Abby 12-27

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“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Dec 27, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I live in a fairly well-to-do neighborhood on a cul-de-sac. There has been an increase in the traffic on my street, and I suspect it's because a neighbor's adult son has been selling drugs. Most of the cars are driven by young people who park for five to 10 minutes at the most, and all of them walk around to the back of the house. Hypodermic needles have been found in the street.

Should I talk to the police and risk alienating my neighbors, or should I keep quiet because I have no definite proof? I don't think the parents would believe me if I told them; they seem to think their child can do no wrong. Also, if I do file a police report and they find out, I'm afraid they will retaliate. Help!-- NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

DEAR NOT SURE: Don't keep quiet. It's important that the police be notified before the problem becomes worse. Call your local anonymous tip line and report where you have seen the suspicious activity and the needles. No personal information from you will be asked, and your privacy will be protected.

DEAR ABBY: I had some time to think over the summer, and came to the realization that a baby my girlfriend had almost 30 years ago may be my daughter. "Sally" and I had a very intense, but short-lived relationship that blew up. About a year later we met again for lunch at the behest of a mutual friend.

I don't remember the details, but I do remember searching for an accurate way to compliment her. Because she had put on weight, the best I could come up with was "you look good." She didn't hit me, but the conversation went downhill from there. Sally mentioned as we were parting that she had given birth to a daughter. I haven't heard from her since.

I don't want to create problems for anybody, but I'm curious. I'm happily married and plan to stay that way. At the same time, I'd welcome having a daughter.

I have thought about sending cheek swabs and a check-off DNA test to the child along with a note suggesting she send our samples in for testing. But that could destroy whatever story she may have grown up with.

I'm at a loss here. I could use some advice from an outside authority. What do you think I should do?-- BLOCKHEAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR B.H.: It's been 30 years. The "child" is a woman now. Before you risk starting WWIII, why not contact the mother and ask if you are her daughter's father, because it's possible that you aren't.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 20 years old and have never dated anyone. I have a lot of friends and do well in school and at work, and I try to be a good, kind, friendly person.

What can I do to make myself datable? Am I missing some crucial step in how to become a girlfriend?-- OLD MAID IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR OLD MAID: Because I have never met you in person, I can't tell you what you might be doing that relegates you to the "only as a friend" category. However, some of your guy friends might be able to tell you. And you should also solicit some tips from your girlfriends.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#2
Dec 27, 2013
 

Judged:

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1- MYOB and quit peering out the dam window at every car that goes by

2- Dude, this was THIRTY years ago. You're just now coming around to this? What Abby said.

The old HS friend I reconnected with who soon after got pregnant and there was a chance it might have been mine, had the baby (a few weeks early, but everything seems fine. They wanted to send the baby home but keep my friend for a few more days. She was like, are you kidding? I'm breast-feeding, you're not sending the kid home without me) It doesn't look a thing like me so he's likely not mine. Phew!

3- This is strange. Even fat and ugly people date. What the hell's wrong with you? It must be attitudinal. Have guys ASKED you for dates? Do you blow them off? Have guys tried to hit on you and you just shrug them off as a creep then wonder why you're doing nothing on a Saturday night? Think that might be your problem, try changing your attitude.

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Dec 27, 2013
 
L1: report it.

L2: contact her.

L3: ask friends for help.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#4
Dec 27, 2013
 

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1 I think you should ask those nice young men what they are doing.

2 If it has taken you 30yrs to figure this out, your way too dumb to be a father. Let it lie.

3 Drink more.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#5
Dec 27, 2013
 

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RACE wrote:
1 I think you should ask those nice young men what they are doing.
Stoppin by to see my boy, Lou. Why? Who are you?
Blunt Advice

New York, NY

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#6
Dec 27, 2013
 

Judged:

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1 if you like your yard,cars, your own kids not being bullies etc.... then myob

2 if the lady doesnt know who her father is and wants to find out she or your ex will contact you. Newsflash....you werent the only guy banging the mom 30 yyeas ago so the chances that your sperm fertilized the egg are a longshot.
3 what Redhead said

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#7
Dec 27, 2013
 

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LW1: My responsible answer is call the police, anonymously of course.

My snarky answer is make a visit to the back of the house yourself, tell the kid you know what he's doing and demand a cut.

LW2: Leave this woman alone.

LW3: Talk to your friends and coworkers.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

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#8
Dec 27, 2013
 
LW1: Same thing was happening in my neighborhood. I didn't call the police about it but I suspect some of my neighbors did. The police told one neighbor to take down license plate numbers. Who in their right mind would stand outside and write down numbers. My son was upset when he heard about it because he thought they may mistake my house for the drug house.

Problem solved when they lost the house to foreclosure.
Timmy

United States

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#9
Dec 27, 2013
 
Coward
Blunt Advice wrote:
1 if you like your yard,cars, your own kids not being bullies etc.... then myob
pde

Gilberts, IL

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#10
Dec 27, 2013
 
Lw1: we contacted the police when something similar was happening at our neighbors. They thanked us, the strange things stopped happening, and the son got a job which took up most of his time. If there is something criminal going on that doesn't include you as a victim, the police have no reason to tell them who alerted them.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#11
Dec 27, 2013
 
LW1: If people come and visit for 5-10 minutes and then leave on a regular basis, it is a safe bet that the neighbor's kid is selling drugs. Do call the tip line, but do not expect immediate action or arrests. The police typically will watch the house and possibly assign an undercover officer. They are more concerned with arresting the people from whom your neighbor's kid is buying drugs.

LW2: Seriously? The possibility that you might be the father JUST NOW occurred to you? You really are a blockhead. If you are the father, you owe 18 years of back child support to Sally. The state of California will make sure that she gets it, too. And you will disrupt everyone's lives with this bombshell, including you and your wife's. You don't just get to waltz into your grown daughter's life at age 29 and be Daddy. You need to do some additional thinking.

LW3: Young maid, you need to learn how to smile and flirt. And get out of the house, go check out the hotspots, go to festivals, listen to some live music.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#12
Dec 27, 2013
 
Kuuipo wrote:
If you are the father, you owe 18 years of back child support to Sally.
If he is the father, why should he owe her shit? She concealed the fact that she gave birth to his child. How does she pay that back? She wanted to raise the kid without him, well that means without collecting his money after the fact.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#13
Dec 27, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Stoppin by to see my boy, Lou. Why? Who are you?
Why am I nuts and clueless? Old dude asked me what I was doing. I told him. Now I'm asking who HE is. He the only one get to ask questions? I see his nosy ass didn't answer me and ran back in his house. Whatever man. Yo LOU! I'll catch you later, bro! Peace out.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#14
Dec 27, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>If he is the father, why should he owe her shit? She concealed the fact that she gave birth to his child. How does she pay that back? She wanted to raise the kid without him, well that means without collecting his money after the fact.
Are you talking morally or legally? Because legally, he may owe her the money, particularly if Sally ever accepted welfare from the state, after the fact or not. My co-worker's husband left her with 3 kids to raise and moved to Texas 10 years ago. She has had a good job all this time, but he worked under-the-table jobs to avoid having his wages attached. Her youngest is now 18 and the ex finally got a legitimate job, thinking he was home free. Guess what? My co-worker started receiving checks! She was blown away. Apparently, he'd agreed to pay her X amount of money in their divorce settlement. Arguably, this is a vastly different situation. Aside from the support issue, I think LW is delusional to entertain the idea of inserting himself into this young woman's life because he suddenly decided that it might be cool to be a dad.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#15
Dec 27, 2013
 
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you talking morally or legally? Because legally, he may owe her the money, particularly if Sally ever accepted welfare from the state, after the fact or not. My co-worker's husband left her with 3 kids to raise and moved to Texas 10 years ago. She has had a good job all this time, but he worked under-the-table jobs to avoid having his wages attached. Her youngest is now 18 and the ex finally got a legitimate job, thinking he was home free. Guess what? My co-worker started receiving checks! She was blown away. Apparently, he'd agreed to pay her X amount of money in their divorce settlement. Arguably, this is a vastly different situation. Aside from the support issue, I think LW is delusional to entertain the idea of inserting himself into this young woman's life because he suddenly decided that it might be cool to be a dad.
Completely different scenario. Guy in your story knew about the kids and even had payment schedule in writing.

Dude in letter knew nothing. I would be surprised if he's even on the birth certificate. Morally and I'm pretty sure legally, he don't owe her shit if she never told him he had a child.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#16
Dec 27, 2013
 
Tonka, a father owes child support for his kids, whether he knows about them or not. Welcome to America.

Since: Jan 10

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#17
Dec 27, 2013
 

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No, some states have a statute of limitations that limits a mother's ability to seek past child support obligations retroactively. I can see seeking an attorney's advice just to find these things out before going further.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#18
Dec 28, 2013
 

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Kuuipo's point if valid though. The man is not thinking things thru fully and reality will shatter his little warm fuzzy.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#19
Dec 28, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Kuuipo's point if valid though. The man is not thinking things thru fully and reality will shatter his little warm fuzzy.
Thank you for agreeing with my most important point. His "I'd welcome having a daughter" after all the hard work of child rearing has been done by someone else, really rubs me the wrong way. I'd love to hear what Sally has to say if and when he calls her.

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