“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 30, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old woman in a fantastic relationship with a man two years older. I could fill volumes with all the things I love about him. My problem is I make more money than he does. He earns a good living and is a hard worker, but he constantly says things like, "You're going to leave me for someone who makes more money than I do," or, "Your parents don't think I'm good enough for you because I didn't go to college."

Abby, my parents don't care about that. They adore him because they see how happy he makes me. I don't care that I earn more. The way I look at it, eventually when we're married, our finances will be combined.

I have tried telling him this and convincing him that I love him for all his qualities, but he doesn't believe me. Is there anything else I can do?-- HEAD OVER HEELS IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR HEAD OVER HEELS: The problem isn't that you make more money than your boyfriend does; it's that he doesn't have enough self-confidence to believe that someone could love him just for himself. Some men feel that in order for them to affirm their masculinity, they have to bring in the bigger paycheck.

You might point out that when he says those things, it hurts your feelings because it implies that all you care about is money, you have poor values and are for sale to the highest bidder. But until he is able to recognize all that he has to offer, there's nothing more you can do.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are starting to hate our older daughter. After dropping out of college, she moved home to "save some money." Since then, she has lived as she pleases. She isn't saving money and is contributing nothing toward her support.

We have given her a deadline to move out and will hold to it. But her slovenly ways, sullen attitude and disregard for rules have created such a toxic atmosphere we're afraid our relationship is forever changed. Abby, this is not the daughter we raised! What do we do?-- SAD DAD OUT WEST

DEAR SAD DAD: Your letter raises more questions than I can answer. Why did your daughter drop out of college? Does she have a job? Where is her money going if she's not saving it or contributing to the household? Does she have a drug problem? Emotional problems?

If this isn't the girl you raised, there has to be a reason for it. Rather than hating her for her behavior, what you should be doing is finding out what's causing it.

DEAR ABBY: I was invited with four close friends to a "goodbye" tea at the request of a dying friend. Her four children were hostesses and had issued the phone call invitation the day before.

My friend is still alive. Is it necessary and proper to write a thank-you, and to whom?-- BEWILDERED IN PHOENIX

DEAR BEWILDERED: Write a short thank-you note to the person who called you. If your friend is still well enough to understand it, write another one to her, expressing that you appreciated being able to spend the time with her and that you were honored to have been invited. That's what I'd do.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Dec 30, 2013
Lw3: Christ, now you're expected to write a thsnk you note for getting an invite?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#3 Dec 30, 2013
LW1: Too bad he doesn't realize he will drive you to find another guy with this pity party he's throwing for himself. Use some of that money to send him to a therapist.

LW2: Too bad one of the conditions for living at your home wasn't therapy. But it's not too late to start; find out what's eating at your kid.

LW3: Hmm, this seems like a What Would Angela Do type question...

I think she would not care about a thank-you note.
WWAD

United States

#4 Dec 30, 2013
On LW3, Squishymama, Angela would probably thank the person who came to the "tea party". I know she would.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 Dec 30, 2013
1 Nice way to just write the guy off as a loser abby! How about she does some things to help him, like buy him a car or something?

2 Well, if its not the daughter you raised, she was obviously cloned and replaced at college and sent to your home to destroy you. RUN RUN RUN!!!

3 Whatever red says...

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#6 Dec 30, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
Lw3: Christ, now you're expected to write a thsnk you note for getting an invite?
Thank you for thanking me for thanking you on your thankfulness

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#7 Dec 30, 2013
1- Brag much? Yay, you got that fancy job waitressing at Chipotle while he's stuck working part time at a records store. But he has long hair and tattoos so that's what's really important. God, you're both losers.

2- Love to hear about parents "hating" their children. What Abby said.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#8 Dec 30, 2013
LW1: HA, the opposite of today's first Amy letter. Here we have an insecure man. Good advice from Abby for starters, and I would add that LW and her man are very young and her man may be promoted and catch up to her salary-wise or she may get laid off at some point. In life, things do not stay the same forever. He also has the option to go back to school or take night or online classes to further his education if he wished.

LW2: You lost me at "starting to hate" your older daughter. Seriously? I don't have kids, but I cannot imagine ever hating one of them. You are partly to blame for the situation you describe. Your daughter needs help of some kind, not enabling. You and your wife need to sit her down, preferably with a mediator, and have a rational, unemotional discussion.

LW3: I have a very thoughtful friend who writes thank-you notes for every kind gesture extended to her. It is never incorrect or improper to send a thank-you note. I think a call or a visit to your very ill friend would be appreciated, too.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Dec 30, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: HA, the opposite of today's first Amy letter. Here we have an insecure man. Good advice from Abby for starters, and I would add that LW and her man are very young and her man may be promoted and catch up to her salary-wise or she may get laid off at some point. In life, things do not stay the same forever. He also has the option to go back to school or take night or online classes to further his education if he wished.
LW2: You lost me at "starting to hate" your older daughter. Seriously? I don't have kids, but I cannot imagine ever hating one of them. You are partly to blame for the situation you describe. Your daughter needs help of some kind, not enabling. You and your wife need to sit her down, preferably with a mediator, and have a rational, unemotional discussion.
LW3: I have a very thoughtful friend who writes thank-you notes for every kind gesture extended to her. It is never incorrect or improper to send a thank-you note. I think a call or a visit to your very ill friend would be appreciated, too.
Dear Kuuipo,

Thank you so much for rolling the windows down after you farted during our drive last week. The kindness you showed has no equal.

Sincerely,
Your friend

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#10 Dec 30, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
I would add that LW and her man are very young and her man may be promoted and catch up to her salary-wise or she may get laid off at some point. In life, things do not stay the same forever.
Right? She doesn't seem to realize this. Things change, honey.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#11 Dec 30, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Dear Kuuipo,
Thank you so much for rolling the windows down after you farted during our drive last week. The kindness you showed has no equal.
Sincerely,
Your friend
It was my obligation to ensure your comfort, dear one. To ensure that you only breathe in sweetly scented air in the future, I have installed air fresheners in all of the air vents in my vehicle.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#12 Dec 30, 2013
1: A common problem, stemming from men not able to be happy for a lady who os successful and not let that insecurity bring self-pity which ultimately does ruin the relationship.

2: I admire the brutal honesty in the opening line. I'm sure it's more hate the behavior than the person they created. Aren't we always advocating removing toxic people? How is this any different? She's an adult now.

3: I'm a believer in TY notes, but to a day before call? Weird...

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Dec 30, 2013
L1: his insecurity will kill every relationship he has.

L2: wow, "hate"? Really?

L3: I guess I don't see the point in a Ty note here.

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