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1 - 13 of 13 Comments Last updated Jul 2, 2013

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Jul 2, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I'll bet you've gotten a ton of mail about "Mike in Missouri" (March 15), who was worried about his wife's declining sex drive. While your point about hormone levels is a good one, it could be something simpler than that.

I am a wife who would love to have sex more often, but I'm tired! I work full-time and do most of the household chores. I also do most of the cooking.

When my husband heads up to the bedroom at 10 o'clock and gives me that "come hither look," I'm not in the mood for sex. I'm thinking about the two loads of laundry and the sink full of dishes that still need to be done. Or I'm trying to remember whether I signed that permission slip for our daughter and making a mental note about picking up my prescriptions on the way to a client meeting in the morning.

Speaking of prescriptions, is Mike's wife perhaps on birth control pills? Those can decrease a woman's sex drive. I took a particular pill for a year before realizing how much it killed my desire. My doctor changed the prescription. Although there's a big difference, I'm still too tired to do much about it most days.

However, my husband has figured out I have more energy in the mornings, so his timing is better on those "come hither looks." Now if I could only get him to help out more with the chores ...-- G. IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR G.: Thank you for sharing. And you're right -- readers wasted no time flooding my office with comments on this topic:

DEAR ABBY: After conversations with women of all ages, I have concluded that more often than not, it is the husband who has caused the wife's sex drive to diminish, not hormones or other physical problems.

Ask Mike how he treats his wife on a daily basis; whether he has habits or hygiene that are off-putting; whether he indulges in pornography; whether he has taken care of his health and appearance. After 17 years, is he a good lover?

Many women are as dissatisfied with their sex lives as their complaining husbands are. Anyone who wants to have a satisfying sex partner needs to be one.-- OVER 50 AND STILL INTERESTED

DEAR ABBY: A woman's sex drive is a complex issue that in my experience has nothing to do with her hormone levels. A decline can occur at any age even though she has no obvious medical issues. The most common causes are stress, unresolved and deeply buried sexual issues, concern about body image, empty nest syndrome, distraction with family problems, worry over work or finances, and the side effects of medications such as antidepressants.-- SAN DIEGO GYNECOLOGIST

DEAR ABBY: When sex was mind-blowing for me was when I felt the most loved by my husband. The way he treats me has changed over the years, and lately I'm so turned off that I can no longer physically respond to him. Often, a woman loses interest in sex because her partner makes her feel like he has lost interest in her.

At the beginning of a relationship, both people do special things for each other to show their affection. These are the things women need. To continue feeling loved, each woman has different emotional needs that can stay the same or evolve as life's circumstances change.

The bottom line is, if men want their wives to want them physically, they need to learn what their wives want emotionally -- and then do a lot of it. Pay attention to her, communicate, make her a priority. I'm amazed that so many men don't understand how enormous the payoff would be if they made the effort to make their wives feel they are still special.-- OUTTA HERE SOON

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#2
Jul 2, 2013
 

Judged:

4

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2

1- I think it's BS you're tired. Your husband wants sex and all you can think about is the laundry and dishes? Face it, you're not interested in sex. At least not with your husband. I think you want a change. Get your cougar on and seduce the paper boy.

2, 3- Yeah, the man is at fault for the decrease of a woman's sex drive. Are we also to blame for the women who are wh0 res?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Jul 2, 2013
 

Judged:

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Have to agree with edog, all these letters are man bashing. It's our fault you have no sexual desire. It's our fault your fat, on drugs, or think more about dirty dishes than arousing your husband. Talk about how Men need to communicate? How about you start doing some of that yourself?

AND looking at porn is NOT a bad thing!

Since: Jan 10

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#4
Jul 2, 2013
 
" I work full-time and do most of the household chores. I also do most of the cooking."

That's on you. Talk with him about splitting household chores evenly.

Since: Jan 10

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#5
Jul 2, 2013
 
"whether he indulges in pornography;"

Huh? What's that have to do with anything? That's listed in the "are you sure you're not a disgusting pig" stuff? W T H?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#6
Jul 2, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
1-e. Get your cougar on and seduce the paper boy.

Are we also to blame for the women who are wh0 res?
A. Paper boys don't exit any more. If newspapers are delivered it is by very slow driving vehicle driven by a middle aged person, not some kid on a bike.

(A couple years ago , not far from you, a paper delivery person went missing with her kids. Seems she had them in the van with her, sleeping while she delivered papers. She couldn't afford and they all slid into the river).

B. With no sarcasm at all, the answer is, Yes. Without men as customers, those women would find some other way to make money.

Hint: don't ask rhetorical questions you may not like the answer to.
Cass

Upland, CA

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#7
Jul 2, 2013
 
Wow! That's a big serving of re-hash. I am not sure I can manage this much. Doggy bag? Nah, I think I'll just leave it.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#8
Jul 2, 2013
 
I may have confessed this before, but Dickie and I struggle with this, and I have to say the times when I am least likely to "be in the mood" are the days when I've gotten the kids ready for school and myself ready for work with no help, worked all day, picked up the kids from the MIL's, dealt with their BS for the hour or so until he gets home, sometimes starting dinner or doing the dishes or laundry. Then when he gets home, he'll go into his den, turn on the TV and proceed to basically ignore us until bedtime, which I'll have to deal with by myself too. And he thinks he's gonna get some that night?

We've talked about it and it's getting better; he didn't realize that he was totally checking out of the family and it really only happens when he's super stressed out at work.

But even then, I'm often very tired at the end of the day and so is he.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#9
Jul 2, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
I may have confessed this before, but Dickie and I struggle with this, and I have to say the times when I am least likely to "be in the mood" are the days when I've gotten the kids ready for school and myself ready for work with no help, worked all day, picked up the kids from the MIL's, dealt with their BS for the hour or so until he gets home, sometimes starting dinner or doing the dishes or laundry. Then when he gets home, he'll go into his den, turn on the TV and proceed to basically ignore us until bedtime, which I'll have to deal with by myself too. And he thinks he's gonna get some that night?
We've talked about it and it's getting better; he didn't realize that he was totally checking out of the family and it really only happens when he's super stressed out at work.
But even then, I'm often very tired at the end of the day and so is he.
Good response. At least you're not man bashing like the above two are woman bashing because, you know, they're the "perfect husbands". Or are they? No, I didn't think so. They can only judge by their own misguided conjecture.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#10
Jul 2, 2013
 
Hey! I resemble that remark!

And besides, I was not "Woman bashing", just defending against the man bashing in the letters. But I guess you kinda glossed over those remarks cause you agree that its the mans fault a woman has no libido.
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
Good response. At least you're not man bashing like the above two are woman bashing because, you know, they're the "perfect husbands". Or are they? No, I didn't think so. They can only judge by their own misguided conjecture.

Since: Jan 10

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#11
Jul 2, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
I may have confessed this before, but Dickie and I struggle with this, and I have to say the times when I am least likely to "be in the mood" are the days when I've gotten the kids ready for school and myself ready for work with no help, worked all day, picked up the kids from the MIL's, dealt with their BS for the hour or so until he gets home, sometimes starting dinner or doing the dishes or laundry. Then when he gets home, he'll go into his den, turn on the TV and proceed to basically ignore us until bedtime, which I'll have to deal with by myself too. And he thinks he's gonna get some that night?
We've talked about it and it's getting better; he didn't realize that he was totally checking out of the family and it really only happens when he's super stressed out at work.
But even then, I'm often very tired at the end of the day and so is he.
I can completely understand why you'd be (1) tired and (2) too resentful in the short term to be feelin' horny.

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

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#12
Jul 2, 2013
 
At the risk of being called a man-basher, I always wonder if the men who write these I'm-not-getting-any letters are good lovers with bad partners or minutemen. Approach is everything. Women are not wired like men. Try setting the mood and indulging in some foreplay. Put on some music and slow dance.
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#13
Jul 2, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
1- I think it's BS you're tired. Your husband wants sex and all you can think about is the laundry and dishes? Face it, you're not interested in sex. At least not with your husband. I think you want a change. Get your cougar on and seduce the paper boy.
2, 3- Yeah, the man is at fault for the decrease of a woman's sex drive. Are we also to blame for the women who are wh0 res?
Aww, Dog, Honey, we love you. But I'll bet that every single female here also understands why no female on earth (no *human* female, anyway) will stay with you once the roofie wears off.
I wish you luck with the cow/sheep/sow etc. of your choice. Unless *they* have standards. In which case, you're SOL.

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