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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Oct 26, 2012
DEAR AMY: My boyfriend, "Steve," and I have our one-year anniversary next month, so I planned a trip for us to celebrate in New York City.

Last week he texted me to meet him at the mall at a certain time for a date. When I got there, I saw him kissing another girl. He walked up to me and tried to kiss me. I rejected it. I asked who that was, and he stuttered. I asked if he was cheating on me, and he stuttered again. I took it that he was cheating on me and I broke up with him.

He came to my house with flowers to try to win me back. He expressed his love and started crying. I took him back. Now we're fighting all the time, and I'm wondering if I should break up with him and cancel the trip to New York.-- Brokenhearted

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: I wonder why your boyfriend essentially invited you to catch him cheating. After all, he texted you to meet him at a specific time and place. When you did, he was with someone else. This is the behavior of someone who really, truly wants to be found out, regardless of what he says.

You two don't seem to communicate well. If you did, your boyfriend would use his words instead of stuttering, and you wouldn't be fighting all the time. I suggest you call a "time out" and go to New York, either by yourself or with a friend. Use this time to clear your head and make a choice about whether you are prepared to truly forgive him and give him a second chance. This will also give him an opportunity to not cheat on you while you're away.

DEAR AMY: My husband, sister-in-law and I recently went on vacation together. Now it's time to split the bill for lodging, car rental, gas and food.

My husband thinks he and I should pay two-thirds and his sister, one-third. I think that we should pay two-thirds of the food bill but split everything else in half. A car rental, hotel room, and gas aren't "per person" costs; rather, they are flat rates. The cost of food, however, depends on how many people you need to feed.

My thought is that the flat-rate expenses should be divided by party rather than by individual. So what is more fair: dividing the bill in half or into thirds?-- Bill Challenged

DEAR CHALLENGED: My question is why, oh why, didn't the three of you discuss this before the trip?

I agree that your solution is probably more "fair." But there is fairness and then there is family. Splitting all the bills three ways, and you and your husband covering two-thirds of the cost, is easiest and ever-so-slightly generous on your part. And, if you can afford it, isn't this the best way to be?

DEAR AMY: This is a solution for "Not A Scrooge," who didn't want to engage in any Christmas gift giving. The last time the adults in my family exchanged gifts was the Christmas my sister announced she was pregnant with my parents' first grandchild. We agreed then to give gifts only to children going forward. This became part of the tradition as the grandchildren grew up.

When that first grandchild graduated from high school, she announced that she was now an adult. The other grandchildren followed suit as they graduated. This decision turned out to be a blessing. We were freed from the gift-buying frenzy, no one was disappointed by unfulfilled expectations, and we had time to experience the joy of the holiday season.-- Happy Ever After

DEAR HAPPY: I enjoy sharing real-life examples of how people handle gift-giving issues. Your solution is ideal.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Oct 26, 2012
L1: How does a 15-year-old couple make plans to go to NYC for a vacation?

L2: I think you treat it like you're three friends doing this, not one couple and a third person. So you and your husband each pay 1/3 and your SIL pays 1/3. And you sound like a cheap biotch.

L3: Amy is the King Idiot of Rehashes.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Oct 26, 2012
LW1: I hate these what should I do letters. No one can decide for you if its worth it to you to stay together. No one can tell you whether he will cheat again or not. You need to put on your big girl panties and decide for yourself.

"You two don't seem to communicate well. If you did, your boyfriend would use his words instead of stuttering,"

While communication is an issue, this is not indicative of that, stupid. He got caught off guard with his hand in the cookie jar. Being speechless in a situation like that is quite common.

LW2:You are a miserly tightwad. And I agree with Amy. Should have figured this out before hand. We just went to Atlanta with some friends. They bought the concert tix, I paid for the hotel rooms. Gave them the additional I owed them ahead of time. We alternated filling up with gas and had seperate bills for meals.

LW3: F That. I'm a big kid. I want presents from my mom and dad.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Oct 26, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW3: F That. I'm a big kid. I want presents from my mom and dad.
I agree. In a big family with lots of siblings or steps or whatever, I can see reining it in and drawing names or something. But I like presents -- both giving and receiving.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#5 Oct 26, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree. In a big family with lots of siblings or steps or whatever, I can see reining it in and drawing names or something. But I like presents -- both giving and receiving.
Right. WTH am I supposed to do all day on Christmas without new toys to play with?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Oct 26, 2012
LW1: I think he decided he wanted to go to the Isle of Lesbos instead of New York and this was his very awkward way of broaching the subject. The whole thing is so strange.

LW2: I agree with your husband.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#7 Oct 26, 2012
L1: Good gawd, grow up, split up, and pay attention in study hall you twit.

L2: The lesson to learn is not to be such a miserly tightwad.

L3: We put the brakes on adult and kid gift-giving on both sides. The god-children are the extent of it now. We do get together and have a good drink and food fest, which is better than trading gift cards back and forth.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#8 Oct 26, 2012
1 He wants a 3some. Experimant.

2 You are exactly right, make sure you use a calculator that can carry to 6 decimal places. But remember you guys have to pay 2/3 gas for carrying your fat ass around.

3 Epiphany moment.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#9 Oct 26, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: How does a 15-year-old couple make plans to go to NYC for a vacation?
HA! I was going to go down this exact same road.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#10 Oct 26, 2012
L2: <facepalm>
I agree with you guys.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#11 Oct 26, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: How does a 15-year-old couple make plans to go to NYC for a vacation?
Yeah. Who makes out at the mall? Who has dates at the mall? Fifteen year olds, that's who. Maybe they live in Jersey and were just planning a day trip to NYC...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Oct 26, 2012
L1: Ha! Right? They have to be teenagers.

L2: They didn't discuss it before they went, Amy, probably because they didn't the LW was such a tightwad.

L3: I think I'm going to go easy on my self and get gift cards for all the nieces and nephews. They're getting older except for one baby (who won't even realize it's Christmas).

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Oct 26, 2012
Not to be greedy or too bean county, but if I'm an aunt and there are 12 nieces and nephews to buy for, and adults don't do an exchange, I'm getting screwed bigtime.

Kids should be giving gifts to adults -- it's fair, AND it's a good lesson on how fun it can be to find an appropriate gift for someone.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#14 Oct 26, 2012
LW1: Dump the boyfriend, go to NYC anyway.

LW2: In thrids, you tightwad.

LW3: 18 and under is our rule too on one side. On the other, everyone is supposed to get something, even if it's a little something.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#15 Oct 26, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Not to be greedy or too bean county, but if I'm an aunt and there are 12 nieces and nephews to buy for, and adults don't do an exchange, I'm getting screwed bigtime.
Kids should be giving gifts to adults -- it's fair, AND it's a good lesson on how fun it can be to find an appropriate gift for someone.
Kids should be buying presents or making presents?

We have a fairly small immediate family and we buy for adults, so I just put the boys names on the gifts. I don't bring them out to the stores, though (I do most of my shopping online and that's not something that a kid can/should do). I do tell Ry that when he buys presents at the school gift thing (do you remember doing that at school? Parent volunteers help kids buy stupid overpriced presents for family members as a fundraiser. I bought my dad a pencil sharpener shaped like a duck when I was in first grade.) that he has to buy something for his godmother, who is also his aunt. If we didn't already buy presents for the adults, I would probably have the boys make something small for their aunts and uncles. Christmas time is so hectic between school activities and doing stuff for our kids, though, that taking them out to buy stuff for all of the adults in the family is just another headache that I don't want to get into.

Does that make me a selfish parent? I would rather you find something to do with my kid than buy him crap anyway, if you want to acknowledge the him on the holiday.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#16 Oct 26, 2012
Thrids! Sounds like something Dr. Seuss would wear.

That was supposed to be thirds, obviously.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17 Oct 26, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Not to be greedy or too bean county, but if I'm an aunt and there are 12 nieces and nephews to buy for, and adults don't do an exchange, I'm getting screwed bigtime.
Kids should be giving gifts to adults -- it's fair, AND it's a good lesson on how fun it can be to find an appropriate gift for someone.
When most of my family stopped giving to the adults (anyone over 16 was put in the adult group) I continued. Nothing big, but something they could use. Fatwood for my brothers (fireplaces), Philosophy soap for my SILs and adult nieces, Godiva chocolates for a niece that loves them, gluten free crap for the one that's on a goofy gluten free kick (going on a few years and doesn't have celiac), etc. I look for those things on sale and put them away. I usually get the Philosophy soaps on super special in multiple quantities. It can be fun. My one sis gives started giving me little things -- like the most awesome, softest socks in the world along with some special kitchen spice, etc.)

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#18 Oct 26, 2012
RACE wrote:
2 You are exactly right, make sure you use a calculator that can carry to 6 decimal places. But remember you guys have to pay 2/3 gas for carrying your fat ass around.
I thought the exact same thing. Also, you don't get a break just because you are married - 3 people equals 3 people.
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#19 Oct 26, 2012
1. You should book a 3 week cruise around the Mediteranean, things will work themselves out.

2. Everything is "per person." Quit being silly, yah cheap ninny.

3. Good grief, shut up withthe rehash. If people cannot figure out gift-giving, they don't deserve gifts.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Oct 26, 2012
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Kids should be buying presents or making presents?
Either, or both. Not saying a 5yo should use his own allowance for it. My mom involved us in shopping for each other and for our dad.

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