY: Our daughter broke up with her first boyfriend in the middle of her senior year in high school. They began dating in her sophomore year. Now they live a 2-1/2-hour plane ride apart and she is a freshman in college. She remains in casual contact with him online but has no desire to resume a romance.

During the time they dated, his mother became "friends" with her on Facebook and continues to comment on her posts and check in on her page. We think this is inappropriate and meddling. We would never "friend" our children's teenage romantic interests unless it was very serious. Our daughter feels it could be viewed as rude to "unfriend" her.

What are your thoughts on this sticky situation? We think it is weird that she is following our daughter on Facebook and commenting on her page.-- Upset Parents

DEAR UPSET: Your daughter has remained in casual contact with her former boyfriend online and his mother is maintaining a casual contact with her on Facebook. Following a Facebook friend's posts is not exactly cyber stalking. Many people maintain contact and friendships with their kids' exes, and despite what you think, this is not necessarily inappropriate or meddling unless the responses or comments are.

If your daughter doesn't want this woman to see her posts, she can "unfriend" her, and if this is seen as rude, does she care?

Otherwise, she can adjust her privacy settings and prevent this mom from seeing her posts without unfriending her. If the mother notices this and sends her a message to ask why, your daughter can simply be honest and say, "It makes me uncomfortable sharing my personal posts with you."

DEAR AMY: My future in-laws have offered to pay for our rehearsal dinner, and I am so grateful! The restaurant we are going to that night has a nut-free kitchen but brings in desserts from outside bakeries that use nuts.

I am severely allergic to nuts and can't be close to nut products without having a reaction. We chose nut-free desserts that I can't eat due to cross-contamination at the bakery, but I can safely be at the table when they are served. My future mother-in-law is demanding that a nut-filled dessert be served (it's her favorite).

My fiance and I have politely tried to explain this issue and have told her we would pay for the dinner ourselves, but she says she is not willing to even attend the dinner "when the bride is being so selfish." Amy, I have been polite and grateful, but I feel it is reasonable to ask not to be around something that could hurt me. How do I fix this? This has become a huge ordeal.-- Allergic Fiancee

DEAR ALLERGIC: You need to do your best to stay out of the hospital on your wedding day.

Your future mother-in-law's statement is extremely rude, but I believe that some people either don't understand the severity of nut allergies, or they deny that these allergies are "real." You and your fiance need to sit down with her for a firm reality check.

You (and he) will say, "I can't have any nuts or be around any nuts at any time. I know you don't like this, but that's the way it is. Do you understand how serious this is?" Wait for her answer. Print out some information for her about your allergy, and ask for her help to keep your celebration safe.

If she won't cooperate, pay for the celebration yourself and invite her to be your guest. If she doesn't attend, understand that this is her choice.

DEAR AMY: The young man who signed his letter "Grateful" wanted to know how to thank his girlfriend's parents for picking up the dinner check. The next time they eat out he should contact the server privately and direct that he will pick up the check. Waitstaff will help.-- Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE: A little dinnertime subterfuge could take care of this nicely. Thank you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Nov 20, 2012
1- For a lot of the younger people, having a lot of facebook friends is like a status symbol. I know people who have like 200 fb friends. I KNOW they don't talk to all those people. While I think it's odd for a parent to "friend" their child's boy/girlfriend, I don't think this is a big deal.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Nov 20, 2012
L1: Plus, there's the fact THAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS A FREAKIN' ADULT. Back the hell off, hovercraft parent.

L2: tell the MIL that she's not invited to a rehearsal, wedding, or future grandchildren's birthday parties if SHE'S going to be so selfish. Seriously. This IS a hill on which to die. "If she doesnít attend, understand that this is her choice." She'll attend. She's a liar and a drama queen. Call this B's bluff!

L3: Did he ask for a way to pay the bill without the parents taking over?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Nov 20, 2012
My favorite comment on L1 from the WaPo:

"We think this is totally inappropriate meddling on the part of his mom. That's OUR job, which is why I'm writing multiple paragraphs about my grown daughter's Facebook friend list."

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#5 Nov 20, 2012
1 FB crap, soooo dont care. But mom, stay out of your kids FB life, your the one acting stalkerish.
(my word)

2 Its all in your head, now sit down and eat your PBJ and Reeces pieces.

3 Yeah, pops would just love that! NOT.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#6 Nov 20, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
My favorite comment on L1 from the WaPo:
"We think this is totally inappropriate meddling on the part of his mom. That's OUR job, which is why I'm writing multiple paragraphs about my grown daughter's Facebook friend list."
Ha! That's what I was thinking. Yeah...meddling parents, aren't they awful?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Nov 20, 2012
LW1: If anyone is meddling, it is you. MYOB

LW2: Thatís just nuts.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#8 Nov 20, 2012
1 Weird, and a little bit creepy, but not outlandish. Never become Facebook friends with a significant other's parents.

2 Eff your future MIL. Redhead's suggestion has my 100% agreement. Die on this hill. You'll be glad you did.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Nov 20, 2012
Saluki Rod wrote:
1 Weird, and a little bit creepy, but not outlandish. Never become Facebook friends with a significant other's parents.
2 Eff your future MIL. Redhead's suggestion has my 100% agreement. Die on this hill. You'll be glad you did.
Anaphalctic shock is no joe. That's what hapens in severe nut allergies. Chicago people will rmember a school kid who died because the class ordered Chinese food and there wee nut in soe dishes.

Die on this hil or die. Literally
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#10 Nov 20, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
1- For a lot of the younger people, having a lot of facebook friends is like a status symbol. I know people who have like 200 fb friends. I KNOW they don't talk to all those people. While I think it's odd for a parent to "friend" their child's boy/girlfriend, I don't think this is a big deal.
I know people with 1000+ Facebook friends! Who wants to keep up with that many people?
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#11 Nov 20, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: tell the MIL that she's not invited to a rehearsal, wedding, or future grandchildren's birthday parties if SHE'S going to be so selfish. Seriously. This IS a hill on which to die. "If she doesnít attend, understand that this is her choice." She'll attend. She's a liar and a drama queen. Call this B's bluff!
This. And pay for the rehearsal dinner yourselves and tell her to take her money and shove it.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

#12 Nov 20, 2012
1. Sounds like your daughter has given her no reason not to stay in touch. If your daughter's not comfortable, she can unfriend. If not, not. Dammit, I really don't care. Why did I waste my time writing that?

2. Consider this a free preview of your future bumpy ride. Your boy needs to buck up and explain to mommy that keeping you lump-free takes priority over mommy having a slice of pecan pie.

3. Pick up the next tab. Bring a nice bottle of wine next time he comes over. Get them tickets to an event they'd like to attend. Get a skywriter to write "Thanks for the grub!" Get them a couples massage and a night at Sybaris. Get them a Swiss Colony Beef Log.
liner

Brooklyn, NY

#13 Nov 20, 2012
1: Helicopters make lots of noise, don't they.
2: Let MIL pay for and have the rehearsal dinner. Just don't show up. She'll get the message.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#14 Nov 20, 2012
LW2: Never, EVER, eat at your future MIL's house. This selfish, nasty btch will *definitely* try to feed you something that has nuts. Stay far away.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#15 Nov 21, 2012
Word!
Julie wrote:
LW2: Never, EVER, eat at your future MIL's house. This selfish, nasty btch will *definitely* try to feed you something that has nuts. Stay far away.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Nov 21, 2012
L1: WTF? Get out of your adult child's FB life. If she asks you how to get out of it gracefully, give her your opinion -- then butt out.

L2: Yes, where the hell is the groom in this? I hope the LW does not buckle to this lady, it can cost her her life. I agree with Julie -- this woman will feed her nuts to prove her point and when she lands in the hospital she'll probably say, "I didn't know!". I'd not give her one iota of consideration but would say politely, "We decided to go another way with the rehearsal dinner. Here's out plan, hope you can attend." And that would be IT.

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