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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Sep 5, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am appalled at older workers who hang onto their jobs so they can live lavish lifestyles, while young workers trying to support families are left with lack of advancement or even laid off because they don't have tenure.

I am a single mom, and when my sons are out of college I plan to take a less stressful job (and thus less pay), so a younger person can have my job to support a family. I am so tired of the ME ME ME attitude of our society now. In the past, there was more of a sense of social responsibility. Now it's every man for himself and hang everyone else!-- DISGUSTED IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR DISGUSTED: While your altruism is laudable, please try to be less judgmental. Many older people work longer these days not to live lavish lifestyles, but to survive.

Unless you have a crystal ball that enables you to see what seniors have in the bank, it's presumptuous to say someone should retire. Many seniors are unprepared financially to do so through no fault of their own. And while you may think now that you'll take a reduction in pay when your sons are out of college, it remains to be seen if that will be feasible for you when the time comes.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin died a short time ago at a very young age and in an unnatural and devastating way. As soon as people outside the family started finding out, they began asking what happened. Many of these questions were posted on my relatives' Facebook pages.

Is it just me or isn't that a very insensitive thing to do? It's not just that they are asking questions of a grieving family who lost their son only hours before, but that they did it through Facebook.-- MOURNING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my sympathy for your family's tragic loss. We live in an age in which respect for privacy has nearly disappeared, and folks routinely bare intimate and sensitive details about their lives on the Internet. Of course questions like the ones your relatives are being asked are tasteless -- whether in person or via electronic media. If a person wishes to convey this kind of information, it is usually done voluntarily, and certainly not when feelings are raw.

DEAR ABBY: Too often we hear horrifying stories in the news about prescription drug addiction and overdoses. I'd like to offer hope to addicts who are still using.

There is life after drugs. For 10 years I was addicted to pain pills. My poor mother tried everything. She offered me trips or help in buying a new car if I would just go to rehab. I refused because I wasn't ready. I finally hit rock bottom and went into rehab when I realized my daughter was pulling away from me. I had been spending our rent money on pills I'd buy on the streets.

After I was sober for a few days, I realized I liked the feeling. After the sixth day, I was "me" again, and I loved it. I have been sober for two years and am now entering school to become a patient tech. It's exciting because I will be helping others. I believe this is what I was meant to do in life.

Everyone keeps saying I should tell my story, but to be honest, my story isn't finished yet. Thank you for letting me share.-- ENJOYING SOBRIETY IN FLORIDA

DEAR ENJOYING SOBRIETY: You're welcome. You're right that your story isn't over yet, but from where I'm sitting it looks like the next chapter will be a happy and constructive one. I wish you success in your journey.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Sep 5, 2013
1 Oh, for the love of....
Sure, force them out of a job so some welp can have his position. Who cares that your throwing away 30 yrs of business experience and the company will likely tank because they have inexperienced management causing more unemployment.
Take away their (and your) SSI, why make your precious babies pay for that.
Why not just suggest they shoot themselves too, so that their house can go on the market at a lower cost.
Times like this I wish you were a man so that I could smack the sheit out of you.

2 Years ago you would find out your friend or schoolmate died in a horrible car wreck by reading the paper. I dont see the difference between that and a simple post saying as much on FB, but what do I know.

3 Yes, your the example that proves the rule. Glad you got your sheit together.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Sep 5, 2013
L1: Your attitude seems just a ME ME ME as some older person staying at a job he doesn't really need financially. But who are you to determine whether someone needs their job or not? A lot of people's retirement funds took a major blow in the last five years. They could be doing their best to leave the principle untouched and are trying to pay for their living expenses.

You have a huge chip on your shoulder. And I do not believe for a single moment that you will by choice take a lower paying job (unless that lower pay is still enough to pay your bills and reach other financial goals).

L2: If you have to ASK how someone died, then you're not close enough to the family to be entitled to that information.

L3: Patient tech? Like a medical assistant? That's a very low-paying, low-prestige job aimed at people who barely graduated from high school and for whom college isn't an option.(I looked it up when I wondered about the difference between a physician's assistant and a medical assistant.)

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#4 Sep 5, 2013
1. Congratulations! You just became the lead entry on the 'needs a good throat punch' list. I used to think like this when I was in my 20s as well. Now I'm 50 and I will work as long as I want or need to!
2. Yes, people are nosy so stop posting death notices on facebook.
3. How nice for you.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#5 Sep 5, 2013
L1. Work gives some people a sense of great satisfaction outside of monetary rewards. I am one of them and have every intention of working until the day I croak.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#6 Sep 5, 2013
L1. There is plenty of work to do and not enough people willing to do the heavy lifting.
I say you get off your duff.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#7 Sep 5, 2013
1-What fantasy world do you live in? People work until they die because they have to. Welcome to Obama's utopia!

2- If someone dies suddenly, it's common, and expected, people are gonna ask what happened. Get over yourself.

3- No one cares about your life!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#8 Sep 5, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: If you have to ASK how someone died, then you're not close enough to the family to be entitled to that information.
Huh?? Unless you were there when it happened, how else are you supposed to know?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Sep 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Huh?? Unless you were there when it happened, how else are you supposed to know?
Because people will TELL you. IF they don't share the information, then just respect his or her privacy. IF you're a close friend, you'll be told. If you're not such a close friend, or merely an acquaintance, you may not be told. It's none of your business. The family doesn't have to appease your curiosity.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Sep 5, 2013
LW1: You sound like an insufferable PITA that *really* wants that job that so-and-so in Payroll has. Ferchissake! She was born in 1937! Why doesn't she RETIRE already.

You're going to have to unclench about this, you know. People work for all kinds of reasons, and *you* don't get to pick which ones.

LW2: Well, when it's a young person that dies "in an unnatural and devastating way" people are going to be curious. That you got inquiries on FB does not surprise me considering the age of the deceased, so try and forgive these kids for their rudeness. They really don't know any better.

LW3: Feel better now that you got your letter published?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#11 Sep 5, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Because people will TELL you. IF they don't share the information, then just respect his or her privacy. IF you're a close friend, you'll be told. If you're not such a close friend, or merely an acquaintance, you may not be told.
I disagree. Here's your common exchange:

"Sorry to tell you this, but John died last night."

"Oh my God! What happened?"

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Sep 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I disagree. Here's your common exchange:
"Sorry to tell you this, but John died last night."
"Oh my God! What happened?"
Sure, that's a normal exchange and you are close enough to be hanging out with the person and to be told his sibling just died. But you don't post on FB questions like, "How did your brother die?"

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#13 Sep 5, 2013
Nobody wants my job anymore anyway.
I'm telling you right now, you are better off with me than without.
lc

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#14 Sep 5, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Sure, that's a normal exchange and you are close enough to be hanging out with the person and to be told his sibling just died. But you don't post on FB questions like, "How did your brother die?"
I'm guessing it sounded more like this: "I just heard about Johnny Cousin's funeral. OMG! I'm so sorry. What happened?"

Just clueless kids who've come to expect all the deets.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#15 Sep 5, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Sure, that's a normal exchange and you are close enough to be hanging out with the person and to be told his sibling just died. But you don't post on FB questions like, "How did your brother die?"
I don't think it is intrusive to say OMG, what happened?
I think it is a sign of concern. Asking for the gruesome details is another thing.

So, John died last night
OMG what happened?
It was a car accident.

Was anyone else hurt?
No it was a one car accident .

To say OMG I am so sorry and not anything else comes off as uncaring, but it has to be left in the family's choice what and whether to respond.

OTOH I don't do Facebook so I am not attuned to the town crier/ public address system communications

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#16 Sep 5, 2013
I am waiting for Julie's dinner time response to L1. I have a feeling that her acerbic observations will be right on point.

What a self righteous b'itch this LW is.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#17 Sep 5, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think it is intrusive to say OMG, what happened?
I think it is a sign of concern. Asking for the gruesome details is another thing.
So, John died last night
OMG what happened?
It was a car accident.
Was anyone else hurt?
No it was a one car accident .
To say OMG I am so sorry and not anything else comes off as uncaring, but it has to be left in the family's choice what and whether to respond.
OTOH I don't do Facebook so I am not attuned to the town crier/ public address system communications
I see a big difference between asking in person, "What happened" or "how did he die" after being told he died, than asking via FB.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#18 Sep 5, 2013
LW1: I don’t think very many folks retire out of sense of altruism, but out of a sense of self-interest.

LW2: People are idiots. You are just learning this?

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#19 Sep 5, 2013
LW1 is a selfish jerk
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#20 Sep 5, 2013
LW1 - "*I" need a job and a promotion!*I* have legitimate needs for a better paycheck! Why won't those old farts retire and let *ME* be promoted to their positions? What *I* want and need is much, much, much more important than what other people may want or need, especially if they are old people. Why don't we just ship them off to a cemetery?"

LW2 - Well, I am wondering what kind of questions they actually ask. A few weeks ago, I opened our local newspaper and saw an obituary for a parent of a kid my daughter knows from school. I didn't know the parent well, but we did chat more than a few times when dropping off and picking up our kids (different grades, but adjacent classrooms). The parent was probably my age (mid-40s) and looked extremely healthy (super athletic!).

I certainly can't ask the spouse (or, God forbid) the kids how their spouse/parent died, but curiosity abounds, and I know people will be whispering around the school. It's more likely, however, that folks will be asking other parents, "Did you read about X? This is so awful! Poor kids and spouse! Do you know what happened?" I am sure some folks may be asking similar questions on FB - not directly of the family, but people who may know the family. Not saying it's necessarily good manners, but you can't squash human curiosity.

LW3 - Yay for you.

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