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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Apr 14, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I recently exchanged pleasantries via email and text messaging with a lady I met on a website. One day later, I received a message from her stating she'd prefer our method of communication be kept to email and texting because she wasn't much of a phone talker.

Over the past few months, I have been out a number of times with other women who also expressed their preference to keep communication limited to email and texting. Is this becoming common?

I may be old-fashioned because I feel interpersonal relationships -- especially initially -- should include the element of voice inflection. I think it's more effective than a guessing game that only a full page of text can provide. Am I wrong?-- WANTS TO TALK IN RENO

DEAR WANTS TO TALK: I don't think you are wrong, and I happen to agree with you. I, too, usually learn more from a spoken conversation than from an email or text because I can distinguish whether the person is joking or being serious. But you and I are becoming the minority. Today many younger people feel more comfortable communicating online -- at least initially.

DEAR ABBY: My husband recently returned to the family business to become the general manager. He is in control of hiring new employees, and he recently told me they need to hire more people. I have mentioned several times my interest in working there as an administrative assistant. However, my husband either changes the subject or gets angry when I ask about it.

It hurts my feelings that I am the person raising his children, but am not good enough to work in the family business! I also know it's not because of lack of experience. This makes me question the strength and value of our marriage.-- HURT FEELINGS IN OREGON

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: While I can see that you might be disappointed, what I regard as your problem may be the lack of honest communication between you and your husband. He may have reasons for preferring you not work in the family business that have nothing to do with the strength or value of your marriage. It might be that he is new in his position as general manager, that working in ANY family business can be stressful, that he'd prefer separation between his working life and his family life, or that other family members might object.

Let the subject rest for a while, and when you do raise it again, try to do it in a non-confrontational manner. If you do, he may be more open and less defensive with you about what his reasons are. And if you would prefer to work outside the home in addition to raising the children, consider submitting your resumes to other companies.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are approaching our 25th anniversary. We don't have a lot of money to spend on a large party (our sons are 14 and 17). Are there inexpensive solutions? I'd prefer not to have it at our house.-- STUMPED IN GEORGIA

DEAR STUMPED: Because you don't want to entertain at your home, consider holding the celebration at a park, limiting the guest list and making it a potluck.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Apr 14, 2014
1- These women are married

2- He lives with you, he doesn't want to work with you too

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#3 Apr 14, 2014
LW1- neither method of communication is inherently wrong. The LW just needs to find someone he is more compatible with.

LW2- the problem with your marriage is that you wrote in to an advice columnist instead of communicating with your husband. That is an indicator that you might not work well together.

LW3- Abby is WRONG! You don't throw a party for yourself that you can't afford. Requesting that other people bring food to celebrate your anniversary is tacky. Go somewhere overnight, just you and your spouse. An anniversary is between the two of you, not you and your extended family and friends.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Apr 14, 2014
1 Basically, Dog is right. If a woman had written in, abby would have concluded that the men were hiding something.

2 He goes to work to get away from you for a few hours. Or maybe he knows that you would stink at the job.

3 Disagree with Scarlet, the LW wants to throw a party, just not an expensive one.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Apr 14, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
LW1- neither method of communication is inherently wrong. The LW just needs to find someone he is more compatible with.
LW2- the problem with your marriage is that you wrote in to an advice columnist instead of communicating with your husband. That is an indicator that you might not work well together.
LW3- Abby is WRONG! You don't throw a party for yourself that you can't afford. Requesting that other people bring food to celebrate your anniversary is tacky. Go somewhere overnight, just you and your spouse. An anniversary is between the two of you, not you and your extended family and friends.
yeah
What she said.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#6 Apr 14, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>yeah
What she said.
Ditto.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#7 Apr 14, 2014
L1: They MAY be hiding something, but I think it's more likely that they're just more used to texting than chatting, in today's society. I wish the LW had included ages of everyone involved. Personally, I agree with the LW and I can see keeping things to text and email in the VERY beginning, I think after the official first date, phone calls are important.

L2: You should both have the stones to be honest with each other about this. It's a good thing you DON'T work together.

L3: Would've been nice to see a letter from the teenage kids asking about how to throw their parents an affordable 25th anniversary party. Oh well.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#8 Apr 14, 2014
Geez... I'm missing a few words and pieces of punctuation in my comment about L1. Guess I'll find some more coffee....
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#9 Apr 14, 2014
I like JMW's answers.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#10 Apr 14, 2014
LW1: I think itís normal to text more than talk on the phone. My wife and I text more often than we talk on the phone. Maybe he likes to talk exclusively and what these women are saying is they would rather text the majority of the time and not talk so much on the phone. He makes it sound like they donít ever want to talk on the phone with him and I find that really odd. I would think a woman who I was dating was a weirdo or hiding something if she demanded that I never call her on the phone.

LW2: Why donít you ask him point blank why he doesnít want you to work there. His response would be helpful and much more informative than asking an advice columnist what she thinks about it. If you are as good of an AA as you are with logic and reasoning, I can understand why he doesnít want to hire you.

LW3: Who says you have to have a party? If you want to do it on the cheap, what Abby said.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Apr 14, 2014
LW1: I would automatically suspect anyone that you've only met on-line that wants to keep the relationship digital. They are most certainly hiding something.

As for the others that you know actually exist, well, some folks find text/email more convenient. If you don't, then perhaps these aren't the droids you're looking for.

LW2: It is a rare thing for spouses to work together and be happy both at work and at home. And since your first line of recourse was to write Abby about your issues, I'm going to go out on a limb and say you and your husband would not work well together. IMO, you're dodging a bullet here and should let the whole thing drop.

LW3: Just do something with your husband and kids. A cruise perhaps...

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Apr 14, 2014
LW1 I'm old fashioned. I thought the purpose of these sites was to make friends and find someone to date.

I figured that since you moved to one on one communications, you phone each other and then after 4 r 5 back and forth messages, meet for coffee. Guess not.

I am going to guess that the women are either involved with someone else who would hear the on the phone, like a boss or a boyfriend, or they are tying to protect themselves from creeps.

LW2 Race has iu right. At retirement age the phrase is "For better or worse but not for lunch". Same thing 30 years earlier. Your husband needs time when he is nt around you. That is not a bad thing.

If you want to work, find a job.You will stay married longer.

LW3 I was with Amy until she got to potluck. You don;t throw a party for yourself and have people bring food. If they offer, okay, but don't plan it as potluck. If you can't afford a spaghetti feast or backyard BBQ with a sheet cake from the supermarket you shouldn't be throwing a party
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#13 Apr 14, 2014
LW1: I can't imagine women who *prefer* email and texting, although I sometimes text during working hours because I share an office with two co-workers. Maybe she has a voice like Fran Drescher. Or she's a tranny.

LW2: Dog nailed it.

LW3: Team jmw. I went to a nice party recently at a small rented hall with a kitchen. Friends provided the food and we all cleaned up after the party. Call around.
ScarletandOlive

Indianapolis, IN

#14 Apr 14, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: I can't imagine women who *prefer* email and texting, although I sometimes text during working hours because I share an office with two co-workers. Maybe she has a voice like Fran Drescher. Or she's a tranny.
LW2: Dog nailed it.
LW3: Team jmw. I went to a nice party recently at a small rented hall with a kitchen. Friends provided the food and we all cleaned up after the party. Call around.
If I'm not hanging out with someone in person, I mostly prefer to text. Actually, my husband and I text more than we talk. My mom is the only person I like to talk to on the phone.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#15 Apr 14, 2014
1: UGH! A pet peeve. I keep texting off for this reason. If a guy can't be bothered to lift a finger and dial and actually talk, he's not that into me.
Sorry-these women are keeping a distance. You cannot get close to someone with words on a screen....they've no interest in him long-term.

2: I rarely get sick of spending time with a cherished SO and even I would not want one working with me. But I could also use my words to state that, unlike this pansy hubby.

3: Honestly, screw the friends and family. Heck, screw the kids, lol! I don't know why these celebrations get so inclusive. I would love to celebrate with just your mate ALONE!

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#16 Apr 14, 2014
OR it could be some guy who once engaged in telephone conversation will not STFU and end the conversation so that they can get on with other aspects of their lives. I was married to a guy like that. I don't like to talk on the phone anyway, especially for extended periods of time.

"Hey you want to go out Saturday?" "Yeah where?" "How about a movie then coffee?" "Sounds good, text me later and we'll figure out which movie." "Ok, bye." "Bye."

WTH is wrong with that?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#17 Apr 14, 2014
Ahhhhhhhh, So thats why you didn't reply....
I thought you were just not that into me.
cheluzal wrote:
1: UGH! A pet peeve. I keep texting off for this reason. If a guy can't be bothered to lift a finger and dial and actually talk, he's not that into me.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#18 Apr 15, 2014
RACE wrote:
Ahhhhhhhh, So thats why you didn't reply....
I thought you were just not that into me.
<quoted text>
You owe me 25 cents...

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#19 Apr 15, 2014
You only have to pay when you send a text not receive one.
But if it will make you feel better, send me one and we'll call it even.
cheluzal wrote:
<quoted text>
You owe me 25 cents...

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#20 Apr 15, 2014
RACE wrote:
<quoted text>You only have to pay when you send a text not receive one.
But if it will make you feel better, send me one and we'll call it even.
If you don't have a texting plan, it costs when you receive one, too.

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