“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Apr 1, 2014
DEAR READERS: It's April Fools' Day, the one day I can share some of the more unique letters that come my way -- clearly, more than a few of which were written in an attempt to have some fun with me. Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY: Many times when I would wake up in the morning, I'd find toothpaste already on my toothbrush, courtesy of my foreign-born girlfriend, "Inger." Because I am chivalrous, I figured I would return the favor. So at night before going to bed or in the morning, I'd tiptoe to the bathroom and put toothpaste on her toothbrush.

Well, the other day Inger told me, "DON'T put toothpaste on my toothbrush!" I was flabbergasted. And if that's not enough, she no longer preps my toothbrush, either.

I know, I know -- I should have asked a simple "Why?" but I wasn't in the mood for drama. Now it's eating at me and I just don't get it.-- CONFUSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CONFUSED: I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but here it is: Inger appears to be giving you the brush-off.

DEAR ABBY: I married a wonderful man last week. It was the wedding of my dreams except for one thing: My husband's sister brought six birds with her and insisted it was perfectly acceptable to keep them in the reception area. My new in-laws all said I was "unreasonable" for not allowing the caged birds in the reception area.

I was strong and stood my ground. After a year of preparation, I didn't want our nuptials spoiled by uninvited birds. Has anyone ever written to you about uninvited birds being brought to a wedding?-- RUFFLED FEATHERS IN RENO

DEAR RUFFLED: The only ones I can recall were a few cuckoos, but I'm not sure they were of the avian variety.

DEAR ABBY: I have this really hot, sexy latex dress in lilac. I can't decide which color 6-inch stilettos to wear with it, black or white. I don't want to look trashy.-- FASHIONISTA IN THE EAST

DEAR FASHIONISTA: With latex in April, wear flats and a LONG overcoat.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear old friend I talk with on the phone several times a day. She is the talkative type and sometimes keeps me on the phone for half an hour at a time. The problem is I have an overactive bladder and sometimes must rush to the bathroom. It's very embarrassing. Is there a nice way to tell her I need to get off the phone for a few minutes without being rude or too specific?-- LEAKING IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR LEAKING: Yes. Tell her to hang on, you'll be back in a flush.
Add your comments to the discussion.
Shaggy Dog Story Is Hard to Swallow

DEAR ABBY: All the letters you have printed about pennies brought back the memories of what happened in our family when I was very small. My mother won a $10 gold piece for her sponge cake, but our family dog swallowed the coin.

You are probably wondering if we got the coin back. No, we didn't. Turned out the coin was counterfeit, and the dog couldn't "pass it." -- GOTCHA! IN AMHERST, OHIO

DEAR GOTCHA!: Now that's a shaggy dog story if I ever heard one.(And for a moment, I swallowed it.)

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Apr 1, 2014
There goes two minutes I'll never get back...
blunt advice

Irvington, NJ

#3 Apr 1, 2014
Tee hee

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#4 Apr 1, 2014
Sigh.

Does anyone have any good April Fools stories? Traditions? Office pranks?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Apr 1, 2014
OMG, I couldn't even finish reading these.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Apr 1, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
Sigh.
Does anyone have any good April Fools stories? Traditions? Office pranks?
i'm gonna steal one from dog's list. Gonna pick my kids up wearing a rasta wig today

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Apr 1, 2014
I liked Edog's list. The mash potatoes and gravy as a sundae was a good one. That cake/grilled cheese was good as well.

Okay -- I think we could do better at fake letters to Abby. Let's come up with one and send it in -- see if it gets published.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#8 Apr 1, 2014
Boooringgg

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#9 Apr 1, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>i'm gonna steal one from dog's list. Gonna pick my kids up wearing a rasta wig today
How 'bout a latex dress in lilac?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Apr 1, 2014
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
How 'bout a latex dress in lilac?
I have a rasta wig. I don't have a latex dress. But thanks for playing.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#11 Apr 1, 2014
Toj wrote:
I liked Edog's list. The mash potatoes and gravy as a sundae was a good one. That cake/grilled cheese was good as well.
Okay -- I think we could do better at fake letters to Abby. Let's come up with one and send it in -- see if it gets published.
There is a restaurant in eh OakBrook mall called The Club House that has that on the menu. It uses meat loaf as a base and it actually is pretty good.

It is on page 4

http://www.theclubhouse.com/sites/default/fil...

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