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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Jul 31, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Allison," and I have been in a relationship for two years. We met in our sophomore year of high school and have been dating ever since. We have an incredible relationship.

We were virgins when we started dating, but decided we would lose our virginity to each other. We have always used birth control pills and condoms to ensure we wouldn't be having any children.

Earlier this month we had a pregnancy scare. Allison had failed to tell me she stopped taking her birth control pills three months ago. My trust was broken, but most of all I was scared she might be pregnant. It turned out she wasn't, but because of the incident I have been skeptical about making love to her. She says this frustrates her, but I have told her the reason I won't is because she refuses to take the pill.

Abby, we are way too young to have a child and are totally unprepared. I'd still like to be intimate with Allison, but I'm afraid. What should I do?-- BETRAYED IN BANGOR, MAINE

DEAR BETRAYED: You appear to be an intelligent and responsible young man. The first thing you should do is thank your higher power that there wasn't an "accident" and your girlfriend didn't become pregnant.

The next thing you should do is find out why Allison would stop taking her birth control pills without telling you. If there was a medical reason, there are other methods she could have used in their place.(If you are planning to attend college, she may have been thinking a baby would "anchor" you to her.)
And last, recognize that if you resume having sex with her -- which I emphatically don't recommend -- that you won't be able to trust her as far as birth control is concerned, and you will be the one totally responsible for preventing a pregnancy.

The saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me," applies here.

DEAR ABBY: I would like your opinion on the relatively new craze of trashing the wedding dress. I think it's a deplorable waste. I'm sorry I kept mine and watched it yellow over the years, but I haven't heard a reasonable argument for destroying the gown.

Some women say if they have a daughter, she wouldn't want a dated dress. But if the dress is currently in style, I'm sure some less fortunate girl would love to have it. Rather than trash it, I say why not donate the dress or sell it and send the money to a woman's charity?-- SENSIBLE IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR SENSIBLE: The only rational reason I can think of for "trashing" a wedding dress would be if the marriage was a disaster and the bride was doing it as a way of venting her anger. I can't speak for all young women, but I am willing to bet that many would be thrilled to wear the gown their mother wore. And for those who aren't interested or can't fit into it, your idea of recycling is compassionate, generous and sensible.

DEAR ABBY: My husband refuses to cover his mouth when he sneezes. He thinks that by "stifling" his sneeze he doesn't expel any particles. Besides being unhealthy, I feel it is gross for the rest of us. Is it possible to sneeze and not spray?-- DUCKING FOR SHELTER IN OHIO

DEAR DUCKING: No. Some sneezes can travel up to a distance of 5 feet, expelling thousands of droplets into the air and onto surfaces. "Stifle" or not, your husband should cover his mouth.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Jul 31, 2013
L1: Dump her. You can't trust her. Do you want to be a daddy at 18, 19? Dump her.

L2: Oh my gosh lighten up. Have you seen the thrift stores and second hand stores? THey have lots of wedding dresses. I've seen pictures of what some women do to their wedding dresses after the wedding, and they are lighthearted and fun.

"I am willing to bet that many would be thrilled to wear the gown their mother wore." WRONG. I know ONE PERSON who got married in her mother's wedding dress. Every other bride wanted a gown to HER liking.

L3: Your husband isn't very bright.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#3 Jul 31, 2013
L1: WHY she stopped taking the pill is crucial to this letter, yet it's not mentioned.

L2: Are you both stupid? "Trash the dress" is a photography session you have, after the wedding, where you can do fun things because you're not worried about damaging the dress. I've seen ones where they do actually damage the dress, but mostly, it's the bride standing in water or riding a horse or something like that. I think it's a cool concept when done tastefully and I should have done it.

Heh, when I got my dress back from being preserved, they were all "Don't keep it anywhere that's damp or really hot." Yeah, so there goes the attic AND the basement. It's not exactly a small box. Let me just plop this on the mantle. Or, let's put legs on it and use it as a coffee table. It's in the basement. I don't care.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#4 Jul 31, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
"I am willing to bet that many would be thrilled to wear the gown their mother wore." WRONG. I know ONE PERSON who got married in her mother's wedding dress. Every other bride wanted a gown to HER liking.
My mother got married in 1974. That might be the worst era ever for wedding "style". I bet either of my grandmother's dresses (early '40s) would have been preferrable to that.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

#5 Jul 31, 2013
L1: Oh, no, no, no.... this girl is working on having a baby. Run away as fast as you can. You cannot trust her.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Jul 31, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
L1: WHY she stopped taking the pill is crucial to this letter, yet it's not mentioned.
L2: Are you both stupid? "Trash the dress" is a photography session you have, after the wedding, where you can do fun things because you're not worried about damaging the dress. I've seen ones where they do actually damage the dress, but mostly, it's the bride standing in water or riding a horse or something like that. I think it's a cool concept when done tastefully and I should have done it.
Heh, when I got my dress back from being preserved, they were all "Don't keep it anywhere that's damp or really hot." Yeah, so there goes the attic AND the basement. It's not exactly a small box. Let me just plop this on the mantle. Or, let's put legs on it and use it as a coffee table. It's in the basement. I don't care.
Have you heard the stories of brides who've been bilked out of their wedding gowns? 25 years after putting away their sealed, preserved gown ("don't open the box and let light in, keep it sealed!"), they open it when their daughter is engaged and wants to see it, and the box is full of shredded newspapers and items to represent the weight of the dress.

Abby or Ann ran a few columns from women who this happened to. My dress came in a box that you could open to reveal a plstic window so you could see the bodice on a form to help it keep its shape.

$135 to preserve a $400 dress that I ended up giving to GoodWill.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Jul 31, 2013
tiredofit wrote:
L1: Oh, no, no, no.... this girl is working on having a baby. Run away as fast as you can. You cannot trust her.
ITA.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#8 Jul 31, 2013
1 Your not even out of HS and you gonna be a baby daddy!

2 Girl stuff, don't care

3 I hope I never meet your husband. Mythbusters did a show on how far you can cheese, and I think it was closer to 15ft.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#9 Jul 31, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Have you heard the stories of brides who've been bilked out of their wedding gowns? 25 years after putting away their sealed, preserved gown ("don't open the box and let light in, keep it sealed!"), they open it when their daughter is engaged and wants to see it, and the box is full of shredded newspapers and items to represent the weight of the dress.
Abby or Ann ran a few columns from women who this happened to. My dress came in a box that you could open to reveal a plstic window so you could see the bodice on a form to help it keep its shape.
$135 to preserve a $400 dress that I ended up giving to GoodWill.
Wow, I hadn't. Yeah, mine has a window.

I'm really not super attached to mine and I don't see myself having a daughter. I think I kept it because you're "supposed to".

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#10 Jul 31, 2013
LW1: Trust is the foundation all such relationships are built upon. Find someone else who is more trustworthy to date. Also, if you canít trust her when it comes to something such a basic requirement at your age, what else will you not be able to trust her with in the future.

LW2: I donít understand that.

LW3: I wouldnít even get to the point of marriage if I were dating a woman who acted like that. I think the first time I saw her do it, would be the last time I saw her.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Jul 31, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow, I hadn't. Yeah, mine has a window.
I'm really not super attached to mine and I don't see myself having a daughter. I think I kept it because you're "supposed to".
You kept the dress so you could put it on every year for your anniversary to make sure you're not getting to be a fatty. If your husband is doing his job right, you'll do it.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Jul 31, 2013
LW1: Eh, it's time for you to go off to college anyway, where you will forget all about your highschool girlfriend anyway. I suspect this is her fear but she choose a really f*cked up way to express it.

LW2: Whatever. She paid for it, she can do what she wants with it.

My mom is moving after 26 years in the same house and we recently had to decide what we wanted to do with my first dress *and* hers. We decided to donate both of them and saved the veils. We figured the girls could do something with the veils way more easily than with the dresses.

LW3: You sound like you're married to a 3 year old. Tell him to use his sneeze pocket.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#13 Jul 31, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow, I hadn't. Yeah, mine has a window.
I'm really not super attached to mine and I don't see myself having a daughter. I think I kept it because you're "supposed to".
Mine is hanging in the master closet. I never even bothered to get it cleaned after the wedding.

I think I'm donating it to goodwill.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#14 Jul 31, 2013
1: dump her ASAP! Never give someone who is not 100% honest about their birth control a 2nd chance!

2: girl wedding dress stuff...don't care.

3: your husband is a lazy slob. You sure can pick 'em!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#15 Jul 31, 2013
L1: I'd take a break from the relationship. She needs to mature.

L2: I've vaguely heard of this before but didn't pay attention. I like the things that Matilda said people do. One of my siblings wore my mother's dress but it was a high-end beautiful simple dress from the late 40's.

L3: People amaze me. This is something more appropriate for his doctor to tell him b/c he'll just say "What does Abby know?" And it isn't sanitary.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#16 Jul 31, 2013
The first tiem someone purposely sneezes ON me is the last time I ever see or speak to him/her.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#17 Jul 31, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
The first tiem someone purposely sneezes ON me is the last time I ever see or speak to him/her.
When I was in my early 20s, I hung out with a couple once and the guy had a habit of blowing in people's faces. Like, on purpose. I found it hard to believe nobody had punched him for it yet.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#18 Jul 31, 2013
1. I agree, and if she does turn up pregnant get a DNA test. It will be hard though because he is still in Bang'er.

2. My 1970 wedding dress was cool at the time and is still cool. It hangs in a garment bag in the basement. I can't remember what I did with the 1984 dress.

3. Cough in his face
Cass

Claremont, CA

#19 Jul 31, 2013
LW1 - Dump the GF. Always wear a condom when you have sex. Always. No matter what the girl tells you about taking a pill, or having an IUD, or having had a hysterectomy. Take full responsibility for your own reproductive choices.

LW2 - Oh, for Pete's sake! Do whatever you want with YOUR wedding dress, and leave other people to worry about theirs.

I am glad I got married in my best pant suit I had at the time. I just don't see the point in sentimental attachment to clothes.

LW3 - What PEllen said.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Jul 31, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
When I was in my early 20s, I hung out with a couple once and the guy had a habit of blowing in people's faces. Like, on purpose. I found it hard to believe nobody had punched him for it yet.
As in, he'd blow air onto your face? WTH?

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