Amy 7-3

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“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Jul 3, 2012
 
Dear Amy: I share a home computer with my father. Unfortunately, the computer history shows everything that happens within a week, and it shows that my dad has been looking at pornography.

My parents are divorced, and I realize he might be lonely, but I don't know how to approach it or if I even should.

My dad and I are close, and I don't want the awkwardness of this to ruin our relationship.

Should I ignore this and live with the awkwardness, or confront him and possibly ruin our relationship?— Awkward

Dear Awkward: Ignoring a problem or situation is always the easiest thing to do in the short-term but it seldom works long-term because family issues don't just go away. They come back — usually when you least expect it.

Your father has a right to his own habits, however odious, as long as they aren't illegal or harming him or someone else.(I believe that porn is harmful to all parties, but consenting adults have the right to make depressing choices.)

If you don't want to discuss this outright with your father (and who would?), you can split the difference by simply telling him, "Dad, the history of any previous searches shows up on our computer. If you don't want me to see what websites you've visited, you should clear out the history every day."

The awkwardness will subside, but if it doesn't and if you are concerned about your father (for this or any other reason), you
should respectfully and forthrightly share your concerns.

Dear Amy: My son is 31 and has had only two serious relationships.

He has been seeing a co-worker for several months — since meeting at a Christmas party — and she has moved into his home along with her two children (they are ages 3 and 16 months).

I am very happy my son has found someone who makes him happy.

My question concerns what these children should call me?

They call my son by his first name.

I am not comfortable having them call me grandmother or any other form thereof, or any cute made-up name.

I would rather they call me by my first name, but my son and the children's mother prefer they call me some reference to grandma. What do you think?— Jane

Dear Jane: This is a commonly posed question in this space, and while this issue sometimes seems trivial on the surface, it is important because it has to do with identity.

It would be one thing if you were insisting on being addressed as "Grandma." You are not. You are asking that you be called by your name. Why is this unacceptable?

It is OK for the kids to address your son by his first name but you have to be "Grammie?"

Marriage might clarify matters for everyone.

This is relevant because if they had taken more time, everyone would have had plenty of time to figure out how to be addressed.

I agree that the children should call you by your first name.

Since: Feb 10

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#2
Jul 3, 2012
 
Wow, it's a shame that L1 is required to scan through the history every time s/he turns the computer on. Mine doesn't make me do that. But then again, I'm not a nosy little f'er.

L2 could do what we did with close friends who weren't family and have them call her Miss Julie or whatever - less casual than just her first name, so their mom should be ok with it, and not so confusing for the kids when they eventually split up.
And who moves their children in with a guy after dating him less than 6 months? Way to put her kids first.

Since: Feb 10

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#3
Jul 3, 2012
 
Oh...Miss Jane, not Julie.

No caffeine yet.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#4
Jul 3, 2012
 
LW1: "I believe that porn is harmful to all parties" Huh???
ANYWAY, why would anyone want to confront their father about his porn habits? Gross!

LW2: Your son and his girlfriend are idiots, for starters. Like itser said, way to put your kids first. Losers. But I agree with itser that"miss Jane" is appropriate.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#5
Jul 3, 2012
 
itser wrote:
Oh...Miss Jane, not Julie.
No caffeine yet.
Like Miss Ellie from Dallas?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#6
Jul 3, 2012
 

Judged:

1

Topix ate my post.

L1 should be glad her did is just watching computer porn. He could be bringing home someone to live with you two who he only knows a couple months and has 2 kids ,1 1/2 and 3. Oh, wait, that is the next letter.

L2 The pattern of the relationship is not good. Your son at 31 has only had 2 serious relationships. The woman has 2 kids and no mention of their father.

They don't know each other long enough to be moving in together even more so since children are involved.

You sound like a nice lady but your heart is going to be broken when she leaves and you have no right to see the kids.

All that being said, try JaneJane or Auntie Grams. The kids will handle the specifics

Since: Jan 10

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#7
Jul 3, 2012
 
L1: "I believe that porn is harmful to all parties, but consenting adults have the right to make depressing choices." amy, you are the worst advice columnist ever in the history of the universe. Ann Landers is turning in her urn over your stupidity. No, the kid shouldn't say anything to her dad. She should stop looking through the history to find out what her dad's been up to.

L2: Don't worry. After your son gets woman pregnant, and they end up fighting and hating each other, you'll have a real grandbaby to call you "grandma" and the other two won't even be around any more.

L3: I'm going to "buck up" and call Amy an idiot on this one, too. No, it wasn't hazing.

Since: Jan 10

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#8
Jul 3, 2012
 
itser wrote:
Wow, it's a shame that L1 is required to scan through the history every time s/he turns the computer on. Mine doesn't make me do that. But then again, I'm not a nosy little f'er.
Heh. I was on Nick's computer one day when I was babysitting all day. I saw some porn links in his bookmarks (I keep a folder of my own bookmarks on his computer). I did not even look in his history files (what's the point, other than snooping?). All I said to him was that I noticed the links in the bookmarks, and his 10yo might notice them as well, and maybe he could hide them in a folder so they're accessible but not visible to all eyes. He said the kid isn't at that point yet (he rarely uses the computer, just goes to certain kid sites), but that he'd get going on cleaning them up.

Since: Feb 10

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#9
Jul 3, 2012
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Like Miss Ellie from Dallas?
Exactly! And I could be wrong, but I think that even her grandchildren called her that. So, they don't have to worry about the kids being confused when gf pops out another kid or two. Everyone can call her the same thing.

Since: Feb 10

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#10
Jul 3, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: I'm going to "buck up" and call Amy an idiot on this one, too. No, it wasn't hazing.
There was a third letter?

I need to just go home and call it a loss.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#11
Jul 3, 2012
 
LW1 - Good grief, Pops needs to learn how to do Private Browsing!

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#12
Jul 3, 2012
 
LW1: Tell your dad that not clearing his history is the equivalent to leaving teh porn magazines lying around teh house.

LW2: Lighten up.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#13
Jul 3, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1- Here's an idea: STOP SNOOPING!

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#14
Jul 3, 2012
 
itser wrote:
<quoted text>
There was a third letter?
I need to just go home and call it a loss.
Found it:
DEAR AMY:“Upset” was a college student who described playing a “truth or dare” game in which the loser (Upset) had to endure the preselected punishment. The student was upset and wanted to sever ties with the group.

You said this was hazing! This wasn’t a fraternity or sports team; this was a group of friends playing a game! Amy, sometimes people just need to buck up, take their “punishment” and get over it!-- Angry

DEAR ANGRY:“Upset” described this as a “sort of hazing that lasted for several hours.”

This sort of organized, group behavior is in fact hazing — and it got out of control. I agreed with “Upset’s” choice to ditch this group.

Calling something what it is and standing up to the perpetrators is “bucking up” in my book.
**********
Bull-malarkey! What do you think "Truth Or Dare" consists of?

Since: Feb 08

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#15
Jul 3, 2012
 
itser wrote:
<quoted text>
There was a third letter?
I need to just go home and call it a loss.
Rehash about the truth or dare game.
ho hum.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#16
Jul 3, 2012
 
LW1: Amy just annoys the hell out of me. She needs to be slapped.

LW2: How bout Temporary Granny.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#17
Jul 3, 2012
 
VAdame wrote:
LW1 - Good grief, Pops needs to learn how to do Private Browsing!
I told some people about the private browsing option and told them its called porn mode.

Since: Feb 10

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#18
Jul 3, 2012
 
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Found it:
DEAR AMY:“Upset” was a college student who described playing a “truth or dare” game in which the loser (Upset) had to endure the preselected punishment. The student was upset and wanted to sever ties with the group.
You said this was hazing! This wasn’t a fraternity or sports team; this was a group of friends playing a game! Amy, sometimes people just need to buck up, take their “punishment” and get over it!-- Angry
DEAR ANGRY:“Upset” described this as a “sort of hazing that lasted for several hours.”
This sort of organized, group behavior is in fact hazing — and it got out of control. I agreed with “Upset’s” choice to ditch this group.
Calling something what it is and standing up to the perpetrators is “bucking up” in my book.
**********
Bull-malarkey! What do you think "Truth Or Dare" consists of?
I remember that letter. Let's call it what it really was - a poor sport who wanted to redefine the game after she lost.
Go ahead. Ditch the group of friends. They are better off.

Since: Feb 10

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#19
Jul 3, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW2: How bout Temporary Granny.
They can shorten it to TGer
Sam I Am

Schaumburg, IL

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#20
Jul 3, 2012
 
1. First, I doubt the daughter is snooping. Most browers auto-fill, so if she were to start to enter "po" and her dad had been on pornhub that would pop up. Second, I'd like to know how old the daughter is. Third, as cheap as computers are now, I think getting a second computer is the way to go.

2. Too dumb to answer.

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