“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Sep 20, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My father admitted to having an affair a few years ago. At the time, my mother was very upset and threatened to leave, but somehow they worked it out. However, he is still seeing this woman. They talk on the phone for hours, and he visits her house frequently, leaving my mother alone for extended periods of time.

When I ask my mother why they are still in contact, she doesn't want to talk about it, and my father seems to think he isn't doing anything wrong. Normally I wouldn't get involved, but I'm worried about my mother's health, which wasn't quite great to begin with and has gone downhill since this all started. Is there anything I can do in this situation?-- WORRIED ABOUT MOM

DEAR WORRIED: It appears your parents made a deal with each other -- he would live his own life and they would remain married. Because it is affecting your mother's health, suggest that she discuss this with her physician and perhaps get a referral to a therapist who can provide her with emotional support during this difficult time. If she agrees, it could help her physically and emotionally because stress and depression have been known to make people sick.

DEAR ABBY: My partner, "Rob," and I are delighted we can finally marry in our home state of California. When we do, how do you suggest we answer the question that straight married couples often get, "How long have you two been married?"

Rob and I have been together for 17 years, and it's not our fault that we didn't get married many years ago. Without having to make a political statement each time we're asked, should we simply tack on the number of years we've been together without the benefit of marriage? I'm proud of the time we've been a couple, and even prouder that I love Rob as much today as when we first fell for each other.

What should the answer be after we tie the knot?-- KEN IN THE GOLDEN STATE

DEAR KEN: Congratulations on your forthcoming nuptials. The answer you should give is the most accurate one: "Rob and I have been married for (insert the number) years and together for 17 years before that." To say that is not making a political statement; it's the unvarnished truth.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 13 years. We live in the country with livestock. I was taught to remove my shoes when I entered my house, especially since I was raised on a farm. My husband wasn't required to do the same as he was growing up.

I have asked him for the last 10 years to kindly take his shoes off when he comes in so he won't track dirt, mud, manure, etc. into the house. He absolutely refuses. I have explained my reasons repeatedly and told him it hurts my feelings and makes me feel disrespected. He still won't do it. Can you please tell me why? Am I being too demanding?-- TIRED OF WALKING ON GRIT AND POOP

DEAR TIRED: I don't think so. Your reasons for wanting his dirty shoes off seem sensible to me. From where I sit, it appears your husband cares little for your feelings, isn't concerned about any extra work he creates and stopped listening to you 10 years ago. You have my sympathy, and I sincerely hope he has some virtues that compensate for his selective deafness.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#2 Sep 20, 2013
L1: Butt out.

L2: Hopefully you won't get the follow-up question that straight couples sometimes get - "why did it take you so long to get married?"

L3: It took you 13 years to ask this question?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#3 Sep 20, 2013
LW1: "When I ask my mother why they are still in contact, she doesn't want to talk about it..."

Well, of course not! I wouldn't want to talk about my husband being a baby daddy either. She needs therapy.

LW2: You are waaay over-thinking this.

LW3: He just does not think this is important, so you'll have to make him see it is. If you can swing it financially, have some swabs of your floors and carpets sent to a lab for culture. I can almost guarantee they will come back with gross stuff growing that ONLY comes from animal manure. Maybe then he'll get the picture.

And really, how hard is it to have a pair of house shoes at each door?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#4 Sep 20, 2013
1- I understand your concern for your mother's health, but there really isn't anything you can do.

2- Oh what a bs question, you just wrote in to brag about getting married.

3- After 13 years, don't know why you expect Abby to change anything. Make him responsible for cleaning the floors.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Sep 20, 2013
L1: All you can do is ask her out to dinner, take her to a movie, pay attention to her and not ask about her relationship.

L2: Here I thought JMW was going to say the follow-up queestion of: When are you going to have kids?

L3: His feet probably stink.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#6 Sep 20, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L3: It took you 13 years to ask this question?
Dickie and I have an issue that's lasted longer than that, but I'm not dumb enough to ask Abby "why won't my husband pick up the mail that he has to literally step over to get in the door?"

Because our answer is the same as the one I gave: he just doesn't care. I've tried to make it important to him, but no matter how many times he has to go to the DMV to get our car sticker because he's lost the renewal-by-mail form, it still hasn't become important to him. So I've given up and let the kids get the mail.*They* actually enjoy doing it.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#7 Sep 20, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Dickie and I have an issue that's lasted longer than that, but I'm not dumb enough to ask Abby "why won't my husband pick up the mail that he has to literally step over to get in the door?"
Because our answer is the same as the one I gave: he just doesn't care. I've tried to make it important to him, but no matter how many times he has to go to the DMV to get our car sticker because he's lost the renewal-by-mail form, it still hasn't become important to him. So I've given up and let the kids get the mail.*They* actually enjoy doing it.
Haha! I don't know if that was meant to be funny, but the last part about the kids made me chuckle.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Sep 20, 2013
1...Is there anything I can do in this situation?
NO, so butt out! Maybe you mom cant have sex so she has agreed to let him slide his sausage in the other woman as compensation.

2 Personally I think you're too stupid to GET married if you have to ask this question.

3 Stop cleaning the floor.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#9 Sep 20, 2013
LW1: Your father is having a mid-life crisis, and your mother has chosen to not deal with the situation because it is uncomfortable for her to completely change her life. I find it amazing what some people will go through to not deal with change. I wish your parents realized what a profound effect their poor behavior has on their child(ren). What can you do? Be kind to your mother and let her know that she deserves better than this. This situation will eventually resolve, either by your parents divorcing or by your dad's side woman dumping him.(Another thing I find amazing is how many women get involved with married men.)

LW2: "We've been married one year, together for 18 years."

LW3: We've covered this before but I don't understand why anyone wears shoes in the house. Heck, I am in my office now, and my shoes are OFF. Aaaaahhhh. I am wiggling my toes. IMHO, shoes exist to protect your feet from all of the things you find outside like dirt, mud, nails, rough surfaces, etc. and from the elements. Indoors, you can just wear socks. To answer your question, you can't make somebody do anything, but team squishymama for your best chance of persuading him to change.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#10 Sep 20, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Haha! I don't know if that was meant to be funny, but the last part about the kids made me chuckle.
i hand out ocatalogs and grocery store flyers to my nephews when they're staying with us. They look through the ads for 5 seconds (on a good day) and go back to their cars. but for htat 10 second interaction, i'm the queen of their universe. my mom got them each a magazine subscription too, so they do get "real mail," or will when they move back to the states/
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#11 Sep 20, 2013
1: "Mom, why are you such an idiot? What do you hate about yourself that makes you think this is the best treatment you deserve?"

2: Same issue as straight people who date for awhile then marry later...ugh...

3: Ack! Shoes don't make it past my front door.
Over 90% carry fecal matter. I ain't tracking that crap through my house.*shudder*

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