Amy 7-8-13

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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#1
Jul 8, 2013
 
DEAR READERS: I started writing the “Ask Amy” column 10 years ago this month. In that time, I’ve fielded countless letters from readers covering every imaginable personal situation and dilemma. I’ve also tackled questions about issues I’d never imagined.

I am marking this decade of advice by stepping away briefly for the first time in 10 years to catch my breath and read a few self-help books (I also plan to play minigolf and eat ice cream).

You'd almost think we don't believe in taking time off.

Until my return in two weeks, I hope you’ll enjoy some of my favorite “Ask Amy” questions and answers. Today’s topic is marriage.

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have been together for 10 years now and have five beautiful kids, ages 6 months through 8 years old.

Can you give me some pointers on what to do with the little time and little privacy we have? Locking the door and looking into each other’s eyes doesn’t work anymore.-- Heather

DEAR HEATHER: Are you asking me how to have sex with your husband? Seems to me you already know that, my dear.

I called my friend “Betsy”(mother of six!) and read your letter to her. She suggests that getting out of the house -- even for a short time -- is the charm.

Then she told me an anecdote involving her, her beloved husband and the family minivan that I’d rather not repeat.(2004)

DEAR AMY: I’ve been married for six years, and my hubby and I have two kids. Hubby and I both work full time, but I’ve noticed that hubby seems to enjoy assigning me extra little tasks to fill up my free time (as if I have any). This started after he attended management training at his job. This really irritates me.

His last attempt at delegating was to ask me to mail our tax returns that I had prepared. My busy season is tax season, and I was very short on time. I was floored when he called me from the library where he was reading books after he had finished eating breakfast with his brother.

His schedule is such that he can do errands before work without kids. My schedule means that I have to drag our kids with me to do anything.

I’ve tried to announce “you’re assigning tasks again,” or else I flatly announce that I am not doing that particular task or errand. Any advice you can give on how to stop my master delegator hubby?-- Harried

DEAR HARRIED: Since this delegating started suddenly after your husband’s management training course, you’re going to have to retrain him.

Because you’ve already repeatedly expressed your irritation at this, now it’s time to laugh.

The next time your husband calls from his leisurely book reading and assigns a task to you, laughing maniacally into the phone might get through to him.“Honey, you just crack me up!” you say.

Add a little shot of passive aggression to drive your point home. Choose a less important errand that he assigns to you and simply don’t do it. If he asks you why you’ve fallen down on the job, slip him a blank W-4 form.

If you’re going to work for him, you might as well get benefits.(2004)

DEAR AMY: My husband,“Steve,” and I have been together 11 years (since high school).

Recently I found out he spent $500 at a “massage parlor.” He claims he was just curious and that they did not tell him in advance what went on there. He says the only thing he got was a completely nude lap dance, with no touching.

I find this hard to believe, especially considering the money involved. How should I handle this? I feel completely betrayed and sick. This is not the first time he has lied to me.-- Betrayed

DEAR BETRAYED: I hope your husband is as curious about what goes on at a marriage counselor’s office as he was about the massage parlor, because that’s where he should be headed next. He won’t get a lap dance, but you can assure him that counseling sessions would be plenty stimulating and revealing. Good luck.(2003)

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#2
Jul 8, 2013
 
1. Aw c'mon. tell us about the minivan
2. And if he does fill out the W-4, offer him performance reviews, with space allotted for (his) self criticism and places to improve.
3.Quip, quip quip.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#3
Jul 8, 2013
 
"You'd almost think we don't believe in taking time off."

What BS! You phone in every third letter.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#4
Jul 8, 2013
 
L1: They did it in the minivan... but where? In the driveway/garage?

L2: What happens when you refuse to do a task? Does he do it or does it just not get done (until you cave)?

L3: The first sentence of the response made me chuckle.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Jul 8, 2013
 
1 Lame
2 Lame
3 Lie. Massage parlors give massages not lap dances.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#6
Jul 8, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
"You'd almost think we don't believe in taking time off."
What BS! You phone in every third letter.
As if writing this column is hard work. She could(and likely has) knocked out 2 weeks worth or column in an afternoon, then taken the next 2 weeks off.

Since: Jan 10

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#7
Jul 8, 2013
 
L1: Get rid of the kids for the day.

L2: Try a better example of his outrageous abuse. Because asking you to mail the tax returns ain't it.

"Add a little shot of passive aggression to drive your point home." Really, Amy? REALLY?

L3: Massage parlour = hookers. DTMFA.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#8
Jul 8, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: Get rid of the kids for the day.
L2: Try a better example of his outrageous abuse. Because asking you to mail the tax returns ain't it.
"Add a little shot of passive aggression to drive your point home." Really, Amy? REALLY?
L3: Massage parlour = hookers. DTMFA.
Nude lap dance with no touching? Them who's lap was she dancing on?

Wife didn't say husband was abusive. Just that he was bugging the crap out of her. And I agree. If there's one thing my wife tries to do that bugs me, its trying to assign me things to do as if I'm not busy enough. When you see me sitting on my ass doing nothing and need help with what you're doing, ask for my help. Otherwise, assume whatever I'm doing is just as important to me as whatever it is you think i should be doing. I could not tell you the last time I asked my wife to do something that I was perfectly capable of doing myself. In the other direction, it is a regular occurence

Since: Jan 10

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#9
Jul 8, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
Nude lap dance with no touching? Them who's lap was she dancing on?
Wife didn't say husband was abusive. Just that he was bugging the crap out of her. And I agree. If there's one thing my wife tries to do that bugs me, its trying to assign me things to do as if I'm not busy enough. When you see me sitting on my ass doing nothing and need help with what you're doing, ask for my help. Otherwise, assume whatever I'm doing is just as important to me as whatever it is you think i should be doing. I could not tell you the last time I asked my wife to do something that I was perfectly capable of doing myself. In the other direction, it is a regular occurence
L3: Husband lied about what service he got.

L2: I was joking about the abuse. I just felt like her inability to tell him, "I'm busy, do it yourself" was silly.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#10
Jul 8, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
"You'd almost think we don't believe in taking time off."
What BS! You phone in every third letter.
And it's not like writing crappy responses to stupid letters requires a lot of energy and time. Each day's article is probably about five minutes of work.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#11
Jul 8, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

1- Sex in a minivan. How romantic. Hope at least it was during tailgating at a Judas Priest concert. Or maybe the infield during a race.

2- Sorry you can't be interrupted while you're shoving bon-bons into your yap while watching soaps, but the least you could do is lift a hefty finger and help out a little.

3- Right, he had no idea what goes on at a massage parlor. And if he REALLY paid five hundred dollars for a no touch lap-dance, he got hosed. Wake up, doll. Your husband banged a hooker.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#12
Jul 8, 2013
 
LW1: I agree that there's nothing like a change of scenery once in a while.

LW2: I'm with Red. How about a simple, "Can you stop doing that?"

LW3: I don't know which I'd be more upset about, the five hundred dollars (!), the fact that he admits to getting a completely nude lap dance, or the fact that he expected me to believe that completely nude lap dances with no touching cost $500. Probably the latter. He must think that you are incredibly stupid.

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