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“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#1 Mar 27, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I hope you will print this because I'm sure many women share this dilemma. My boyfriend, whom I adore and who is one of the kindest men on Earth, wants me to perform a certain sex act on him. While I understand that many people -- and I don't judge them -- enjoy it, I am not one of them. I would feel degraded if I even tried it.
He says he won't pressure me about it, yet he talks about it a lot. Just listening to him talk about it puts unwanted pressure on me. I have tried to be honest with him. I told him I don't want to do this, but I'm afraid if I don't, it will damage my relationship with him. However, if I give in, I'll end up feeling self-loathing and resentment. Either way, it will be damaging. We're in our 40s. Please offer any advice you might have.-- WORRIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED: You are indeed not alone in this dilemma. You should not have to do anything you are uncomfortable with. The next time your boyfriend raises the subject, turn the discussion to amorous activities you both enjoy. Then suggest that instead of this particular sex act, you engage in his "No. 2 favorite."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 51-year-old woman with a question. What do you recommend a person do or say when being lied to? I'm not talking about the little white lies we all tell to spare someone's feelings, smooth things over, etc.
I once had a 21-year-old man tell me that he was a veteran of a war that had been over for 10 years! I felt like an idiot pretending to believe him and knew he'd be laughing at me later, but frankly, I felt scared to confront him.-- HEARD A WHOPPER

DEAR HEARD A WHOPPER: If you have reason to feel that the person talking to you is being untruthful, be polite and end the conversation. And if your intuition tells you the person is someone to be afraid of, put as much distance between you as possible and avoid that person in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am a plus-sized woman. I am loud and boisterous, and I like to surround myself with similar women. However, there is a problem I am now facing.
Many of my friends have made amazing transformations and gotten fit. I am fully supportive and impressed, but I see the price they are paying. They are no longer confident and vivacious. They have become timid, approval-seeking shells of their previous selves.

Why do newly thin women forget how awesome their personalities used to be?-- BIG BEAUTY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BIG BEAUTY: Not knowing your friends, I can't answer for them. But it is possible that having become "transformed and fit," they no longer feel they need their loud and boisterous personas to compete for attention.

DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, my father would ask my mother what she wanted, and then he would buy the opposite. For example, if she wanted a brown sofa, he would buy a blue one.
One day I realized that he acts the same way toward me. He will ask my opinion about the color of something -- like an appliance -- then buy the opposite color. Is there a name for this behavior?-- ANONYMOUS IN ATLANTA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Yes, there is. It is called "passive aggression," and it's a way of demonstrating veiled hostility without being directly confrontational.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Mar 27, 2013
LW1: Bust out the kneepads honey. Watch some porn.

LW2: "I felt like an idiot pretending to believe him and knew he'd be laughing at me later"

Why does that bother you? The thought that he might be laughing at you later because he thinks he pulled one over on you...while you are laughing at him because you know he's full of shit? Typically, I could not care less what someone who I don't respect thinks of me. Why do you?

LW3: What Abby said.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#3 Mar 27, 2013
L1: Loosen up!

L2: Why would you care whether that idiot was laughing at you? Be comfortable in yourself and don't worry about what other people may or may not think.

L3: I don't know why some heavy women think it is necessary to be so loud. It's not as if you can miss 'em. A big, loud mouth does not mean an awesome personality. It means they have a big, loud mouth. Some loud people may and others may not have awesome personalities.

L4: Yes. A$$hole.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Mar 27, 2013
LW1: Live a little.

LW2: Is this person important to you? If no, who cares?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Mar 27, 2013
LW1: I do not have this problem, so I can be of no help to you.

LW2: How do you know they're not worried that *you're* laughing at them behind their back? They are the liars after all.

LW3: Perhaps they're embarassed by you and your antics.

LW4: Toj totally stole my response!

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#6 Mar 27, 2013
L3: Slightly off topic, a friend of mine, an overweight computer nerd guy, once mentioned that I must have been fat at one time. Because I have a sense of humor. No, just very skinny and dorky.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#7 Mar 27, 2013
1 You dont have to swallow yanno.

2 what everyone else has said.

3 You like to be loud and surround yourself with other loud peeps... Stay the F* away from me!

4 Whats the problem? Just tell him what you dont want and you will get what you do want. Then laugh behind his back.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

#8 Mar 27, 2013
1. Whether or not something is degrading is much more about the circumstances than the act itself. It is degrading to be used, no matter what you are doing. Now if he is talking about something like Shizer or maybe tossing his salad, fine, I can see where you're coming from, but short of that loosen up and try it. AND think up something you want him to try. Make it a swap.

2. Tell a bigger, more obnoxious lie. When he calls you on it, just say "Hey, I thought that's wha we were doing here, having tall tale time."

3. "I am loud and boisterous, and I like to surround myself with similar women." In other words, you're obnoxious. And now that your friends have gotten their acts together and realized that obnoxious is not a good quality, you feel left out. I have a feeling that your "timid" is everyone else's "normal." And maybe your friends enjoy getting positive attention for the effort they have put in. And maybe you're jealous, becuase being obnoxious was just a shield you use. And sorry, but obnoxious is not awesome.

4. It's called being a douche. You didn't mention how you and your mother respond. I really hope you stick up for yourselves, but since you are writing this letter, I am guessing you don't.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Mar 27, 2013
Sam, I like your respond to L2. That could be fun.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Mar 27, 2013
L1: Does he go down on you? Then do it. Does he NOT go down on you? Then don't.

L2: Treat 'em like the crazy people they are.

L3: I think you're lying about their personality changes.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Mar 27, 2013
A woman and a man are dating. Once they start having sex, he asks her for a BJ. She refuses, saying he wouldn't respect her if she did that. He insists that he would respect her, but she doesn't believe him, so she refuses.

They get engaged. "Darling, now that we are going to be married, please, will you give me a BJ?" The woman refuses. "You'll never respect me again if I do that." He disagrees, but she refuses to believe him.

This continues on throughout their lives, on their honeymoon, on their wedding anniversaries... finally, after many long decades together, he's on his deathbed. He pleads with his wife if she would give him just one BJ before he dies. "But you won't respect me if I do that." He insists that he's love her and stayed true to her all these yeras, despite her refusal to indulge in this one request, could he please have a BJ before he dies?

So she finally gives in and gives him a BJ, not long before he shuffles off this mortal coil.

But not before he laughs and says "Ha! Cocksucker!"

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Mar 27, 2013
L1 Or, you can take the Victorian approach: kneel down and think of England.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#13 Mar 27, 2013
1- If you're not into something, you're not into it. He needs to respect that. He can always pay someone to do that for him.

2- Why is this an issue for you?

3- You sound obnoxious. Your friends are only hanging around you to make themselves look better, ya know.

4- Don't blame him because your ideas are stupid.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#14 Mar 27, 2013
LW1: If we're talking about what I think we're talking about, then I think you should loosen up and try it. You can start small. If we're talking about something, um, less common, then I agree with Abby.

LW2: One of my ex's friends was a pathological liar. We just played along with him.

LW3: Try reining in the loud and boistrous and see how that works for you. And hit the gym. That extra weight will destroy your health sooner or later.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#15 Mar 27, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: If we're talking about what I think we're talking about, then I think you should loosen up and try it. You can start small. If we're talking about something, um, less common, then I agree with Abby.
Heh. I agree!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#16 Mar 27, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: If we're talking about what I think we're talking about, then I think you should loosen up and try it. You can start small.
Is that what worked for you? LMAO <I'm sorry, I had to>
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#17 Mar 27, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Heh. I agree!
(Trying to keep it PG, LOL!)

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#18 Mar 27, 2013
I"m thinking the guy wants oral, but can she really be that prudish? Has she gone this far (age 40s) without doing that?

Maybe it's anal? The guys wants a rim job?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#19 Mar 27, 2013
I've known and known of girls who wouldn't give BJs because they saw it as degrading, so I think it's that. I think people would be hesitant about anal because of the pain, but not necessarily call it degrading. I mean, "degrading" is very subjective but I'm just saying in my experience. Meaning what I've heard.
;P

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#20 Mar 27, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I"m thinking the guy wants oral, but can she really be that prudish? Has she gone this far (age 40s) without doing that?
Maybe it's anal? The guys wants a rim job?
I'm thinking oral. Heck, maybe he wants a threesome. Who knows.

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